Warning - Vent ... Shower / Wedding Registries

[Jen_in_NH]

I set up a registry when DH and I got married. We did not live together before (I had an apartment with yard sale stuff, and he was living with his father). It was just for the things we would need, like pots and pans, sheets, towels, etc. I'm not sure if there was anything on there for more than 50 dollars. Probably half of the people gave us gift cards, which they knew we'd need as we were buying a house.

As for what I would spend on a wedding/shower gift - If the couple are good friends, about $100. If we barely know them, about $50. I never thought about it in terms of what they spent per plate on dinner - most of our friends have done receptions at home.

Jen

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

You can criticize that and say that's silly and in some cases that may be true and there are certainly a fair share of brides and grooms that get wrapped up in the wedding and forget about the marriage, but I am just pointing out that it is what it is....weddings are an industry.

Only if we continue to fall for it.

 

[Caradana]

Ann ... your posts seem a little sad. Do you really see weddings as something you "endure" for 9 or 10 hours? I love them. Oh, how I love them ... so beautiful, so much fun, all that dancing around, so much hope.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Ann ... your posts seem a little sad. Do you really see weddings as something you "endure" for 9 or 10 hours? I love them. Oh, how I love them ... so beautiful, so much fun, all that dancing around, so much hope.

Yeah, I knew it would come off that way. But I really don't think they are much fun. I really dread the ones where you get up, get dressed drive an hour to the church, watch them get married, hang out for 3 or 4 hours until the reception, then the reception, and drive home. Geez, that's all day!!

I think you just have to realize that not everyone is into it, that's all. I like the wedding, reception immediately following ones. Short and sweet. That's the way they used to all be. Now it's like coronation day or something.

 

[disneynutt1225]

So if you're so sour on a long wedding day, why even go?

 

[kpm76]

Yeah, I knew it would come off that way. But I really don't think they are much fun. I really dread the ones where you get up, get dressed drive an hour to the church, watch them get married, hang out for 3 or 4 hours until the reception, then the reception, and drive home. Geez, that's all day!!

I think you just have to realize that not everyone is into it, that's all. I like the wedding, reception immediately following ones. Short and sweet. That's the way they used to all be. Now it's like coronation day or something.

I can understand that weddings are not for everyone (I do love them though!)...I am sorry that you have a negative view of them but you're entitled to that. However, unless the wedding is for a very close family member, would you consider decling the invitations? Please don't take offense, but I would much rather have had someone not attend my wedding than complain about it and pretty much equate it to a root canal.....it's hurtful for the bride and groom to have someone pan their wedding. If it doesn't mean anything to you, don't go.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

So if you're so sour on a long wedding day, why even go?

It's not always a choice. My best friend from college's daughter just happens to be bridezilla and I'm going to boycott the wedding? I don't think so. I'm going to go and kiss everyone and bring a great gift and pretend it was the greatest wedding since princess Di's because I love my friend and wouldn't want to hurt her.

I'm saying things here I'd never say out loud. I'm just venting about something I don't approve of. There are people who feel like me. It's just the truth.

 

[disykat]

For those who calculate the plate cost. Can you see why it's a little horrifying to those of us that don't have this practice? The idea that everyone would be sitting home calculating how much I was spending would have been enough to make me elope. The fact that it seems to be accepted practice to do this really mystifies me. It doesn't seem polite.

My gift is not based on the wedding in any way shape or form. It doesn't matter if I even attend the wedding. The gift is for the couple and based on how close I am to them.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Please don't take offense, but I would much rather have had someone not attend my wedding than complain about it and pretty much equate it to a root canal.....it's hurtful for the bride and groom to have someone pan their wedding. If it doesn't mean anything to you, don't go.

Absolutely!

Miss Inga Depointe: What equates a bridezilla to you?

 

[disneynutt1225]

For those who calculate the plate cost. Can you see why it's a little horrifying to those of us that don't have this practice? The idea that everyone would be sitting home calculating how much I was spending would have been enough to make me elope. The fact that it seems to be accepted practice to do this really mystifies me. It doesn't seem polite.

It's not that we sit down and calculate the plate cost - this has got to be a regional thing. As someone else said, most of the weddings around here are country club/big hall affairs and the going rates are pretty much across the board, so that's how we base the gifts we give. Of course, if I'm really close to the couple, I'm going to give even more than I would give just an aquaintance - but the general cost of the event does factor in to some degree. It's just how it's done here.

Personally, it's a little horrifying to see that there are some that don't do this practice, LOL.

 

[Caradana]

For those who calculate the plate cost. Can you see why it's a little horrifying to those of us that don't have this practice? The idea that everyone would be sitting home calculating how much I was spending would have been enough to make me elope. The fact that it seems to be accepted practice to do this really mystifies me. It doesn't seem polite.

