Wedding Debt- advice

[Chereya]

How much did you spend on your wedding? Less than $6,000.

Do you regret your wedding debt? No, we paid cash.

If you could do it over what would you change? We did a buffet lunch and I wish we had picked some different food items - more hors d'ouevres types of food than the chicken and fish entrees.

Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons? Nope, we didn't cut a thing. We wanted to pay cash and have no wedding debt, and we did it and still had a beautiful wedding for 40 guests.

We got married at our church, and had a buffet lunch at a country club. We did all the traditional stuff - big white dress, suit, flowers, pro photographer, open bar, etc. We just looked around for the best deals. I picked flowers that were inexpensive. We booked the photographer for 3 hours instead of the entire day. We did a lunch instead of a dinner. I got my dress at David's Bridal instead of an expensive bridal salon. We kept our guest list small. We made the invitations and favors and some of the decorations ourselves.

If you do decide to go into debt for your wedding (which I don't recommend, but people do it all the time), keep the debt small and reasonable. The day honestly goes by very quickly, so all the little things that you think you need really aren't necessary. The one thing that stands out in my mind of the entire day is that moment when I stepped into the church, and I saw my DH at the other end of the aisle. We locked eyes and we both almost burst into tears of joy. That moment was everything. And that's something that you don't have to spend a lot of money for.

Sounds almost exactly like my wedding! We got married in June 2004. We also had 40 guests and spent $6000. My in-laws paid for it so there was no debt. They thought it was a bargain wedding! I got everything I wanted but on a personal note I was a bit uncomfortable with the $150pp price tag. I guess if we had invited more people the per person price would have gone down. But it was basically a destination wedding for all of our guests since we got married in the town where my husband had graduated college two weeks prior - Savannah, GA.

We got a gorgeous small, private indoor garden setting (with glass ceiling) in a historic boutique hotel and dinner in a private dining room adjacent. A wonderful 3 course plated dinner which each guest was able to choose their entree (chicken, fish or steak). I went with economical choices but got exactly what I wanted. My DH and I don't drink so we did not serve alcohol at the reception but guests were welcome to order and pay for their own drinks with the waiters.

I made all the invitations and all other printed items myself. That was a lot of work! But so much cheper than having them printed by someone else AND I designed it exactly the way I wanted it to look with multiple layers. Since I bought my paper in a bulk package, everything matched and coordinated. I made the invites, reply cards, dinner selection cards, menu cards and place setting cards.

The one thing I "splurged" on was the photographer which was the most expensive part of the budget at $1000. I think she was present for 3-4 hours. She covered pre-wedding prep shots as well as ceremony and the portion before dinner. We cut the cake before dinner started so we could get photos of us doing that before she left.

I also got my dress from David's Bridal and the men wore rented tuxes. My bridesmaids got clearance dresses from Cache at the mall for $50 (they each lived in different cities). I liked the dress so much I bought one to change into during dinner. I ordered three bouquets and had inexpensive leis brought by relatives from Hawaii. I made customized CDs for the wedding itself and the reception which were played over the restaurant sound system. We didn't have any dancing or other music. We got a delicious three tier cake with customized decoration.

I had a great wedding! If I only had one thing to do over, I would have hired a wedding planner to help me run the show on the actual day. It was really hard to chill and just breath and enjoy the day when I was running through my head all the things that needed to be done.

 

[dis75ney]

DH and I spent about $5000 cash for our wedding in 1998. DH was insistent on having our wedding surrounded with family, while I was the one begging for an elopement because I knew darned well what would happen with my family were there to be a big get-together and I wanted to enjoy my wedding day without the family drama. My parents chipped in about $2000, plus paid for the beer/wine/soda bar, but said that if we decided to go away for our wedding, they would pay for the whole thing (they are also aware of the family drama and wanted to avoid it as well).

Eleven years later, DH agrees with me that we should have gone away for our wedding... Not that we regret the day...it was a beautiful wedding and everyone except the drama queens had a great time. I'm still dealing with the family drama 11 years later, though...

Bottom line...this is your and your DF's day. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing...

 

[lalagrace]

we spent about 10,000 for our weddng, including my engagement ring. so 4,00 for the ring and 6,000 for the wedding.
It was a lovely wedding, and my parents contributied some. We tried to keep the costs dowm as much as possible, but it all adds up so quickly.
I really wish that we had used all that money for the down payment on a house. I really wish we had not had a brunch reception.
I wish we had gone to the justice of the peace, had great pics taken and then just had a cake and punch reception. Thats what my friends did last year and they spend under 1,000, but from the pictures you would never know.
Now although we have happy memories, and nice photos, a dress i'll never wear again, and a ring I never wear! we don't have a house!

