The Truth about Teacher Gifts, Things NOT to Do

[fivefordisney]

Full disclosure:
I am a teacher.

I am a mom.

Right now I am home with my kids.

As a teacher, I always appreciated any gift--people don't have to give me a gift. In fact, I almost feel like it's an expected practice now.

I no longer put too much thought into my kids' teachers' gifts after I found out that some of them sit in the faculty room and do the "complain and trade". That was almost too much for me to comprehend. I actually would spend so much time trying to pick out the perfect VB pattern or find the perfect gift. Admittedly, I stayed away from mugs. (I actually liked receiving bath products and Yankee candles. If you don't like the scent, just go to the store and exchange...) But, you can't win all of the time. Last year, a teacher was overheard complaining about a Starbucks gc...apparently she didn't drink coffee. Another was complaining about a gc to NFL.com for $100 that 1 parent gave her. You see, the teacher LOVED a particular team. She would spend Monday reliving Sunday's game, give no homework if the team won, told the kids they'd have pizza party if they make the playoffs, she'd wear the team jersey on Fridays, etc. This parent was SOOOO excited to give her the NFL.com card, only to have her complain to other teachers about it. Imagine how a thoughtful gift turns negative. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.

I know all teachers are not like this. I am a teacher. I just think the gift thing has gotten out of control. When did it become expected?

I must say, if one of my kids has an exceptional teacher who goes above and beyond, I will recognize that with a letter and a gift (usually a gift card.) I appreciate how hard teachers work.

For the last two years, as a homeroom parent, I take up a collection for the teacher, completely voluntary, and buy a Visa gift card. It avoids the mugs, the candles, the negative vibe that I get now when it comes to this subject.

Bummer.

 

[pigletto]

Full disclosure:
I am a teacher.

I am a mom.

Right now I am home with my kids.

As a teacher, I always appreciated any gift--people don't have to give me a gift. In fact, I almost feel like it's an expected practice now.

I no longer put too much thought into my kids' teachers' gifts after I found out that some of them sit in the faculty room and do the "complain and trade". That was almost too much for me to comprehend. I actually would spend so much time trying to pick out the perfect VB pattern or find the perfect gift. Admittedly, I stayed away from mugs. (I actually liked receiving bath products and Yankee candles. If you don't like the scent, just go to the store and exchange...) But, you can't win all of the time. Last year, a teacher was overheard complaining about a Starbucks gc...apparently she didn't drink coffee. Another was complaining about a gc to NFL.com for $100 that 1 parent gave her. You see, the teacher LOVED a particular team. She would spend Monday reliving Sunday's game, give no homework if the team won, told the kids they'd have pizza party if they make the playoffs, she'd wear the team jersey on Fridays, etc. This parent was SOOOO excited to give her the NFL.com card, only to have her complain to other teachers about it. Imagine how a thoughtful gift turns negative. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.

I know all teachers are not like this. I am a teacher. I just think the gift thing has gotten out of control. When did it become expected?

I must say, if one of my kids has an exceptional teacher who goes above and beyond, I will recognize that with a letter and a gift (usually a gift card.) I appreciate how hard teachers work.

For the last two years, as a homeroom parent, I take up a collection for the teacher, completely voluntary, and buy a Visa gift card. It avoids the mugs, the candles, the negative vibe that I get now when it comes to this subject.

Bummer.

Yuck. That sure leaves a sour taste in ones mouth doesn't it.
Reading through this thread has pointed out what I have been coming to realize. That you simply can not please people all of the time , no matter how thoughtful you try to be. Every single person has a different perception of what constitutes a great gift. There are bound to be times when we miss the mark.
It's all a little depressing really. I have a family member who thinks it's thoughtless to ask what she wants for a holiday. At that point I am completely at a loss. I mean.. if I am so worried about offending you that I actually come to and ask for ideas... and THAT offends you as well... at that point I give up.
I generally believe people try their best in most cases with the resources they have.
But to hear about people sitting around *****ing about the gifts they receive.. well it kind of takes all the joy out of giving doesn't it.

