Today I was rendered speechless

[themarquis]

Well let me see. The OP lives in Texas. I know, she must be from Iceland! !

Here, this might help! Maybe it's just me, but I see a lot of countries on this map near the Texas border that are not Mexico!

 

[Rhonda922]

I would have also been speechless, but because my friend has hired someone she knows to be in the country illegally to do work for her. THAT is illegal and I would not want to get involved in that situation by a long shot! I would offer to help find a shelter, but in no way would I put my own family at risk by getting involved any more than that.

I absolutely agree. I don't even have children and I wouldn't have someone who I don't know staying in my home. Plus, how do you know that the husband/boyfriend won't end up showing up at your front door. It's usually the innocent person who is just trying to be the good guy who gets hurt.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I don't think anyone should judge the OP. Asking someone to let a stranger stay in their home, (and the stranger has a violent husband/partner who will be looking for them), is a big risk to ask someone to take.

I think the friend handled this poorly. If I was the friend, and I would contact a few womens shelters and find out if this woman can go there. If she's allowed, I would help her get to the shelter. The woman's immigration status doesn't matter to me, she needs help.

 

[Kathi OD]

I think the friend handled this poorly. If I was the friend, and I would contact a few womens shelters and find out if this woman can go there. If she's allowed, I would help her get to the shelter. The woman's immigration status doesn't matter to me, she needs help.

The friend handled the whole thing poorly from the beginning....hiring someone she knew to be in the country illegally. To ask the OP to shelter this person is just adding to the mess.

 

[CEDmom]

god forbid any of us (**gasp**) break the law in order to do something to help a human being in trouble. much better to be good, law abiding citizens.

Yeah, you're right. If someone was hurting my child I'd do what it took to stop them without any concern for the law. However, to ask someone to put their own children at risk of being in the middle of a domestic dispute is way out of line. What was that woman thinking even asking the OP something like that ?

Also, what help is just sheltering this woman? She needs counseling and so do her kids. Going to a shelter is really the best thing. If her kids were born here I think she has a legal leg to stand on as well as far as her immigration status goes.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

The friend handled the whole thing poorly from the beginning....hiring someone she knew to be in the country illegally. To ask the OP to shelter this person is just adding to the mess.

I see where you are coming from, and I don't want to turn this thread into a debate on illegal immigration. I will tell you from personal experience, I have had people in my home working who were illegal immigrants, and I have tried to help a few in the past. If this makes me a bad person, I accept that.

 

[MareQ]

I would have been rendered speechless as well. Speechless that my friend hired an illegal and even more speechless that she would ask ME to get in the middle of a situation that would put my family at risk.

There's plenty of help out there for battered women and their children.

 

[Nikel]

Well, as I've tried to explain, the "speechless" part was honestly directed at the bizarre juxtaposition of this huge favor being asked in this spontaneous manner.

Imagine being asked that question in the same tone of voice someone would say "let's go shopping!" or even "pass me the ketchup!"

I was equally speechless when one of my sisters asked me to be a surrogate mother for her (and even for my own sister I said no on that one.) It had nothing to do with my feelings toward surrogacy or my sister having a child. It was the context of being asked something monumental out of the clear blue sky.

That's just the way some people handle things. IME, the bigger deal we act like things are, the bigger deal we let them become. On a very small scale, take a small child falling down. If I react very obviously, so do my children. If I act like it was no big deal and simply ask my child if he/she is okay (unless it is obviously an immediate emergency situation, like when dd almost cut her finger off), then they will give me a much clearer picture of the actual pain they are in, if any. Or when I was 18 and my dad died. If I reacted emotionally when informing my friends, they got emotional too. IMO, getting all emotional can be a big hindrance to getting down to the facts and dealing with the situation at hand in the most logical and beneficial (or least damaging) manner.

 

[LVSWL]

Dang, do you have some sort of special high-powered microscope to read between the lines like that?? Because I didn't get any of that sort of impression here.

I didn't get that impression either, but I was just thinking was the "friend" didn't put her own housekeeper up, or help her herself.

 

[LotsOfQuestions]

Is the housekeeper the one who really doesn't want to go to a shelter?

Or is it the ahem, friend who is trying to keep her out of a shelter?

The so-called friend could get in big, big IRS trouble for paying domestic help without claiming it on their taxes.

There are safety nets set up to specifically help abused women, even if they are illegal. And if the children were born here, they are citizens and qualify for all help.

Your friend's reason for you harboring them sounds a bit fishy.

 

[LVSWL]

Is the housekeeper the one who really doesn't want to go to a shelter?

Or is it the ahem, friend who is trying to keep her out of a shelter?

The so-called friend could get in big, big IRS trouble for paying domestic help without claiming it on their taxes.

There are safety nets set up to specifically help abused women, even if they are illegal. And if the children were born here, they are citizens and qualify for all help.

