Warning - Vent ... Shower / Wedding Registries

[Muffin]

...hang out for 3 or 4 hours until the reception...

I've read about this a lot on ehell.com. I've never encountered this. Why do people do this? What do they do for all that time? Is it a regional thing?

 

[disneynutt1225]

I've read about this a lot on ehell.com. I've never encountered this. Why do people do this? What do they do for all that time? Is it a regional thing?

Mostly, it's for transportation from the church to the reception, allows brides to get pictures taken, allows time for people to check in to their hotels if they're from out of town, there are a lot of reasons. I'm beginning to think a lot of things are regional.

 

[dis ms.]

As far as only inviting people you know intimately - sometimes that just doesn't fly - my parents are paying for my wedding and some of the people on the list are extended family members that I only see at weddings or funerals, or work contacts through my father. Should they not be invited because I don't know them?

Yes, you should invite them. I just hope that they know to bring a gift (from your registry, of course) that sufficiently covers the price you...I mean, your parents...are paying for their meal.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Thinking more about it, by your definition of bridezilla, everyone would be one to some degree. I'm sure you didn't do anything to annoy anyone with your wedding though

Ok, I had to know I would ruffle some feathers and *sorry about that * really. I'm just telling you true things about what people talk about when they talk about the weddings we go to these days. If you don't want to know this stuff, just pretend you didn't hear me say them.

And I'm not talking about going to weddings of my friend's kids, I'm talking about when you go to someone from work's kid's wedding, or your hairdresser's wedding, or a client's kid's wedding. Not that I automatically don't want to go, but they can be awkward.

 

[Meezers]

After reading this thread I am very grateful I don't really know anyone in the "marrying" stage of life.

I now get invitations to baby showers.....thinking about sending out an invite for my new kitten.

Anyone remember the "sex and the city" episode where Carrie lost her shoes as she went to another baby, wedding, bar mitzvah, etc etc etc....Guess that is how I feel....

 

[disneynutt1225]

Yes, you should invite them. I just hope that they know to bring a gift (from your registry, of course) that sufficiently covers the price you...I mean, your parents...are paying for their meal.

There's really no need to get your panties in a twist over this. It's become apparent that the registries and gift price "guidelines" are a regional thing. I really don't think I'm going to have the problems mentioned in this thread - my family and friends all have the same mindset.

 

[TwinTinks]

Well, a board game should be within just about everyones price range.
I'm not clear why this bothered you. Are only certain items allowed?

No bother, it's not like I'm losing sleep over it or anything.
It's not about price, however, these were the library version of the games.
I just think board games are a birthday type gift that's all...jmho.

 

[dis ms.]

There's really no need to get your panties in a twist over this. It's become apparent that the registries and gift price "guidelines" are a regional thing. I really don't think I'm going to have the problems mentioned in this thread - my family and friends all have the same mindset.

Thanks for your concern over the state of my panties. You'll be happy to know I just checked them and they aren't the least bit twisted.

You said yourself you will be inviting people whom you do not know that well (your father's business contacts, etc.). How can you be sure they will abide by your gift rules if you aren't that familiar with them...or their mindset?

I just don't think you should expect that everyone at your wedding will fulfill your gift wishes. You just may get something you don't like or something that *gasp* didn't cost $200. If that happens, I just hope (for the sake of the giver) that you will find it within yourself to appear grateful--even if you aren't.

 

[rt2dz]

I really don't think a lot of this is regional, but socio-econical. My DH were living in the same region when we got married, and so were our parents, but each side of the wedding had different thoughts on it. DH grew up under privilaged, just down right poor. And 99% of his family still is. And quite a few of his friends grew up that way too. I, on the other hand, grew up...well to do.

The weddings his family have our church hall receptions with finger sandwiches & vegetable trays served straight from the grocery store. Our weddings tend to be country club, 5 star hotel, or (in our case) a big paddle boat cruise.

The indivdual gifts from his side were inexpensive in cost, but a great deal of their budget. Some from the registry, some not. The gifts from my side tended to be $200 or more in price--whether the cost added up (several pans) or a single item outright.

