Today I was rendered speechless

[va32h]

By my friend who, in the middle of a completely different conversation, asked me if I would let her housekeeper and the housekeeper's two children stay in my guest room because she is fleeing from her abusive husband. Oh, and the reason the housekeeper can't go to a shelter is because she's here illegally.

I just stared at her for a second, I can't even imagine the look on my face. I think I said something about "oh dear what a bad situation" and then change the subject. And then I said I had to get going.

 

[themarquis]

I would do it.

 

[fltwinmom]

By my friend who, in the middle of a completely different conversation, asked me if I would let her housekeeper and the housekeeper's two children stay in my guest room because she is fleeing from her abusive husband. Oh, and the reason the housekeeper can't go to a shelter is because she's here illegally.

I just stared at her for a second, I can't even imagine the look on my face. I think I said something about "oh dear what a bad situation" and then change the subject. And then I said I had to get going.

Yes, I'm sorry, I know I am going to hear it but: I completely agree with you. I would not under any circumstances let someone elses housekeeper stay in my guest room. Doesn't matter if she is here illegally or not. ESPECIALLY if you have children.

 

[va32h]

I would do it.

That's very noble of you, and I mean that sincerely. I just could not see putting my own kids at risk of being the target of a violent man who would probably be angry at me for hiding his wife.

And I assumed it would be against the law to harbor an illegal alien, and I would be concerned about being arrested myself.

And I just don't know any of these people well enough to go out that far on a limb for them, as sympathetic as I am to their situation.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

If she thinks it's a good idea, why aren't they staying with her? There's no way I'd do it, either.

 

[themarquis]

sorry, double post.

I understand the fear of being caught breaking the law. But from an ethical standpoint, it seems that one should give shelter to someone who is suffering, if at all possible. You have to make your own decision, and for most people, it wouldn't be possible. So I'm saying I understand if you don't, but I don't understand why the very concept of sheltering a human being would be a "speechless" moment.

 

[Luv'sTink]

I would not have done it either, you would be breaking the law. If she were not here illegally then she would be able to go to the police for protection another good reason to do things correctly

 

[happygirl]

There no way I would do, I wouldn't put my childern in harms way

 

[ducklite]

They don't ask questions about citizenship at emergency shelters.

 

[Pooh Crew]

Oh man! I know that feeling. When we were adding on to our old house, the painter's wife used to come and sit outside in his truck all day while he painted. One day she came inside to use the bathroom. I gotta set the scene for you here: I was sitting on the floor eight months pregnant with my fourteen month old triplets scattered around me. This woman comes over to me, leans down and begins to tell me that he beats her and wants to know if I would help her. Ummmm...yeah. I'll get right on that. I mean, what on earth did she expect ME to do? Sorry, but I'm not risking my children's life. Not a chance. I just started shaking my head and told her that she needed to leave my house and take him with her!

 

[Luv'sTink]

I would do it.

Why are you speechless

Because most people don't ask others to break the law and put their own family at risk. The likelihood is that the housekeepers husband is not here legally either, so he may not figure he has anything to lose by hurting others.

Do your friends ask you to break the law often?

 

[happybratpack]

They don't ask questions about citizenship at emergency shelters.

That's right...hopefully your friend will help them get into a womens shelter who can help them out.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Wow, this is the kind of posting that makes me embarrassed to be an American -- and HORRIFIED at my fellow compatriots.

I can completely understand deciding not to do this. I can completely understand that it's not a risk you feel comfortable about.

But being speechless because someone asked for help on behalf of a friend? Implying that a woman deserves to be beaten (or not to be helped out of abusive situation) because of her immigration status? Implying that CHILDREN deserve to be left in an abusive situation because of their parents' immigration status?

How about telling your friend that you're so sorry her housekeeper (and friend I would assume if she's asking for help on her behalf) is in that situation, and offering to help her find another safe place to stay.

 

[themarquis]

Wow, this is the kind of posting that makes me embarrassed to be an American -- and HORRIFIED at my fellow compatriots.

I can completely understand deciding not to do this. I can completely understand that it's not a risk you feel comfortable about.

But being speechless because someone asked for help on behalf of a friend? Implying that a woman deserves to be beaten (or not to be helped out of abusive situation) because of her immigration status? Implying that CHILDREN deserve to be left in an abusive situation because of their parents' immigration status?