Your friend's reason for you harboring them sounds a bit fishy.

Hey, maybe the "friend" doesn't want to be involved and help out because she has been paying an illegal alien. If she goes to a shelter she might not be able to still clean her house for the holidays...

 

[mickeysgal]

I would have been rendered speechless as well. Speechless that my friend hired an illegal and even more speechless that she would ask ME to get in the middle of a situation that would put my family at risk.

MTE!

Actually I would be stunned. You're not supossed to be taken aback at hearing something like this thrown at you out of the blue? It's not exactly something the everyday person hears or is asked everyday. I think the OP's reaction was very normal and not something to be second-guessed as to what it really implied.

 

[ducklite]

I don't think anyone should judge the OP. Asking someone to let a stranger stay in their home, (and the stranger has a violent husband/partner who will be looking for them), is a big risk to ask someone to take.

I think the friend handled this poorly. If I was the friend, and I would contact a few womens shelters and find out if this woman can go there. If she's allowed, I would help her get to the shelter. The woman's immigration status doesn't matter to me, she needs help.

I agree with this post 100%. I don't blame the OP for not wanting to shelter this woman--regardless of her immiration status--because she's a stranger and has an abusive husband who would no doubt be looking for her.

And I think I'd also be "speechless" if one of my friends made the same request of me--again regardless of immigration status--I'd decline. I wouldn't be comfortable inviting any stranger into my home, and in all honesty there are agencies who would be able to help her a lot more than I ever could.

 

[Karel]

For some reason, the Underground Railroad and Jewish families in Nazi Germany come to mind. Thank goodness someone took in total strangers and went against the law.

 

[CEDmom]

For some reason, the Underground Railroad and Jewish families in Nazi Germany come to mind. Thank goodness someone took in total strangers and went against the law.

Oh my goodness, it's not just taking in a stranger. It's taking in a stranger with an abuse husband and a questionable status in this country. It's also taking in a stranger when there are other more appropriate options for her and her children.

This woman wasn't asking the OP to hide the family in her basement until they could get out of the country.

 

[LVSWL]

Well, that certainly sounds like a personal attack to me but then you "keep your thoughts to yourself".

Well then I must be a MIND READER because I knew what she was thinking..

 

[DawnCt1]

For some reason, the Underground Railroad and Jewish families in Nazi Germany come to mind. Thank goodness someone took in total strangers and went against the law.

I don't see how you can, in good conscience even begin to equate a population that was in the process of being exterminated and another population that was enslaved, to someone who is here illegally and expects American citizens to break the law so they can continue to stay here violating the law. I think when you raise the issue of the Nazi's and the Underground Railroad, you are seriously minimizing real persecution. She needs to take her chances with the agencies that are professionally available to help.

 

[va32h]

For some reason, the Underground Railroad and Jewish families in Nazi Germany come to mind. Thank goodness someone took in total strangers and went against the law.

Fine, PM me your name and contact info. I'll have my friend call you and see if she can arrange to send the family to live with you.

 

[christiane]

A question for the OP:
I was wondering if your friend may have been most comfortable asking you to help the family because of your experience with CASA & New Beginnings? As soon as you mentioned your experience with these groups, I thought that is probably why she approached you out of all the people she knows.

As for why she just integrated into a casual conversation, maybe she was nervous to ask you. Only you know her well enough to determine if this would have been a difficult thing for her to ask. I know that once I work out the nerve to ask something that may be difficult, sometimes I just get it out when I can.

No one is questioning your lack of willingness to help. Just asking you to try to lead them in the direction of getting some help. That may only involve giving some phone numbers to your friend that you may be familiar with due to your past volunteer experience.

 

[Karel]

I don't see how you can, in good conscience even begin to equate a population that was in the process of being exterminated and another population that was enslaved, to someone who is here illegally and expects American citizens to break the law so they can continue to stay here violating the law. I think when you raise the issue of the Nazi's and the Underground Railroad, you are seriously minimizing real persecution. She needs to take her chances with the agencies that are professionally available to help.

I agree with you. Obviously my examples are extreme and the OP won't be put to death helping someone.

But I wonder if people who helped with the Underground railroad thought of these same questions and fears. They were asked to hide strangers at great risk to themselves and their property. It was illegal to help runaway slaves also.Would people today do the same?

This woman may or may not be in great danger from her husband. Maybe he convinced her to come here and now she has no money and no place to go. Maybe she does want to go back to her country or maybe she thinks that this is the best place for her children to be. Maybe she can't go back to her country - ie her husband's family will come after her there also.

Is it illegal to give this woman a safe haven? I'll admit I'm not up on my illegal immigrants law. Maybe she just needs a few days to catch her breath and figure out what to do next.

Didn't mean to make light of the horrors of the Nazi Germany and slavery. It just made me think of those people who risked their lives to help.