Wedding Food Issue

[luvsJack]

The focus of the reception, IMO, should never be on the food in the first place, it should be in celebrating the bride's and groom's happiness.

And I don't get the whole thing about people should've been warned before, or comparing picky eaters to vegans, being picky and having different beliefs are two different things. If they didn't eat certain things for religious beliefs would that be considered "picky" as well.

And just because they've been vegan for *only* two months wouldn't make me feel that they should serve meat either. I went vegetarian basically over night, and if someone had told me I should serve meat to my guests, since I always had before, I would've told them they could have a party and serve whatever food they choose, but don't tell me what to serve at my parties.

I also hate that so many people seem to think that vegan food is gross, and some refuse to even try it. I've quit telling people what's in stuff, and after they tell me something's good, I'll tell them it's vegan, since if I tell them it's vegan before they eat it they usually won't try it.

I made the comment about how long they have been vegan because the OP said it was for health reasons not ethical beliefs. If they had moral or ethical issues with serving animal products, I could understand that serving animal products would go against their belief system--not the case here.

I don't necessarily think it is gross. I would probably try it whether they offered meat or not.

But, I do strongly believe that a host should always consider the comfort of their guests and that its rude not to. If I was having a buffet, I would try to make sure that all the bases are covered so that everyone would be able to eat something that they enjoyed.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

You are aware that fish is meat, correct? It's more than a semantic point, as meat is the edible flesh of an animal, so if you didn't know this, you should be aware.

Reminds me of my friend who decided when she was 7 years old to become a vegetarian. However she still ate pepperoni pizza for a few years because....wait for it....she thought pepperonis were peppers. And I never told her otherwise.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think brides and grooms who do this are self-absorbed and narcissistic and should be thinking of their guest comfort first for the reception.

And, you may feel that way.
Certainly they could have tried to be a bit more accomodating.

However, it IS the bride (and groom's) day.
It is on their dime.
I think that's their right.

For any guest to have personal expectations, and to actually complain... THAT, is what is truly self-absorbed and narcissistic.

Man, this is indeed a world filled with Veruca Salts.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Reminds me of my friend who decided when she was 7 years old to become a vegetarian. However she still ate pepperoni pizza for a few years because....wait for it....she thought pepperonis were peppers. And I never told her otherwise.

 

[goofy!]

It's funny how people think in different ways. To me a wedding is all about the couple and not the guests at all. Sure it's nice to offer refreshments and maybe even a meal but I've had yucky food at receptions what were NOT vegan and I don't feel insulted. I just join in the festivities and then eat later on.

I have seen an increasing entitlement attitude of guests recently

• insulted if there isn't anything they like to eat
• basing their gifts on the cost of the meal
• insulted if they get punch and finger sandwiches, even if the "norm" around them is a sit down dinner. Really, insulted because one didn't get their filet mignon?
• Thinking that the cost of the gift entitles them to a certain $$ amount of reciprocation by the bride and groom??

It floors me the amount of posts on this board over the past few years complaining about what "they" didn't get at a wedding as a guest.

It is the "me" generation growing up.

While hosts and hostesss have to be gracious, guests have to be equally gracious. A guest should always keep in mind that when attending a wedding, it is NOT about them, not even a little bit, it is a celebration of the couple and that is what a guest should be there for, period.

 

[luvmy3]

But, I do strongly believe that a host should always consider the comfort of their guests and that its rude not to. If I was having a buffet, I would try to make sure that all the bases are covered so that everyone would be able to eat something that they enjoyed.

ITA, except with it being rude, I see it as more as inconsiderate hosting, but not really a huge deal. I think most people can make do with what is offered, and I definitely wouldn't hold it against anyone who wanted to leave early to get themselves dinner.
Even though the wedding is about the bride and groom, they are asking people to share it with them, and they are asking them to give up their own plans in order to do it. Of course, the guests should be happy to be included, and appreciate that they were invited, but on the same token the b&g as hosts, should take into account what their guests would enjoy (And I do believe a reception is just that, a celebration of the wedding and a way to thank your guests for being a part of it). The wedding ceremony is for you, but the party you throw is for everyone, otherwise people would just elope and have their own personal celebration.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't see it as the guests making anything all about them.