 

[rt2dz]

OT, sorry..
Texas' Policy can be found at squaremeals.org
Although birthdays are now exempt and adults have never been included, the state does have a policy on Foods of Minimal Nutritional Value not being served during the school day. School districts can add on to the policy, but not take away from it.
Penalties are given for non-compliance.

I’m not sure if you are trying to contradict me or just give further information. In the case of the former, the exact limitations (yes, it can be found on squaremeals.org) that *limits* food of minimal nutritional value is: a cupcake or cookie or other treat can be served at parties (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, end of the year), birthdays (although suggested to be served at lunch), schools can sell dessert (cookies, ice cream, chips) at lunch, and schools are allowed up to 3 additional days were candy or other extra treats may be brought in and never is anything homemade banned.

When I posted that, the pp said TX does not allow *any* junk food or *anything* homemade for *anyone* at *any* time. That is not true. I was simply saying so and that it was probably the pp school district. It is not the state.

ETA—National laws say that states have to have a wellness plan. It does not say what those healthy attitudes have to be. It’s pretty much common sense that kids aren’t morbidly obese because a cookie is served at holiday parties or birthday parties. Any good nutritionist will tell you there are no bad foods, just food abuse.

I totally agree with no junk at lunch, no soda in schools, and no vending machines, and regular PE and recess (where kids get to run). I just don’t happen to think that a zero tolerance policy is worthwhile. I also don’t believe in banning homemade items, although I understand why some districts do it. Those who have children with food allergies (I’m one of them) need to be pro-active and provide their own allergy free treats for those cases. Homemade items are often better for you because they don’t have the preservatives, too!

 

[dismom2]

Yuck. That sure leaves a sour taste in ones mouth doesn't it.
Reading through this thread has pointed out what I have been coming to realize. That you simply can not please people all of the time , no matter how thoughtful you try to be. Every single person has a different perception of what constitutes a great gift. There are bound to be times when we miss the mark.
It's all a little depressing really. I have a family member who thinks it's thoughtless to ask what she wants for a holiday. At that point I am completely at a loss. I mean.. if I am so worried about offending you that I actually come to and ask for ideas... and THAT offends you as well... at that point I give up.
I generally believe people try their best in most cases with the resources they have.
But to hear about people sitting around *****ing about the gifts they receive.. well it kind of takes all the joy out of giving doesn't it.

I agree. What is this world coming to?

From this thread I have learned the following:

1) Many gifts teachers recieve go straight into the garbage. Some do it because they consider our gifts junk, value-less, or too common and they are sick of getting the "same" gifts from everyone.

2) It is not acceptable to give food because of allergies and nutritional issues.

3) It is not okay to give a beautiful poinsettia because it is poisonous. Flowers might set off allergies.
Candles might cause migraines, or your cat might eat it, or it might burn your house down.
Lotions might be tested on animals, or you may not like the scent or have too many bottles of it

4) Teachers prefer GIFT CARDS. Many mentioned a preference for Starbucks, but some teachers said they do not drink coffee.

5) Some teachers prefer just a note or card.

6) Some like ornaments; some don't.

7) Don't even think about getting anything with a teacher theme to it.

8) It is way too inconvenient for a teacher to DONATE anything ( I find this so sad).

9) Other school employee's (other types of teachers) feel jilted because they don't get as many gifts.

10) Some teachers spend time gossiping in the teacher lounge about thier displeasure with the gifts they recieve.

I would like to say that it is important to remember that even if you don't get a gift, or the gift of your choice, it is not a reflection of whether you are appreciated or not. And it doesn't mean we didn't put any thought into your gift. Most parents think you are going to like thier gift. This thread has enlightened me regarding your preferences, but know that I only meant well in the past.

The holidays are not all about what everyone is going to get you. Parents are feeling a lot of pressure when it comes to gift giving at the school these days. Did I buy something for ever teacher that comes in contact with my child, and thier assistants? Wow---a person could go broke buying for everyone. And, go insane trying to please everyone.

