The Battle For My Wallet IV: Return of the ZZUBs (Addendum, p.85; 07/12)

[Nasus]

We watched the fireworks from the Contemporary parking lot in Sept. Of course our boys thought the car alarms going off were even better than the fireworks. Okay, we are rednecks.
Susan

 

[c4alymom]

So good to have another chapter! I agree with you about the bathroom. We stayed at the contemporary that week and ate at the WL on the 6th! Looks like we switched hotels for dinner that night.

(I can't believe ZZUB was in my resort and I missed it!!!!) (I feel like I missed a celebrity!)

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Zzub, fabulous as always! Now I am thinking to motion to have our office holiday meal switched to CM's!

 

[Shelby5514]

Still enjoying! From your description of the WL, I may just have to give up the BCV's and stay there sometime.

 

[Alice28]

Glad you are back! Another great installment! I proudly stand by you in Disney Dorkdum! Laying in bed at the WL, hearing the boats toot sounds like heaven to me!

 

[offwegotoneverland]

I too wonder where all the running around kids come from...maybe they are brought in as entertainment?

Thank you again for your report.

 

[AshClan]

By “we,” I mean “me.”

But you knew that.

You’re a dork, too.

Acknowledged and embraced. Obviously.

We had breakfast at CM's just 4 short days ago. It was our family's best meal of the trip, and I've already made a deal with my 12 yr. old that we will do dinner there in April. Can't wait! And I, too, will eat a bowl of nonpareils. YUM!

Can't wait to hear about the MK with Lil Z (that's Z, not G...although that would be interesting to, I suspect!)

 

[froggy33]

This is amazing. I am sitting in lab reading (as I have been for the last 2 hours), practically bawling like a baby and just loveing the report.
Keep it up!

God Bless to you and your family (little Yolanda too!)

 

[Princess Tinkerbell]

From one great big Disney dork to another, you go zzub. Thanks for taking the time to write such an entertaining and inspiring TR.

 

[lucky978]

Glad you're back, ZZUB! It's been a while. I tried to get into your TR yesterday and was getting an error message. Thankfully everything is fixed now!

I love your TR!

 

[DAPford]

Thanks for the trip report ! My family and I began last November planning our Christmas 06( our 2nd trip ever ) in the World but alas Easter 06 threw a monkey wrench into the plans causing us to change my daughters school and move all in one summer. So no disney trip now or for awhile. I will live thru others until my daughters wish of returning to her old school are fulfilled with money left for the World.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Dear ZZUB,

First of all. I can explain your loss of 42,000. FORTY TWO THOUSAND I say.

Views.

Yes.

How DID you lose 42,000 views?

Let Me(l) explain.

I've been gone for a bit.

Oh... awhile.

You may have thought I've been busy. Learning to make Puff Pastry for Christmas. And taking Hot Yoga sessions.

The truth is this: I've been working with the masters. Not Master G. Tho. He's on my "Naughty List".

I've been busy. Deleting your views.

How did I do it? You wonder?

I've wined and dined William Gates. Sorry... "dinned" William Gates.

He made me pay. TFI. That man KNOWS how to keep a buck in his pants.

I tried several computer geeks in my own neighbourhood.

My husband wanted no part of this deception. BTW. FBI. RUN. DMC.

Finally, out of desperation, I turned to the MASTER of Intellectual thought.

No. Not Mr. Silli.

K-Fed. Fed-Ex. Yes.

For 42,000 dollars... he showed me how to delete your 42,000 views.

It was, for me, better than bumping this trippie back to the dark ages.

And since I paid him in Canadian Tire Money... it was very affordable.

And he can STILL buy himself a nice ELMO toilet seat for his new trailer home. With the Canadian Tire bucks. To spruce up the place for Xmas.

Because he can't afford to call it "Christmas" anymore.

Now then... after unleashing K-Fed. At my signal. I have something else to say.

It's this: This chapter was WAY GOOD!!!!!!

Good.

My friend.

Even if the comparison of Mickey Mouse to Michael Jackson nauseated me.

It amused me more.

Even that you could think that. Way. And write it too.

I laughed my pants off.

No offense.

All other parts were equally funny. Tinkerbell with "issues" was good too.

Toilet paper on the toe happens to the best of us.

And the worst.

You are very funny.

That's what I came back to say.

