Chapter Eleven: Peeps, Peps, Pups and Pan
What do you do after youre amused by a duckbilled platypus? You eat Pop Tarts and ride on a flying elephant.
Duh.
There were barely any people in Fantasyland that morning. Which has no relevance here. My daughter got in her stroller and I wheeled her over to Dumbo. The ride. I asked her if she was hungry yet. Because I was. If Mommy was with us, wed be eating fruit or granola bars or some other healthy crap. But since Mrs. Z was back in the room, Daddy was in charge.
We got to Dumbo where there was no one waiting to ride. Score! I said to myself. Outloud. In my big voice. Just then a Rubenesque CM approached us and said the ride was being repaired. It occurs to me that she didnt say repaired, but used some other Disney euphemism for fixing a 35 year old carnival ride. I figured it wouldnt be too long so I pushed my daughters stroller over to a bench and I sat down so we could eat breakfast.
I pulled some anti-bacterial out to clean up our hands because although Ill feed my 4 year old daughter Frosted Cherry Pop Tarts, I dont want her getting sick.
My neck may be red, but my hands are clean.
We finished off our breakfast and sure enough Dumbo was open. We got in line with a few other people. And the enemy of common sense.
Youll recall that my daughter has a thing for Peter Pan. Which means she also loves all things green (good thing for her that isnt one of Auburns colors). So for instance, we drive through Peter Pan colored lights and stop at Captain Hooks. Got it? The Dumbos have different colors on them as well. Different colored hats and such. So standing in line waiting her turn, my daughter says, Daddy, lets ride the Peter Pan one. To which I of course said, well try.
Now, I dont fault the woman behind us for not knowing that the Peter Pan one was the green Dumbo. I do fault her for pushing past us to make certain she got into a Dumbo.
Because the CM counting might have made a mistake and she might have had to wait. Two more minutes.
And being all alone in Disney World as she was, it was important for
her to have a seat on Dumbo.
Im not one of the people who thinks Disney is for children. Therefore, I dont think every adult must accommodate every whim of the children. I have nothing against single adults traveling to Disney World. If they waited on the curb for 2 hours to watch Spectromagic, they are under no obligation, moral or otherwise, to move to allow the children in front of them.
So this isnt about my daughter being more important that a single adult woman.
Although she is.
This is about a woman
WHO WAS LAST IN LINE pushing past a dad and his 4 year old daughter to make certain she got on Dumbo.
Dumbo.
Not Space Mountain.
Not even that wretched excuse for a rollercoaster, Thunder Mountain.
Dumbo!
I dont know how many Dumbo cars there are, but there were only two thirds as many people in line. So when the CM let us in, if hyper-selfish, uber rude, pushing woman had counted, she would have seen there were plenty of seats.
Instead she pushed past us and, you guessed it, sat in the green Dumbo.
As we walked up to it and my daughter realized that Pushy McRude Toes took her Dumbo, she said, Daddy, I wanted to ride in the Peter Pan one.
To which I replied in my big voice, well, honey, some people are less patient than us and needed to get on the ride first.
We got stuck riding in the Wendy one.
Our day was ruined.
Not really. It wasnt like she spit a magic loogie on us.
After The Incident at Dumbo, we moved over to Winnie the Pooh. Ive never really been a fan of the Pooh ride. I sort of tolerated it. Like a physical. I would ride it to please my family. Turn my head and cough.
They must have changed the ride, or I have underestimated the joy inducing power of the Pop Tart because I actually found much to enjoy about it. It was less odious than I remembered it being and there were a few funny Tigger things to point out to my daughter. Also there's that scene with the cake that looks good to eat. Fantasyland was still mostly empty so we had the honeypot to ourselves. When the ride ended, I asked my daughter if she wanted to ride again. When she said she did, I asked the CM if we could stay on.
I am now a hero to my daughter as a result.
After Pooh times two, we moved with great dispatch through the aptly named dump shop. We retrieved the stroller and walked towards Tomorrowland. Theres a spot on the path between Fantasyland and Tomorrowland where one ends and the other begins. I dont know where the line is. With great subtlety, the music from the Tea Cups fades from your ear right as you pick up the music of Tomorrowland.
Which I am well familiar with because I am a dork and as Ive told you, I listen to streaming Disney music when I work late. Which is a lot.
Music is powerful. Like smells. It evokes, even provokes. Maybe even stokes and two other words which are somewhat similar and rhyme to boot.
Hearing the Tomorrowland music felt familiar to me. I smiled because I recognized it. I smiled because the last time I heard it was late one night in my office. I smiled because I wasnt in my office at that moment. I smiled because I was at Disney World.