I am a nurse as well, and I can't wear my engangement ring at work because it tears all the gloves, it has a high setting and sharp point. things my husband was not planning for when he went ring shopping.

 

[crisi]

My wedding was among the best days of my life, too. I'm not sure that spending more would have made it a better day. We got married. I was surrounded by friends and family who wanted to share in that. I was beautiful, my husband was handsome. We had a great time.

Would prime rib instead of sub sandwiches - a bakery cake instead of one I made - a designer gown instead of something off the rack - or an expensive reception location instead of a public park building changed any of that?

 

[purplegirl247]

I like the "intimate wedding now, fabulous shindig for 5-year vow renewal" idea from a previous poster.

We were married at Disney in 2007, with about 14 guests. It wasn't a destination wedding for us, 'cause we live here and all our family lives in Florida. We spent I think $6k on the wedding (and that's everything: dress, rings, photographer, food, you name it) and maybe $1500 on the week-long Disney honeymoon.

I loved our wedding, and wouldn't change anything, except...once we started looking for a house this past December, I kept thinking it would've been REALLY nice to have that money for our down payment. It didn't bother me a lot, 'cause, really, $7k wouldn't have helped *too* much, but if you're getting ready to plunk down $15k or $20k on a wedding, you might want to think about when you'll want a house or kids or grown-up furniture or what have you, y'know?

GL!

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I got married in June 2008, the wedding cost about $10,000 and my parents paid for most of it. Fortunately we didn't have a debt from the wedding. I loved my wedding and it was a great day but the best part of it was spending time with my family and friends and celebrating. I don't even remember half of what happened at the reception it went so fast, but I remember every single moment of the ceremony. I would spend more time on planning your perfect ceremony that you want and less money/time on the best food, best entertainment, party favors etc.

 

[momxx5]

We were married in 1992
We had a small wedding.
The people attending where family and close friends. I think there may have been 30ish people.


We planned and payed for it ourselves. Total cost....under $1,000. Honeymoon at Dixie Landings which probably cost $1,000 for 6 nights(including meals, tickets, etc)

Full Catholic mass wedding ceremony.
Small reception at my aunt's house. We rented a tent, tables & chairs. A friend/customer lent the linens.
My aunt and her friend did all the food.....a fun trip to Costco. Her friend had just celebrated her 25th anniversary so all our heavy hourdervs(sp?) mini kish, small dinner rolls with crabsalad inserted, shrimp, veggies, fruit/dip, etc, were all served on silver platers. We used high end paper products and had a full open bar.
The cake was perfect ordered from Publix (basic white teir cake, used flowers to decorate, flowers were from local florist and the pictures were all taken by friends and family.

It was a beautiful day.

 

[HunnyPots]

We were married in 1984 and spent under $1000 - way under actually! We did everything very simply. We used our church for the ceremony and reception and only served cake and punch - no lavish sit-down dinner that seems to have become the norm. No band, no DJ, no ice sculpture. My mom made my dress and the dresses for my bridesmaids. DH rented his tux and his groomsmen rented theirs. We paid for the photographer and for the cake, which was also very simple but very pretty. Nothing big or overblown and it didn't make the society section of the paper but, guess what? We were just as married and just as happy as anybody I see on these multimillion dollar wedding shows and we're still married almost 25 years later!

Now, I am a soon-to-be mother of the bride. My daughter will have a beautiful wedding for under $3000 because we are doing almost everything ourselves and bargain shopping for everything else. I am not blessed with my mother's talent so my DD's dress was a purchase. We found her dream dress at David's Bridal but bought the exact dress, gently used, off ebay for less than one third of the original cost. We are buying flowers from Sam's Club and making our own bouqets. I am borrowing tablecloths and candle holders for centerpieces. I am borrowing silk greenery and tulle from friends. The list goes on and on but you get the idea.

My point is, NO WAY would I go into debt for a party, which, like it or not, is what a wedding reception is. It can be done beautifully and on a small budget. Take the money you save and hit one of those destinations for your honeymoon!

 

[girli565]

I'm planning a Disney wedding but when the time comes to book, if we don't have the money, we will be doing a small ceremony at our local catholic church with a mass followed by an intimate dinner at our favorite Italian restuarant for under $2500 (yes, we already priced it out)!!