Am I not merciful? AM I NOT MERCIFUL?

I'm an idiot.

BUT... ZZUB will bring them TRIP. And they will love him for it.

Strength and honour.

Cheers, Mel.



Missed you. Roll tide, my friend.

 

[Minniespal]

Excellent

 

[magicforever]

wow, it has been a while. Hope all is well in your home. Hope to hear from you soon.

 

[ZZUB]

Chapter Ten: Father Knows Best

My wife hates getting up early. I get up early 7 days a week. At Disney World, I get up early too. Earlier even. But marriage is about compromise. Give and take. And all that crap. So at Disney World we rarely, if ever, attend the morning extra magic hour. It’s the bargain I make with my wife. She doesn’t make me spend Christmas with her family and I don’t make her get up first thing in the morning to go stand at the gates like an idiot waiting for the opening ceremony to end.

Very often.

I can usually get away with one morning not so magic hour a trip.

So there was an upside to my wife needing additional rest; my daughter and I could get up early and move at ZZUB speed. My daughter moves at ZZUB speed. Sometimes. When she’s well rested. Well fed. Her hair is right. Her nails are painted. And she understands there’s a prize to be had.

That’s what she calls toys we buy her in Disney World.

Or at the grocery store.

Or anywhere, really.

So the phone rang. I picked it up and put it right back down. I love Disney World. And even though I’m usually an early riser, I still didn’t need to hear the Mouse and his annoyingly over-marketed side kick before I sucked back a cuppa brown water served warm.

I’m a complex character.

In need of caffeine.

I ran through my morning routine in something of a fog. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, put on deodorant. Clothes. Tied my shoes. Grabbed my hat. Checked my gear. The pieces were all there but undeniably the whole was less than the sum of its parts. In a few short minutes my daughter and I were going to be in the Magic Kingdom. The Happy Place. The place we’ve longed to return to since the year before. But I was having some trouble shaking off the sense of trouble. And sadness.

Sometimes when I work late into the day, I listen to Disney music on Live365.com or Mouseinfo.com. It motivates me to push through because it reminds me of the vacation we’ll take in six months, three months, five weeks, three weeks, two days. I live entirely too much in my head. When I find myself vexed by the blank page on my desk, I’ll stare through my window, the sounds of Mainstreet background music in my ears, and I’ll remember a happier day in Disney World. Or I’ll imagine what the next happy day in Disney World will be like for us.

That’s what I’m saying. I’ll get lost in my head for awhile. Thinking about a ride, a page for the eponymous Mr. Morrow, a really good piece of breakfast food. Even the smell of a wet poncho is pleasant to me. But we all do that. We all remember what was. But that's not enough for me. I think a lot about what will be. Not worrying. Although I do that, too. But imagining what it will be like when we’re standing in front of the Castle watching Wishes! or how my wife and I will laugh out loud on Space Mountain or how happy my daughter will be to see Peter Pan. I’ll push through long days because I know at the end of it there’s a walk down Mainstreet with my wife and daughter.

We walk down Mainstreet together. As long as we’ve been together we walk together. I know others split up and go separate ways. That’s ok. There’s no right or wrong on this one. But the ZZUBs walk together down Mainstreet as a family. No one goes in ahead to save anything, to queue up for anything, to get anything. There’s time for that later. But we start together.

When we found out my wife was pregnant, I completely overhauled our itinerary to skip Animal Kingdom. Since she couldn’t ride Everest, I wouldn’t either. We ride new rides together, too. That’s what we do.

But not this day. On this day, in a few minutes, my daughter and I were going to walk into Magic Kingdom without my wife. Look, in the larger movie of my life, this scene is hardly worthy of the attention I’ve lavished on it. I only mention it because this wasn’t what I had planned. This was nothing like the thoughts that motivated me through so many late nights, hours after the building management shut off the air conditioning and the starch in my shirt was challenging my deodorant. My expectations were going unfulfilled. So not only had I thrown out our itinerary, I had thrown out the script.

My wife got up to help my daughter get dressed. Because even though I could do it, and offered to do it, she wanted to do it. That’s my wife. She is as strong as she is beautiful. Dedicated.

I was sad. I was actually sad.

