Wedding Debt- advice

[dakcp2001]

How much did you spend on your wedding?
Do you regret your wedding debt?
If you could do it over what would you change?
Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons?



We are planning to get married in 2010 or 2011, but we are really having a hard time with where to set our budget. I will be graduating from Nursing school in May of 2010 and it seems like the perfect time to get married, as I would not want to commit to a new job and then ask for time off right away for a wedding. Right now as a full time student, I am working part time, but its really just to help with living expenses, we arent in a position to save up right now. Working more would jeapordize my grades.

We are torn between doing a little budget elopement, or doing what we REALLY want (a destination wedding either Disney or Mexico) with about 25 people (immediate family).

We will have the income once I start working again immediately after the wedding, but just running up the debt to do it is scary in these times. But I feel like we would be able to pay it off, it would be our only debt aside from student loans.

I really just want to get married and have the wedding we want, since you only get one and dont want to spend your life wishing you had done somthing else. But on the other hand, its not good to start off your marriage with a ton of debt. And right now we dont have the cash to pay for what we want, it would be on credit.

We are not at all interested in an at home wedding, it just isnt our vision.

 

[Lmichele]

The only advice I can give you is....You only get married once (well I hope so )

Our wedding came in at about $25,000....looking back I know we probably could have spent less, but I have no regrets....it was one of the best days of my life!

 

[mickeyboat]

I have been married for 16 years. We spent about $6500 on our wedding and it was lovely.

To be honest, I have not been spending my entire life wishing my wedding was something else. It was one day. In the grand scheme of things, it was the vows that were important, not the party.

My advice is to not go into debt. Save the money for something that will contribute to your marriage, not the wedding.

Congratulations, and good luck with whatever you decide.

Denae

 

[Todd&Copper]

I didn't want a big wedding (we had 70 - 75 people total), and my parents gave DH & I $10K for our wedding [in 2001]. We spent about $7500, so we got got to keep the additional $2500 from my parents after it was all over. I would not have changed a thing.

My selfish SIL squeezed her struggling parents for a $25K wedding. The in-laws finally [9 years later] are back out of the hole, only because of a large inheritence MIL got when her father died.

 

[Trixie15]

I would hate to start a marriage off with debt. I was glad dh felt the same way. So we had a very modest wedding that was paid for completely in cash - about $4000. No regrets at all!

 

[Crystal824]

We spent about $20,000 for our wedding two years ago. We were lucky that our parents did chip in for about half of that. The rest was saved up over two years as we were engaged for two years. I worked two jobs also to save it up. Looking back, I had an amazing day. I wouldn't have changed anything....other than the D.J. (in which case I probably would have spent more).

 

[LeeLeeLuvsDisney]

How much did you spend on your wedding? Less than $6,000.

Do you regret your wedding debt? No, we paid cash.

If you could do it over what would you change? We did a buffet lunch and I wish we had picked some different food items - more hors d'ouevres types of food than the chicken and fish entrees.

Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons? Nope, we didn't cut a thing. We wanted to pay cash and have no wedding debt, and we did it and still had a beautiful wedding for 40 guests.

We got married at our church, and had a buffet lunch at a country club. We did all the traditional stuff - big white dress, suit, flowers, pro photographer, open bar, etc. We just looked around for the best deals. I picked flowers that were inexpensive. We booked the photographer for 3 hours instead of the entire day. We did a lunch instead of a dinner. I got my dress at David's Bridal instead of an expensive bridal salon. We kept our guest list small. We made the invitations and favors and some of the decorations ourselves.

If you do decide to go into debt for your wedding (which I don't recommend, but people do it all the time), keep the debt small and reasonable. The day honestly goes by very quickly, so all the little things that you think you need really aren't necessary. The one thing that stands out in my mind of the entire day is that moment when I stepped into the church, and I saw my DH at the other end of the aisle. We locked eyes and we both almost burst into tears of joy. That moment was everything. And that's something that you don't have to spend a lot of money for.

 

[ckoncurat]

I had a modest wedding, 13 years ago, spent about $6000. The only thing I would change is more food. We saved by:
1. Renting a historic house (in valley forge) that we decorated ourselves.
2. Having a string quartet and a light buffet instead of the whole sit down dinner with a band.
3. Having a friend make the bridesmaid dresses.
4. Shopping around for flowers
5. Making centerpices ourselves
6. I made my own veil (i used to be crafty)
Ditching the Limo- we just didn't care about that.
I think our wedding was wonderful. I don't feel like I missed out at all.