I fully appreciate teachers, but let us remember, people of all careers might feel "unappreciated", or envious that they didn't get as many gifts as thier co-worker, even though they deserve to feel appreciated just as much. And, no offense, but not everyone at the school goes above and beyond. I have liked most, but there have been some that should just retire or find a new career. Yes, they teach our children, but I could tell you some stories. Most are wonderful, but some.....

 

[BeckyScott]

ETA—National laws say that states have to have a wellness plan. It does not say what those healthy attitudes have to be. It’s pretty much common sense that kids aren’t morbidly obese because a cookie is served at holiday parties or birthday parties. Any good nutritionist will tell you there are no bad foods, just food abuse.

There's a reason why the class parties are usually scheduled for the end of the day. Aside from disrupting the regular schedule, the old thought of "sugar 'em up and send 'em home" still exists. Point being, if you've gotten 20 kids all sugared up, best to get them out of the room ASAP, as nothing will be accomplished for several hours.

Our district has a healthy-food policy. It was very strict the first year, now they're starting to slack on it. I didn't know any better and planned healthy snacks for the fall party. At the very last minute, the day before, the time of the parties got changed, from last thing of the day, to mid-morning. My youngest son's class, where I'm the room mom, had trail mix and 100% juice. My older son's class got red punch and bakery cupcakes and as much candy as they could sneak out of the goody bags without the teacher noticing. And I wouldn't have wanted to be her for the next three hours, trying to teach with the after-effects of that. And yes, my son with ADHD got a note in his backpack that day. What a shock.

As far as store-bought, that's the policy here. Youngest DS has food allergies so I make his treat, trying to match it as close as possible to what the rest of the class has. Since I'm making it for him only, home-made is okay. It would be nice, and I would be willing, to make the whole class his "allergy" cupcakes, if for no other reason than maybe for once he'd be like everyone else. But I can't buy them pre-made so it's a no-go.

But I digress. I can't imagine being peeved about a $100 gift card to anything. Seriously, though, that's just showing off. Do people actually spend that much on teacher gifts? I'm craftsy (but carefully so, there's a fine line between cute and tacky) and if I'm making something, I'll only spend a couple dollars per teacher. We just don't have the budget to do otherwise. The one year I ran out of time I did gc's, but I didn't like that because we could only do $5 per person and it seemed cheap to me. (I know, my own personal bias) And I got all paranoid, and apparantly I was justified, thinking that the teachers compared notes at the end of the day, and it would look bad if I didn't give them all the same thing. What a nightmare!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Go ahead and start flaming me......I don't care.

Every year when my kids were small, I did the room mom thing and I always made cut out sugar cookies from scratch and decorated them. I was very careful to make winter themed cookies as not to upset anyone who didn't celebrate Christmas. I made extras -- the kids could take one for their brother or sister at home if they wanted. The teacher always knew there were extras and she knew I did not want them sent back home. I hoped she'd send a few extra home with the kids who might have lots of siblings at home and no cookies. The teachers always commented. When we'd get a new teacher, the new teacher always commented about hearing about the cookies and she was looking forward to it.

We had one really wonderful teacher and she had commented that she didn't bake at all. She felt bad about it and she just commented one time that she wondered if her kids were missing out on something by not getting to decorate cookies at home. She said by the time she gets home, she was too tired to try and bake and she really didn't have any baking skills anyway.

(who has already guessed where I'm going with this?)

So one year, the last week of school before Christmas, I baked her several dozen cut out sugar cookies AND DID NOT DECORATE THEM. I gave them to her with a card that said I hoped she'd have fun decorating cookies with her kids. I included several containers of sprinkles, a can of frosting, etc.

Her thank you note was very touching. She even showed me pictures she had taken of her kids decorating the cookies. She said it was the best present she received.

I know that probably seems like a silly gift and with all of the rules about food, today you probably wouldn't be allowed to do that. But it was the gift I most remember giving to a teacher.

EDITED TO ADD: when I said we had one wonderful teacher, we actually had MANY wonderful teachers. I didn't mean for it to sound that way -- it was this one teacher in particular that was especially wonderful.......

 

[Pea-n-Me]

That is just awesome, Grumpy's Gal! What a thoughtful gift. I'm glad it was well received.

