Bottom line for us, we wanted to be married and waiting to save up for a big wedding wasn't worth giving up our 'time' together as a married couple.
This sums up my opinion, and perhaps that's why I just "don't get" the idea of waiting years to get married so that you can save up $$$ for a big wedding. If you want to be married to this guy, you
can afford to marry him. But if you're not all that excited about
being married to him, if waiting is just fine with you -- but you want the big party -- that should be a cause for reflection.
If you have student loans from your nursing program, I would be leary of wracking up debt for a fancy wedding.
You can't take on debt for EVERYTHING. So in the grand scheme of things, what's more important? You've already accepted the student loan debt. Will it be a fancy wedding and renting for years . . . or a moderate wedding and starting to build equity in your own home sooner? Or will you take on both and put off retirement savings? Is having a fancy honeymoon today worth driving a used car tomorrow? Is having a fancy wedding today worth waiting longer than you want to have children? Is having alcohol at the reception worth working an extra shift at the hospital every week for the first year of your marriage? Would you rather have THE reception spot, or would you rather have the extra cash to take a couple nice vacations in your first married years, before you have children? Are you willing to eat at home for the next year so you can have that really nice wedding dress? Realistically, when you're making the decision on whether to borrow, THESE are the decisions you're making at this point.
The big point: You cannot look at JUST the question of wedding debt. You have to look at the big picture. You cannot borrow for EVERYTHING in your life and expect to ever have financial stability. Which things matter most to you? Think long-term and choose wisely.
The other big point: Does your fiance agree? I personally think it's crazy to borrow for a wedding, but that doesn't matter. What does HE think? He's going to have to pay it back.
Also, when on a budget I would recommend picking a couple of things that are important to you and doing those well and then skipping other stuff entirely.
This is excellent advice. So many things go into planning a wedding. It's very possible to splurge on A FEW THINGS, while scrimping on the others; that can be the difference between a moderately-price wedding and an expensive one.
This makes me think of a friend of mine who is obsessed with clothes. She eloped to Vegas (parents didn't approve of her fiance -- oops, they were right too 'cause the marriage failed in less than two years), and even though it was JUST the two of them, she spent $$$ on a full-fledged wedding dress. She wouldn't have been happy if she hadn't that dress. But she had no guests, no reception, no gifts, no cake to cut . . . they just went out to eat together. In my mind, that would've been rather anti-climatic. Married with no friends? No celebration afterward? But SHE was fine with it. She had her dress, and in her mind, that's what a wedding is: Looking beautiful in a wonderful dress.
It also makes me think of a co-worker of mine who wanted to throw a STUPENDOUS reception for her son, but she had a small budget. She held it at her (moderate) house and rented a tent. She rented tables, lavish table-coverings, and she decorated each table individually with knick-knacks from her own home and grocery-store purchased flowers. She didn't have the parking space, so she rented three golf carts, instructed people to park at the church 1/2 mile up the road, and recruited some young men from the church to shuttle guests back-and-forth; the result was that guests got a good, slow look at the lovely site as they drove up the hill in the golf cart. She herself is a great cook, so she planned the menu, and she recruited other people who are equally skilled with food to cook various parts. She called in every favor she was ever owed, even "borrowing" space to store food in the cooler space of a relative's convenince store! She served only one champagne toast, which was in keeping with the late-afternoon time period. The result was a highly personalized reception site with wonderful food -- better food, in fact, than any other wedding I've ever attended (of course, I cooked some of it). She had what SHE WANTED, and she did it on a shoestring.
So 2-3 things matter most to you? If it's having the memories, then splurge on the photographer and have a punch-and-cake reception in the middle of the afternoon. If it's having the big party with blow-out food and drinks, then spend on that and search the aisles for a great $99 dress.
I picked up my dress today at David's Bridal ($50...woohoo!). There were several future Bridezillas in there, and I was glad not to be among them. They were all trying on the fanciest dresses and obsessing over wedding colors and minutiae. I am enjoying planning a simple wedding that suits DFi and I nicely and works with our personalities. I'm glad we won't be going into debt over it.
My dress was $99, and it was beautiful. I went into the store with an exact idea of what I wanted . . . but my mother kept saying, "Try this one, try this one." Just to make her happy, I did -- and it was absolutely perfect, though it fit NONE of my criteria. My grandmother pulled out her check book and -- a surprise to me -- said she'd pay for it. I was so happy with that dress.
) 