They didn't exactly make their objections known to the couple they just left and got food, right? If you serve a meal and your guests are leaving to go somewhere else and eat--you are not being a very good host.

I don't agree with the cost of gifts having anything to do with the cost of the wedding. I think simple wedding with just cake and punch can be just as special a the wedding with the 7 course sit down dinner served. And giving any gift does not entitle anyone to anything, I do not believe that is what giving a gift is about.

But I do think that people expect certain things as a part of wedding etiquette:

If the wedding takes place during a meal time--a meal or at least finger foods should be served. If you are not going to serve food end the wedding before a meal time.

If a meal is served, a host should ALWAYS consider the comfort of the guests. If you LOVE liver and onions, and you know a very minut portion of your guests would like it; is that going to be the only thing you serve? Of course not. The purpose in a buffet is to offer enough choices for everyone. Most sit down dinners even offer choices to try and cover everyone.

I cannot imagine hosting something and NOT thinking of the comfort of my guests.

 

[luvsJack]

ITA, except with it being rude, I see it as more as inconsiderate hosting, but not really a huge deal. I think most people can make do with what is offered, and I definitely wouldn't hold it against anyone who wanted to leave early to get themselves dinner.
Even though the wedding is about the bride and groom, they are asking people to share it with them, and they are asking them to give up their own plans in order to do it. Of course, the guests should be happy to be included, and appreciate that they were invited, but on the same token the b&g as hosts, should take into account what their guests would enjoy (And I do believe a reception is just that, a celebration of the wedding and a way to thank your guests for being a part of it). The wedding ceremony is for you, but the party you throw is for everyone, otherwise people would just elope and have their own personal celebration.

You are right, "inconsiderate" is a better choice of words.

 

[ICF]

Do people really eat meat at every single meal? Or even every single day?

Yep--

Except for Friday's during Lent, I'd venture most every meal (except breakfast) we have involves some form of beef, pork or chicken....either as a main dish or in a sauce (such as with pasta).

In our world, vegatables are a side....not a main course.

 

[Anne34]

Yep--

Except for Friday's during Lent, I'd venture most every meal (except breakfast) we have involves some form of beef, pork or chicken....either as a main dish or in a sauce (such as with pasta).

In our world, vegatables are a side....not a main course.

agree -- we eat meat at every lunch & dinner (not so often at breakfast). I probably would have been one of the people making a MCDonalds run too -- didn't like most of what they offerered (we would have been gone by 8/9 & off to get food). My H doesn't eat any vegetable except corn. He would have been SOL there.

We were at one wedding that didn't start dinner until after 10pm -- cocktails started at 6 with some hors d'oeuvres, but then nothing. I know my BIL left for food & brought stuff back for lots of people -- we just went outside to the car to eat quickly. I was getting sick at that point with little food.

I agree that its inconsiderate to not have a pasta or something. My DD doesn't eat much meat, but will always have pasta or salad.

 

[Arielle22]

I have a dd who eats limited meat and a gluten free vegan sister so I know a little about vegan foods. I find it funny when I am buying their foods since I am a meat loving person. My sister and I have an unspoken agreement that we don't critize each other's food choices.

I would probably not find anything to eat at the wedding while DH and DDs would. This means we may leave earlier than we would otherwise to eat elsewhere.

However I do think it would have been nice if the bride, knowing her family's eating habits, had let it be known (even by word of mouth or email) that it would be vegan offerings. The same way if all I was serving is meat I would let my sister know so she could bring something vegan.

 

[goofy!]

