Today I was rendered speechless

[mesnowwhite]

They don't ask questions about citizenship at emergency shelters.

True, at least in California. Not only do they not ask for citizenship, they GIVE you legal status (greed card/visa or whatever papers you need) if you say you are abused. This has been written up in the newspapers about how the shelters have seen a huge increase in women claiming abuse since learning they can get legal status and protection from deportation for it.

Bottem line, anyone can go to a DV shelter regardless of immigration or citizenship status. You might want to let your friend know this, so that she can direct her housekeeper to a safe shelter, without having to de-rail her friendships in order to do so!

 

[va32h]

True, at least in California. Not only do they not ask for citizenship, they GIVE you legal status (greed card/visa or whatever papers you need) if you say you are abused. This has been written up in the newspapers about how the shelters have seen a huge increase in women claiming abuse since learning they can get legal status and protection from deportation for it.

Bottem line, anyone can go to a DV shelter regardless of immigration or citizenship status. You might want to let your friend know this, so that she can direct her housekeeper to a safe shelter, without having to de-rail her friendships in order to do so!

As I said in a previous post, I have volunteered in the past at a family shelter. My work was primarily in fundraising, so I can't answer with authority their policy on illegal aliens (but as we are in Texas, I am sure they have one). I will definitely call and find out and pass the information on to her.

 

[nuke]

I would have given them the number to a local church or shelter and left it at that. It doesn't make you evil or a non-american to refuse to harbor illegals and put your family in danger. I think it's quite rude to imply that the OP did something wrong here.

 

[va32h]

I would have given them the number to a local church or shelter and left it at that. It doesn't make you evil or a non-american to refuse to harbor illegals and put your family in danger. I think it's quite rude to imply that the OP did something wrong here.

It seems that they are unhappy at my choice of the word "speechless". I guess I should try to clarify that I was not speechless at the idea of helping someone, I was speechless at a request of such enormity being thrust at me in such a direct manner from someone that I know fairly casually.

 

[Stepht5]

god forbid any of us (**gasp**) break the law in order to do something to help a human being in trouble. much better to be good, law abiding citizens.

I think the bigger issue is that her children would be put at risk if this violent husband found out where they were staying! That is why shelters like to keep their locations private!

I would NEVER put a strangers life before the safety of my own children!

 

[Momof4gr8boys]

Wow, this is the kind of posting that makes me embarrassed to be an American -- and HORRIFIED at my fellow compatriots.

I can completely understand deciding not to do this. I can completely understand that it's not a risk you feel comfortable about.

But being speechless because someone asked for help on behalf of a friend? Implying that a woman deserves to be beaten (or not to be helped out of abusive situation) because of her immigration status? Implying that CHILDREN deserve to be left in an abusive situation because of their parents' immigration status?

How about telling your friend that you're so sorry her housekeeper (and friend I would assume if she's asking for help on her behalf) is in that situation, and offering to help her find another safe place to stay.

Wow. Did I miss something? I actually went back and reread all of the posts because I couldn't figure out where that came from. I never found where ANYONE said the wife and kids should be left in the situation and beaten because of their immigration status.

There is no way I would put my family in that situation. OP, I think you did the right thing.

And for what it is worth (**gasp**) breaking the law is breaking the law. It doesn't matter if it is to help someone or not. That is why this country HAS laws. The mother has other options that don't include the OP having to break the law.

 

[disneyfan67]

It seems that they are unhappy at my choice of the word "speechless". I guess I should try to clarify that I was not speechless at the idea of helping someone, I was speechless at a request of such enormity being thrust at me in such a direct manner from someone that I know fairly casually.

You did nothing wrong and your friend put you in a terrible position by asking you to help out. The ramifications that could come back to hurt you and your family are enormous and that friend of yours should know that. I feel bad for anyone being abused, but there's a limit to how far you can go without putting you and others you love, in danger. IMO, I would take a long look at your friend and decide if they're a person you really want to associate with.

 

[themarquis]

Wow. Did I miss something? I actually went back and reread all of the posts because I couldn't figure out where that came from. I never found where ANYONE said the wife and kids should be left in the situation and beaten because of their immigration status.

There is no way I would put my family in that situation. OP, I think you did the right thing.

And for what it is worth (**gasp**) breaking the law is breaking the law. It doesn't matter if it is to help someone or not. That is why this country HAS laws. The mother has other options that don't include the OP having to break the law.

Maybe you've never heard of it, but sometimes people need to break the law in order to do what's right.

We could take as an example people who participated in sit-ins during segregation ...

or all those people who harbored escaped slaves in the underground railroad ...

or how about a mundane example? people who have broken the speed limit because someone's life was in jeopardy and they needed to get them to the hospital ...