 

[mom2faith]

Go ahead and start flaming me......I don't care.

Every year when my kids were small, I did the room mom thing and I always made cut out sugar cookies from scratch and decorated them. I was very careful to make winter themed cookies as not to upset anyone who didn't celebrate Christmas. I made extras -- the kids could take one for their brother or sister at home if they wanted. The teacher always knew there were extras and she knew I did not want them sent back home. I hoped she'd send a few extra home with the kids who might have lots of siblings at home and no cookies. The teachers always commented. When we'd get a new teacher, the new teacher always commented about hearing about the cookies and she was looking forward to it.

We had one really wonderful teacher and she had commented that she didn't bake at all. She felt bad about it and she just commented one time that she wondered if her kids were missing out on something by not getting to decorate cookies at home. She said by the time she gets home, she was too tired to try and bake and she really didn't have any baking skills anyway.

(who has already guessed where I'm going with this?)

So one year, the last week of school before Christmas, I baked her several dozen cut out sugar cookies AND DID NOT DECORATE THEM. I gave them to her with a card that said I hoped she'd have fun decorating cookies with her kids. I included several containers of sprinkles, a can of frosting, etc.

Her thank you note was very touching. She even showed me pictures she had taken of her kids decorating the cookies. She said it was the best present she received.

I know that probably seems like a silly gift and with all of the rules about food, today you probably wouldn't be allowed to do that. But it was the gift I most remember giving to a teacher.

EDITED TO ADD: when I said we had one wonderful teacher, we actually had MANY wonderful teachers. I didn't mean for it to sound that way -- it was this one teacher in particular that was especially wonderful.......

Oh my goodnes!! I LOVE this idea!! I know many "non" bakers that would love this!! You are an inspiration!! Thank you!!

 

[momx2]

I agree. What is this world coming to?

From this thread I have learned the following:

1) Many gifts teachers recieve go straight into the garbage. Some do it because they consider our gifts junk, value-less, or too common and they are sick of getting the "same" gifts from everyone.

2) It is not acceptable to give food because of allergies and nutritional issues.

3) It is not okay to give a beautiful poinsettia because it is poisonous. Flowers might set off allergies.
Candles might cause migraines, or your cat might eat it, or it might burn your house down.
Lotions might be tested on animals, or you may not like the scent or have too many bottles of it

4) Teachers prefer GIFT CARDS. Many mentioned a preference for Starbucks, but some teachers said they do not drink coffee.

5) Some teachers prefer just a note or card.

6) Some like ornaments; some don't.

7) Don't even think about getting anything with a teacher theme to it.

8) It is way too inconvenient for a teacher to DONATE anything ( I find this so sad).

9) Other school employee's (other types of teachers) feel jilted because they don't get as many gifts.

10) Some teachers spend time gossiping in the teacher lounge about thier displeasure with the gifts they recieve.

I would like to say that it is important to remember that even if you don't get a gift, or the gift of your choice, it is not a reflection of whether you are appreciated or not. And it doesn't mean we didn't put any thought into your gift. Most parents think you are going to like thier gift. This thread has enlightened me regarding your preferences, but know that I only meant well in the past.

The holidays are not all about what everyone is going to get you. Parents are feeling a lot of pressure when it comes to gift giving at the school these days. Did I buy something for ever teacher that comes in contact with my child, and thier assistants? Wow---a person could go broke buying for everyone. And, go insane trying to please everyone.

I fully appreciate teachers, but let us remember, people of all careers might feel "unappreciated", or envious that they didn't get as many gifts as thier co-worker, even though they deserve to feel appreciated just as much. And, no offense, but not everyone at the school goes above and beyond. I have liked most, but there have been some that should just retire or find a new career. Yes, they teach our children, but I could tell you some stories. Most are wonderful, but some.....

Great post! I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Vijoge]

8) It is way too inconvenient for a teacher to DONATE anything ( I find this so sad).

Look at it this way. What is the point of giving someone a gift that you think/know they are going to give away, whether to charity or someone else?