We want to have the initimate wedding at Disney but with the add ons we want it's looking like it may cost a little more than we expected. We want to stay under $10k for the disney wedding, and that's including the wedding, photos, flowers, dinner at a signature restaurant and our accomodations for the 4 days we are required to stay. If we can't do it for under 10k than it's the small wedding in Miami.

 

[dislal]

My wedding cost $5,000, my parents paid about $4,000, and DH and I paid the other $1,000. I would not change a thing, except I would have hired a someone to video it (we only have the tape that my BIL did for us and it wasn't that great). That was 15 years ago we had @150 people. It was a buffet that my mom, my aunts and some friends all prepared, my mom got some of her friends that she worked with(she is a food prep manager) who where not invited to oversee the kitchen for us and it really made the day go so smooth, they cut the cake and served it for us too.

We had the huge cake with the big fountain under it. When I ordered my flowers I went with silk because it was cheaper.(I have since lost my bouquet ). We bought a keg of beer and some other liquer(sp).We paid someone I used to work with, but didn't know very well so he wasn't invited, to be our bartender. My DH works for a soft drink company so we had to buy the syrup and we had a setup(fountain drinks) like is at mcdonalds or burger king. KWIM. My dress was $500. I had my hair done, but I did my own nails. I wore my grandmothers pearls.

I am trying to think of more ways we kept it in our budget, but it wasn't hard at all.

When I look back on my wedding it is exactly what I had imagined when I was a little girl.

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

We got married 13 years ago and spent about $6500. We paid for almost all of it ourselves, and we didn't incur any debt. It was great! While it might have been cool to be at Disney with lots of family and friends, it wasn't practical or necessary (and most of our guests wouldn't have appreciated it as much as I would have).

My niece did the destination wedding. We all flew in for the weekend. It cost my family a few thousand for the weekend, and it cost her and her husband close to $50,000, I would guess. They divorced after a few years, and I think the debt is still there. Not to even suggest that expensive weddings cause divorces, but there was a lot of stress in their marriage because he lost his job after 9/11 and they never could reconcile their budget with their tastes. The expensive wedding was just the tip of the iceberg - they became accustomed to financing things they thought they deserved to have. Not to say it would happen to you, OP, or anyone else. Money can be a source of conflict in marriage, and debt at the beginning can take a lot of fun out of things.

 

[Mickeyherewecome123]

My suggestion is the same as everyone elses, don't go into debt for your wedding. Its just not worth it. Its just one day.
We had a beautiful wedding ceremony and reception at the Monte Carlo in las Vegas. I can't say enough great things about the Monte Carlo, it was an amazing day. The ceremony was in their Chapel and the reception was in one of their private rooms at a restaurant at the resort. Everything was beautiful and we only spent about 4500.00. We had 40 family and friends come out to spend our special day with us. Most of our family traveled from Illinois and didn't have a problem doing so, they were happy to be with us on our wedding day and they got a vacation out of it too!
So good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

Happy planning,
Fran

 

[allyphoe]

How much did you spend on your wedding?

$500 to the guy who made the arrangements and found the officiant, which included the officiant fee, license, photography, etc. $150 or so for the hotel and the night before and meals those two days. Maybe $300 of gas / hotel / travel meals to get there and back, but we were going within 100 miles of the location for a family reunion, anyhow. $50 for the dress. We had rings already, but they were under $100 total. So under $1,100 all told. That was in 2004.

Do you regret your wedding debt?

Certainly would have if I'd had any.

If you could do it over what would you change?

Nothing budget-related or arrangement-related.

Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons?

Nothing was cut for budget reasons.

IMHO, the point of getting married is to make a public commitment to your spouse, and to assume the legal rights and obligations of marriage. The rest is just a party. If you want to go into debt to have a really big fancy party, that's certainly your choice to make. As far as honeymoon goes, it's a vacation. If you want to go into debt to have a really nice fancy vacation, that's certainly your choice to make.

 

[rockyroad]

We were married in 1984 and spent under $1000 - way under actually! We did everything very simply. We used our church for the ceremony and reception and only served cake and punch - no lavish sit-down dinner that seems to have become the norm. No band, no DJ, no ice sculpture. My mom made my dress and the dresses for my bridesmaids. DH rented his tux and his groomsmen rented theirs. We paid for the photographer and for the cake, which was also very simple but very pretty. Nothing big or overblown and it didn't make the society section of the paper but, guess what? We were just as married and just as happy as anybody I see on these multimillion dollar wedding shows and we're still married almost 25 years later!

