Wedding Debt- advice

[dakcp2001]

I agree with you so much on this point. An invitation is exactly that; it's not a summons. It's amazing to me that some people act as if invitations to another's major life event are rude if every little thing in their own personal lives aren't accommodated. ("Can you believe it? Second cousin Susie is getting married and the wedding is a Friday evening! She *knows* I have bookclub that night! How rude!!" /sarcasm_off)

An invitation just says, "Hey...we're doing this thing at this place and time and we'd love for you to join us if you can" It is *not* an opener for the recipient to start negotiating with the hosts to have his or her needs met.

Eeek! Don't mind my editorializing...this issue hits a sore spot for me.

Me too, and I agree with you 100%

 

[delmar411]

Honestly, I don't remember how much the catering was. I do remember what we had though. We had grilled chicken, rice pilaf, and vegetable medley as well as sweet tea, coffee, and hot chocolate. See nothing elaborate. The ballroom was $500 I believe. We did get a break there, but honestly that's the only place we got a break. The only way I fit things into that budget was by cutting out the things I didn't care for. These are the things I cut out: band/DJ, videos, and I had simple decorations at the "alter" area. These 3 things probably cut at around $2000 or more. A band or DJ can cost over a $1000, and having a video done can cost about the same as well.

Also, you have to take into account the part of the country I live in. I live in the south where things have a lower cost of living than things in the north. The one thing I learned is not to rush and buy say candles. Wait until they went on sale about 2 weeks later for 75% off. My wedding wasn't during the "wedding season". When the wedding season was over things went on sale in a hurry.

Sounds like a lovely reception!

 

[Pigeon]

I agree with you so much on this point. An invitation is exactly that; it's not a summons. It's amazing to me that some people act as if invitations to another's major life event are rude if every little thing in their own personal lives aren't accommodated. ("Can you believe it? Second cousin Susie is getting married and the wedding is a Friday evening! She *knows* I have bookclub that night! How rude!!" /sarcasm_off)

An invitation just says, "Hey...we're doing this thing at this place and time and we'd love for you to join us if you can" It is *not* an opener for the recipient to start negotiating with the hosts to have his or her needs met.

Eeek! Don't mind my editorializing...this issue hits a sore spot for me.

I agree, but I think it cuts both ways. I've seen far more brides ticked off if they want to have their wedding on a Friday and everyone from out of town isn't completely thrilled to have to take a day off from work, etc.

It's an invitation, not a command performance.

 

[crisi]

I agree, but I think it cuts both ways. I've seen far more brides ticked off if they want to have their wedding on a Friday and everyone from out of town isn't completely thrilled to have to take a day off from work, etc.

It's an invitation, not a command performance.

Carolyn Hax does a really good job of talking about destination weddings on the link I gave on the last page. Basically, you can have a destination wedding, but you can't have the expectation that you'll get guests. You can also be fairly certain that someone will be hurt by being excluded due to their own circumstances - a grandmother who cannot travel, a sister whose financial circumstances preclude travel.

Recently a friend of mine was invited to a coworkers wedding - halfway across the country. Now, coworkers weddings are one of those things that even when they are town a lot of people don't prioritize. The bride simply expected her coworkers would spend hundreds flying across the country to attend her wedding - and let her expectation - and her disappointment in them when they didn't meet it - show.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Carolyn Hax does a really good job of talking about destination weddings on the link I gave on the last page. Basically, you can have a destination wedding, but you can't have the expectation that you'll get guests. You can also be fairly certain that someone will be hurt by being excluded due to their own circumstances - a grandmother who cannot travel, a sister whose financial circumstances preclude travel.
Recently a friend of mine was invited to a coworkers wedding - halfway across the country. Now, coworkers weddings are one of those things that even when they are town a lot of people don't prioritize. The bride simply expected her coworkers would spend hundreds flying across the country to attend her wedding - and let her expectation - and her disappointment in them when they didn't meet it - show.

See now that's when I think the bride and groom should decide if it is more important that the people who are the most dear in their life are there at this special moment or if they could care less because all that matters is them and if you can't make it then you don't care enough. (whew! what a run on! ) As a sibling or other close family member you are expected to show up. Sorry but you are. I can understand that some people have a certain vision of their day, but if you are a host you need to think of your guests too. JMHO.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

We got married in 1993 (15 years ago ). The final cost was 7400 for 50 people (including us) for a sit down evening wedding.

We saved a ton of money by doing the flowers ourselves (seriously, they start out beautiful, it's not that hard-youTube it to see how to make the flower stuff and get your flowers in bulk from a wholesaler. Get your bridesmaids to help you-put those girls to work! )

I spent 2500 on my dress (out of the 7400). That, I totally, totally regret. It is now a 2500 blob of expensive handmade italian silk chiffon sitting in my closet. . I would have looked just as pretty in a dress half the price.

The rest was a lot of fun, I created a 10 page itinerary so everyone knew where they had to be, when they had to be there, who they had to be there with, and what they needed to do, and phone #'s for everything. It went smoothly and there are wedding photographs of my DH and his groomsment laughing their *sses off over the itinerary .

We didn't go into debt for it, and we just had the people that were really important to us, I think that's what matters. Looking back, it wasn't the stuff that really mattered, but that I got to marry the man I love .

 

[JamesMom]

We originally planned a custom wedding and wanted to invite lots of friends and family to our Disney Wedding. Parents put feelers out about a year in advance and nobody was interested in attending. I had already bought a big dress for a big party, but sold it on ebay and bought a more modest gown to go with our intimate wedding. In retrospect it was for the best - we spent less money (10K vs $30K) , had a better time with our most important family members and just as many memories. It was my 2nd marriage and hubby really didn't want all the fuss.

 

[SIMMSMOUSE]

I got married in 1997 and it cost maybe $5500 dollars total including my dress. I wouldn't have changed anything but the time. I had an afternoon wedding and I think night weddings are more fun, but all in all it was great. My BIL/SIL wedding cost about $40k which I think was crazy, they had it in New Orleans at the big Cathedral which is not where any of our family live. I thought that was a bit tacky since the hotel was about $350 for two nights. My DH parents went into alot of debt over it.
No matter how you get married you are still married whether the wedding costs 25 dollars or 25 thousand dollars.