 

[mickeyluv'r]

As a teacher I'll say the best gifts are heartfelt notes. One special student once gave me a glass apple that I deeply treasured, but mainly because he was a very difficult student, and knowing that he appreciated my help was really nice.

Where I have taught, gifts are mostly frowned upon. We can not accept anything that is worth more than ten dollars, and even then they are mostly discouraged.

I have also gotten a few gift certificates over the years, but this is probably a bad year for them, with so many stores on the brink of closing. Some gift certificates are good, but some go unused. I don't mean to, I just forget about them.

Our school system is odd about food items....kids can only have store bought, but several times a year we have 'teacher appreciation' goodie fests. I usually avoid anything homemade as I have no idea what is in the food item.

For me, since I'm not allowed to accept anything of value, gifts make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I know many students can't afford them, and I don't want to any kid to ever think that their grade (or my willingness to help them) might be linked to gifts in any way.

I truly appreciate a card and/or note the best. I would think also that for younger kids a drawing or homemade card would be a great gift. That lets me know that the student took some time, not just mom. That the item isn't a bribe, and that the item didn't cost too much. It makes me really squeam if I don't know the value of an item, or if the item is too expensive and I have to return it to the student. It makes me feel really sad.

Notes are also easy for me to store, and reading an old note is treasure. (I also have kept a few student's projects over the years, and these are also very treasured items. One of my favorites is an essay that makes me cry every time I read it.)

Isn't that what gifts are supposed to be about anyhow?

 

[estherhead]

Here's what I do, even though I've not read this whole thread. I have my girls write a nice note & I write a note. I then make chocolate dipped strawberries & put them in a nice box with tissue paper (I usually buy these items after Valentine's day when they are cheap, last year I got them for $.25 a box!) I probably give 5 berries per teacher. It isn't expensive, it takes about 30 minutes to do. I've never had a teacher say, "Chocolate dipped berries? No!!!!!!!" They always love them.

If chocolate isn't your thing you can find instructions on how to do this on line. The only negative is I don't feel comfortable sending them on the bus so it does require actually handing them out personally the last day of school.

JMHO.

 

[MousekeMommy]

I'm was a teacher, then a SAHM, now teacher again . . .

Thanks for anything. I appreciate all gifts. Period.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I'm was a teacher, then a SAHM, now teacher again . . .

Thanks for anything. I appreciate all gifts. Period.

You sound like a nice, nice teacher! One year when my DD was 3, we were talking about what to buy her teacher for Christmas. And DD was looking thru the JC Penney catalog and she picked it out.......there in all of it's glory was.....the PERFECT GIFT in her three year old opinion!


a teal toilet seat cover! She was sure it was PERFECT and that her teacher would LOVE it!

No, we did not order it. She was quite disappointed. But I'm sure her teacher would have been gracious about it.

 

[McQueenofHrts]

First, let me say that I am from the era that one's appreciation of a teacher is not shown by gifts, but a simple thank you voiced from the parent and/or child. (I use the word "teacher" in a broad sense of the word because anyone that spends time nurturing and teaching a child is in my book a teacher.) With this said, I have two aunts that have been educating children for over 30 years. One aunt is a high school math teacher and the other is a preschool teacher. I often ask them about their students, because the stories are always compelling. More often than not, I am being told how one student said or did something thoughtful or how a breakthrough was made and the child/teenager smiled the biggest smile. It is in those actions that they know they are appreciated. In my heart, I believe many teachers know that is the true reflection of appreciation. If not, then I think the teacher needs a break from teaching.
Please do not flame me for saying what I have said. I don't want to be in a debate about what is an appropriate gift. However, I will make a suggestion to all the people that don't like mugs. If you have a ton or are about to get a ton, break them and use the pieces to make a mosiac stepping stone. If you don't have a space for the mosiac stepping stone maybe the school will. It is the teachers in our lives that help us move forward and guide us along a path. In the end, the mosaic stepping stone symbolizes much more and leaves a better lasting memory than throwing the mug away along with the sentiment behind it.


Ok, I am done with being sappy now!

Thanks for listening...