Yep--

Except for Friday's during Lent, I'd venture most every meal (except breakfast) we have involves some form of beef, pork or chicken....either as a main dish or in a sauce (such as with pasta).

In our world, vegatables are a side....not a main course.

Same with us. Lunches often have some meat, such as a ham sandwich or such. Our dinners are always planned around the meat and then the starch and vegetables are added as side dishes.

Dinner last night consisted of:

Huge, rare, New York Strips
Baked potato with butter
Salad (romaine, cukes, tomatoes)
Strawberries

For tonight, I have chicken marinating to grill. Haven't decided on the sides yet.

 

[diznygirl]

It's funny how people think in different ways. To me a wedding is all about the couple and not the guests at all. Sure it's nice to offer refreshments and maybe even a meal but I've had yucky food at receptions which were NOT vegan and I didn't feel insulted. I just joined in the festivities and then ate later on.

The wedding is about the couple, the reception is the party after where the wedding couple hosts their guests. As good hosts, they should consider their guests when planning the meal.

Now, I voted Suck it Up - but the entitlement attitude goes the other way as well - self-absorbed brides who could care less what other people think.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Yep--

Except for Friday's during Lent, I'd venture most every meal (except breakfast) we have involves some form of beef, pork or chicken....either as a main dish or in a sauce (such as with pasta).

In our world, vegatables are a side....not a main course.

When DH and I were dating, I once made dinner of bean and cheese burritos and Spanish rice. He sort of picked at it, and told me later he was afraid I was trying to turn him into a vegetarian. Apparently a meatless dinner just didn't exist in his world. Now we eat meat (including all species of animal) a few times a week, and it's perfectly normal.

 

[FireDancer]

My H doesn't eat any vegetable except corn.

Corn is not a vegetable, it is a grain.

 

[Evil Genius]

I assume most people knew the couple were vegans? Suck it up. If you aren't adventureous to try one vegetarian meal, then shame on the adults. When and why did we all become such picky eaters?

 

[kaytieeldr]

But, again, they DID have something that everyone could eat. Was it everyone's favorite dish? No. But complaining and/or ducking out to get "something better" is horribly rude, just as it would be horribly rude if the couple served a meat dish that wasn't your favorite.

I like how you put "something better" in quotes. Really? Fast food is 'better' than what was offered at the wedding? Interesting...

 

[kaytieeldr]

I wouldn't eat a single thing the OP listed in a later post.

But, it is their wedding and they can serve what they wish.

They also shouldn't be upset when guests leave very early and choose to eat elsewhere (which we would).

Seriously? No salads? No vegetables? You wouldn't even try any of the main courses or side dishes? Some of the one's I haven't eaten sound intriguing.

 

[Arielle22]

I assume most people knew the couple were vegans? Suck it up. If you aren't adventureous to try one vegetarian meal, then shame on the adults. When and why did we all become such picky eaters?

So should vegetarians suck it up and eat meat when it is served? I don't believe so and I don't think I should be made to eat vegetable dishes I don't like.

I am also perfectly content to wait and eat later if the food is not to my liking.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Let's see if I can remember ...

Veggie tray (remember, no dips - just the veggies) - cucumbers, carrot sticks, yellow squash, zucchini, snap peas, eggplant, celery sticks, green/red/yellow peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes.

Main courses: veggie burgers, tofu Italian sausage, grilled peppers and onions for both, green salad, 3 bean salad, german potato salad with tofu bacon, sauteed mushrooms and onions, grilled tofu shiskebobs (tofu, eggplant, zucchini, squash, peppers), veggie stew with chunks of tofu floating in it.

Sides: more raw veggies with tabouleh, hummus, baba ghanoush dips.

I highlighted the menu items I wouldn't eat (because I've tried them and don't like them). I'd eat everything else offered - either because I already like it or because I've never tried it before (the two tofu dishes) and would love two.

I don't see anything wrong with the food choices the couple made.