But sadness wasn’t an emotion I could afford at the moment. My daughter is 4 years old and she too has been looking forward to going to Disney World. And although she knew things were different, she didn’t fully appreciate how much. I needed to keep things normal for her. And for my wife. She didn’t need to feel guilt or shame. She needed freedom to rest. To get her strength. They both feed off my mood. To give voice to my inner monologue would be to deprive them of something they sorely needed.

And also this was Disney World.

Where not only do I lose the battle for my wallet but where I lose the battle for my expectations. Things just aren’t what we want them to be sometimes. But a bad day in Disney still beats the crap out of a good day at work. Or something like that.

My daughter hopped into the stroller, I made sure my wife’s cell phone had service, kissed her goodbye and we were out the door.

“He put his 4 year old daughter in a stroller?!” Oh the horrors!

Deal with it.

We wheeled at ZZUB speed to the elevator. And my daughter hopped out to press the button. Oh to be 4 years old and to think pressing the button was cool. While we waited for the elevator I noted that the elevator lobby was vaguely reminiscent of the hotel in the Shining. Do with that what you will.

Moments later we were in the elevator and then in the lobby. We moved with great dispatch across the bridge (too much detail?), past the unmanned DVC desk and down the long ramp towards Roaring Fork (which at this point in the week I was still incorrectly calling Roaring Forks. I had pluralized it. Which I am wont to do periodically.). I quickly filled my mug with brown water served warm and attempted to kill the flavor with an abundance of cream and sweetener. Then we pushed out the door to head to the boat dock.

Ah humidity.

I love a place where you can feel the air.

At 7:40 in the morning.

Welcome home!

We continued on past the stream, past the Falls, and past the pool until we were on the boardwalk leading to the boat dock. On the way we passed several ducks, all of which greeted us.

“Hewwo Schpupins’ Dad and sister. Have a good day in de Magic Kingdom. Bwing us tweats.”

We wondered how they knew were we were headed. Were they magical ducks? We didn’t take any pictures because we were in Magic Kingdom mode and also the thing with the union.

We also saw a rabbit. He ran in front of us. As he jigged and jagged across the pathway he said, “Get outta my waaaaay! I’m off duty! Don’t even wook at me!”

Onward we walked. We got to the end of the dock right as a boat was pulling in. One thing I appreciated about the boats: my daughter could stay in her stroller, so I just wheeled her right on. That was a huge help especially since I had her all by myself.

I really enjoyed the ride over to the MK. True, it wasn’t as fast as I wanted it to be, but honestly, what is? Until Disney Imagineers perfect space teleportation, there is no mode of transport that will ever have me in the parks fast enough. Seriously, if we won a night in the Castle I would still be annoyed at how slow the elevator is in delivering us to street level.

And yes, I do stand in front of the microwave frustrated that it’s too slow. Does it really surprise you that I have a short attention span?

I blame all the red Kool Aid my parents didn’t let me drink.

And George W. Bush. Because EVERYTHING is his fault.

We arrived at the MK and as the boat docked we were standing at the doorway waiting to be let off. I may have shoved the phlegmatic cast member who was just doing his job but who had time for final preparations when the MK was within spitting distance? We moved with great dispatch across the dock and across the plaza. While we waited in the “security” line I observed how close the boat dock was to the front of the MK. In fact, the Lodge boat dock is the closest disembarkation point of any MK transportation. Closer than the Grand Floridian/Poly boat dock. Closer than the Monorail. Certainly closer than the busses. Yes, it’s just a matter of degree but at 11:00 at night, doesn’t that extra step just kill you?

This is just one of many reasons why the Lodge is superior to any other hotel on Disney property. Discuss.

Through “security” we moved to the gates. Where, as usual, I picked the wrong line. The train had pulled in as we got there and the cloying opening ceremony was taking place. Nevertheless, I took pictures. I didn’t really have a choice. The show ended in a flurry of environmentally friendly confetti and we headed through the right side tunnel and into the MK.

I’m so conservative, I insist on going in through the right tunnel.

We hit the sunshine on the other side and pushed down Mainstreet towards the Castle. I walked fast because I could. I pointed out a few things to my daughter as we walked. I kept my mouth busy so that my mind couldn’t reflect on who wasn’t with us.

