Wedding Debt- advice

[shelly3girls]

Looking back, our wedding was wonderful but truthfully my memories come from being with my DH and the people closest to us. My memories would have been just as wonderful if we had flown ourselves, parents and best friends to a beach somewhere. It would have cost a fraction of what we spent. We would have had much more money to buy our house. I would have been miserable if we went into debt for our wedding.

 

[tonilea]

How much did you spend on your wedding? Probably under $100 if you count everything we did that day. We got married at an old time photo place in Eureka Springs. Cost for the "wedding" was $40 and included an 8x10 photo.
Do you regret your wedding debt? No, we didn't have any wedding debt. Mom and Dad offered to give us $ or a washer and dryer. We chose the washer and dryer. Lasted 13 years, longer than some of my family and friend's marriages.
If you could do it over what would you change? Nothing. I am completely satisfied with our choice. To me it is about the marriage, not the wedding.
Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons? I have no regrets. I am just as married to my darling DH, twenty years later, as I would be if we had spend a fortune on the wedding.

 

[blana]

How much did you spend on your wedding?
Do you regret your wedding debt?
If you could do it over what would you change?
Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons?

Our wedding was a simple church wedding with a "southern" reception (basically cake & punch with a few heavier items, like chicken fingers). I know that we were under $5000, because that was the budget my mom gave me, but I don't know exact figures. I don't regret not having a larger wedding in the least. We've been married 10 years this summer. We had a friend do the pictures. A lady who did cakes out of her home made the cake for us. I made my own veil because I couldn't imagine spending $100s on $10 worth of tulle. It was nice. I can't imagine going into debt for it. I like the idea a PP threw out abotu doing a small, simple wedding now & then saving up for a vow renewal at 5 years that's the "wedding of your dreams."

ETA: you may want to check out the Bridal Bargains website. http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=4

 

[disneybridetobe]

How much did you spend on your wedding?
Do you regret your wedding debt?
If you could do it over what would you change?
Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons?

We had a Disney Intimate Wedding in 2006. I think they call it "Escape Wedding" now. It cost $5600 ($5000 Disney/$600 outside Photographer). This included limo transportation for EVERYONE! Flowers, extra bottles of champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, cake... it was included. We even upgraded the cake.

The honeymoon was our wedding gift from FIL. (6n/7d at CBR)

It was awesome. No stress, everything was done for us, flowers were beautiful. We got married in the Wedding Pavilion, it was more than I imagined. We had about 10 guests, which were all immediate family. I have NO regrets about that--- except wishing we did it alone!

We had no debt from this since my mother insisted on paying for the wedding-- I don't think I could have accepted more than $5k from her, honestly. We did fight her tooth and nail about this. We would have scrimped and saved $5k without a second thought.

The only thing I possibly regret is not having Mickey at the reception. But, $800 for 30 mins is a litttttle much. That's not a huge regret though, more of a "what if." Other than that, I didnt "cut" anything out! I got more than what I wanted.

I highly highly highly recommend a Disney Escape Wedding. It was the best choice we could have made. (Yes, I sound like I should work for them.. if I could... I would! )

 

[disneybridetobe]

Then I had my own family. We are in a good place financially, so I don't regret anything. However, the wedding is a far off memory. Having a nice house and family vacations, and making memories with them are much more important (to me anyway) than anything that came before them. If I had to sacrifice some of these things because I would still be paying off a wedding I would be very upset with myself.

It's one day.. and the album will end up in the closet. Save for your future and go on a big trip when it isn't a hardship.

I could not agree more! I have pics of DD all over the house, compared to TWO wedding pics! And the best day(s) of your life will come when you give birth to your children, if you decide to have them!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I had the wedding of my dreams...it was perfect and one of the best days of my life....
I filled the chapel with flowers, had a fancy dinner, and everyone I loved around me
that being said...we didnt go into debt and we paid for it ourselves....

if a big wedding is important...wait a year or two and save for it...dont go into debt over a party…

its always good to look back on the day and say wow that was wonderful…
but if that was attached to a monthly payment (and considering wedding prices maybe equal to a car payment) it would taint the memory a bit

Also two or three years later do you really want to be paying off an alcohol bill when you could be buying a house or taking a vacation with your husband

Your post sounds like the wedding we had. If we had gone into debt for it then I can definitely say that I could not have enjoyed the wedding nor the honeymoon.