Sometimes laws themselves are not just. Sometimes laws fail to ensure justice in specific circumstances. In those times, we have to use our conscence and sense of ethics and justice to make decisions about what's right.

It would be a sad and uncaring world indeed to live in if everyone just thought "breaking the law is breaking the law".

ON a slightly different note, in what way would letting an illegal immigrant stay in your house temporarily be illegal? GF and I were just discussing it, and we could not figure that out... is there really a specific law that forbids such a thing?

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I was speechless because it seemed to be to be an extraordinary thing to ask of a person, out of the blue. This is not something I have ever discussed with my friend - heck, I didn't even know she had a housekeeper. It is a humongous favor to ask of someone - to give room and board to three people and risk having a violent person come to your home and risk getting into trouble with the law. She literally blurted it out in the middle of a conversation about a completely different subject.

I don't think you need to defend yourself. There is no way I would let a total stranger and their kids move into my home!
I wonder how long your friend expected you to put these people up and at who's expense?
That is asking WAY too much of somebody.
I would have said NO and helped put her in touch with social agencies.
I am sure I will get charbroiled for this but you cannot take on other people's problems at the expense of yourself.

 

[DawnCt1]

Maybe you've never heard of it, but sometimes people need to break the law in order to do what's right.

When there is absolutely no alternative. I can think of several alternatives. A women's shelter for one. The "wife" needs to make a choice about what is the bigger risk. Everyone has to make choices in their lives but there is a choice.

She could have gone to a church for help. She could have left and gone back to Mexico. There are probably a lot more choices that do not include a major imposition on someone else and putting them at risk of an abusive husband.

 

[Kathi OD]

I would have also been speechless, but because my friend has hired someone she knows to be in the country illegally to do work for her. THAT is illegal and I would not want to get involved in that situation by a long shot! I would offer to help find a shelter, but in no way would I put my own family at risk by getting involved any more than that.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Wow, this is the kind of posting that makes me embarrassed to be an American -- and HORRIFIED at my fellow compatriots.

I can completely understand deciding not to do this. I can completely understand that it's not a risk you feel comfortable about.

But being speechless because someone asked for help on behalf of a friend? Implying that a woman deserves to be beaten (or not to be helped out of abusive situation) because of her immigration status? Implying that CHILDREN deserve to be left in an abusive situation because of their parents' immigration status?

How about telling your friend that you're so sorry her housekeeper (and friend I would assume if she's asking for help on her behalf) is in that situation, and offering to help her find another safe place to stay.

MTE!

 

[va32h]

Maybe you've never heard of it, but sometimes people need to break the law in order to do what's right.

We could take as an example people who participated in sit-ins during segregation ...

or all those people who harbored escaped slaves in the underground railroad ...

or how about a mundane example? people who have broken the speed limit because someone's life was in jeopardy and they needed to get them to the hospital ...

Sometimes laws themselves are not just. Sometimes laws fail to ensure justice in specific circumstances. In those times, we have to use our conscence and sense of ethics and justice to make decisions about what's right.

It would be a sad and uncaring world indeed to live in if everyone just thought "breaking the law is breaking the law".

ON a slightly different note, in what way would letting an illegal immigrant stay in your house temporarily be illegal? GF and I were just discussing it, and we could not figure that out... is there really a specific law that forbids such a thing?

I think you bring up a valid point, and I have been thinking about it - I will not be changing my mind on the issue, but it occurs to me that I wouldn't have hesitated to say yes if this were say...my own sister seeking shelter. I guess there is always a line...would I give my sister shelter - Yes. A very good friend - probably. A complete stranger - my honest answer is no. It's not a risk I'm willing to take for a complete stranger.

And I definitely respect those who do. Just like I respect those who donate a kidney to a complete stranger (another thing I would do for my sister in a heartbeat, for a friend probably, for a stranger, no.) And those who took in Katrina refugees. I guess this makes an excellent topic for an ethics class. Do we as ordinary citizens have a duty to help any other human in need, regardless of the risk to ourselves? I guess my honest answer is no, as cruel as that may sound.

Farmer's Branch, another Dallas suburb, made it against the law to rent to an illegal alien. You're right again that I know of no specific law that prohibits a person from having an illegal alien in their home as a guest. I guess I just extrapolated from the idea that if you give aid to someone breaking the law you are breaking the law.

 

[christiane]

She could have left and gone back to Mexico. .

I don't believe her country of origin was mentioned. Please correct me if I am wrong.


Someone needs to help this woman and her children. If you can't (and I certainly understand why someone couldn't), then either yourself or your friend can find out through your local social service agencies which agency is best suited to help her.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Wow, this is the kind of posting that makes me embarrassed to be an American -- and HORRIFIED at my fellow compatriots.

