Warning - Vent ... Shower / Wedding Registries

[dis ms.]

Yes, the registry is a guideline, not mandatory. However, do you know how much effort it takes to do the actual registry?

Yeah, those darn scanner guns take a lot out of you.

Color me rude, but I think I'm just being realistic. If it's not on the registry, please don't buy it for me, even if you THINK I might like it. I'd rather have a gift certificate to the stores on my registry because at the end - the bride and groom get a 10% discount on things that were not purchased from the registry. Again, that's just MHO.

You're coloring yourself rude.

gift (gĭft)
n.
Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.

You can tell people to get you what you want, but they aren't required to do it. If you don't like the gift, it's your problem. IMHO, there is nothing humble about the opinions you've expressed here, but you're certainly entitled to them (unlike a gift).

 

[disykat]

You honestly mean to tell me that no one has returned something they got as a gift because they didn't like it? You've never gotten clothes that weren't your taste? You've never asked for something and been slightly disappointed that you didn't get it? Whether it be for Christmas or a birthday or some other event? You've never been asked "What can I get you for (insert event here) and then been a little disappointed when you didn't receive it?

.

Of course - but you don't tell them so! You graciously thank them and appreciate the thought. Knowing that they love you and got you a gift should be enough.

Most parents teach this lesson to their children and remind them at every gift giving occasion. In talking with other moms, I know the pride that comes when your child finally "gets" it. (I have one child that gets it, one that doesn't yet) It's a huge step in maturity to realize that, even when it comes to gifts, it's not all about you.

When I go shopping for someone, I try to get them something they will enjoy. Sometimes it's on a registry, sometimes it's not. Since most of the wedding gifts I truly treasure were not on my registry I don't feel limited by that list - although I do go by it if I don't know the bride.

Although I'm realistic and know that sometimes people make returns, I would be really hurt if they told me to my face they didn't like it. I try to treat others the way I would like them to treat me.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Well, I have no idea where people made the assumption I would say to someone's face I didn't like their gift. I never said I'd go that far, but I will return a gift I didn't like - I know I said that much.

 

[rt2dz]

I believe any "formula" that determines the gift amount is a locally set standard, perhaps even in different social circles. I don't remember the traditional etiqutte books (Emily Post, Judith Martin, Letitia Baldridge, etc) ever saying anything other than "gifts should never be expected, but always appreciated." (or something to that extent). And I do believe it is that simple.

I can see if it's a lavish wedding, one might feel uncomfortable with a $20 gift. But then, you probably don't know the couple that well, and you might be better off staying home. If one is close to the couple, then I can hardly see why the cost of the gift matters at all.

The Etiquette says:

Q: What's the going rate for a wedding gift these days?

A: This tends to vary a great deal from one geographic region to the next, but on average in the US and Canada, the value of a wedding gift if you will be attending the wedding tends to range from $50 - $100 per person. In other countries such as Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, and other international locations, convert $50 - $100 US dollars to your own currency to determine what to shoot for.

If you are sending a gift for a wedding you won't be attending, it is common for the gift to be of slightly lesser value, say, $25 - $50.

That being said, NO ONE SHOULD EVER GIVE MORE THAN THEY CAN AFFORD, EVEN IF THAT MEANS A $5 GIFT. But those that can afford, should certainly do so.

 

[TwinTinks]

I have recently encounterd a similair experience at a shower last weekend. Registered at three different places and everything very pricey. But what really gets to me is that they had things like a dvd player and several board games in their registry.

 

[Tantor]

$99.99 for a trash can???????????

Why would you want a 99.99 trash can when all you do is put garbage in it

 

[lclark0621]

In todays world, returning an unwanted gift is kind of difficult. If you dont have a receipt (and most gifts DONT come with one tucked in the card, box, whatever for "just in case), MOST stores wont even entertian the idea of a return.