My daughter loves Peter Pan. Loves him. Unfortunately for us, she didn’t discover her love for him until after we returned from our trip the previous year. I don’t know why she loves him. If she has a reason at all, she has yet to share it with us. Stay with me here, we’re back in September, 2005. She didn’t meet him at any character meet and greets. She didn’t shake his hand or get her picture with him. She went on his ride exactly once. But sure enough, after we got home last year and asked her who her favorite character was, expecting it to be Cinderella or Belle, characters she met and ate with, she said Peter Pan.

You can’t buy Peter Pan dolls anywhere, by the way. I know. I tried. So when my daughter advised us she loved Pan, I ended up on Ebay bidding on Pan dolls for her. And Wendy. And Captain Hook, too. Which I gladly did. Because I show love by buying things.

And writing long, self-involved trip reports which groan under the weight of needless, excessive and pointless, albeit occasionally clever, adjectives.

So if Pan was the man, we had to ride Peter Pan first thing. We moved up the ramp and into the Castle where there was another rope. There were about a dozen families in there waiting for the rope to drop. We were positioned behind the rope, second family from the left. I had no plans to charge into Tink’s Treasures to wake her up. I mean no offense to those of you who do this and think it’s worth doing. To me it’s like putting cheese on a Whopper. I just don’t see the point.

But.

If I happened to be first one in there and my daughter got to wake up Tinkerbell, that wouldn’t suck. I sized up the crowd trying to decide whether I was standing with newbies, vets, Disdorks or clueless wonders. The family to my left looked purposeful. The wife was sporting a fanny pack and so were the kids. They all had lanyards. I knew in an instant where they were headed. I briefly considered challenging them. I’m competitive that way. I sized up the dad. One look at his clearly inferior running shoes told me that he had no experience in moving quickly.

Of course, I take a golf cart to my mailbox so maybe I shouldn’t judge too harshly.

Still, I fight dirty. You’ll recall I’m a lawyer. I know how to win.

However, I’m also a Christian. That thing about loving your neighbor as yourself. My daughter had no interest in waking Tinkerbell (although she loves Pan, she’s only mildly amused by Tink). Those kids probably really wanted to get there first.

Rope drops. The family to my left was out quickly but a dark horse family from my right side swooped out as well. It was neck and neck at the door. Literally. Well not literally, but figuratively anyway. I was somewhat intrigued to see what kind of mayhem would take place inside but I promised my daughter Peter Pan. So we moved to our first destination.

We parked the stroller and walked over to the queue for Peter Pan. I snapped a picture of my daughter in line. I snapped another picture of her on the pirate ship. She wasn’t annoyed by this yet.

Once on board our pirate ship, I took the opportunity to introduce my daughter to something my dad always did with us. As the ship moves towards the nursery, the bar automatically lowers. So I invoked Daddy’s magical powers and commanded the bar to lower. “Come down here bar!” I implored. It lowered on my command. My daughter was amazed.

Ironically, despite her love for Pan, my daughter had never been a fan of his ride. Too dark. So although she said she wanted to ride this first, I really didn’t think she’d enjoy it. I was wrong. She loved it. I was amused by how 50 year old technology is still effective. No, it’s not as smooth as some other rides and the sets are dated, but it invokes memories which are pleasant to revisit. As we slammed back into the disembark area I noticed there was hardly a line to get on the ride. So I asked if we could stay on. I’d never done that before. The CM said we could. By this point, my daughter thought her daddy was the greatest. Not only can I command a bar to lower, but we were staying on the ride a second time. Soon enough she’ll wear makeup and want her own Blackberry. But for now, Daddy is still very smart and evidently very powerful.

After our bonus run on Pan, we headed over to It’s a Smelly World After all. We had the queue to ourselves. We had the boat to ourselves. We had the ride to ourselves. Us and 1,000 Stepford children singing in unison. Some even in harmony. I took another picture of my daughter on the boat and the look on her face reveals her general annoyance. My work here is done.

I used to hate Small World. Even more than Michael Richards hates being heckled. But it’s one of my daughter’s favorite rides. So I’ve learned to love it. When she was a baby, her mobile played It’s a Small World. She knew the song before she knew the ride. Indeed, for the first few years we took her to Disney World, she had something of a Pavlovian relationship with that ride. Every time she went on It’s a Small World, she’d fall asleep. No lie.