 

[RitaE]

Well, I've been married for a couple of decades. I think my parents probably spent about $2000 or so on my wedding, they never told me. I really don't know of anybody my age who went into massive debt to get married, the wedding industry in the 1980's was just nowhere near what it is today.

This is what I think. Have a small reasonable budget wedding in 2010, which is when you want to get married. right?

Then, once you are married open up a Savings account start saving for a huge 5 year Vow Renewal Destination party in the Caribbean or wherever. If after 5 years that big thing is still your life's dream, great. You'll have the money to pay for it. If not, you'll have money to do something else.

Please don't start your married life buried under a huge unnecessary debt. Look at this board alone with the people struggling to get out from under the bills. It's hard, it is sad. Don't do that to yourself.

 

[crisi]

We spent I think around $4k - it was a great wedding - we had a small ceremony and a huge dance for 150 people with beer and wine. 13 years ago.

I had previously been married and did the huge big wedding thing - definately not worth it - it was my father's wedding - he felt it "needed" to be done. My ex and I were along for the ride. Really, NEEDING to feed relatives I see only every few years $45 a plate dinners is not on my list of things that need to be done.

 

[XYSRUS]

I vote for the budget elopement. Big weddings are nice and destination weddings are all the rage but really it's about you and your fiance. We paid for our wedding and it was about 8K 15 years ago. I should have listened to my heart and got married in Vegas, JOP, etc. May I suggest a little in between...a marriage ceremony of your choosing and a very nice cocktails and dinner with immediate family and few, close friends. I think that would be lovely to celebrate a union and leave you without debt for your new life together. I would never go into debt for a wedding. There will be tons of other things throughout your lives that you will want/need to spend money on.

 

[dismom24]

My mother (with a little help from my dad) gave me my dream wedding. The only wierd thing is that we moved out of state and our lives have changed so much, 20 years later we never see anyone from our wedding. Looking back, I would have been fine with a wedding at sea or eloping to the mountains.

 

[CoP Luv]

Have a wedding you can afford. Don't go into debt. It's not worth it. I would take your question to the Disney Weddings Board on this site if you are really looking to have a small wedding at Disney. The girls are really helpful and can give you great budget advice on certain vendors. You don't need everything that the wedding industry says that you do. Have something special. It is your day...and you're right. You only (should) get one wedding.

We got married this July and we had a big wedding. We ended up paying for about 35% of it ourselves and the rest being generously covered by our parents.

Luckily for us, I had been saving up for the wedding for a year before we were engaged. We had a long engagement for a number of reasons, and that helped to save up money. We didn't know if our parents were going to contribute anything at all so we had enough money on hand to cover all of our expenses. We would have had to cut a lot of things out (no band, not invite 320 guests, linens, not have 7 musicians at the ceremony, etc.), which would have been fine (you don't know what you're missing when you don't have it to begin with) and it still would have been a special day.

Wait until 2011. That way, you can take some time off from your job without feeling guilty about it. There is nothing wrong with that. If you can, start researching prices and find out what you need to save. Make things yourself. I made my own invitations because the ones that I liked were $10 per invite. I made mine for about $2 each.

If you have any questions, please let me know! Good luck!

 

[tlh0726]

My husband and I flew to St Thomas and were married on the beach on Valentine's day at sunset. We flew in a few days before and stayed a few days after. Completely stress free and debt free. We took along nice outfits to wear for the ceremony and did not use them. While we were out one morning, we stopped a market where I purchased a tank style top and wrap around pants (island look) and he purchased a shirt that matched my outfit and wore kahki shorts (total cost $27) and both were barefoot.
The day of the wedding we went to a beach in the morning, I took a nap in the afternoon and while I was napping, my husband picked some flowers from various plants around the hotel and used the thread from the little sewing kit that was in our room to hold them together. I tucked his arrangement in my hair above my ear on the one side. We had a wonderful dinner at the restaurant overlooking the ocean that night.
We could not bring ourselves to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding when we could use that same money as a deposit on a home. If I had it to do over, I would do it the same way again. We did what was best for us and our future, not what others wanted us to do.

Good luck on deciding what is best for the both of you.

 

[Darsa]

I've never been able to understand why people feel the need to go into debt for years in order to have a lavish affair that lasts for one day...

