Teenage girls - UGH!!

[jen0610]

Why was your DD even friends with someone like that?

And why was your DD friends with this girl during this time? Did she think it was OK for her to be saying those things? And when she continued to show them to you-you thought it was OK for her to be friends with this girl?

Just confused.

To answer both of these. Some where I lost one of my posts. The girls have gone to school together for 5-6 years. While DD will refere to her as a "really good" friend, she's more of what I call, a school mate. They have never did a sleep over, hung out shopping or going bowling or to the movies. DD doesn't text the girl, she doesn't even have the girls number - home or cell.

And no, none of the kids think what the girl had been saying or posting was ok. As kids, they were trying to work things out. I gave suggestions to both DD and the other kids, on how to deal with her. None of which was a physical altercation. Ignore her, delete them (put let someone adult see them before so we knew what was being done), tell her that her words were untrue and hurtful.

I was trying to let DD fight her own battle with the issues she was having with the girl. I could have handled it, but then DD would be a snowflake and I a helicopter parent. The situation went from a low rumble to a full out scream in a blink.

perhaps this girl wasn't always this way? I have to wonder what is going on in that child's life to make her so filled with hate.

No she wasn't. She was your typical kid. She could be mouthy and bossy and pain in the rear, but she wasn't filled with so much anger and hatefullness.

A) Does the little brat have parents, and

B) Have you called them?

To A - Yes she has parents, but in answer to B, I don't know where they are. I posted it in posting # 105. The girl has been placed with the grandma. Her dad's mom. Why.....I don't know and the kids didn't know why. And for all the years that they girls have gone to school together, I never knew who her parents were, but when the kids told me she lived with g-ma and said her name, I knew who she was, as her son (dad) and I went to school together. He didn't have the most glowing rep back in school either. Back in the 80's he would have been labeled a punk thug. He's mouth was known to get him into trouble.

 

[harleyquinn]

I did not. As a good west side Clevelander I don't think I made it that far east until after high school when I could apply for a passport to cross the Cuyahoga.

Well good to know the snooty west side was apparently as racist as the east side!

 

[jen0610]

Originally Posted by LisaR
Regarding the suggestions you have given your DD on how to handle the situation:

Is there any chance you told her NOT to be Facebook friends with this girl?

Let me guess, they text each other, as well?

It sounds like your DD and this girl have had a volatile relationship for awhile now. I'm willing to bet both girls have exchanged IM's/texts that just fueled the fire and it spilled over at school.

How could this girl go on and on for 20 minutes at lunch and the "warden" didn't notice especially since you state they weren't allowed to leave their seats?

Seriously, I get so tired of reading about kids getting into it on FB. Block the offender. If you can't do that, you are part of the problem not the solution.

Prior to yesterday, I had suggested to DD that it might be a good idea to delet her off of FB. DD isn't on FB daily, maybe 1 during the week and some on the weekends.

No, the girls never texted each other. DD doesn't even know what the girls phone number is. When I wrote "really good" friend, I used the words DD would have used in reference to the girl. Everybody is a "really good" friend, to DD. I call them people you know or school mates. A "really good" friend is the ones that you go to each others homes, hang out and go to the movies or shopping, have sleep overs, those types of things. A "really good" friend isn't someone you only see and have interaction with at school. I would have to say that over half of her FB friends list is just kids she goes to school with, but if you asked her, she'd say it's my "really good" friend. And for the recored, all the kids refer to each other this way. I don't get at all. I know in middle and high school, I could count my "really good" friends on 2 hands and a foot.

As far as the warden not noticing, I don't know how loud the girl got. The kids have assigned lunch tables. There is no sitting at a different table each day. They only have so many times during the year to switch up tables. If there's an issue before this time, if you want to move, you have to go to the warden at the start of the lunch period and ask to be moved. They will then put you at a table, you don't get to choose where you are moving to, your told. And even if there is one person at a table that originally all got along making issues, the rest of the table can't ask for that 1 person to be moved. WHY....I don't know and the principle can't give a good reason why they do it this way. Just that's what they did before he got here and it's always worked. They only have to sit at this table for 1 more week. The 1st of Nov, they can choose to move to different tables. The kids have already made a plan to not have an open chair for this girl.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama-san
I'm not getting a clear picture of how the BF responded verbally during these situtions. Did he just sit there and listen to crap talk with no response? Just curious. I can understand the OP's frustration with her daughter having to deal with somebody the caliber of this "good friend".

See the whole thing on what the kids refer to as a "good friend" in the above reply.

For the BF, he told the girl to knock it off and to stop. But she wasn't listening to any of the kids.

 

[LisaR]

Prior to yesterday, I had suggested to DD that it might be a good idea to delet her off of FB. DD isn't on FB daily, maybe 1 during the week and some on the weekends.

No, the girls never texted each other. DD doesn't even know what the girls phone number is. When I wrote "really good" friend, I used the words DD would have used in reference to the girl. Everybody is a "really good" friend, to DD. I call them people you know or school mates. A "really good" friend is the ones that you go to each others homes, hang out and go to the movies or shopping, have sleep overs, those types of things. A "really good" friend isn't someone you only see and have interaction with at school. I would have to say that over half of her FB friends list is just kids she goes to school with, but if you asked her, she'd say it's my "really good" friend. And for the recored, all the kids refer to each other this way. I don't get at all. I know in middle and high school, I could count my "really good" friends on 2 hands and a foot.

As far as the warden not noticing, I don't know how loud the girl got. The kids have assigned lunch tables. There is no sitting at a different table each day. They only have so many times during the year to switch up tables. If there's an issue before this time, if you want to move, you have to go to the warden at the start of the lunch period and ask to be moved. They will then put you at a table, you don't get to choose where you are moving to, your told. And even if there is one person at a table that originally all got along making issues, the rest of the table can't ask for that 1 person to be moved. WHY....I don't know and the principle can't give a good reason why they do it this way. Just that's what they did before he got here and it's always worked. They only have to sit at this table for 1 more week. The 1st of Nov, they can choose to move to different tables. The kids have already made a plan to not have an open chair for this girl.

Honestly, this all sounds way too Jerry Springer-ish for me. Your 14 y/o has a boyfriend and both are being harassed in person and on FB by a "really good friend who is really just a classmate."

From your OP:
I have seen how she is around him at school functions and on line. She's a hateful and rude girl. I have stayed outta it, mom can't fight DD battles for her.

Yet, you only "suggested" that your DD delete this person from FB? You never MADE your DD delete her? Do you honestly think that this girl was posting nasty stuff on FB and your DD wasn't responding to her the next day in person? You didn't think this girl should be reported at the school?

You text your DD's friends regarding this situation but you also state that you have stayed out of it.

Again, way to much of a Jerry Springer vibe on this one. Good luck to your DD. I hope things settle down.