So if you ARE going to buy something NOT ON a registry, try & get a gift receipt to tuck into the card. Lets be honest, not everyone likes the same thing. And even with the best intentions, you may give something the bride/groom absolutly HATES. And without a receipt, you really did just throw the money away. The bride/groom cant return it, so they are stuck with it, in a box, in there gargae/attic/spare room, until they finally decide to throw it away.

THAT seems like a waste of money to me.

 

[Fire14]

My Aunt did this too! But she registered for contact solution and toothpaste.

I had the 12 pack of coke, goldfish crackers, and contact solution on mine. It was called DH had fun with the scanning gun. And yes we did get every one of those items.

 

[rt2dz]

I had the 12 pack of coke, goldfish crackers, and contact solution on mine. It was called DH had fun with the scanning gun. And yes we did get every one of those items.

Was it all from the same person??

 

[DMRick]

and if you give a shower gift there is no need for a wedding gift. .

Now this, I've never heard of. I can't imagine going to a wedding and not giving a gift, because I gave one at the shower. I'd feel funny showing up with no gift..even if the bride just wants my presence and not my presents.

While I give gifts because I want to, for me personally, I usually (not always) do give a more expensive gift if I'm going to the country club, versus cake and punch at the local church hall. I do that for myself, because I'd like the bride and groom to have money left over after paying for the reception, to put towards something for their home. I usually give money for the wedding and pick off the registry for the shower.

 

[Alice's Mom]

I work at a high end kitchen store and deal with registries every day, whether it is someone registering or someone buying.

People come in and register, their eyes gleaming at the stainless steel pots and pans, coffee makers and fun tools. Very few seem to expect anything, just wishing. They are advised by us to have a wide price range and to not register for the entire all clad set, but individual pieces. Again very few expectations from most couples.

We have items from $3 to $3000

Most people who come in to buy are usually very generous and want to buy something from the list. I do get many complaints of the well I don't like that, thats seems boring, theres not enough to choose from variety...well thats what they wanted, its a guide. We go through through the lists, try to put things together in their price range and advise of gift certificates. We also do complimentary wrapping, so a lot of people save a little money with that.

When people who have registered come in after the wedding they talk about the generosity of the gifts and how surprised they were with the amount of gift certificates. Many couples return boatloads of gifts because there were so many duplicates or things they did not register for or need. I see it happen all the time, they can only get a gift card back and no one seems to balk at that.

I'm not saying there aren't greedy people, but they are few and far between. They come into our store for the quality and lifetime guarantee. The pot from Aunt May could last longer than the marriage.

As for me, I stick to the registry and wouldn't buy anything slinky for the shower, but rather the bachelorette party if there is one.

If I ever get married and someone put $20 into a card, I would be very grateful and be sure to let the gift giver know how I used it in my thank you note.

I think a digital camera is a great gift, they will put it to good use to document their lives together on vacation, when they have children and other events and hopefully they will promptly upload and share their lives with you via email.

 

[Vijoge]

. . . .everything very pricey. . . .several board games in their registry.

Well, a board game should be within just about everyones price range.

 

[DVC Sadie]

$20 bucks is awfully cheap for a wedding gift - no wonder some of you can't find affordable gifts on the registry. The dinner you are served at the wedding probably costs more than that.

Wow. I didn't know everyone was responsible for paying for their own dinner. When we are invited to a wedding we do give nice gifts but I don't stop to think if we should spend more because their dinner may be 79.00 dollars a plate vs.49.00 a plate. If we are going to a family wedding we chose expensive gifts but for acquaintences we usually buy a more reasonably priced gift.

 

[aprilgail2]

Wow. I didn't know everyone was responsible for paying for their own dinner. When we are invited to a wedding we do give nice gifts but I don't stop to think if we should spend more because their dinner may be 79.00 dollars a plate vs.49.00 a plate. If we are going to a family wedding we chose expensive gifts but for acquaintences we usually buy a more reasonably priced gift.

