Wedding Debt- advice

[JandJ]

I haven't read every post but I like that most seem to say to stay out of debt. I don't know why but I get irritated when I hear of young couples going into huge amounts of debt for a big party - what a way to start your lives together! Having said that, this is a personal question, and if you'll really regret not having a certain kind of wedding, you should do whatever you can to have all that you want. I got all that I wanted! DH and I had a very small Disney wedding; I didn't want a big wedding, and since we were both over 30 and living independently we certainly weren't going to ask our parents to help pay for our wedding. DH gave me a budget of $10k for the whole thing - including the honeymoon. Since we just bought a house I wanted to spend more on decorating than on a party and I came in right around $7500 for the wedding, our Disneymoon, and Caribbean cruise honeymoon. We had the most perfect wedding I could imagine

How much did you spend on your wedding? ~$7500 (which included an 8 day honeymoon)

Do you regret your wedding debt? No debt - paid cash.

If you could do it over what would you change? Nothing, it was a perfect day.

Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons? I didn't cut anything out, I had exactly what I wanted.

 

[MrsPete]

How much did you spend on your wedding?
Do you regret your wedding debt?
If you could do it over what would you change?
Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons?

About $2000 almost 20 years ago; we did everything ourselves and made that money go a looooong way . . . no debt to regret . . . I would change nothing, especially the groom . . .

We are planning to get married in 2010 or 2011, but we are really having a hard time with where to set our budget.

Serious question: Do you want to be married, or do you want to have a huge, wonderful party? Don't confuse the one with the other. If you can afford to live, you CAN afford to be married. That's a far cry, however, from being able to afford to have a big party.

 

[HunnyPots]

Serious question: Do you want to be married, or do you want to have a huge, wonderful party? Don't confuse the one with the other. If you can afford to live, you CAN afford to be married. That's a far cry, however, from being able to afford to have a big party.

That is so true. Very good point!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Got married 13 years ago for about $30,000

Had the silk wedding dress, Rolls Royce,private country club, flowers everywhere, dj and a band, open bar, sit down dinner, 220 people.

Loved it - best day of my life - would not change a thing.

Cost to me = nothing! My parents paid for everything.

All the wedding gifts were cash which were more than enough for a good size down payment on a house.

 

[bookgirl]

Elope,

it's cheaper and no one argues about sitting next to crazy Aunt Petunia at the singles table.

 

[brymolmom]

I'm wondering if there's a pattern here...Trying to figure out if those who 'wouldn't change a thing' are mostly the ones who didn't pay for it. In conversations I have with people - that's what I find. People who don't even know how much it cost because parents paid for it, tend to have loved everything. People like me and dh, who paid for it ourselves and had an informal, picnic reception - while I still LOVED every minute, Yes, I would change some things. There was really no reason to have as many people that we had there. At the time it always seems like 'well I HAVE to invite this person if I invite that person' - especially because DH and I work at the same company so it seems like we invited practically a whole department. With hindsight, I would have considered very carefully if I had a relationship with that person that would make it meaningful for him/her to be there before insisting they are on the invite list. It would have made it smaller and more intimate AND would have saved some cash at the same time.


DD is getting engaged and I read this thread with great interest. This quote really caught me. DD would like to have everything. But, her assumption is that we will be paying.

I'm trying to figure out "how much of this stuff would be really important to her if she was spending her own dime, not my home equity credit line.?

The situation is complicated by the fact that once she is married, she will be in a much stronger financial position than we are. What we borrow to celebrate with her will have NO impact on when/if she gets a house, goes on a vacation, etc.

Not to step on your dd...but this is horrible. If a child is in a better financial position than their parents I think it is HORRID for him/her to expect/ask/allow their parents to pay for their wedding. DH and I were in much better financial position than parents, but likely, even if we weren't - we wouldn't have allowed them to pay for it. It was our wedding - not theirs. I let my mom pay for one thing as her 'gift' to us - I think it was a couple hundred dollars for the flowers that her cousin did for us. That way she felt like she was contributing and she didn't have to worry about finding us an alternate wedding present.

I totally agree with giving any children that you want to help out with wedding costs (keep in mind people - it is NOT an entitlement - it is a parent being kind and helping), to give a certain amount and let the child decide how to spend it (either go for small wedding and have extra or go all out and pay out-of-their-own-pocket). THis amount should be based on REASONABLE amount not to send parent into a ton of debt. Personally, I think it's a good idea even when parents are in sound financial standing...I think it makes the kids not go overboard and base it on what is truly important to them. I plan on giving my kids a set amount and letting them decide. Really, would brides and grooms really spend $10,000 on pictures and videos if their paying out of their own pockets?

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I vote for the budget elopement. DH and I eloped and had a WONDERFUL time and NO debt.

