Today I was rendered speechless

[bigmerle1966]

Yes! And it's not like I could have just run away from him. I could barely waddle by that point and my kids were just fourteen months old and there were three of them! I'm happy to help people, but my goodness, would anyone really risk their child's life by confronting a potential abuser?

Some people are sure giving me that impression.

To this day I will never forget the story about the lady who left her abusive husband and, in front of her family, he beat her up and stomped on her head, killing her. This man did not care that there were witnesses to this, all he cared about was that she left him.

Had Pooh Crew gotten involved like some people said she should have, what do you think might have happened if she had been caught at it? There was no one there to protect her and her children.

 

[va32h]

I did send my friend and email last night with some phone numbers. I suggested that she call and ask the organizations whether immigration status would be an issue. I am not calling them myself, because I don't know any of the particulars of the situation (age of the children, whether they were born here, etc).

I will also follow up in a day or two and see if she made the calls.

 

[JennyMominRI]

I did send my friend and email last night with some phone numbers. I suggested that she call and ask the organizations whether immigration status would be an issue. I am not calling them myself, because I don't know any of the particulars of the situation (age of the children, whether they were born here, etc).

I will also follow up in a day or two and see if she made the calls.

It was nice that you did that, but really just because you choose not to take them in and others choose not to..As you saw by my post I have taken in people more than once..I would probably have drawn the line in this case as these people were strangers. I don't blame you at all for not going that far..
I just have the giant word SUCKER across my forehead

 

[SamIAm21]

god forbid any of us (**gasp**) break the law in order to do something to help a human being in trouble. much better to be good, law abiding citizens.

I have a good solution, you can PM the OP with your name, address, telephone number and bus fare for the housekeeper and her three kids and you can put them up at your place. Problem solved.

 

[themarquis]

I have a good solution, you can PM the OP with your name, address, telephone number and bus fare for the housekeeper and her three kids and you can put them up at your place. Problem solved.

Yes, because that would *completely* make sense that someone hundreds of miles away from the OP who doesn't even know anyone involved should put her up, rather than the OP or someone else in her network.

 

[ChrizJen]

sorry, double post.

I understand the fear of being caught breaking the law. But from an ethical standpoint, it seems that one should give shelter to someone who is suffering, if at all possible. You have to make your own decision, and for most people, it wouldn't be possible. So I'm saying I understand if you don't, but I don't understand why the very concept of sheltering a human being would be a "speechless" moment.

I completely agree, and I would also do it. I truly believe that compassion towards another human in his/her time of need is one of the most important gifts we can give of ourselves. I also believe in karma. The good things you do for others will come back to you (and the same goes for the bad). But I also can't fault the OP. She was put on the spot by the friend, and I can understand the need to keep your family safe. Totally understandable.

This reminds me of something that happened recently, and a friend of ours told us we're NUTS. We live in an area that borders on a fairly rough neighborhood, so we see a lot of stuff happen in our neighborhood. Last Saturday morning, our next door neighbor told us that he witnessed a man coming out of our garage (and that it appeared he had slept there all night). Our neighbor went with us to check out the garage, and sure enough, it looked like someone had been in there. It's a detached garage, and we don't use it for our cars. We use it to store our lawnmower and some other yard stuff. But we keep the overhead door locked. It appears that he had entered through the side door, and unlocked the overhead door from the inside so that he could let himself in and out from there. Anyway, long story short, nothing was stolen, nothing was damaged. This person simply needed a warm(er) place to sleep for the night. So we decided that if he came back, we were going to leave some blankets to help keep him warm. But it seems he hasn't been back. Hopefully after that night, he was able to find a shelter. But the point is, when I told my friend about it, she said we were NUTS, and that she would have called the police and had him arrested. ARRESTED? Because he used my garage to stay dry and warm for a night or two???

I just don't understand where the humanity is with people sometimes...
I know that the way things are today, you have to be careful. I also know that it's easy to let your heart harden to the things around you. But when it comes to people in need, just a little act of kindness and a tiny bit of compassion go a VERY long way...

 

[va32h]

Yes, because that would *completely* make sense that someone hundreds of miles away from the OP who doesn't even know anyone involved should put her up, rather than the OP or someone else in her network.

But I don't know them! You know them as well as I do, literally. Just as an update though - my friend found another friend (whom I do not know) to take them in.

I emailed the information about local shelters, urging her to call them and ask whether immigration status had any affect on what services they could provide.

She replied that the housekeeper didn't think anyone would help her, because the husband only hit her once, he mostly just yells a lot and the kids are terrified of him. I assured her that "once is enough" and domestic violence shelters understand better than anyone that abuse does not have to be fists; that emotional, psychological and verbal abuse are also serious and damaging. But to please call them and get whatever info she can.

Then she replied that the housekeeper is afraid that the husband will take the children back to Mexico, because he wants to go back there with his new girlfriend. The children were born here and have never set foot in Mexico and are afraid of their father and she doesn't know what will happen to them if they are taken from her.

