The Truth about Teacher Gifts, Things NOT to Do

[Pea-n-Me]

I wrote out a long post yesterday but lost it.

I don't get here that teachers are requesting or demanding what to buy them. Just telling it like it is and offering suggestions so people don't waste their hard earned money. I appreciate that and have learned a lot.

For those who are saddened, I understand, because when I first learned of this, I was, too. It was years ago when my kids got to be school age and during a conversation, one of my teacher friends mentioned how they routinely throw homemade gifts away (I shouldn't have been surprised as I saw this same friend throw an entire hot lasagna in the trash when a neighbor brought it over after my friend had a baby because the pan was "old".) I couldn't relate at all, because a) my mother also grew up horribly poor during the Depression so we never wasted anything, and b) in the hospital, we eat everything to the point there's barely a crumb left over - ironic, I know. (One of the nicest things a family ever did for us was make an entire meal for those of us working Thanksgiving. They layed it out on a sheet with flowers in a urinal and rolls in a bedpan. Bon Appetit! ) Originally, I chalked it all up to my friend's idiosyncrasies but then I joined the Dis and saw that it wasn't, that there are many who do this. Again, I was surprised, but it helped me fine tune what I bought my kids' teachers so all is good.

The bottom line for me is that I know not everyone is this way, and I'm sure the vast majority of teachers really appreciate the thought behind the gift even if it isn't exactly something he or she likes. As for myself, I am extremely grateful for the time my kids' teachers have taken with them, and will always get them something nice I hope they enjoy just because what they do is meaningful to me. I have been touched by those on this thread who have cherished gifts from all children over the years. Thank you.

 

[npmommie]

Pea, I have to laugh at your post about eating the food brought in by patients families!
We always ate everything............LOL.......never a thought! It would be blasphemy to throw something away!!!!
we also would utilize sheets for tableclothes in the nurses lounge for spreading out foods on days like holiday, new years eve, etc etc.........LOL

 

[sbpuckett]

I haven't read everything here so if I'm repeating, sorry. I, too, am a teacher. When my children were in preschool we generally bought something small (usually candles since I sold them on the side) for the holidays and then a much nicer gift at the end of the year. When I bought anything smelly I always asked beforehand what kinds of scents they liked so it wasn't anything they wouldn't be able to use. I've also been known to buy boxes of candy... if they don't want it themselves they can always pass it on to someone else. Once my boys started school I usually bought things to make little gift bags. Items like stress relievers, stickers, pens, etc... I'm not sure what we're buying this year for the holidays but I know the end of the year presents will be a big deal.

I teach high school so I seldom receive any type of gifts. In the past I have received multiple ornaments and mugs and yes, after the first couple they end up being passed along... mugs can be donated to the lounge or something for others if you don't want them. I once received a silky scarf... I wouldn't even begin to know how to use that! The gifts in a jar all ended up in the trash...

 

[aprilgail2]

Ya know, I have so many thoughts left unsaid about this entire thread....

But I AM curious about this particular *guy* and cake. Just curious but are you a teacher? Is this the 'rule of thumb' with all baked goods the staff bring in, possibly even something you'd bring in... but maybe you don't know they're tossing it? Is this guy a colleaque, or perhaps the principal...? Do you know for a fact he bakes in squalor or is there another particular reason?

Just asking....

No I am not a teacher- I work for a railroad and the guy is just not the cleanest guy there is, sort of creepy. Its not a rule of thumb where I work-just this one guy. As far as the teachers go you never know what some crazy parent that has an issue with you would put in the food- you see it on the news here a few times a year how kids bring in food for their teachers and they have laced it with something- that is mainly high school kids though.

 

[manhattan]

When I first read the OP I was a little upset like most others - thinking that it was a shame they would throw our gifts away and I have been guilty of doing the gift sets from BBW and other stores. I loooovvvveee to buy Mary Engelbreit soaps tht come in themed boxes because they have such great sayings on them.

I worked in an office for 50+ brokers and would get all different types of gifts, from Saks gift cards, to sachets, to soaps, wines and of course cash, and I truly enjoyed each and every gift I received. I know most of the gifts were bought by the wives, but I was able to enjoy Caswell Massey soaps for months, something I could not afford on my own. Or the candles that I received, I would burn my favorite first. Sachets are still in my drawers, aroma long gone, but they are so beautiful, I can't bring myself to throw them away. I will admit to throwing away some homemade candy, but only because it was such a HUGE batch, we were in March and still hand some leftover!

This year will be an easy one for me as the teacher already said on the first day of school how much she appreciates restaurant gift certificates, so that is what it will be. j

 

[sbpuckett]

I should mention also that over the years I have received lots and lots of smelly lotions and such that either I didn't like or I couldn't use due to my rather sensitive allergies... these lotions and such land on my desk at school and are greatly appreciated by my students. The gift aren't going to waste so I don't feel the least bit guilty, and my students are always happy to see the new bottles when school resumes.

