Thoughts on moving back after fresh start?

I'm not sure I understand what you are asking, but I wouldn't offer any advice to the young man or his family. Their decisions are their business. I'm sure your concern is for your daughter and her happiness, but I don't think you have any say in it. There is no way I'd offer to let this young man stay with you, not even if he pays rent. I just don't think it would end well.

I got married at 20, my husband was 21. We both worked full time and went to school full time. It sucked until we both graduated, but it can be done if you want it bad enough.

I agree with the others, if he doesn't want to move with his family, he will need to find a way to support himself, find roommates, whatever.
 
Is "home" in another state? Since you said the other family asked for your input, that's an issue I'd raise - if they're moving from one state to another, they might be forcing their DS to put his education on hold long enough to qualify for in-state tuition at the new/old home.

Beyond that, if it were a friend asking that question my only advice would be not to limit their options while job hunting. It seems premature to make the decision about moving/staying before having a firm job offer in hand, in one place or the other, especially if the current home is where they'd like to stay. Is there a reason they assume moving "home" would be necessary - more job opportunities or some such? Or is it just that the job loss has them questioning the decision to relocate in the first place?
 
Early 20's could mean 20 - 25? I think that's why people are still asking how old?

Sorry, I had asked the age again. My phone had glitched and I hadn't seen the edit where ages were added. I would say like many others have that early 20s adult can decide if he wants to branch out on his own, look at his budget, find a place, etc etc. If he isn't ready to do that then I guess he moves with parents.
 
I think that it doesn't much matter what your daughter's boyfriend, your daughter, your family, or we think.

The situation can certainly turn out to be detrimental to their relationship, but honestly, this young man is in his early 20's. That's plenty old enough to leave the nest if he desires to do so. If his family does move out of the area, there's no reason that he needs to go with them. If he's been relying on them financially, maybe it's time he starts to take care of his own financial matters. It's not easy, but we've all started somewhere, and it's best to do it when you're young (my opinion). If he and your daughter are committed to one another, and if he does decide to move, their relationship can and will change but that doesn't necessarily mean changing for the worst.
 


If they're asking your advice, and you're asking us, I'm in the camp of the advice being that the 20 yr old son needs to decide whether to move with his parents, or find roommates or a room he can afford to rent and stay. If he cannot afford that, then go with his parents and save until he can move back and afford to support himself.
 
You know what? While I'm on the side of "it's not really your business," it's okay for the OP to be thinking about this and asking for thoughts. That doesn't mean that she plans on assuming that our advice or hers will be actually given out loud and/or listened to. Let's give the OP some credit here.

We talk about a lot of stuff here. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people start scolding for daring to discuss something on a discussion board.
 


OP just posted this morning. She asked for thoughts. This is a discussion. I don't know that she really asked for specific advice or gave any indication she planned on sharing it with anyone. ????

Just reread and I see the family did ask for advice. My guess is they also want "thoughts" because they've got a decision to make, not looking to follow a specific piece of advice.
 
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Would the advice be different for a 20yo vs. 25? For me, it wouldn't. If he wants to stay, stay. If he wants to go with his dad, do that. I'm sure it's not an easy choice, but the choice is his.

As a 24 year old myself, I would totally give 20 year old me and 24 year old me different advice. Obviously it depends on where they live, how much he makes, etc. but even now I would not be able to move out on my own anywhere near where I am living. I make a decent wage, but with rent costs, tuition, gas, etc. it would be impossible. It was even hard making it work for my fiancé and I to afford to move out together!
 
My DD is in a tough situation, well her boyfriend is, so was wondering what are some non-biased thoughts were among the Disers.

Her boyfriend moved here with his parents a few years ago and now his dad lost his job and wants to move back home. However, his son (my DD's boyfriend) has built a new life here and doesn't want to move back. I see both points and it seems like an unfair position on both sides. He is upset as his dad usually works out of the home and can live anywhere. There is a small chance that they will have to move for a new job but odds are that his dad will be able to work out of the house.

The family doesn't know if they should wait it out as they love it here or move back home to regroup. The family is trying to decide what is best to do and have asked our opinion on the matter. The DD and boyfriend are both in their young 20's taking classes part-time while working full time.

My DD is so upset over the situation. What do y'all think?
I have a feeling that the family asked you for your opinion on the matter because they are hoping you will invite their son to live with you.
 
I would advise your DD to think long and hard about having a serious relationship with a man child who wants to dictate life decisions for his parents while simultaneously relying on their financial support while he takes part time classes. He does not sound like a good life partner.
 
I would advise your DD to think long and hard about having a serious relationship with a man child who wants to dictate life decisions for his parents while simultaneously relying on their financial support while he takes part time classes. He does not sound like a good life partner.
Although for all we know, it may be the OP's daughter that's manipulating her BF because she wants him to stay local. The emphasis seems to be on the daughter's feelings. There's a lot of different ways to "read between the lines" of that first post, and the OP hasn't been back to respond to any of the subsequent questions or comments.
 
Dd21 pays $500 a month for a room in a house she shares with 6 other people. She is in college full time, and pays for necessities waitressing on the weekends. She gave her bedroom away, and never plans on moving back home, she has secured a full time job after graduation.

What is the issue?
Congratulations, but, obviously, this person is still living at home and attending college part time. As is the OP's daughter.

Not everyone gives their bedroom away at 21. I was 23 when I "gave" mine away, by moving all of my stuff out.

My son is currently living at home, attending college. Seems silly to throw money away on an apartment for him to live in, when his room is here. He is attending the local university and we live about 15 minutes away.

The student in the OP has to decide what he wants to do. Possibly move with his parents or stay in the same town as his girlfriend.
 
When I was in my early 20s my mom sold the house I grew up in and moved many states away. I had a lot of notice so I was able to find some roommates and an apartment. I had a job and had finished college but was living a home to save money. My mom did charge room and board, just not as much as it would really be to be out on my own.

I don't see how the parent's decision requires the son to move if he doesn't want to. If you don't have a room he can rent I'm sure someone does. He might have to hustle a bit more to earn enough to live on his own but he should be working towards that anyway at his age.
 

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