Today I was rendered speechless

[Karel]

Fine, PM me your name and contact info. I'll have my friend call you and see if she can arrange to send the family to live with you.

I didn't comment on whether you were wrong or right. It is a big decision. I could see how you would be shocked. I have a friend of a friend who is in a very bad marriage. I'm not close enough to know how bad but sometimes my friend and I talk about what we could do if she left her husband.

I just find the whole thing interesting to think about, like a what would you do if it happened to you.

 

[dzneprincess]

Oh man! I know that feeling. When we were adding on to our old house, the painter's wife used to come and sit outside in his truck all day while he painted. One day she came inside to use the bathroom. I gotta set the scene for you here: I was sitting on the floor eight months pregnant with my fourteen month old triplets scattered around me. This woman comes over to me, leans down and begins to tell me that he beats her and wants to know if I would help her. Ummmm...yeah. I'll get right on that. I mean, what on earth did she expect ME to do? Sorry, but I'm not risking my children's life. Not a chance. I just started shaking my head and told her that she needed to leave my house and take him with her!

Wow..I have not read all replies..but are you serious?
I just can not imagine someone crying out for help to me like that and me totally turning my back..
Now I am speechless

 

[Cool-Beans]

I would do it.

Me, too.

ETA: I've taken heat for it on the DIS before, but I would always do what I felt to be morally right. If it were against the law...oh, well. I'd hide a black person, a Jew, and I'd take in a battered woman regardless of her citizenship. And if it meant risking my life, I'd still do it.

 

[dzneprincess]

Here, this might help! Maybe it's just me, but I see a lot of countries on this map near the Texas border that are not Mexico!

 

[lovemygoofy]

Just from a completely different standpoint, I'm sure the army would love to hear that an illegal person was living in the household with severe family issues. The army really doesn't take well to their soldiers helping out with that sort of stuff.

I guess I'm so suprised at why people don't think she can't go to a shelter. Shelters are made for this sort of thing. They are protected and usually secret locations with regular policing and counselors and people who can get the wife the help she needs.

Say the OP did take the family in. What is she supposed to do with them next? She can't be taking them around town trying to get them help without raising suspicion and possibly endangering her own family. How long should she keep the family that is running? This isn't really so cut and dry as some seem to think it is.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Why doesn't the lady take in her own housekeeper? Why isn't she helping her? The OP doesn't even know the housekeeper!

 

[christiane]

Cool-Beans, you sound like a cool person. Wish there were more like you in this world. You too, dzneprincess.

Just from a completely different standpoint, I'm sure the army would love to hear that an illegal person was living in the household with severe family issues. The army really doesn't take well to their soldiers helping out with that sort of stuff.?

Tina, I'm not sure what this quote refers to. Can you please clarify?

 

[RitaZ.]

Just from a completely different standpoint, I'm sure the army would love to hear that an illegal person was living in the household with severe family issues. The army really doesn't take well to their soldiers helping out with that sort of stuff.

I guess I'm so suprised at why people don't think she can't go to a shelter. Shelters are made for this sort of thing. They are protected and usually secret locations with regular policing and counselors and people who can get the wife the help she needs.

Say the OP did take the family in. What is she supposed to do with them next? She can't be taking them around town trying to get them help without raising suspicion and possibly endangering her own family. How long should she keep the family that is running? This isn't really so cut and dry as some seem to think it is.

Tina, good post.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Cool-Beans, you sound like a cool person. Wish there were more like you in this world. You too, dzneprincess.




Tina, I'm not sure what this quote refers to. Can you please clarify?

Sorry to go OT, but are you really new to the DIS or have you posted here under other names??

 

[christiane]

Why doesn't the lady take in her own housekeeper? Why isn't she helping her? The OP doesn't even know the housekeeper!

I am guessing the main reason is to protect the housekeeper's husband from knowing her whereabouts. He probably knows where she works and may look there first if she leaves the family home.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am guessing the main reason is to protect the housekeeper's husband from knowing her whereabouts. He probably knows where she works and may look there first if she leaves the family home.

Well unless he comes in and checks each room how would he know? I still think it was alot to ask of a casual aquaintance.

 

[Beth76]

god forbid any of us (**gasp**) break the law in order to do something to help a human being in trouble. much better to be good, law abiding citizens.

It's not a matter of breaking the law. It's a matter of my family's personal safety. Period. I have to wonder about people who would so blindly allow a strange family into their home. There are other alternatives. Shelters, hotels to name two.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Cool-Beans, you sound like a cool person. Wish there were more like you in this world. You too, dzneprincess.


Tina, I'm not sure what this quote refers to. Can you please clarify?

I just know that the OP's husband is also in the army. The army does not like situations at home whether with their own family or for harboring a family. The army considers those kind of soldiers at risk and a soldier could get in trouble for those sort of things.

 

[va32h]

Me, too.

ETA: I've taken heat for it on the DIS before, but I would always do what I felt to be morally right. If it were against the law...oh, well. I'd hide a black person, a Jew, and I'd take in a battered woman regardless of her citizenship. And if it meant risking my life, I'd still do it.

It has nothing to do with her immigration status. I included that because it was the reason my friend gave for the woman not wanting to go to a shelter.

My reasons are:

1.) I have three children ages 12, 7, and 4. I am not prepared to risk their safety to save a complete stranger. I would be happy to help this woman in other ways - short of turning over my home to her.

So why don't you PM me with your contact info, and once again, I will see if it can be arranged to send this family to stay with you.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

For some reason, the Underground Railroad and Jewish families in Nazi Germany come to mind. Thank goodness someone took in total strangers and went against the law.

I was thinking the same thing. Illegal or legal, the housekeeper and her children are still human beings. I guess all the Jewish people who fled the Nazis were doing so illegally too. Breaking the law.