My nephew had a destination wedding last fall--I'm sure it was beautiful, but way too pricey for many people to go. They did not have a single friend attend, just family, and not a lot of family at that--people just couldn't do it.

 

[jodifla]

How much did you spend on your wedding? Around $6,000, this was 21 years ago for about 110 people.


Do you regret your wedding debt? No, we took out a loan from our credit union and paid it off in a couple of years. We aren't afraid of small debts we know we can pay off. We were both working, and we had no children and no plans for children.

If you could do it over what would you change? I might have gotten more help. We had a big party, so we did a lot of it ourselves:

We rented a historic home (in Florida in February)
We bought all the wine, beer and liquor (hired bartender)
We had a buffet lunch with great food (catered)
We bought the cake from Publix
We had a friend be the DJ
We used plastic tablecloths, and rented champagne buckets for the centerpieces, filled with champagne of course
We arranged for a big white tent in the backyard with a dance and tables and chairs. We were married in the side yard in a gazebo so everything was in one place

We had a GREAT wedding for the money. It was a very fun party..people even took bits of our wedding and copied them....this was when Martha's Wedding Book had just come out.

So how much is a Disney destination wedding? What kind of numbers are we talking?

We would never have eloped....we wanted our friends and family WITH US!


Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons? I would have hired a helper for the day...I was folding up chairs in my wedding dress!

 

[westjones]

I haven't read this whole thread, but we spent $500 which included flowers and my dress. We had a cake reception (not meal), and we have been married 26 years.

I am glad we didn't go into debt....BUT.....I will say that debt is something we aren't comfortable with in anyway. Sort of like a phobia with me rotfl: ). So if we had debt after the wedding I would have been stressed, and that wouldn't have been good for our marriage. But I suppose if debt is something you are comfortable with, it wouldn't be as much of a problem.

Bottom line for us, we wanted to be married and waiting to save up for a big wedding wasn't worth giving up our 'time' together as a married couple. My engagement ring costed $150 and my DH told me he would buy a better one for me later.....and you know what.....I still am wearing that ring and wouldn't trade it for anything.

So my advice is to figure out what is important to you, what you are comfortable with and make the decision together who far in debt you are willing to go. Hopefully you will both be on the same page and can go from there.

Best wishes!
DJ

 

[carj]

I loved our wedding, and I don't think that I would change anything. Our wedding cost about 10K including the rings and honeymoon. (To Disney)
We go married at church and had the reception at a local place. We used lots of our friends and family members talents to make the most of our money.

My mom paid for about $1500 and family friends bought our cake. ($800) They do this as a gift to people when they get married, amazing gift huh? They chose a very fancy bakery, I wouldn't have been able to justify that much on a cake. My husband's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner which was about $300 at a local restaurant.

The rest we paid for, without incurring debt. Like most debts, the fun part is spending, not repaying. Don't make your wedding something that you are paying off for years. That will definitely affect you memory of the day.

 

[Ashlotte]

We spent about $12,000 on our wedding 9 1/2 years ago. We did end up with some debt because of it and if I were doing it again today, I would not go into debt. It took us a year or two to get out of debt (not just from that, but general being college students with no income) and I hope to never find myself in debt again. It just isn't worth it. Having a *perfect* wedding is just like having a *perfect* house or income. Someone will always have one just a little bit better. You have to draw the line (or make the budget) somewhere. After your wedding, you'll be surprised at how fast it went and how quickly your guests inhaled $2,000 worth of appetizers. That all being said, I did love my wedding day. Although I probably would have loved anything that we had done, because it was MY wedding!

 

[wall*e2008]

I'm wondering if there's a pattern here...Trying to figure out if those who 'wouldn't change a thing' are mostly the ones who didn't pay for it. In conversations I have with people - that's what I find. People who don't even know how much it cost because parents paid for it, tend to have loved everything. People like me and dh, who paid for it ourselves and had an informal, picnic reception - while I still LOVED every minute, Yes, I would change some things. There was really no reason to have as many people that we had there. At the time it always seems like 'well I HAVE to invite this person if I invite that person' - especially because DH and I work at the same company so it seems like we invited practically a whole department. With hindsight, I would have considered very carefully if I had a relationship with that person that would make it meaningful for him/her to be there before insisting they are on the invite list. It would have made it smaller and more intimate AND would have saved some cash at the same time.

Do whatever works best for you and dh...don't consider anyone else (even we DIS'ers). Personally I would never go into debt for a wedding...there are often so many other expenses that come with a wedding (a nice honeymoon, for starters) - that IMO it isn't worth it to go into debt on day #1. However, there are some people that might really regret it if they didn't.

Not for me. I had a large wedding with 220 guest 25 years ago with a reception costing $2K. The dress was a simple silk dress (found on sale). The rings were a few hundred dollars. Flowers were a gift from my Great Aunt, she has a flower shop.