We had a lovely wedding and it was all done within our budget and paid for over time so that it didn't destroy any other budgeting or put us in the hole. Everyone still talks about how nice it was (usually when they see the photos) and that was almost 14 years ago! We ended up spending I believe somewhere in the neighborhood of $3000 altogether including the honeymoon; my dad was a member of the VFW so we had our reception there. We had friends who offered to cater as our wedding gift; didn't want them to have to spend the day cooking but apparently this was fun for them :lol . We shopped carefully for a DJ, found a GORGEOUS chapel at a very reasonable price; got my gown at a fantastic discount by shopping around as well. Our photographer was a very good friend of my beloved uncle, and she did an amazing job

It's possible to have your fairy tale without the nightmare bill afterwards, it really is!

 

[Girldreamer02]

Dh and I just got married July 19th! We got engaged in dec of 06' so we paid for wedding stuff over time, but we did have some help from both our parents. The only thing I wished we would of spent more money on was the dj b/c his parents knew him so he was cheap, but he wasn't very good. My dads name is Carl and he announced him as Carol. Not funny at the time b/c I was annoyed, but now it is We didn't go into debt with the wedding and we had a pretty decent sized...I don't really see a need to go into debt...like someone else said its just one day of your life. As my dad would say...k.i.s.s. Keep it simple silly. As long you and dh are happy thats all that matters. The first year of marriage is the hardest and I'm glad we're going through it without massive wedding debt hanging over our head...we also have no credit card debt...just school loans like you said. Hope this helps!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Our wedding cost $40,000. We had no wedding debt. We saved and payed for it ourselves. We had what we could afford. If we couldn't have afforded that we would have had what we could afford. I think it is silly to go into debt for a wedding. JMHO of course.

Oh- I did also want to add that while you want a destination wedding with only 25 people keep in mind that those people might not be too keen on goingto Mexico for your wedding. It's nice to have the wedding of your dreams but not when it is a burden for others who you would like to be there. Just something to think about. Good luck!


ETA- I had a great time at our wedding and I wouldn't change a thing!

 

[CherylA]

Funny I was just thinking today that my wedding day was the best day of my life. I wouldn't go into masive debt to have the wedding you invision but some debt, yup I'd do it. The BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! Thats priceless don't you think?

Oh and by the way my wedding 8 years ago was $23,000 my parents gave us 20 K so we paid only 3K which we had saved plus we paid another 5K (on credit) for our honeymoon. I'd change my honeymoon before I changed my wedding day

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

We got married 24 years ago. I think that the reception (sit down dinner, open bar, etc.) ran in the range of $5000 for 200 guests. That was our biggest expense. We did not go into debt to pay for it. My parents and ILs gave some money toward it and DH & I paid for the rest OOP.

I've been told that everyone had a wonderful time but I was so busy "visiting" with each of those 200 guests, that I barely noticed the party going on around me. If I could do it over again, that guest list would have been trimmed down to about half. There are many people who were invited that I rarely (if ever) see anymore.

Personally, I would not start married life by incurring a huge debt. Studies show that money is by far the #1 issue that couples argue about. It helps tremendously to start your new life without that albatross following you. There will be many moments to treasure in the future. Your wedding will be special, regardless of the price tag. And as others have stated, it's the vows that are meaningful, not the wedding itself.

 

[mjbaby]

I married 13 years ago for a total cost of $6,500 (four separate parties and one very artistic mom who made my cake, bridesmaids dresses, centerpieces, veil, etc., etc., etc.) People still talk about our wedding as being so festive, beautiful and happy which is proof to me that $$$ doesn't equal a good time for the participants or guests. In fact, I'd say the opposite is probably true - the more money spent, the more "wedding in a box" feel there is likely to be.

I recommend this: instead of figuring out what kind of wedding you want and trying to shoehorn it into a budget, figure out your budget first (hopefully an amount that doesn't make you gulp or hang your head in despair and which will not cause you to start your married life with a joint burden that might be more than you can bear). Once you have that number - be it $2,500, $15,000 or $50,000 - plan your celebration within those bounds. If you have a budget of $2,500 and a guest list of 200 then you might be looking at a beautiful service and a sumptuous dessert buffet with punch and wine. If it's $50,000 and you have 15 guests go on and fly 'em all to St. Thomas and bathe in caviar. I think sometimes people err in favor of the meal being served and end up leaving people off their list who they'd prefer to invite. If having your entire sorority (or whatever) with you on your wedding day is a priority, then serve cake and cookies and revel in the love surrounding you.

Remember this advice from an old married woman: serving a sit down chicken & beef dinner to 100 people does NOT mean your marriage is more official or sanctified than that of the couple who served a buffet of gorgeous finger foods and one choice each of red and white wine. Once you have your magic number, think hard about having the kind of celebration that will honor the couple you are and the family you'll be creating, not what anyone thinks you should be doing.