She’s outgrown the reflexive impulse to go to sleep, although I did observe her eyes were a little heavy at first. Anyway, like I said, I’ve learned to enjoy this ride because my little girl likes it so much. I’m not saying I want to ride it repeatedly. It is noteworthy that I did not ask to stay on for a second trip. But I do like the duckbilled platypuses. They crack me up. Not just because they’re duckbilled platypuses, although that is reason enough to giggle. But the look on their faces and their hands on their hips kills me. On our video you can hear me laughing hysterically. The duckbilled platypuses are in the Polynesian section of the ride. The music takes on a Hawaiian tone and tempo. That is my favorite part of the ride. When I was a kid we went to Disney World roughly twice a year. And as I've told you before, we almost always stayed at the Days Inn/Days Lodge. But there was that one time we stayed at the Polynesian Village Resort. One time, but it was such a signal memory for me that every time I hear that music and see the duckbilled platypuses I remember that trip. And that time. When I got to press the button on the elevator. And the biggest problem I had was trying to convince my parents to buy me a prize.

My daughter shares my love for the duckbilled platypus. If I hum the music she’ll hop up, put her hand on her hip and raise an imaginary egg up and down. It’s corny and maybe you think I’m silly, but in my head, when I think about that, it makes me smile. And it gives me a measure of peace even. Drawing a line from my childhood to my daughter through a duckbilled platypus wasn’t in my script for this trip. Frankly, it might not have happened had we followed my carefully crafted plan. If my expectations had been fulfilled. The sadness I felt that morning was misplaced. Pointless. What I expected and hoped for on this trip was completely surpassed by God’s provision for us. My Father wasn’t surprised by the news we’d received in the emergency room. He wasn’t even surprised that we had to go to the emergency room. I forget sometimes that He’s already in tomorrow. He knows what we need.

And if He can use a donkey to speak to Balaam then He can certainly use a duckbilled platypus to speak to me.

_______________________

Click Here For Chapter Eleven

 

[Tiggerrn2]

ZZUB, imagine my suprise when I looked and found you'd just placed a new chapter. And unless I'm posting along with someone else, I'll be the first post to land!!!! Great trip. I can just picture you in that IASW ride coming out and hearing that in your mind the rest of the day. That is what always happens there. Before you know it, you're standing in line some place humming that obnoxious tune. Glad you do it for your DD. You are a great Dad.
Hope all is well with you and your DW. You are kept in my prayers.
Keep up the good works here.

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Daggum. Zzub, you make me mist up!

And that's all she said.............

 

[blue_river]

Chapter Ten: Father Knows Best

My wife hates getting up early. I get up early 7 days a week. At Disney World, I get up early too. Earlier even. But marriage is about compromise. Give and take. And all that crap. So at Disney World we rarely, if ever, attend the morning extra magic hour.

What is this stuff about father knows best???

There is no way I'd want to attend the early morning extra magic hour - nothing magical about getting up early IMO

But not this day. On this day, in a few minutes, my daughter and I were going to walk into Magic Kingdom without my wife.

I was sad. I was actually sad.

But your daughter will have those special memories - shared just with YOU

I blame all the red Kool Aid my parents didn’t let me drink.

What is wrong with red Kool Aid????

Still, I fight dirty. You’ll recall I’m a lawyer. I know how to win.

hrm...no comments here

Thanks Zzub. I'm sure you're a busy man but please don't make us wait so long for the next chapter

 

[tiki23]

What a great chapter, Zzub!

You know, I have to tell you, I spent a morning in MGM with my daughter - my 13 yo daughter - and it was a very special time for us. My daughter who wants to be so grown up, just loved posing with Mickey, Minnie and Goofy. It was great for me to find out that there are plenty of Disney memories yet to make with my older kids.

I just wanted to share that with you so that you know that there's so much more magic ahead.

Oh, plus I wanted to share with you that my family visited Kennedy Space Center...and found the rocks...in the gift shop. Sigh.

As always, thank you so much for sharing, and I look forward to your next installment!

 

[IkeandMike]

Well written. You know, one day down the rode, you'll forget all the heaviness that pre-existed that day and you and your daughter will just remember the time you shared at Disney alone. One on one. With the new sibling to come(God bless) she will hardley ever get that time again and the days that she did have she will cherish always.

I have twins and I never really get one on one time with them. Every now and again one might fall asleep before the other and that half hour or so is just so magical for them and me. I really get to see their true charater come out and it's those times that I hold so dearly.

Thanks for sharing your family and story with us.