My dad offered me a check for a honeymoon and a small wedding but my mother would not hear of it. I wanted a church wedding and then a party. Since my mom wanted more she paid.

 

[englishteacha]

We had a wonderful wedding. The ceremony and reception came to around $2500. If you really want a Disney wedding, see what the least expensive "plan" is. It might be within your reach. I like to save money, so it was fun for me to plan a wonderful wedding within a slim budget. I'm also lucky to have a large family who helped with their time and talents. We did not go into debt for our wedding. We paid for it ourselves. We were 22, I had just graduated college (DH had a year to go), and we'd been engaged for 2 years. We saved up a little to a time, and DH did inherit a bit of money from his grandmother that we used to buy my gown (Thanks Grammy!) and pay for our honeymoon. Our honeymoon was totally budget, too. A $29 a night hotel on I-Drive, lots of counter service meals, and a cheap rental car, but we had a great time at Disney, and felt good that we didn't spend money we didn't have.

 

[3boymthr]

Spending a lot on your wedding does not guarantee that you will have a good reception or that you will live HEA. In fact I sometimes wonder if the debt contributes to the demise of the marriage.

I got married 18 1/2 years ago. I was young as was DH so we had no money to contribute. My DP paid cash. It wasn't big, it wasn't over the top. I had a beautiful dress with a train and a veil with a beautiful headpiece. Do I remember it to this day, yes. Did I have a great day, yes. Do I regret not spending more, no. Do I regret having a budget wedding no. Was it my dream wedding, pretty much. Were there some things I wish I could have done differently? Yes - not let SFIL have access to the bar. and making sure FIL and MIL were seated on opposite side of the hall

I have a cousin who got married in 2001, spent $50,000+ ; top of the line buffet (lobster, smoked salmon, scallops in bacon, steak tips, etc.), beach front location at an exclusive beach club, gorgeous cathedral, $5,000 dress. Well, the dress was uncomfortable as it wasn't fitted right, the reception hall was a mess to navigate, there weren't enough chairs for everyone to sit down, the bar was open to the club members so there were all kinds of people mingling with the guests and she never got to eat because they ran out of food. BTW there were only about 100 guests. She's divorced now and has to declare bankruptcy because she's saddled with tons of debt - the wedding wasn't paid for and the marriage was over.

Truthfully, though, the best wedding I ever went to was my DB & SILs. They had a 4-star rated restaurant cater the affair. It was attended by 150 people and they had a photographer, minister, tons of flowers and hottest location in town! Cost $1,500. (this was 5 yrs ago BTW and in MA which is not a cheap place to do anything.) Of course, the food was all you can eat BBQ chicken and ribs and hot dogs and all the BBQ type side dishes you could want. They held it at the moose lodge under the picnic canopy and had custom made wedding shirts and dresses - Tie Dye, of course! The minister wore a T-shirt that said "The Rev". There was volleyball and horseshoes and frisbee and badminton. All the kids were welcome, even the infants. To this day everyone who went talks about what a great wedding it was and hey, they paid cash.

Truthfully, have the wedding you want - but whatever you do - don't go into debt for it. There are tons of ways to have a great wedding that don't involve spending tons of dough.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

We spent around $500 (17 years ago). Church wedding, hor d'orves/cake reception in the church basement. My parents offered to pay $1000 (which was a small amount, even in those olden days. ) We could keep whatever we didn't spend on the wedding.

Things I would change-
totally not that church. We were new to the area, trying to please MIL-to-be (denomination) and the pastor was just harsh.

would have sprung to have someone else make the food. As it was, my mother and aunt were cooking like maniacs the days before. Back then, there weren't as many party food sort of options such as Costco, etc. We could have a similar reception now for just a little more $ and alot less work.

would have stuck with my original plan to have DH and the other men wear just a dark suit. (That they had/could borrow, something they'd have to use again.) When MIL was done "suggesting" a church, she insisted on tuxes. Ok, she paid for them. We'd have been just as happy with the other.

likewise, I wish I'd had the umph to just let the bridesmaid pick similar colored dressed they could wear again and felt comfortable in. Actually, we'd probably just gone with having the best man/maid of honor and not a line up "on stage".



The absolute nicest wedding I ever went to (officiated at, actually), was one on an ocean beach at Acadia National Park in Maine. Late evening, right on the water... VERY casual, just closest family and friends (maybe 20 people?) The "reception" was a dinner about one big table at a seaside inn. It was easily planned, "inexpensive" (it was a fancy restaurant) but I'm sure nothing compared with a hall, caterer, and all that.) Couple wrote their own vows... it was just very much about THEM and starting a life together. Wasn't a show for anyone else. If I had to do it over, that's the attitude I'd take. I absolutely can't see going in debt for one day and paying it off at the start of your lives together. I just can't wrap my brain around that.