 

[mickeysgal]

Who wants a teacher ornament? Except a teacher and they probably have a hundred of them.

What would you do with 12 mismatched mugs (that was an average yearly haul of mugs). Who would buy them? Believe me - for a few years they went to the garage sale and people would not spend a nickel on them.

They are truly value-less.

Who would buy them? Someone looking for teacher gifts of course.

 

[southernbelle5672]

It's not being ungrateful to make a suggestion, which is what the OP did. I'm grateful for every gift I receive from a student, but that doesn't mean I feel I have to use it. I've been teaching a long time, and when I have thirty students a year, multiplied by the number of years I have been teaching, that's a lot of gifts. DW is also a teacher and has had thirty students every year for many years. We don't have the room in our house, classrooms, or anywhere else to store that many mugs, candles, lotion products, etc.

Yes, but the gift is not about what you need or what you want. It's about the thought. Can you imagine how a student would feel if he or she heard the teachers complaining like this? Granted, it's oftentimes a parent who goes out and gets the presents but still - do you think a child would be happy to hear that their teacher hated the #1 teacher mug? That is just heartbreaking.

I am a college student and obviously not many college students give their teachers gifts. If I went out of my way to go buy a special teacher a present and I heard them complaining to someone else about it, I would lose every ounce of respect I once had for that teacher.

It sounds like you are extremely lucky to have thirty students a year that give you gifts. I guess when you receive so many it becomes redundant enough for you to complain about the item and overlook the thought.

 

[bumbershoot]

It seems so strange to me that a post saying "it's the thought that counts, so have your child write me a note and that will be absolutely spectacular, but if you really want to spend money, don't spend much, and why not have the thought AND the item count at the same time?" can be seen so negatively!

Gol, they are mainly saying "don't spend money". Sounds good to me!



I have no side to this, b/c I don't remember EVER giving a gift to a teacher (never had one that deserved it either), and we're homeschooling so any teacher-gift would be funded by us and given to us, and that's just silly!

I would understand if someone had allergies, however when I was at my daughter's classroom and in the nurse's office, I noticed scented lotion on the main teacher's desk and the other teacher was rubbing lotion on her hands while we where out at the playground. We where also discussing with another parent about Yankee having a buy one get one half off and what scents are available (it was only certain ones). We also laughed about chocolate cravings while at the School open house, so I registered those clues for future reference. The Barnes and Nobles...I stereotyped and figured teachers liked to read...I also was of the thought that I wanted them to have a nice relaxing evening....I figured a relaxing bath, some good chocolate and a scented candle curled up with a good book might accomplish that. It was a thought and a good one for people I am very thankful for, and I think it should be the thought that counts (unless you are a husband ).

I was really excited and thought I had done well and after several of these posts, I just feel sad...I wanted to get them something to show appreciation, and now I am feeling that my efforts and thoughts won't convey this.

And I have to say, I love home made goodies! That is less I have to bake and I get to put it out for others to enjoy at holiday get togethers.

Serene, I do NOT understand this. You took the time to notice these things about the teachers. You either remembered it or wrote it down. You've figured out really good presents, not generic or "teacher themed", for individuals.

But you're letting this thread throw you off of it? That makes no sense.

To punish the teachers that you've gotten to know, because other teachers who parents do NOT get to know well and give generic presents to have said "hey, how 'bout a nice note from your kiddo", just seems silly to me. Continue with your plans, don't let this thread change your actions, and don't feel weird about what you've done, since it seems you get gifts that MEAN something to the individuals you know.

I think anytime a person spends money and/or time to buy and/or make something for me is something to be appreciated. It means they are thinking of you and wanted to do something special for you.

The thought really does count, but it's always even better if the item counts too. I say that as mainly a giver of gifts...I would hate hate hate to know that my gifts weren't used, and I would want to do better in the future. When you know better, do better!

That's not AT you, it sounds like you're doing quite well with the individual teachers.

Again, I just find this so sad....a sign of our times I'm afraid.

What, exactly, is a sign of our times?

That people are saying "if you're going to spend money, spend it on something I won't just keep out of obligation, but will actually USE"? That seems to be a NICE thing!