As far as food served, buffets cost wayyyy more than sit-down meals. It's one reason people choose sit downs, to lower costs. I did a buffet at $100 per person (not counting the bar we hosted) because I wanted everyone to have something (red meat, chicken, pasta, & a vegan entree. Side dishes appropriate for everything). I could have down sit down at $35 per person. We saved costs by not doing a lot of flowers, enough, but not extravagantly. My wedding dress also only cost $99. Determining the price of wedding is hard, but you can have an idea (on who invited you) what the general overall cost is by averages.

Quite frankly, if my hairdresser invited me to his child's wedding, I'd decline. That's just wierd. If a work associate of DH's invited us, we'd probably go--or at least send a gift. That's a different association and probably an uppercrust wedding. People who have backyard weddings, only invite those very close to them.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Thinking more about it, by your definition of bridezilla, everyone would be one to some degree. I'm sure you didn't do anything to annoy anyone with your wedding though

I was thinking about this and yes, I remember there were lots of things that annoyed people.

Some didn't like my dress. I heard that someone called it cheap looking and someone said it looked homemade (bingo! I made it myself). Some people didn't like the food, I heard. We made it. Sorry. My sisters and I thought the appetizers were quite elegant at the time, but looking back, they were straight out of the betty crocker cookbook.

There were people who got invited that people said shouldn't have been and people who weren't invited that people thought should have been.

Half the people didn't like the priest.

But we had lots of food (even if it sucked), an open bar, music, and no one had to drive far to get to it or spend hours waiting around for me to arrive at the reception hall. You can't please everybody, that's for sure.

I got some weird gifts, but that was half the fun. I'll never forget my husband and I going through them trying to figure out what quite a few of them were even for! One old aunt gave me measuring spoons. (the ones you buy at the grocery store that are attached. Hey, I needed them!

It was a happy day and I hope all brides have happy days and that's the last I'll say on this subject!

 

[DVC Sadie]

It's not always a choice. My best friend from college's daughter just happens to be bridezilla and I'm going to boycott the wedding? I don't think so. I'm going to go and kiss everyone and bring a great gift and pretend it was the greatest wedding since princess Di's because I love my friend and wouldn't want to hurt her.

I'm saying things here I'd never say out loud. I'm just venting about something I don't approve of. There are people who feel like me. It's just the truth.

Thank you for speaking the truth! I for one appreciate the honesty. Being raised in the south l can honestly say that some behaviors are off putting to say the least. I guess whats appropriate in one region is truly tacky or socially unacceptable in another region. There are alot of weddings we had to attend because of close friends, relatives or business associates but unfortunately not all were fun. Some were barely tolerable. Oh well nuff said by me.

 

[C.Ann]

DD and her DH attended a wedding in NYC about a year and a half ago.. The hotel room they stayed in was $245 per night - parking was $45 per day - and the per plate cost was $250.. (The plate charge for their then 6yr.old DD who was asked to be a flower girl at the last minute was $125..)

Just in plate charges alone, that's $625 for food.. The wedding and reception was paid for buy the wealthy grandmother of the bride.. DD & DH had to attend because it was a family member..

Should they have given $625 as a wedding gift? I think not..

This wedding cost thousands of dollars .. Their choice - which is fine - but I don't think they should expect the guests to subsidize their elaborate choices..

 

[DMRick]

Why? Wll you like me more if I have a big, fancy, expensive reception?

For me it has nothing to do with liking someone more, but if the couple threw a lavish wedding and spend more, I'd like to make sure they have more money from me, than they spent to entertain me..so they actually have a gift, and not just used the gift to pay for my dinner. So, if they spend $50 per person on my food, and I give them $200..they still have some moola to buy something for themselves. If they spent $20 a person and I give them $140..they too have some moola to spnd. It's my personal choice, and after marrying off three kids, it seems to be pretty much the norm here.
Of course my kids also had much lessor gifts (and some much much more), which were as appreciated..and they never thought the people liked them less. All gifts were welcomed and no gift (or lack there of ) wouldn't have gotten you tossed out.

 

[Vijoge]

That's the point-the couple threw a big lavish party-their choice.

