Very difficult, unusual situation

[stephmarty]

Even when we vacation with "good" friends, we make it known up front (before arriving, if possible) that everyone is on their own during the trip, espcially during the day. Then we may have dinner that night to discuss our day. I make it clear that my vacation is primarily about spending time with my wife and daughter, since we don't get a lot of time together when I am working. Vacation is our time to bond closer as a family--your friends and their neighbors will want to do the same (and they won't want to admit it if they don't feel the same!).

 

[dianthus]

Since the neighbors informed your friends of their intentions without asking them if it was OK to hook up with you, how about this:

Since your friends have to live with them long after the cruise, perhaps they can tell them that their cruise was planned around activities with your family, because you don't see each other that much and you are best friends...just so they know right up front.
Your friends could say that your family is looking forward to a second celebration with them & they don't think it's wise to link dinner ressies. They could tell the neighbors that they spoke to you, and your family feels uncomfortable with this, as you don't know them very well and it's a private party thing amongst old friends. ( makes you the "bad" selfish guy...) They should understand, as they are encroaching on your mutually planned trip.

Your friends can tell them there will be plenty of time to hang together- meet them at the show, for a drink, at the pool, etc... Perhaps you can make a Palo ressie and include them for dinner one night, or at brunch. You probably will all have a great time together ( for one evening)!

How's that!? It saves face for both of them as neighbors & you don't have them encroaching on your time with old, dear friends.

Good luck!

 

[Dave_from_Marietta]

stephmarty and dianthus, I very much like both of your responses.

 

[Leigha]

I would call a DCL manager, verify that what the neighbor is telling you is true ,and then tell them the story and ask them what they are willing to do about it. It does seem that they may have have done something wrong and should help fix it. Although you can't change dates, for sanity you could change rooms (tell them if they ask that you wanted a different section of the ship or different category) and dining plans with specifications on having a table just for the number of people in your party. I avoid confrontation myself but have also learned the hard way to try to fix something I'm not happy with before I become so unhappy!

 

[HappyGilmore]

Just a thought about the cabin situation. I don't recall if you mentioned what category you were in but if it is a higher cat you have a little extra $$$ you could see what it costs to upgrade to a verandah room. Your friends could also, or even book an inside room across the way and you two couples could split the cost of the verandah. If the neighbors ask what happen you could tell them DCL upgraded (which is not a lie-- you just paid for it) but this way it wouldn't look like you actually requested the move.

I hope that it gets worked out, my husband and I have cruised alone and with others (one time one extra person and the other time 4 others) Out of the 4 cruises we have been on, the one we enjoyed the most was when we had the bigger group it was more fun to share in the Magic.
I would try to make the most of it.

Remember, if this is the neighbors 1st cruise on DCL it won't be hard to lose them in the hallways..... walk fast.

 

[Wonderwoman1982]

There are lots of very diferent suggestions here, but most involve lying. I believe HONESTY is the best policy. Neighbors or not, tell them the truth. If they get hurt feelings, they'll get over it. The sooner the better, too. EVERYONE will feel better in the end. Can you imagine if you DON'T tell the truth? Your trip will be MISERABLE, and you'll be playing a duck and hide STRESS game the whole time. If the truth doesn't work, and you are back to lying again, try telling them you canceled your trip ( even if you didn't) and are going somewhere else and then go anyways. Maybe they'll cancel their trip, too. Then you'll still be going, and be going ALONE with your friends. But still, the truth is best......

 

[Ginny]

I don't envy you this very difficult situation. Perhaps the reason that the neighbors have a history of this type of behavior is because no one ever confronts the behavior and simply says "NO!". You should not be expected to make the best of a situation for which you are not responsible. It is not worth your mental health to spend a trip trying to avoid or accomodate people that you didn't invite.

With that said, there are honest, respectful ways to say, NO!! I would ask your friends to explain to their neighbors that there has been a simple miscommunication. If your friends confront the "unfortunate situation" instead of the neighbors, perhaps the fallout will be less. If your friends believe that this will pose a great problem for them in the neighborhood, then ask if they mind if you confront the neighbors. Explain that the cruise is an annual trip for your two families to re-connect and it is planned that way for just your two families to share old memories and inside jokes and create new memories together. Apologize if the neighbors misunderstood but your plans are firm.

Also, (rather than blame the neighbors for being so pushy) apologize that DCL allowed the neighbors to link to your reservation without your consent. Obviously, if the friends had known up front what the neighbors plans were, they could have corrected the misunderstanding. That is a nice way of saying "you should have asked!"