 

[Folklore]

We did our wedding for $3000 almost 15 years ago and it actually ended up being $1000 over budget. My parents paid for everything in cash so there was no debt. My DH and I were poor college students and lived off his part-time Wal-mart salary.

Looking back there are definately things I would have done differently but it was still the best day of my life.

We had some friends who got married a few years ago under a rock formation in Utah, which is a very special place for them. They got married in t-shirts and shorts with about 10 of their closest family and friends. They were kind of embarrased when they showed us their wedding video because it was so informal. I can tell you it was the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen and hardly cost them any money at all.

My advice is to save as much money as you can and get the wedding you can afford. I would not start off your new life as husband and wife with a ton of wedding debt. Believe me, 15 years later it won't really matter what your wedding was like. The best advice I got from my mom before our wedding was that the most important part of my wedding day would be the marriage vows I was making to my DH. In the long run the cake, dress, reception, decorations don't really matter but my marriage and the vows I took that day sure do!

 

[zumbergc]

If you want to get married at disney you can get married at the swan and dolphin at a more affordable price than w/ the disney people.

Check the disney wedding sections here, i'm not sure if they have info there or not. Disney charges a uber premium for their wedding services and such.

If your go for the swan wedding, It does mean you can't get married in the wedding pavilion. Don't know if that was one of the things you wanted. You are able to have mickey and minnie at the reception. at least you could several years ago. i don't remember if you can get the carriage or not.

Saving money on a destination wedding. Well, it means you might want to use some services not affiliated with "disney" or the swan/dolphin people. This means more leg work on your end, and since its a plane ride away more difficult.

Many people want to see the location, meet with their planner, pick out flowers, etc. So, that means a vacation to plan the wedding, which is more money!!!

We had a disney wedding. It was a great time. We didn't go into debt for it. A destination wedding means that you are kind of letting someone else decide the details, because you really don't know what you get til your there. So, if your a super control freak, it may not be the right choice because some of the details are not going to be decided by you.

People coming to the wedding. You need to look at the financial situations of your wedding guests. Depending on how much money your potential guests have, they may or may not be able to afford. Since its a destination wedding, many can't afford the flight, hotel costs, or the time off. So, keep that in mind. So, if you were wanting 30 guests it could be only half would come. All depends on if the family doesn't think much of spending there vacation money on your wedding? Not meant to be mean, but if your friends and family don't do airplane vacations, they may be out of the loop on going to your wedding, financially.


you probably already visited the disneyweddings.com website. It has a lot more stuff on it than it did back in 02.
If you go with disney wedding, and not an intimate one, you have to guarentee a min number of room nights at disney resorts. So, if your trying to save your guests money by staying offsite, well, that stragegy won't work. Plus, they have a min you have to spend on each guest for food, i think the mins have change and depend on your reception location.
To have your hair done years ago, it was over $100 to have disney do hair and make-up. well, are you going to have just yours done, or the whole bridal party, mom's etc. Or just have yours done by disney.

One other thing, rehersal dinner. Well, some turn it into a welcome dinner for all their guests. Well, that adds up as another reception party because if you invite all your guests, a number of 35 puts you into a private location again, which costs $$$. So, be careful and really look at what people are spending the whole wedkend on their guests, and all the events they have.

Of course some people have done things frugally, like having it at winter summer land put put course on property.

Wish you the best of luck... if you check into the swan dolphin thing... it would be more budget friendly. well, your on disney property, and i've seen some set-ups when we were there, and they were absolutely beautiful.

 

[Kellydelly]

If you want to do a destination wedding, I would wait till the economy turns around so your guests can actually afford to attend. If you have student loans from your nursing program, I would be leary of wracking up debt for a fancy wedding. You can have a nice wedding and not spend a lot, if you have a reasonable venue, family that will help cater, or do things simply. We spent around $5,000, I think, 13 yrs ago and that was a $16 per plate, 87 guest reception with beer and wine at a nice restaurant/banquet. The reception cost around $2500, the photographer was $700, my dress was $300. The money we received from wedding gifts paid for about 2/3 of the wedding, the rest we were probably paying off for a few months.

 

[neatokimmo]

My Dad cut me a check for 3K for my dress. Right before I bought it I had a revelation. 3K would buy the furniture we needed in the living room and a bed. So I discussed it with Dad, cashed the check and got married in jeans and a t-shirt on a road trip one afternoon.

This isn't meant to sound as bad as it does, but don't half of marriages end up in divorce? Mine did (whew thank goodness! lol). I say save the cash and buy something you need to start out married life.

 

[zumbergc]

one more thing there is a stickey about the swan dolphin weddings over in the s wedding section here, so check it out!!