We usually give according to the type of wedding they have....150.00 a plate is about average here but I usually give 100-150 per person at those type weddings...if it was a backyard wedding (which I have never been to anyway) I would certainly give less...

 

[Vijoge]

We usually give according to the type of wedding they have....150.00 a plate is about average here but I usually give 100-150 per person at those type weddings...if it was a backyard wedding (which I have never been to anyway) I would certainly give less...

Why? Wll you like me more if I have a big, fancy, expensive reception?

 

[Vijoge]

But what really gets to me is that they had things like a dvd player and several board games in their registry.

I'm not clear why this bothered you. Are only certain items allowed?

 

[kpm76]

We usually give according to the type of wedding they have....150.00 a plate is about average here but I usually give 100-150 per person at those type weddings...if it was a backyard wedding (which I have never been to anyway) I would certainly give less...

I agree. Maybe it's a cultural thing but it's sort of an unspoken "rule" in our family that you give a gift that at least covers to cost of your meal. I don't see it as paying for our meal in any way. These days, many brides and grooms are paying for their own weddings or at least helping with the cost so I feel like I want to make sure they at least "break even."

I agree too, never been to a backyard type wedding but if I was invited to one of these my gift would likely be less (I always give money no matter what). Many people speak of church hall cake and punch type wedding receptions but I have never heard of anything like that. I'm not knocking it, just noting that those types of functions are not the norm around here.

 

[Caradana]

I so agree with KPM76 ... I've heard of church hall and punch weddings, but I've never seen one or been invited to one arond here. Wedding culture definitely differs wildly across this country. In NYC, I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding with less than $125 per person as a gift. This is regardless of whether this is my best friend or someone I barely know (I go to a lot of work-related weddings).

I can see that number being much lower down south and elsewhere. That's totally understandable. I live in the land of the $160 per plate wedding. I'm paying just slightly under $100/plate for my wedding next January and I am grateful. I think I'm getting the four-star New Jersey deal of a lifetime.

In any case, our registry has been pretty easy and fun to set up. It's the cultural expectation around here that people will have a registry. It would be seen as far stranger if we did not.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I'm calling for a rebellion of this silliness. Anyone care to join me?

These weddings today. Out of control. I'm not doing it anymore.

I'll bring a gift, and it will be nice. It will be something you can return if you like. I won't pick out art of anything that requires you to like my taste. (Even though some of my favorite gifts over the years have been unusual things aunts and uncles have given me that I never would have known I would have liked until they gave it to me.)

I will spend whatever I feel like spending depending on my finances and how warmly I feel toward you or your parents. I'll dress nicely, be polite all 9 or 10 hours you are going to make me endure for your special day (with wedding, gap between wedding and reception, and then reception.), and I'll eat my dismal plate of chicken and vegetables ($79 for those plates! Someone is ripping you brides off!!!!!)

I won't get too drunk and I'll tell you how much beautiful you look in your dress. If you don't like my gift, don't invite me to anymore weddings. Make my day. The last dozen or so I've been to weren't any fun anyway.

I'm not really in a bad mood, although I'm sure it sounds that way! I'm serious. I'd really, seriously, sincerely rather not be invited to a Bridezilla wedding!!!!!

 

[kpm76]

Why? Wll you like me more if I have a big, fancy, expensive reception?

I'm not trying to answer for the OP but I think the customs of weddings and receptions vary so greatly from different areas of the country and within families. As I said in a previous post, there is really no such thing as a cake and punch reception in the church hall around here. Wedding receptions are at country clubs, hotels and other fancy facilities. I have a huge family and have been to many weddings and they are all as I described. The high end hotels are not reserved for the rich around here. People put off weddings to be able to afford what they want. You can criticize that and say that's silly and in some cases that may be true and there are certainly a fair share of brides and grooms that get wrapped up in the wedding and forget about the marriage, but I am just pointing out that it is what it is....weddings are an industry.