OP, In these economic times going into debt for anything is really foolish. You are lucky that you are studying to be a nurse because that is one job that is almost recession proof.

Marriage is difficult enough without starting off with financial obligations. Just my .2 cents worth of advice.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

DH and I were married 13 years ago by a JOP. No nice clothes, no big deal, we just walked in, got married by someone looking remarkably like Samual Clemens (which makes a cute story to tell our kids) and no debt.

Would I have done it differently? Maybe. Dh and I are very low key people who don't like alot of attention, but I did kind of miss not getting the pretty dress and having some close friends or family there. And while it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, my kids are getting older and ask about our wedding and I have to say I want more for them.

I think anything over $5000 would be absolutely insane, but that's alot of money to me. I guess it's all relative to your budget/income.

 

[Chicago526]

Our 2005 wedding/honeymoon came in at about $15k. This included the fancy reception for 80 people (including the wedding party). Most of it went on the card and we are still paying it back.

I don't regret one red cent. As it turned out, my mother passed in 2007 suddenly after a short illness, and I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. Is that debt causing us stress and hardship? A little, especially lately with the economy and the CC's raising the interest rates. But DH and I are okay with this. We knew what we were getting ourselves into.

But, that's DH and I. What is comfortable for us is for someone else. Only you can decide what level of debt you'll be okay with vs. how fancy of a wedding you have.

Good luck!

 

[Lmichele]

Funny I was just thinking today that my wedding day was the best day of my life. I wouldn't go into masive debt to have the wedding you invision but some debt, yup I'd do it. The BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! Thats priceless don't you think?

That was my point in my previous post. Even though our wedding was $25,000 (5 years ago) - some things we didn't pay for. Grooms parent paid for the rehearsal dinner and alcohol and cake at the reception. My mom bought me my DREAM dress and paid for the flowers. Even with that help we still came out with a little debt, but that was all paid within the first year of our marriage. Point being one year worth of debt for a wedding that I truly feel was the best day of my life is worth it to me.

 

[tonilea]

You might also consider what you currently define as the "best day of my life" may change with time. There is no doubt that the day my son was born was the best day of my life. It was also one of the hardest and most frightening.

 

[Calliaz]

How much did you spend on your wedding? ~12 k including a week at WDW for our honeymoon in 1999. I would probably say that anything over $20k today (with honeymoon) is too much for one party.

Do you regret your wedding debt? I had about 1k of debt after the wedding and it was paid within 2 months

If you could do it over what would you change? I would have hired a pianist and violinist for the church and spent a little more on church decorations. These would have added no more than $1k more.

Do you regret what you cut out for budget reasons? No. We didn't cut too much and just started out with realistic goals. The biggest goal was to have happy and comfortable guests.

I think many people get it into their heads that the wedding is some way to make a Statement. The forget that it's about marriage and a celebration with friends. You don't need engraved invitations for that, but professionally printed ones are nice. You don't need a $300 floral arrangement for the guest book table when a $15 bouquet from Costco still looks lovely. I'm all about doing things well but inexpensively. I shopped a long time for a "nice" hotel with better food and good prices for our reception.

I hope you are able to set a good budget, save some ahead of time, and come out with something you enjoy that doesn't put you in debt for years.

 

[jaminmd]

I haven't read the replies so I'm sorry if has already been stated...

Do you really want to be in the midst of planning a wedding when you need to take your boards? Granted, they're easier now (used to be a 2 day exam) than when I took them a century ago but stressful nonetheless.

Also, as far as the destination wedding, be sure your guests are ok with going. My niece pitched a fit because I wouldn't spend >$5,000 to go to her wedding in Aruba. At that point we hadn't had a family vacation & Aruba would have been my last choice. Not to mention I had a mortgage, etc.

We had a beautiful wedding but in retrospect if I had to do it all over again, I would have made it much simpler & saved our parents money. We had no wedding debt because our families paid for our wedding but we also kept spending within reason. They wanted to invite all of their friends so we had way more people than we intended.