So I replied *again* that she really needs to call the people who are experts in dealing with this kind of stuff, that she doesn't have to give any names, just tell the agencies or shelters the whole story and ask what their options are. As complicated as this whole scenario sounds, I'm sure some permutation of it happens a lot here; there are people who will know what the laws are and whether anything can be done. And she doesn't have to show up in person or give her name or location. It doesn't hurt to ask. I have no idea if this advice is going to be taken or not, though.

I won't pretend I'm not relieved I didn't get more personally involved because it sounds like a big ol' mess.

But thanks to whomever bumped this so I didn't have to go looking for it to give you the update.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

My opinion is that situations like this are best handled by the professionals and the agencies that were created for such things. Getting personally involved may give you a sense of personal satisfaction and that is great. Unfortunately I have professional and personal experience that hasn't been great and I would never put myself or my family into a situation like this.
Call me cold hearted etc.
The things I first thought when I heard about this situation were:
--and how long is this woman supposed to support a family in her home for? weeks? months? what if they never leave?
--what if the abusive husband comes looking for her and everybody is now involved in a domestic disturbance? I work in law enforcement and domestics are highly volatile.
--what if there are other factors you don't know about and you get taken advantage of? you have no recourse against somebody who you have in your home illegally. (That's the police in me talking).
--what if you got involved and then the abused woman decides to go back to her husband. I have personal experience with this. I helped a friend who complained about an abusive husband. Got her moved to a shelter and later her own place. A month later the relationship was back on. I was then the bad person for sticking my nose into things!
You helped her by finding out about what resources are out there for her. I think coming from a perfect stranger that is all that could have been expected of you.

 

[Galahad]

Compassion is essential to a just society. Putting your own children in physical danger is not noble. People that chose not to put their children in danger do not lack compassion as a result. Things are not cut and dried.

 

[Mickey'sMainMami]

Oh man! I know that feeling. When we were adding on to our old house, the painter's wife used to come and sit outside in his truck all day while he painted. One day she came inside to use the bathroom. I gotta set the scene for you here: I was sitting on the floor eight months pregnant with my fourteen month old triplets scattered around me. This woman comes over to me, leans down and begins to tell me that he beats her and wants to know if I would help her. Ummmm...yeah. I'll get right on that. I mean, what on earth did she expect ME to do? Sorry, but I'm not risking my children's life. Not a chance. I just started shaking my head and told her that she needed to leave my house and take him with her!

I'm sorry, I couldn't get any farther in your post once I read you were 8 months pregnant and sitting on the floor with fourteen month old triplets.

All I can say is God bless you, holy crap, and I am impressed! Ok, now I will leave you alone!

 

[SeeVee]

Dang, do you have some sort of special high-powered microscope to read between the lines like that?? Because I didn't get any of that sort of impression here.

Of course not. But is is always easier to denegrate those you disagree with and to attack the messenger then to just use a little maturity and acknowledge that you disgree.

 

[SeeVee]

Maybe you've never heard of it, but sometimes people need to break the law in order to do what's right.

We could take as an example people who participated in sit-ins during segregation ...

or all those people who harbored escaped slaves in the underground railroad ...

or how about a mundane example? people who have broken the speed limit because someone's life was in jeopardy and they needed to get them to the hospital ...

Sometimes laws themselves are not just. Sometimes laws fail to ensure justice in specific circumstances. In those times, we have to use our conscence and sense of ethics and justice to make decisions about what's right.

It would be a sad and uncaring world indeed to live in if everyone just thought "breaking the law is breaking the law".

ON a slightly different note, in what way would letting an illegal immigrant stay in your house temporarily be illegal? GF and I were just discussing it, and we could not figure that out... is there really a specific law that forbids such a thing?

Nice try. The big difference between what you cite above and what the OP is talking about is this little thing called the Constitution.

In the case of segregation or flat out state sanctioned racial discrimination/slavery, it was against the Constitution. They were protesting illegal acts by the government. that is a far cry from sanctioning illegal acts against the government.

 

[SeeVee]

I don't think you need to defend yourself. There is no way I would let a total stranger and their kids move into my home!
I wonder how long your friend expected you to put these people up and at who's expense?
That is asking WAY too much of somebody.
I would have said NO and helped put her in touch with social agencies.
I am sure I will get charbroiled for this but you cannot take on other people's problems at the expense of yourself.

Precisely. And in Texas the law is such that once a person "establishes residencey" in your house, you can not put them out without going through formal eviction processes that can take 90 days or more.

She plans to stay a week, stays two weeks, ends up there month. Then you call the police and they will flat out tell you there is nothing they can do but recommed you call a constable and pay a lawyer to start the eviction process.

 

[themarquis]

Nice try. The big difference between what you cite above and what the OP is talking about is this little thing called the Constitution.

In the case of segregation or flat out state sanctioned racial discrimination/slavery, it was against the Constitution. They were protesting illegal acts by the government. that is a far cry from sanctioning illegal acts against the government.

Huh ... so that was the only reason people sheltered slaves or whatever ... it was because the government was disobeying the constitution. Not at all because they felt slavery was wrong ...

Huh ... you learn something new every day

(oh, and weren't people taking in slaves loooong before there was anything in the constitution about it? )