...but at my children's school it is. Now, no teacher has ever said to me or my children that they expect gifts, but of course they do and I truly think they deserve a little gift from my child.

If they don't tell you they expect gifts, how on earth would you know they do?

I feel almost sad to hear that people are in a sense taking other peoples hard earned cash and throwing it away...

People are helping you either save money, or use the money more meaningfully. Isn't it nicer to a give something that will actually be used, rather than one that has to be thrown out (allergies, rules, Salvation Army and Goodwill having no buyers therefore refusing the items, etc)?

By the way, candles can be stored in closets and drawers, they make lovely fresheners, and also in kitchen cabinets!! You can naver have too many!!

I can have too many, and I can't store those things in my house. I have 3 scented candles. I had to throw away a ton, b/c after DS arrived I just couldn't deal with the smells anymore. One is a pumpkin spice thing that is nice when close-up but doesn't send out a scent just sitting there, the others are some Ikea things that actually don't offend. Everything else had to go.

Also, burning candles increases my chances of an asthma attack..I haven't had one in a long time, and I like to keep it that way. It's funny how vaporizing wax globules and sending them floating through the air to get breathed into your lungs can trigger an asthma attack!

Then they read post after post that the gift is not good enough.

No one has said that. In fact, the people in agreement with the OP have said that LESS gift is better. That a simple note from the student is gift enough.

I think the problem boils down to that "some things are better left unsaid."

Not to everyone.

A friend of mine gets penguin things from her family. It started when she was a child, and she was briefly obsessed, but it has continued. And it's not jokey things it's actual penguin themed presents that people spend money on. She's NOT interested in penguins, and doesn't even remember the period when she was.

She won't tell her family! She jokes about it with her friends, talks about how weird her family is, but each penguin thing she gets, she gushes and thanks them, and has never told them "enough now".

She should tell them. If they ever find out, it will be worse later on than it would be now. Should have told them ages ago, but it continues, and WHEN they find out they are going to feel awful for having spent all that money on things she's not interested in.

...we all asked for the recipe so that we could make it ourselves at home and actually eat it....so you never can be sure they actually ate it!!

I was actually thinking that when I read the thread that mentioned teachers asking for the recipe!

I admit that I didn't read this entire thread (20 pages long). I just ordered totes for my sons teachers and purses for the assistants from Vera Bradley. For you teachers out there, is this something that you would appreciate? Those teachers are miracle workers, in my opinion (my sons are autistic). I wanted to get them something very nice. But if totes are not something that teachers would want, then forget it.

The question is not whether people on the Dis would like them, but do you think these specific individuals will like them? Do they carry purses like that? I for one have never seen anything on Vera Bradley's website that I like, and I despise the current "more is better" style of purses, so a VB bag wouldn't be good for me. But would it be good for these people that you've bought them for? That's the question you have to answer.

But to hear about people sitting around *****ing about the gifts they receive.. well it kind of takes all the joy out of giving doesn't it.

Doesn't for me; I'd rather get things that I absolutely KNOW people will like or need! I don't like throwing money away!

 

[mommy2allyandaveri]

DH once came home with socks from a student for X-mas. Like a package of white gym socks, so far that has been the strangest thing we have gotten.

 

[pigletto]

Doesn't for me; I'd rather get things that I absolutely KNOW people will like or need! I don't like throwing money away!

Nor do I. However had you actually read my post you would have seen that
I gave an example of my SIL who is offended by people asking her what she would like. And buying for her is extremely stressful. Though she would claim she is the easiest person in the world to buy for.. I find her the most difficult.. generally due to the disappointment and complaining/exchanging she does after receiving a gift. I ask to avoid that.. and apparently that is rude.

And honestly please don't assume that you have always given something that someone LIKES and NEEDS. The majority of us try. And when someone completely misses the mark for me.. I am still very thankful and gracious.. because they tried.. and took the time.
Doesn't mean I LOVE the gift itself. But I do LOVE the thought. I make it a point not to ever be so obvious that the giver would ever know it wasn't exactly what I wanted/needed. They did their best.