I wish you the best with your nursing career. It's very tough but can also be rewarding. Good luck with your wedding plans, too!

Forgot to add: In a 3 month period, I took my boards while planning my wedding & got married, bought a house & moved to a new state, so I'm speaking from experience. Try to spread it out if you can.

 

[brymolmom]

I'm wondering if there's a pattern here...Trying to figure out if those who 'wouldn't change a thing' are mostly the ones who didn't pay for it. In conversations I have with people - that's what I find. People who don't even know how much it cost because parents paid for it, tend to have loved everything. People like me and dh, who paid for it ourselves and had an informal, picnic reception - while I still LOVED every minute, Yes, I would change some things. There was really no reason to have as many people that we had there. At the time it always seems like 'well I HAVE to invite this person if I invite that person' - especially because DH and I work at the same company so it seems like we invited practically a whole department. With hindsight, I would have considered very carefully if I had a relationship with that person that would make it meaningful for him/her to be there before insisting they are on the invite list. It would have made it smaller and more intimate AND would have saved some cash at the same time.

Do whatever works best for you and dh...don't consider anyone else (even we DIS'ers). Personally I would never go into debt for a wedding...there are often so many other expenses that come with a wedding (a nice honeymoon, for starters) - that IMO it isn't worth it to go into debt on day #1. However, there are some people that might really regret it if they didn't.

 

[CherylA]

You might also consider what you currently define as the "best day of my life" may change with time. There is no doubt that the day my son was born was the best day of my life. It was also one of the hardest and most frightening.

Everyone is different. I do adore my kids but my wedding day was still the best day of my life. The day each of my daughters was born was absolutely amazing and I have wonderful memories from those experiences, I loved being pregnant and love giving birth but still my wedding day wins. I happen to like to be the center of attention (as long as it's good attention) and you never get to be more the center of attention than on your wedding day. You truely get to be like a celebrity and it only lasts one day.

 

[wall*e2008]

My parents and ILs split our modest wedding costs. So no wedding debt here. I wanted a simple party atmosphere; not the look at me I am the bride atmosphere. I had no interest in being a celebrity on my wedding day.

I would not change a thing. It is only a few hours in our entire marriage and really the time we have now is far more important to me then any wedding ever was.

I would never go into debt or want the person paying to go into debt for a wedding.

It was special because I was marrying a wonderful man. We had the church wedding we both wanted and a fun time was had by all.

 

[dakcp2001]

First of all, I just wanted to say how much I have enjoyed reading all of your replies and suggestions! I have enjoyed hearing what matters years after the wedding and what you remember most. I love you guys! ANd yes, we are paying for all of this ourselves! We know what WE want. Its the not offending family members etc that is causing the issues.


We do not want the "marriage "to get lost in the wedding. That being said, we do want to celebrate the marriage with a very small wedding. The marriage is really the important part.

We have definately concluded that weddings make the sane become insane. (our families)

We discussed our destination wedding plans with both families, and they all complained. So we tried planning something at home to appease them and then they all complained about that too and just as loudly (why not a church, we dont like this hall, this baker makes ugly cakes blah blah) we have concluded that no matter what we do, there will be some unhappy people in our family.

We have done some pricing out:

We both love Disney, and neither of our parents have ever been. We took our first vacation to Disney and we also got engaged at Disney, so the Escape wedding seems like the perfect choice. However, the guest restricitons for the Escape (18 guests + bride & groom) would not allow us to invite our entire immediate family, df is one of seven children and his siblings are all married with children. Our immediate family would be 25-30 people, and we know they would not all be able to come. But there is no way to predict how many will. ANd if you have more than the allotment youd have to bump to a wishes wedding which is out of our budget. ANd we do not ever see or speak to some of his immediate family, but well, you can't invite some and not all, it just wouldnt be right.

Our first idea was to get married at Disney and we thought it would be wonderful to have our parents finally get to experience the place that we love so much. We have never been able to go to Disney with our friends and family and really want to share the memories of such a fun place with them. We were totally sold and excited on the idea of an Escape wedding. We didnt start second guessing ourselves until other people started chiming in with their complaints.