 

[Bopsmom]

When I first read the OP I was a little upset like most others j

Am I missing something? Did the OP say she was a teacher? This seems like a thread determined to upset both parents and teachers.

I know what you mean. Since reading this thread as a parent I'll never give a teacher another gift without thinking that they don't like it or that it might end up in the teachers lounge or worse yet, the trash.

I think the problem boils down to that "some things are better left unsaid."

Amen! Thank you. There is an etiquette for giving gifts to people with whom you don't have a personal relationship....soaps, lotions, candles, picture frames, etc. falls into the appropriate category.

BTW-Those towels are absolutely beautiful!!!! My DM makes the same type of gifts for family. They are wonderful...
I also use soaps for my kids come spring when the school runs out of soap for the bathrooms! Send it to me if no one else wants it.

 

[Aliceacc]

I teach high school, so I don't get the quantity of gifts that elementary school teachers do.

I have never thrown out a student gift. Even it it's not to my taste, it is to someone I know. Someone gets a smile and some use from each gift.

I LOVE food gifts!!! I once had a student make me banana bread-- it was fabulous!!

 

[rt2dz]

We have a guy at work that makes cakes and brings them in and we all tell him that it is delicious but we never eat it-we cut off pieces when he is not looking and throw it in the garbage and cover it up- it really did look good and we all asked for the recipe so that we could make it ourselves at home and actually eat it....so you never can be sure they actually ate it!

Please don't take this the wrong way, but WHY? Why not just say "No, thank you"? I bake and it takes a lot of time. I just see people pretending to eat the cake as wasting his time--not to mention money on ingredients. I find that beyond rude, much more so than declining. He keeps bringing cakes in and it's a horrible cycle. Why lie and deceive? Is there a reason?

 

[ksumn1]

I really appreciate the insight. My DD's love to pick out their teachers gifts. I've always tried to let them pick but steer them toward something appropriate. (When youngest DD was 4, she swore that her PreK teacher would loooove a Dora poster and stuffed doll) Last year, we bought all the homeroom teachers and aides an ornament. Nothing "teacher" very nice, hand blown glass ornaments in traditional red/green/gold colors no santas, reindeer, snowmen etc. PreK teacher told my DD once that all kids and people are like snowflakes, no two are alike and everyone is special in their own way. So DD gave her a clear glass snowflake ornament . DD (10) gave her teacher a very antique, victorian looking ornament because she collected antiques and DD wanted something that looked "old"

I don't think I've ever given a coffee mug but have given teacher themed gifts. Once very nice boookmarks, a pen set and a set of stationary. The teacher used it to send home little reminder notes about classroom needs etc so it was used.

I can see how one of something is nice but 20 can be overwhelming. I'll probably go the gift card route since I don't know my youngest DD's K teacher that persnally. My oldest Dd's homeroom teacher I don't know well but her English teacher was also my 6th grade teacher and Mom of a classmate so I may give her a little more personal gift since I know her.

I would much rather give a GC that would be used than lotion, candle etc that the teacher may not like or use. Even if the GC is used for classroom supplies, tp, whatever at least it saved the teacher a little $$.

I agree with Tricia 1972 that if you don't know the teacher well give a GC not just a little trinket they might not like. Or if all else fails....ask. Send a note to school. I know the holdays are approaching and little Jonny is very excited to get youa small gift or token of appreciation. Is there anything you need for the classroom or anything you would enjoy on a personal level? A favorite store, restaurant or hobby? Then go from there. Is teach a crafter...gc to Michael's. Loves to read...a bookmark, gc to a bookstore. Needs art supplies..for the classroom .Gc to a teacher supply store, big box store or send paints, paper, crayons, paintbrusehes etc.

And this year I'll make sure to have DD's write a note, color a picture etc for their teachers. I never realized just how much ya'll enjpy and cherish them. And maybe I'll write a little not to the priciple about the great job their teachers do and how much I appreciate their hardwork and dedication to my DD's education.

 

[wekhogan]

At our elementary school, the room mom collects $5-10 from every family in the classroom and buys gift cards for the teacher from the class. The teacher ends up with a hefty gift card (something she'll definitely use), and the parents spend less than they would have buying individual presents.
We've also donated books to the school library in the teacher's honor, too.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I did not read all the replies so this may have been said already.

I love a note from my kids! It is so special. Another thing we all enjoy is a mom or dad coming in mid day to take our lunch duty or recess duty. It is so nice to have a long break mid day to eat! I have had parents come into class on Friday afternoon and read a book to the kids or help grade papers. All little things but make us feel so appreciated.