 

[C.Ann]

That's the point-the couple threw a big lavish party-their choice.

--------------------------

That's pretty much the way I see it.. And no - DD and her DH did not give them $625 for a wedding gift - or anything even close to it..

 

[Vijoge]

and then there's this. . .

http://www.weddingsolutions.com/ind...istry&fuseaction.brideRegistry=sampleRegistry

 

[DMRick]

I'm talking about when you go to someone from work's kid's wedding, or your hairdresser's wedding, or a client's kid's wedding. Not that I automatically don't want to go, but they can be awkward.

You really go to your hairdresser's kid's wedding? Gosh, I wouldn't even expect an invite. I love weddings, I love to see how happy the bride's are, and I consider it an honor when invited, and always enjoy seeing how this wedding is done..but then my hairdresser has never inviteted me, and if she were too, I think I would just send regrets.
We served h'dorves in between the wedding and the reception, while the people waited for the pictures to be done for my girls weddings. Maybe the people were lying when they came up to me afterwards and told me how wonderful everything was..but I know I'm not lying when I tell other parents how wonderful their childs wedding was.

My son's wedding in Ireland cost the 21 members of our family a lot to come (flying from NY and Paris), and I was shocked at how many attended. But they love him and wanted to be there..why else would they spend the money on airfare and hotel? I wouldn't have wanted anyone to be there that was bitter about it. The day was just too special (even if we did get lost in the rented bus on the way to the wedding).

 

[C.Ann]

My son's wedding in Ireland cost the 21 members of our family a lot to come (flying from NY and Paris), and I was shocked at how many attended. But they love him and wanted to be there..why else would they spend the money on airfare and hotel? I wouldn't have wanted anyone to be there that was bitter about it. The day was just too special (even if we did get lost in the rented bus on the way to the wedding).

------------------------------------

If they chose to make the trip, then I'm sure they weren't bitter about it - nor were the people who chose to make the trip to Maine for my DD's wedding 10 years ago.. DD & her DH really enjoyed the wedding in NYC too (they got quite a kick out of how much everything costs in the city - LOL) and felt quite comfortable with the amount that they chose to give for a gift as opposed to what some people may "think" they should have given.. I'm sure the bride and groom were comfortable with it as well - considering they didn't contribute a dime to the wedding..

 

[DMRick]

No one is saying that you have to spend that. Many of us are saying what we base what we give on. It sounds like the bride and groom didn't have to pay for their wedding..a wealthy grandmother did. A bit different from a young couple starting out...which I think most are talking about here.
I know I was surprised, after what people spendt getting to my son's wedding, that they also gave gifts. It certainly wasn't expected.
Believe it or not, some close families and friends do give that much for a wedding. But those are those who can afford it. If your D isn't wealthy or doesn't want to give that much no one is saying she has too. But those of us who do want to..well we do. I like knowing that my gift is over and beyond what the bride and groom spent. The bride and groom never said they expect it, notr did anyone on this list..it's what I like to do, and so do others. If you can't afford it, or don't want to..then you don't.

DD and her DH attended a wedding in NYC about a year and a half ago.. The hotel room they stayed in was $245 per night - parking was $45 per day - and the per plate cost was $250.. (The plate charge for their then 6yr.old DD who was asked to be a flower girl at the last minute was $125..)

Just in plate charges alone, that's $625 for food.. The wedding and reception was paid for buy the wealthy grandmother of the bride.. DD & DH had to attend because it was a family member..

Should they have given $625 as a wedding gift? I think not..

This wedding cost thousands of dollars .. Their choice - which is fine - but I don't think they should expect the guests to subsidize their elaborate choices..

 

[DMRick]

No one on this list is saying what they think people should give..they are saying what they base what they give on. They too, like your daughter are choosing what to give. I give what I give, because I choose to give it..and I told on this thread why I choose to give what I give. I also love registry's. They have made gift giving much easier..and I've never seen one that didn't have something I could afford and want to give.

------------------------------------
and felt quite comfortable with the amount that they chose to give for a gift as opposed to what some people may "think" they should have given.. I'm sure the bride and groom were comfortable with it as well - considering they didn't contribute a dime to the wedding..