Now, I am a soon-to-be mother of the bride. My daughter will have a beautiful wedding for under $3000 because we are doing almost everything ourselves and bargain shopping for everything else. I am not blessed with my mother's talent so my DD's dress was a purchase. We found her dream dress at David's Bridal but bought the exact dress, gently used, off ebay for less than one third of the original cost. We are buying flowers from Sam's Club and making our own bouquets. I am borrowing tablecloths and candle holders for centerpieces. I am borrowing silk greenery and tulle from friends. The list goes on and on but you get the idea.

My point is, NO WAY would I go into debt for a party, which, like it or not, is what a wedding reception is. It can be done beautifully and on a small budget. Take the money you save and hit one of those destinations for your honeymoon!

This sounds like DH and I.
We were married 32 years ago.
Our wedding sounds like Honeypots.

I looked for a dress and didn't find one that I loved and when someone offered the loan of her dress I was happy to accept.
My grandmother made the bridesmaid dresses for my sisters, who were my bridesmaids.
I went to a bridal fair and won a drawing for free tux rentals, so that covered DH, groomsmen, my brothers and DH's stepfather.
We had a lovely cake, punch, nuts and mints.
And we did have an organist and a vocalist who was wonderful. He was the hubby of a lady mom worked with who was also the music director of a church.
It was sweet and nice and the whole thing cost my mom $600.
My mom had a cousin whose mother was still paying off a big wedding for years after that cousin was divorced. I took that lesson to heart.

Last summer my sister's step-son had an elaborate wedding.
We were talking about the reception yesterday.
They spent a fortune on foodies, but all I remember is some raw veggies and the cupcakes.
They had the cutest cupcakes that looked like flowers in pots instead of a big cake.

My daughter is talking about getting married now.
Reading some of these posts made me feel a bit strange as I would love to give her a wedding with all the bells and whistles, but it is not financially possible.
Fortunately, being her mother's daughter...apparently...she is way too practical to want to spend a lot of money on a wedding.
She would rather go on a trip or put money toward a house.

 

[EthansMom]

I have been married for 16 years. We spent about $6500 on our wedding and it was lovely.

To be honest, I have not been spending my entire life wishing my wedding was something else. It was one day. In the grand scheme of things, it was the vows that were important, not the party.

My advice is to not go into debt. Save the money for something that will contribute to your marriage, not the wedding.

Congratulations, and good luck with whatever you decide.

Denae

I'm going to agree with this one!

We spent around $2500 on a wedding that was intimate and simply elegant. We spent about $3000 on our honeymoon. And still had money left in our accounts to put down on buying our first house.

Your wedding is ONE DAY. Your marriage is the rest of your lives.

IMO, it's best to stick with a wedding that you can afford than to go overboard with spending.

If you look around and "think outside of the box", I'm sure you can find ways to get the look and feel you want without going overbudget.

One tip: One of the easiest ways I found to trim our costs was to keep our guest list to the essential people. By having immediate family-only, we were able to have more and better food and cake and such than if we'd invited 150 people.

 

[STLDisney_Freak]

Our wedding cost $15,000 11 years ago. I have some beautiful pictures of it but I wish I would have eloped and spent the money on a nice trip. LOL

 

[wendy46001]

I had the wedding of my dreams...it was perfect and one of the best days of my life....
I filled the chapel with flowers, had a fancy dinner, and everyone I loved around me
that being said...we didnt go into debt and we paid for it ourselves....

if a big wedding is important...wait a year or two and save for it...dont go into debt over a party…

its always good to look back on the day and say wow that was wonderful…
but if that was attached to a monthly payment (and considering wedding prices maybe equal to a car payment) it would taint the memory a bit

Also two or three years later do you really want to be paying off an alcohol bill when you could be buying a house or taking a vacation with your husband

 

[Kitzka]

How much did you spend on your wedding?
Do you regret your wedding debt?
If you could do it over what would you change?
Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons?



We are planning to get married in 2010 or 2011, but we are really having a hard time with where to set our budget. I will be graduating from Nursing school in May of 2010 and it seems like the perfect time to get married, as I would not want to commit to a new job and then ask for time off right away for a wedding. Right now as a full time student, I am working part time, but its really just to help with living expenses, we arent in a position to save up right now. Working more would jeapordize my grades.