 

[hookedondizney]

Pea, I have to laugh at your post about eating the food brought in by patients families!
We always ate everything............LOL.......never a thought! It would be blasphemy to throw something away!!!!
we also would utilize sheets for tableclothes in the nurses lounge for spreading out foods on days like holiday, new years eve, etc etc.........LOL

I second that too!!

I love the 'drama' here...very entertaining btw. And it's all about 'what' to give someone??....just remember: it's whatever you want ppl!!!

 

[mjantz]

I'm a teacher here. Do, I expect a gift, no, but I'd be lying if I didn't say they are nice to receive (I did a quiz a few months back & apparently my 'love language' is giving & receiving gifts). I've been gifted everything from $5 to Blockbuster (one of my favorites) to a beach towel in one of my favorite colors (another favorite) to some dipped pretzels sticks (no ban on homemade gifts & they were yummy!!). However, I treasure the card I got with a picture of the child & I and things the child said about me (apparently I have nice hair!). And the letters from parents telling me how much they appreciate me or how much their child loves me. Those are priceless & I love reading those (& occasionally cry over them).
One very important thing to keep in mind is that you may not know your childs teacher as well as you believe you do. I am very friendly with my parents but there as aspects that I keep private. My parents do not know that I've had weight loss surgery & that limits what I can eat. They may not know that I kill plastic plants, much less real ones & that I have several diabetic family members which means I try & limit the amount of sugary stuff I bring into the house.
If a parent talked to me for 5 minutes they could probably glean a wealth of information about me. I love movies & going to the movies. I love watching football. I read like there's no tomorrow. I have my eye on 1-2 Christmas CDs because I love Christmas music. My classroom can always use more books & Sandra Boynton is one of my favorite childrens authors. Looking around the room they could see that I love a specific scent of Bath & Body works lotion & hand sanitizer & a quick peek in my classroom fridge would help them discover that I love ice tea & VitaminWater. My favorite charities are the school I work for (we're non-profit), the Heifer Project & anything that funds research into cancer or alzheimers/dementia.

AFA what I'm giving my kids teachers, their main teachers are getting a book for their classrooms & a picture frame. I haven't quite decided what to get their art, music & PE teachers as well as the other teachers they have for various classes. Some years the school takes up a special collection for the non-classroom teachers & divides it between the teachers & if they do that I'll just donate & call it good.

 

[southernbelle5672]

I think the OP sounded bratty and ungrateful. Whatever happend to "It's the thought that counts"? Students don't HAVE to get their teachers anything; it's a courtesy.

 

[mom2princessj]

Last year being my dd's first year of preschool I had no idea what to buy. I called a neighbor and she told me a gift card was a very appreciated gift from teachers. So I got my dd's teachers each a starbucks gift card (knowing they drink coffee everyday) and one piece of fannie mae each.
but I had no idea I was suppose to buy and end of the year gift OOPS
This year I noticed they drink (and was told by them they go every day) their coffee from a local gas station so I plan to get them each a gift card from the gas station and may also get them a piece of fannie mae each. My dd also has a very favorite cheer/gymnastics teacher and I don't know her as well and have NO IDEAS on what to get her. May just get her a gift card to target or coffee or something. I'll have to think a little more on that. Then my ds just started preschool and I really don't know his teacher at all. So she'll probably just get a target gift card with a piece of fannie mae. It's very generic but I plan to write them notes to tell them how much I appreciate how much they do for my children.

 

[BeckyScott]

I just wanted to toss in- and I haven't read the whole thread (19 pages!) but...

I always try to write a "letter of recommendation" to the school superintendant and principal.

Especially with paras or other staff that are hired on a year-to-year basis.

It's just your standard business-type letter, saying how well the staff person has worked with our child, how well they've communicated w/ us as parents, pointing out their good qualities.

It's usually something I do at the end of the year (so as to not look like a suck-up!).

When you go from one year to the next not knowing if you'll have a job, every little bit helps.

 

[pamjb]

Who wants a teacher ornament? Except a teacher and they probably have a hundred of them.

What would you do with 12 mismatched mugs (that was an average yearly haul of mugs). Who would buy them? Believe me - for a few years they went to the garage sale and people would not spend a nickel on them.

They are truly value-less.

A dear friend who is a teacher donates her stuff the local Goodwill or Salvation Army. Last year, she donated the items she didn't want to a refugee family that was sponsored by her church. Even the mismatched mugs are enjoyed by families who have no mugs.....

 

[fabfive]

At what grade to you stop sending gifts? I have two in middle school with each 4 teachers (main subjects) then 3 each for extra (music, gym etc)

I also have 1 in high school. When do you stop buying

 

[anabelle]

When my kids went to school, we would give them a gift basket full of school supplies they might need. I would stock up during the first week of school, then pack it in a cheap basket with colorful celophane. I never spent more than $10 per basket