With my daughter.
On our way to page Mr. Morrow, Mr. Tom Morrow.
We parked the stroller and rode up the speed ramp to the top. I handed Chelsea Chipperpants my camera and asked her to take a picture of us for me. We got in our PeopleMover despite my daughters concern that I had handed off our camera to an overly chipper CM. I assured her it would be ok. Chelsea would hand it back after the picture. Which she did.
The picture isnt perfect. Its a little dark, and theres a little too much background, but you can clearly see my daughter and me having a great time. And you can clearly identify the PeopleMover. It sits on my desk. I see it every day and every day I remember
that day. And I take a brief 2 minute vacation in my mind.
As we whirled towards Space Mountain, my daughter said, Daddy, I think Im ready to ride Space Mountain. Having now conquered her fear of the Peter Pan ride, I assume she thought she was ready for the world.
Oh Sheila.
I told her I thought maybe she should look more closely at Space Mountain before she made up her mind. You cant see very much of the ride from the PeopleMover, but she saw enough. By the time we were spit out the other side, she decided to wait until she was six or maybe seven before [she] rode it. Whenever youre ready, I told her.
We heard them page Mr. Morrow, Mr. Tom Morrow and we laughed. Because were ZZUBs and were easily amused. And all hopped up on Frosted Cherry Pop Tarts. Once you hear the page for Mr. Morrow, Mr. Tom Morrow, the ride is a lot of nothing. So we planned out the rest of our morning. We were both thirsty and in need of a bathroom. We also were ready to see the Puppies of Progress. So it was agreed.
Peeps, Peps then Pups.
Because we like to abbreviate and because all soft drinks are Peps.
A thousand dead southern relatives just rolled over.
Being a Disney Dork has its advantages. One of them is you know where the bathrooms are and never have to consult a park map. You even know where the Family Bathrooms are. And in proximity to the People Mover, there is a Family Bathroom over by what used to be the sky ride.
After peeps, we hit the Lunching Pad for Peps. Which we shared.
Yeah, thats right, I gave my daughter Diet Coke to wash down her Frosted Cherry Pop Tart. What do you expect from a Disney World Dad?
Once we finished our Peps, we walked over to the Pups. It appeared to me that they made some minor (Disney euphemism for repairs) since last year but they left the script alone. My guess is once the Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor opens in what used to be the Timekeeper, the Pups will go on their last big boy ride.
Pity.
I dont think its too much to ask that Disney World maintain some of the older rides. Clean them up, modernize them a little. Keep them working right. It doesnt all have to be Pirates of the Caribbean and our Pixar Pals, does it?
After the Pups, my daughter sacrificially agreed to ride Buzz Lightnerd for Daddy. She hates that ride as much as Hanson hated puberty. But she loves her Daddy and was willing to go on it for me.
There may have also been the promise of a prize if she went on it with me. I cant recall.
No amount of love and/or bribery was going to get her on it a second time, so we stepped out to the right and got on the moving platform. Where I faced backwards. Its never too soon to begin embarrassing your children,
Next year, dark socks with shorts!
Proving that hes even more ubiquitous than a different kind of pop tart who recently split with her husband via text message, Stich was waiting outside of Buzz Lightnerd. I instinctively started walking away from him but my daughter was suddenly interested. So we walked over and got in line. One thing he did that was kind of cute, his handler was asking kids for their autographs. Stich had a book and the kids signed for him and then wrote where they were from.
I helped my daughter spell out our home state and then we headed back to the stroller. I looked at my watch and realized that in about fifteen minutes Toon Town was going to open. I know that if you are at the rope when it drops, provided Pushy McRude Toes isnt desperate to get in ahead of you, the characters will take your kids hand and walk them into Toon Town. As we got up towards Toon Town, I noticed there was an opening right in the middle of the rope. Score? I couldnt figure out why the middle was wide open. They were four and five families deep at the sides. Why was the center open?
Undaunted I pushed up to the rope. Where, after a half minute I figured out why the center of the rope was left vacant.
No shade.
The sides had shade and the other people, the parents who
dont give their kids Frosted Cherry Pop Tarts and Diet Coke for breakfast, were more concerned about keeping their kids out of the suns glare.
Not ZZUB. No, I stood at the rope so wed be up front. Im not completely clueless, by the way. I stood in front of the stroller and acted as a human shade shield for my daughter who was cool in the dark my body provided. Still, I felt the disapproving glares of the mothers who were in the shade with their children.