We are torn between doing a little budget elopement, or doing what we REALLY want (a destination wedding either Disney or Mexico) with about 25 people (immediate family).

We will have the income once I start working again immediately after the wedding, but just running up the debt to do it is scary in these times. But I feel like we would be able to pay it off, it would be our only debt aside from student loans.

I really just want to get married and have the wedding we want, since you only get one and dont want to spend your life wishing you had done somthing else. But on the other hand, its not good to start off your marriage with a ton of debt. And right now we dont have the cash to pay for what we want, it would be on credit.

We are not at all interested in an at home wedding, it just isnt our vision.

Have you priced out your dream destination wedding? maybe start with pricing our Disney as well as some resorts in mexico. Dh and I got married in CT and it cost about 14,000. It was what we wanted. A colelge frieind got married in Jamaica and had the wedding she wanted for about 200 people and it cost only a little bit more than mine. (had her ceremony on the beach, etc)

You never know. The beach may be the perfect thing for you and your budget. But i would not suggest going into debt for it.

lara

 

[zoemurr]

Before I had kids weddings seemed like the end all.. "best day" of a girls life. We had a small wedding for about $7,000 paid for by us and my mother in cash. We did most everything we wanted, but definitely tried to keep costs down. It was a lovely day that we spent with family and friends.

Then I had my own family. We are in a good place financially, so I don't regret anything. However, the wedding is a far off memory. Having a nice house and family vacations, and making memories with them are much more important (to me anyway) than anything that came before them. If I had to sacrifice some of these things because I would still be paying off a wedding I would be very upset with myself.

It's one day.. and the album will end up in the closet. Save for your future and go on a big trip when it isn't a hardship.

 

[branv]

We talked about going away and getting married i.e. our wedding and honeymoon all at once and saving lots of money. However, our parents both said they would be disappointed. So since both sides felt that way, we asked BOTH of them what they would feel comfortable contributing towards the wedding or if they wanted to at all. They each gave us a number, we crunched our own funds, and we stuck to it -- which meant about $9,000, which includes the cost of our very nice honeymoon. And I don't regret it, though we did put $2000 on a credit card. That being said, it was our only credit card debt and it was paid off within 6 months.

What I simply don't understand with weddings are people who try to do EVERYTHING despite having a limited budget, and just end up making everyone suffer. So they end up spending all their money on several rather cheap things instead of just having a small, tasteful wedding. For instance, those weddings cramming way too many people into a badly decorated, sweltering hall on uncomfortable, rickety chairs with some awful, dry banquet food no one likes instead of perhaps having a smaller reception during an off-meal hour and serving tasty hors d'oeuvres or a fun/elegant dessert table; couples who guilt family and guests into forced labor as cooks/florists/photographers/clean-up staff rather than simplifying (and no, I'm not speaking of friends/family that happily volunteer, I'm speaking of the guilt trip or when you show up at a wedding and get the surprise enlistment).

I say have the wedding you want, but decide up front what you have to have and what you can live without. So maybe you go into some debt (but not much!), and can balance your happiness with what you're comfy with financially. Realize you may not have the dream wedding, but you can still have a wedding everyone, not just the bride, loves and still stay in budget. I knew I wanted my guests to be able to relax and actually enjoy the food, so I spent the bulk of my money on amazing food with staff that handled everything (and people still talk about the food ). But that also meant I had to go with a lunch service rather than a more expensive dinner service. And by choosing a lunch service, I didn't have to have a full bar or dancing -- just champagne cocktails. Sure it meant the wedding reception didn't last as long, but it's the trade off I made. We culled the list to close friends and family from kind-of-knows, cousins third-removed, business clients, etc. I knew I'd rather have fewer flower arrangements than fake flowers, so I did candles on half the tables and flower centerpieces on the rest. I went with the plainer family church rather than the GORGEOUS chapel I had originally booked...and saved $900 (that one was hard, b/c the chapel really was astonishing). I spent money on a great photographer since I knew the photos would last forever, rather than buying that way more expensive wedding dress that made me drool (as opposed to a friend of mine who spent more on her dress than the food, and not only made her guests pay for all of their drinks, but also ended up begging for money from friends to cover the catering bill right before the wedding).

By getting my priorities in order, sticking to a budget, and by not putting my wants and needs always ahead of everybody else (less of that I'M the BRIDE, I'M THE BRIDE!! lol ), I don't regret much about my wedding at all. Well, sometimes I do wonder what that elopement pkg they offered at that castle in Scotland would have been like, but not very often