My gift is not based on the wedding in any way shape or form. It doesn't matter if I even attend the wedding. The gift is for the couple and based on how close I am to them.

I think it'd take me ten times longer to calculate the value of a friendship ("the gift ... is based on how close I am to them") than for me to ballpark the per-plate cost of a wedding in this area. It's actually pretty easy to do if you have entertained in the area before. It takes maybe ... 10 seconds?

 

[Disney Doll]

Registries are a guideline. The "cover the cost of your plate" is a guideline.

I live in the northeast, about an hour north of NYC. It's expensive up here. Weddings are expensive up here. In general, if I ma going to a wedding, it is because I like the people whose wedding I am going to. I don't tend to get invited to the weddings of people that I do not know well. If I did get invited to a wedding like that, I'd probably politely decline the invitation.

That being said, since the weddings I go to are for friends and loved ones, and I know in my area a wedding meal (good or bad) costs at least $75/plate, and since I like the people, I try to cover the cost of my plate, so they won't be in debt up to their eyeballs. Yes it's their choice to have the wedding they have chosen, yes they decided to spend $75+ on their wedding meal and so on, but they are people I care about and I want to help them.

As far as the registry, I look at it, and sometimes use. Sometimes I find the perfect thing and get them that.

Guidelines, people, they are guidelines.

 

[gradtchr]

When we got married last year we registered for quite a few high dollar items never expecting to get them but we coud certainly wish! What the surprised me was those were the very first things purchased off of our registry like food processor, pressure cooker, Kitchen Aid Mixer, George Foreman Grill, calphalon pans, and silverware. Most of those were purchased for us by family but all really surprised us. We had people requesting that we put more higher dollar items on our list. I was like but we REALLY want the lower items such as mixing bowls. The majority of our registery was lower dollar items but we had no complaints that I am aware of on the more expensive items. I think we did have some games on ours but they were for things we wanted and that would bring us enjoyment as a couple and would be used for entertaining. We loved getting gift cards and pooled them to get a couple of items we really wanted like our Dyson Animal.

Now we had a lot of people get us things that were not on our registery and when I heard the stories of why some things were chosen they are certainly treasured. We got a cookie jar in the shape of a strawberry because the lady remembered my love of strawberry shortcake as a child. Then there was the glass cutting board with french bread loaves on it with a bread knife and a loaf of french bread (ok the bread was devoured that night but totally sweet gesture) Of course there were also the gifts that made me go hmmm but will always be good for stories because we still haven't figured them out.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Bridezillas think it's all about them and don't try to take their guests into consideration at all. It's my day! I'm the princess! This takes an endless amount of forms.

 

[Caradana]

Bridezillas think it's all about them and don't try to take their guests into consideration at all. It's my day! I'm the princess! This takes an endless amount of forms.

Oh yea, baby. It's my day and I AM the princess but I still put $10 items on my registry and smile blissfully with whatever comes along.

I also found the perfect dress for $600. I felt VERY princess.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Bridezillas think it's all about them and don't try to take their guests into consideration at all. It's my day! I'm the princess! This takes an endless amount of forms.

Ah. Well, luckily they're the exception and not the norm. While it's definitely MY day, and I AM the princess, I also want my guests to have a good time.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Oh yea, baby. It's my day and I AM the princess but I still put $10 items on my registry and smile blissfully with whatever comes along.

I also found the perfect dress for $600. I felt VERY princess.

Good for you! I felt like a princess too! It was the happiest day of my life and I had just the kind of day I always wanted. But I made it convenient for people. And I didn't invite a bunch of people I hardly knew. And I made sure that especially the poorer ones in the family knew they didn't have to get us anything, I just wanted them to come. (Of course they got us stuff, some kind of weird stuff. But I love them in a strange way. I have this bowl that a cousin hand made me that I still use and get a really warm feeling every time I get it out!)

 

[dis ms.]

Oh yea, baby. It's my day and I AM the princess but I still put $10 items on my registry and smile blissfully with whatever comes along.

That (the part I bolded) is the point I was making earlier. Not getting the gift you wanted--or even flat-out requested--is no excuse to be rude and ungrateful.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Ah. Well, luckily they're the exception and not the norm. While it's definitely MY day, and I AM the princess, I also want my guests to have a good time.

If they aren't the norm, why are we even discussing what kind of gift is acceptable. I think non-bridezillas should graciously accept any gift that they are given whether it's worth $1000 or $10.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Thinking more about it, by your definition of bridezilla, everyone would be one to some degree. I'm sure you didn't do anything to annoy anyone with your wedding though Listen, no one is perfect, we're all going to have varying opinions on what is appropriate - especially since a lot of things seem to be regional.

As far as only inviting people you know intimately - sometimes that just doesn't fly - my parents are paying for my wedding and some of the people on the list are extended family members that I only see at weddings or funerals, or work contacts through my father. Should they not be invited because I don't know them?