That being said the Escape wedding starts at 4500 with everything included, flights/tux/photos and the 20 guests etc it would be closer to 10K. Unless we have JUST our parents, then we could be much closer to 6k. But our siblings/best friends wouldnt be there. I really want my dad to walk me down the aisle

The Cancun thing is MUCH less expensive,starts at 2500 lets you have more flexibility with guest list, it would certainly be beautiful, but well, its not the Disney wedding. And one of our families is afraid to go to Mexico. But if they did come, it would also be a lot of wonderful memories with the friends and families. I know we would enjoy it.

We have decided that we are not going to put ourselves into any debt that cannot be paid off within 1 year.

We are going to try to make some decisions tonight! AND I AM LOVING the suggestion to do a little wedding now and big vow renewal later when we have more money!!!!!!That seems like a lovely compromise. I am thinking of a lovely Escape wedding for just parents, and maybe a BBQ celebration when we get home for the rest of the fam.


******Do you guys think it is tacky to elope & then have a big BBQ type reception at home?

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't remember what we spent. We had the money to pay for it all, but my dad came through on his promise and paid for everything he said he'd pay for it, whew. Out of the blue offer, but I was glad he came through.

I would NOT go into debt for it. No way no how.

As for only doing it once...eh, we had our wedding, it was good, and we immediately started planning our renewal. ONLY the people we absolutely want there, only the people who have actually supported us through any problems we might have had, exactly how we want it...total bliss. And having the knowledge of the first one to guide us on what to do differently. Can't wait to set the date for the renewal!

 

[hollieplus2]

DH and I got married at the courthouse. 10 years later we are still together. I don't want that for my DS but it's all we could do at the time. We were in the military and didn't have family around and were getting ready to be deployed.

The best wedding I went to was at their backyard (nicely lanscaped to begin with). Lots of trees, flowers, and you couldn't see the neighbors etc. Just an arbor some lawn chairs, tables and home cooked food (pot luck). They had a sound system and a dance floor over the grass. Most people wore sundresses and walked around barefoot. It was SO low key and comfortable. You just felt like everyone was family and everyone had a great time.

 

[disneybridetobe]

We are going to try to make some decisions tonight! AND I AM LOVING the suggestion to do a little wedding now and big vow renewal later when we have more money!!!!!!That seems like a lovely compromise. I am thinking of a lovely Escape wedding for just parents, and maybe a BBQ celebration when we get home for the rest of the fam.


******Do you guys think it is tacky to elope & then have a big BBQ type reception at home?

No way!! GO for it! Many Disney brides do this.

 

[branv]

We have definately concluded that weddings make the sane become insane. (our families)

We discussed our destination wedding plans with both families, and they all complained. So we tried planning something at home to appease them and then they all complained about that too and just as loudly (why not a church, we dont like this hall, this baker makes ugly cakes blah blah) we have concluded that no matter what we do, there will be some unhappy people in our family.


******Do you guys think it is tacky to elope & then have a big BBQ type reception at home?

First of all, and I think most brides will agree with me, one of the worst parts of planning ANY kind of wedding -- small, large, elopement, etc -- is that it makes you see all the worst sides of your family and friends. People like to joke about the Bridezilla, but even the worst Bridezilla I have seen (and I've seen lots) never topped the quantity and quality of madness from friends/family. A month after booking our reception site in my hometown, we unexpectedly and quickly had to move due to DH's job. In the new town I was lonely, didn't like the city, was unemployed and couldn't find a new job, and was planning the entire wedding myself from 250 miles away. I even got the flu, then bronchitis, when we got down to right before my shower (also in the old city). And despite all this, the ONLY thing that stressed me out and made me cry were friends/families neuroticism and poor manners regarding the wedding.

So you have my sympathies Don't let them get you down -- it's still worth it

As for the reception post wedding, there is ABSOLUTELY nothing tacky about that. The only time I consider it tacky is when the post-wedding reception is used as a "gift-grab" so they can elope but still get wedding gifts (i.e. sending out invites with registry info, putting out a money well/tree, etc). As long as you do it solely for the enjoyment of celebrating with friends and family, I think it's very sweet that you'd throw a party for that purpose.