If the neighbors still choose to cruise, it is their choice but you have no requirement to include them in any activities because you told them the truth. Then, I would call DCL, verify that DCL linked the ressies. If in fact, they allowed this to happen, how are they going to correct the situation. I think linking reservations is a great service but only if all parties agree . De-link the seating and ask to change stateroom assignments and if there are no more rooms in your category that meet your needs: request an upgrade due to an untenable situation that DCL helped create.

I wish you the best and I hope your vacation turns out to be simply magical!!

 

[Joe & Joanne]

Hi
How about sending them an email with a link to this thread? You could set up an annymous name on hotmail and send it? Maybe (just maybe) they will get the hint?

 

[gscott8075]

I cannot blame DCL.

People call and link ressies all the time. Perhaps they should have a password in the ressie so they know that people who call are authorized to link and change information. What else would they do? Put the person calling on hold while they call and verify? I am sure this is an isolated incident of an uninvited link.

I also do not want to ruin another's vacation. Who am I to decide that someone cannot go on a cruise?

I have provided this link to our friends who are pondering their move. I only have to deal with the situation for a week - they will have to for many years.

Thanks to all of you for your ideas and insight. There were some interesting angles to our dilemma.

I'll keep you updated as it develops.

 

[Annie_has_4]

IMHO you need to be very honest and direct here or it is going to eat at you the whole time. It might be best for you to call the neighbors, since it could hamper the relationship, such as it is, with your friends and them. Maybe let them know, you know what they did and you hope they will understand, BUT you have unlinked them and changed your rooms because this was a special vacation for the TWO families, not THREE. There is no need to be rude, just honest. You may find in the conversation that there is more to it and that you would enjoy having them along. But, you can decide that for yourself, not let them decide it for you.

They may have loved the description of the trip and didn't realize it was not an "invite yourself" kind of party!!!

Hopefully they will understand and you can enjoy your trip in peace. If not, well, they are not your neighbors at least!!! LOL

 

[Fawn]

OK, the first point is that Disney screwed up. They may do this all the time, but that doesn't mean it won't backfire occasionally. Bet they have been called to task before for like reasons. Call them, unlink ressies AND request change of dinner rotation and/or dinner time. By giving them a cabin next to yours, they effectively gave them your cabin number...which goes past the point of privacy allowed, imho. Request a transfer cabin or upgrade at their expense....yours if you can afford it and they won't. You can always tell these people Dis did it for ya. Make SURE they put some kind of note next to your ressie so the neighbors can't do this again!!

Second point is the neighbor's themselves. You cannot spend the whole vacation stressing about this...it's too awful to imagine! Your friend should go to neighbors and say something like:

"I'm uncomfortable bringing this up, because you are good neighbors and we really treasure that. But our friends (You) are not happy that you are hooking up with our vacation plans. They had wanted time alone with our two families since we don't see each other often. Since we made plans with the first, and they have spent a lot of money, we feel obligated to abide by their wishes. We feel bad we won't be able to spend time with you guys, but maybe we can have dinner or brunch one day...maybe even drinks one night. And, of course, we can have dinner when we get home and compare notes and pictures! I really hope you understand, because we value our friendship" (Of course, some white lies are acceptable!)

Well, there is my two cents. A little truth, a little white lie, and a little compensation from Disney. Do this immediately, stop stressing and have a GREAT TIME!!

 

[Fawn]

OK, the first point is that Disney screwed up. They may do this all the time, but that doesn't mean it won't backfire occasionally. Bet they have been called to task before for like reasons. Call them, unlink ressies AND request change of dinner rotation and/or dinner time. By giving them a cabin next to yours, they effectively gave them your cabin number...which goes past the point of privacy allowed, imho. Request a transfer cabin or upgrade at their expense....yours if you can afford it and they won't. You can always tell these people Dis did it for ya. Make SURE they put some kind of note next to your ressie so the neighbors can't do this again!!

Second point is the neighbor's themselves. You cannot spend the whole vacation stressing about this...it's too awful to imagine! Your friend should go to neighbors and say something like:

"I'm uncomfortable bringing this up, because you are good neighbors and we really treasure that. But our friends (You) are not happy that you are hooking up with our vacation plans. They had wanted time alone with our two families since we don't see each other often. Since we made plans with them first, and they have spent a lot of money, we feel obligated to abide by their wishes. We feel bad we won't be able to spend time with you guys, but maybe we can have dinner or brunch one day...maybe even drinks one night. And, of course, we can have dinner when we get home and compare notes and pictures! I really hope you understand, because we value our friendship" (Of course, some white lies are acceptable!)