I do think the friend was out of line to ask the OP to put these people up, but she may have been desperate to find help. A woman's shelter sounds like the perfect place. I would not put my own children at risk either. I think I would have offered to help find a place.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

I have noticed that there are some posters that have raised questions, here are some (possible) answers

Batterred women can seek shelter, and not worry about their immigration status. This is to prevent the victims from NOT seeking help.

It is a violation of federal law to employ or house, shelter, or conceal illegal immigrants. regardless of state of municipal laws giving them "sancuary"

If the OP took in the family, the net effect could be, in some cases, that she would be exposing herself to criminal charges, and/or civil penalties.

The OP does not know if the houskeeper is a "battered" victim, it could be a story to find her lodging for her and her children, presumably with paying for it, for an indefinate period while she continues to clean houses.

If the OP did take them in, and the housekeeper is a victim, the husband could track her, and if he uses violence on one women, he would not hesitate to use it on another. The physical danger alone is a warning! And you would end up having to call the police!

The horror of people fleeing a tyrant for their lives has NOTHING to do with illegal immigrants coming here to work. TWO different situations, and frequently people TRY and use this excuse when arguing in favor of illegal immigrants. Please do no cheapen the memory of millions killed, to support your views on why illegal immigrants can ignore our laws and do as they please.

 

[Kathi OD]

I have noticed that there are some posters that have raised questions, here are some (possible) answers

Batterred women can seek shelter, and not worry about their immigration status. This is to prevent the victims from NOT seeking help.

It is a violation of federal law to employ or house, shelter, or conceal illegal immigrants. regardless of state of municipal laws giving them "sancuary"

If the OP took in the family, the net effect could be, in some cases, that she would be exposing herself to criminal charges, and/or civil penalties.

The OP does not know if the houskeeper is a "battered" victim, it could be a story to find her lodging for her and her children, presumably with paying for it, for an indefinate period while she continues to clean houses.

If the OP did take them in, and the housekeeper is a victim, the husband could track her, and if he uses violence on one women, he would not hesitate to use it on another. The physical danger alone is a warning! And you would end up having to call the police!

The horror of people fleeing a tyrant for their lives has NOTHING to do with illegal immigrants coming here to work. TWO different situations, and frequently people TRY and use this excuse when arguing in favor of illegal immigrants. Please do no cheapen the memory of millions killed, to support your views on why illegal immigrants can ignore our laws and do as they please.

 

[EthansMom]

Under the same circumstances, I think I would have reacted similarly to the OP. How would most people react if, out of the blue, a friend asked you to house three strangers for an indeterminate period of time?

I would hope that most of us would offer to help find a safe shelter for the family. But I think most of us wouldn't be willing to endanger our own families by embroiling ourselves in the situation of strangers. Just because someone tells you that the woman is in an abusive situation doesn't give you the whole picture... Yes, the husband may be abusive. But the woman could be a drug addict or alcoholic for all the OP knows.

If the woman is in such dire need of assistance, why doesn't the OP's friend put her up in her house or pay for a motel for a week? Or why doesn't the friend ask for recommendations for good shelters?

BTW, I don't blame folks from disadvantaged countries for coming to the U.S. to make better lives for their families. But harboring an illegal alien IS illegal... not only could the OP be jailed or fined, but if she or her husband is in certain jobs (anything with a gov't clearance, for instance), they could lose their livelihood.

And before anyone gets "holier than thou" with another poster, they should ask themselves, "How many strangers have I ever offered to house in my own home with my family?"

 

[Cool-Beans]

It has nothing to do with her immigration status. I included that because it was the reason my friend gave for the woman not wanting to go to a shelter.

My reasons are:

1.) I have three children ages 12, 7, and 4. I am not prepared to risk their safety to save a complete stranger. I would be happy to help this woman in other ways - short of turning over my home to her.

So why don't you PM me with your contact info, and once again, I will see if it can be arranged to send this family to stay with you.

First, you will note that I did not chastise you for deciding not to help. I figured you had your reasons before you stated them.

Second, I don't give out my address. Even when I send things to other DISers, there's no return address. But I have offered my home to women who were being beat up before. I had one with me once for about 6 weeks. And I'd do it again. And again and again if I had to.

What you see as chaos or disruption of your kids' lives I see as a chance to teach mine about helping others. Different strokes for different folks, that's all.

There are a LOT of people who would help. Your friend is just trying to find one. Maybe you know someone IRL who would want to help and is able to do it. If you ask around, you might find one! So, even if you can't offer your home, you could help by finding someone who can.

 

[Cool-Beans]

And before anyone gets "holier than thou" with another poster, they should ask themselves, "How many strangers have I ever offered to house in my own home with my family?"

My parents took my aunt in when she needed a break from her abusive husband. I kind of grew up with this stuff, so I'm no stranger to it.

A friend of mine was being hit and she stayed with me until she moved in with her sister.

A couple weeks ago, I was picking up a friend's child from his in-home daycare but my friend told me her sitter had a new address and I went there thinking she'd just moved. She had 2 badly blackened eyes and cuts on her face that were healing. She'd been beaten quite a bit and had left, but was staying with her sister.

I immediately offered her my home and she told me Siobhan had already offered, but it was very nice to know that so many people were so kind. She had no idea how many people were willing to help. And she asked me if she could have a raincheck. Told her that when the time came to move out to a new place, she should let me know if she needed stuff. I have tons of stuff sitting in storage and old plates, silverware, pots n pans and such that I'd be happy to give her.

There are SO MANY people who are willing to help if people just ask. I think the OP's friend knew this and was just asking around to see if she could find one.

It isn't an issue of being holier-than-thou. It is just an issue of wanting to help.