I can completely understand deciding not to do this. I can completely understand that it's not a risk you feel comfortable about.

But being speechless because someone asked for help on behalf of a friend? Implying that a woman deserves to be beaten (or not to be helped out of abusive situation) because of her immigration status? Implying that CHILDREN deserve to be left in an abusive situation because of their parents' immigration status?

How about telling your friend that you're so sorry her housekeeper (and friend I would assume if she's asking for help on her behalf) is in that situation, and offering to help her find another safe place to stay.

I agree.. I also don't think the police will do anything if she goes in for help regarding her immigration status.

If they did half of my town will deported.

 

[DawnCt1]

I don't believe her country of origin was mentioned. Please correct me if I am wrong.


Someone needs to help this woman and her children. If you can't (and I certainly understand why someone couldn't), then either yourself or your friend can find out through your local social service agencies which agency is best suited to help her.

Well let me see. The OP lives in Texas. I know, she must be from Iceland!
How about the SOCIAL SERVICE agency in her "country of origin"??
I will bet that ICE will be happy to protect her from her abusive husband. They are very happy to become involved in reuniting families. They do it every day. That works for me!

 

[disneydance]

I have to say i would have been the same way and i would be saying no also that is just clear out dangerous and i cant believe that your friend would ask you do this for somebody else that you have never met i also would reccommend finding outher shelter and to the OP who is talking about how horrible this person is have you ever been put in this situation where you could be in trouble with the goverment and the illeagal aliens husband i also think you should look into getting her into some shelter of sometime that wont be looking for immagrattion status

 

[themarquis]

I think you bring up a valid point, and I have been thinking about it - I will not be changing my mind on the issue, but it occurs to me that I wouldn't have hesitated to say yes if this were say...my own sister seeking shelter. I guess there is always a line...would I give my sister shelter - Yes. A very good friend - probably. A complete stranger - my honest answer is no. It's not a risk I'm willing to take for a complete stranger.

And I definitely respect those who do. Just like I respect those who donate a kidney to a complete stranger (another thing I would do for my sister in a heartbeat, for a friend probably, for a stranger, no.) And those who took in Katrina refugees. I guess this makes an excellent topic for an ethics class. Do we as ordinary citizens have a duty to help any other human in need, regardless of the risk to ourselves? I guess my honest answer is no, as cruel as that may sound.

Farmer's Branch, another Dallas suburb, made it against the law to rent to an illegal alien. You're right again that I know of no specific law that prohibits a person from having an illegal alien in their home as a guest. I guess I just extrapolated from the idea that if you give aid to someone breaking the law you are breaking the law.

I certainly do feel for this woman. Am I a bad person for not wanting a complete stranger whom I have never laid eyes on to live in my home indefinitely?

No, no! You're not a bad person. Nobody really wants their house taken over by strangers. I just personally believe that sometimes we all have to make some sacrifices if we want to do right in this world. We can't just all sit around and donate a bit of money to a good cause every once in a while and think that's enough. As far as how much sacrifice is too much, it is a personal decision. I understand -- some people are afraid of putting their children at risk, other people have a small home, other people are barely making ends meet. It is really a personal decision. I was just saying that I thought it was shocking that the very idea of doing something good, really really good, for a person, and putting yourself out there and taking a risk, was a "speechless" moment. That surprised me.

I understand the question of how much we'll give to someone close to us vs. a stranger. I think we all would give more/take more risks for someone close. But that doesn't mean that we have no responsibilities toward strangers or should take no risks to help strangers. I think we all have a little bit of responsibility. And we all can take on a little bit of risk. As to how much? I just don't know. It's a tough decision to make.

 

[DawnCt1]

I have to say i would have been the same way and i would be saying no also that is just clear out dangerous and i cant believe that your friend would ask you do this for somebody else that you have never met i also would reccommend finding outher shelter and to the OP who is talking about how horrible this person is have you ever been put in this situation where you could be in trouble with the goverment and the illeagal aliens husband i also think you should look into getting her into some shelter of sometime that wont be looking for immagrattion status

WHY? She needs to go "home".

 

[va32h]

I was just saying that I thought it was shocking that the very idea of doing something good, really really good, for a person, and putting yourself out there and taking a risk, was a "speechless" moment. That surprised me.

Well, as I've tried to explain, the "speechless" part was honestly directed at the bizarre juxtaposition of this huge favor being asked in this spontaneous manner.

Imagine being asked that question in the same tone of voice someone would say "let's go shopping!" or even "pass me the ketchup!"

I was equally speechless when one of my sisters asked me to be a surrogate mother for her (and even for my own sister I said no on that one.) It had nothing to do with my feelings toward surrogacy or my sister having a child. It was the context of being asked something monumental out of the clear blue sky.