Well, there is my two cents. A little truth, a little white lie, and a little compensation from Disney. Do this immediately, stop stressing and have a GREAT TIME!!

 

[LibertyBelle]

Originally posted by Fawn
OK, the first point is that Disney screwed up. They may do this all the time, but that doesn't mean it won't backfire occasionally. Bet they have been called to task before for like reasons.
A little truth, a little white lie, and a little compensation from Disney.

I agree that you need to be up front in a nice way about the situation, but I also think it has been establised and the original poster has stated that this is not DCL's fault and I honestly don't thin by any means that there should be compensation from Disney. Linking reservation is a service that DCL provides in order for the staff on the ship to know that you are traveling together, the phone agents don't have enough time to scan and screen every called...if the caller knows the info they are going to link the reservations as a courtsey. I understand the situation at hand and do believe that reservations should only be linked if the caller has the actual confirmation # for the reservations that they wish to be linked to, but I have to agree with some of the other posters that at this point it is trying to figure out how to solve the situation. Don't point fingers since none of us know what was actually said on the phone call between the neighbor and DCL...

Be up front, tell them that you were really looking forward to the quality time with your friends and that you don't mean to offened them, but you really won't have time for them as well. If it were me (not that I would invite myself along) I would feel a lot better knowing up front rather than having everyones vacation ruined by a potential blow out on the ship...

 

[Fawn]

I think linking dinner ressies and linking your cabin are two totally separate issues! Linking your res for dinner is one thing...it gives out no personal information. Go ahead and do it without confirmation numbers.

But giving someone a cabin next to yours, and telling them their room number, effectively gives them personal info about you they have no right to. I think cabin ressie has to be handled by reservation number, period!

Unless people say something, Disney may never realize this is a problem. I can imagine all kinds of scenarios where this could be a very bad situation...just think "stalker"!

I'm not trying to point fingers here. I think the Disney clerk probably just did exactly what company policy says. I'm just saying that Disney needs to be held accountable for their policies.

 

[sbrownell]

Whenever we travel with people, we always talk up front about the fact that this is everyone's vacation and that everyone should feel free to do what ever they want when they want to without hurting each other's feelings. These are the ground rules for having a good vacation. With that said, I would have your friend approach the neighbors with these ground rules of travel. Additionally, if you have 10 in your party, you cannot be seated with these people because Disney only guarantee's tables of 8. Based upon these boards, larger tables can be worked out, but only when you are on the ship.

If your friends approach these neighbors and talk to them about how traveling works best, maybe they won't be insulted when they are not always included in the plans.

Good luck

 

[cruisnfamily]

I realize this is an old thread but I happened upon it and read through it and now I am just dying to know how it turned out.

This cruise would be happening in June and I'm wondering whether they're all going or what happened.

does anybody know the ending to this story?

 

[patches-4]

This is uncanny! I was on here earlier and for some reason this same thread popped into my head and I was wondering the same thing! Does anyone know how this turned out?

 

[gscott8075]

It all kind of ended as strangely as it started....

My friends, DW, and I had many discussions about how to resolve it - tell them, live with it, drop the url for this thread, whatever...

We did not want to jeopardize their relationship with their neighbors.

One day I called our friends and the neighbor answered the phone. I mentioned this to our friends and it turned out that she let herself into the house without permission. Kinda reminded me of Fatal Attraction. Let me tell you - I did not want to hang out with these people for a week!

A few weeks ago, the husband found out that the wife booked the cruise. He got furious and they cancelled. I have surprised my family and a number of DIS'ers have, too. This guy does not like surprises, evidently.

He hates cruising and they have never been to WDW.

So, they ain't goin' and we didn't have to say a thing.

June 14 is right around the corner!

Thanks for thinking of us - I was going to report back, but the thread is very very old.

Take care!

 

[dianthus]

That's great news! I was thinking about your dilemma when we were on the ship last week. It would be horrible to have to spend your time with people you didn't want to be with. It would be hard to get away from them! It's funny how things work out sometimes, without having to do a thing!

Hope you have lots of fun with your friends on your cruise!

 

[DreamsDoComeTrue]

"I called our friends and the neighbor answered the phone. "

Wow.