Stupid Disney World Dad.
Or it was the sun. Probably a little of both.
Eventually, Pluto came up to the rope with his handler and after Pluto shook hands with a few children, they dropped the rope.
Note well: Pluto
DID NOT take anyones hand and head towards a ride.
I was annoyed. And hugely sweaty. And chagrinned. I had been outnerded by the people who stood in the shade.
Dangit!
As we came around the bend in road, we saw a boatload of characters all standing around. Daisy Duck was in front of Minnies House and my daughter got out of her stroller and ran up to her. Daisy took her hand and started to walk into Minnies House.
I called out my daughters name because I didnt think I could bring the stroller in there and I have this thing about strange people in duck costumes taking my daughter out of my view. I thought Daisy would stop and give me a chance to park the stroller and then join up with them. She didnt. Instead, she released my daughter and took another little girls hand. My daughter promptly began crying and made her way over to me in that way that only little girls can do, crying with their entire bodies. I apologized to her as I explained that I didnt want to lose her. I picked her up and told her wed go find Daisy so she could have her picture taken with her.
I really didnt know what I was going to do. I was hoping that if we walked all the way through Minnies house it would take us to a spot where the characters were standing around for pictures. Id never been in Minnies House in Disney World. But my daughter was crying and at the moment it was my fault. As we got into Minnies House, I could see Daisy ahead of us still holding the other little girls hand. We got to a spot where there is only a railing that separates one room from the other. We were in one room headed north, Daisy was in the other room at the same spot, but headed south.
Daisy must have heard me say, Look, Honey, theres Daisy right there, because she gestured for my daughter to come join her. I put my daughter over the railing so she could walk holding Daisys hand and told her I would be right behind her. Then I maneuvered like heck to catch up with them. As I navigated sweaty, under-deodorized tourists, shoving more than a few out of my way to catch up with my daughter and Daisy Duck, I managed to also get my camera out of the bag. I finally made my way up to them and shot several pictures of my daughter getting a tour of Minnies House with Daisy.
Which made me wonder why Daisy was giving tours of Minnies House. Not that theres anything wrong with that.
Outside of Minnies House, we were led through a garden and into the Country Fair (Im supremely confident that if I have the name wrong NicoleMarie will correct me). We were led into one of the character rooms where we got to see Daisy, Minnie and Goofy.
Then we were led out into the Mother of All Dump Shops. Where we moved back into line to meet the Princesses: Cinderella, Belle and Rain Black. About half way through the Princess room, my daughter grew bored and asked about getting her prize. She briefly considered dissing Rain Black until Rain begged her to come over for a picture. If she were any more desperate for attention her name would be Kevin Federline.
We made our way back into the Country Fair (NM?) and my daughter started sizing up her options. Now then, I am a holder of a Disney Visa so I prefer to save our major souvenir shopping for World of Disney where we get 10% off.
Big surprise, right?
But since it was just me and my daughter and there was no one around to check my impulse to spoil her, I threw caution and a barely-worth-schlepping-to-Downtown Disney-for-discount to the wind. She spied a Peter Pan play set and a Daisy Duck stuffed animal and about five other things she wanted. Including an oversized lollipop. All of which I said yes to.
The CM who rang us up offered to have our packages delivered back to our hotel for us.
Which resort are you staying at? he asked.
The Wilderness Lodge, I said in my big voice, just in case anyone around us was suffering from deluxenfreude.
I briefly considered it because I only had two hands, one of which at least had to push the stroller and I didnt think I would be able to balance all the crap we just bought. But I also knew package delivery takes a day and all of the stuff I bought was stuff she wanted to play with. Now. So I gave one bag to my daughter and I held two in one hand while pushing her stroller with the other.
You try pushing an umbrella stroller with a 35 pound four year old in it with only one hand through the Magic Kingdom some time. See how easy it is. It probably wouldnt have been so hard if the dang thing didnt have a cloaking device, rendering it invisible to the clueless wonders crowding Mainstreet.
Dang magical stroller!
Although the rest of the Magic Kingdom was pretty empty, Mainstreet looked like Wal-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving. It made me wonder if they were giving out free fudge. But then I came to my senses. As I dodged incoming, my daughter rode along in her stroller, blissfully unaware of the challenges I was facing getting us out of the suddenly less than magical kingdom and back to the Wilderness Lodge boat dock. She had taken her Peter Pan play set out of the bag and was staring at the box.
Daddy, I love my prize! she said.
Being a Disney World Dad wasnt the easiest morning Id ever spent. But like my Disney Visa, it had its rewards.
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