How about telling your friend that you're so sorry her housekeeper (and friend I would assume if she's asking for help on her behalf) is in that situation, and offering to help her find another safe place to stay.

ITA. That was exactly what I was trying to say, but you did it better.

 

[BabyPiglet]

Wow, this is the kind of posting that makes me embarrassed to be an American -- and HORRIFIED at my fellow compatriots.

I can completely understand deciding not to do this. I can completely understand that it's not a risk you feel comfortable about.

But being speechless because someone asked for help on behalf of a friend? Implying that a woman deserves to be beaten (or not to be helped out of abusive situation) because of her immigration status? Implying that CHILDREN deserve to be left in an abusive situation because of their parents' immigration status?

How about telling your friend that you're so sorry her housekeeper (and friend I would assume if she's asking for help on her behalf) is in that situation, and offering to help her find another safe place to stay.

ITA.

 

[zeroed]

I would not have done it either, you would be breaking the law. If she were not here illegally then she would be able to go to the police for protection another good reason to do things correctly

I wouldn't do it either. What if she has a warrant for her on top of being illegal that the friend doesn't know about?
Tons of illegals have failure to appear warrants on them for driving without licenses and other court cases. They know if they show for court their next stop is south of the border.
You would be an unwitting fugitive illegal alien helper and all the talk at the next PTA meeting.

Either way it would be foolish to do it for a variety of reasons.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Wow, this is the kind of posting that makes me embarrassed to be an American -- and HORRIFIED at my fellow compatriots.

I can completely understand deciding not to do this. I can completely understand that it's not a risk you feel comfortable about.

But being speechless because someone asked for help on behalf of a friend? Implying that a woman deserves to be beaten (or not to be helped out of abusive situation) because of her immigration status? Implying that CHILDREN deserve to be left in an abusive situation because of their parents' immigration status?

How about telling your friend that you're so sorry her housekeeper (and friend I would assume if she's asking for help on her behalf) is in that situation, and offering to help her find another safe place to stay.

Dang, do you have some sort of special high-powered microscope to read between the lines like that?? Because I didn't get any of that sort of impression here.

 

[va32h]

Wow, this is the kind of posting that makes me embarrassed to be an American -- and HORRIFIED at my fellow compatriots.

I can completely understand deciding not to do this. I can completely understand that it's not a risk you feel comfortable about.

But being speechless because someone asked for help on behalf of a friend? Implying that a woman deserves to be beaten (or not to be helped out of abusive situation) because of her immigration status? Implying that CHILDREN deserve to be left in an abusive situation because of their parents' immigration status?

How about telling your friend that you're so sorry her housekeeper (and friend I would assume if she's asking for help on her behalf) is in that situation, and offering to help her find another safe place to stay.

I was speechless because it seemed to be to be an extraordinary thing to ask of a person, out of the blue. This is not something I have ever discussed with my friend - heck, I didn't even know she had a housekeeper. It is a humongous favor to ask of someone - to give room and board to three people and risk having a violent person come to your home and risk getting into trouble with the law. She literally blurted it out in the middle of a conversation about a completely different subject.

I am equally speechless that you think I implied that the children or the mother deserved to be beaten. That is a huge leap. I don't even understand how you could draw that conclusion.

For the record, since you don't know me, I spent two years a CASA volunteer, and have volunteered in the past for the New Beginnings Center, which is a family shelter here in Texas. Which is probably why my friend clarified that her housekeeper will not go to a shelter.

 

[themarquis]

god forbid any of us (**gasp**) break the law in order to do something to help a human being in trouble. much better to be good, law abiding citizens.

 

[DawnCt1]

sorry, double post.

I understand the fear of being caught breaking the law. But from an ethical standpoint, it seems that one should give shelter to someone who is suffering, if at all possible. You have to make your own decision, and for most people, it wouldn't be possible. So I'm saying I understand if you don't, but I don't understand why the very concept of sheltering a human being would be a "speechless" moment.

She can get "shelter" in women's shelters. What is the bigger abuser, her husband or the law. I think I would take my chances with the law. She can always get deported, at no cost to her, and go home to her family. From an ethical standpoint, it was completely unethical of her friend to ask her to break the law and take in total strangers. Furthermore, you don't know the safety risk that her husband might present for the OP, when he found his wife.