sure wish parents would watch their kids

[dreamer17555]

I just caught up with this thread and uh........that definitely wasn't where I expected it to go.


I see this a lot more too, even in my friend groups. Personally I cut contact with my bio dad and it drastically improved my mental health. He never spanked me as a kid but there were other issues (emotional) that led to it. To this day, I don't think he realizes that he has done anything wrong.

Going no contact is really hard. Huge hugs. I’m glad it is helping but sad he wouldn’t realize that he made mistakes.

 

[luv2cheer92]

No one deserves to be hit.

People trying to find ways to somehow try to justify it is unfortunate.

 

[DCLMP]

Is this something you want to deflect back with a response such as yours? You said you hoped your kids wouldn't hold you to a standard nor atone for any potential emotional scars and casually added in we all have childhood baggage.

Why would you want that? And how can you say what your relationship is like with your children if you don't want to know? I was asking you as the person.

My observation is you've attempted to be sympathetic and yet you've been also very mocking. On the one hand saying you're sorry so and so suffered abuse and yet discussing emotional scars with almost a scoff. Perhaps this isn't the place but I'm only left with the impression that for you some things just don't exist to you or carry any weight and when you said that you'd rather not be held to any sort of standard where your children come to you to discuss how something really affected them that drives it home. Perhaps most so that your response to me would be a flippant remark.

I don’t raise my kids to play the victim card. They are not prince Harrys. I feel bad for anyone that was truly abused and neglected, but that’s not what this thread is really about. This thread was supposed to be about disciplining children not child abuse.

How do I know what my relationship is like with my children? Is that a serious question?

Like everyone I had my ups and down with my parents did I hold it against them no. Did I cut them out of my life no. Did I make them feel guilty over everything they did that was less than perfect no. I loved them until they day they died. I would expect my kids to cut me the same slack that I give them. They are also far from perfect. Love is all about forgiveness not holding grudges.

 

[LSUmiss]

I would tell them to pound sand.

My kids have traveled all over the world they feel very blessed to be born in country and into a family that has cared for their every need. If my kids comes to me when he’s 30 and tells me I ruined his life because I had a melt down and yelled at him when he was 5 then I have failed for raising such a self absorbed human being. My kids are smarter than that. They are also smart enough to stay away from Tick Tok.

Ruined his life & was hurt by it are 2 different things. Just wow! That’s much worse than spanking or any of what’s been discussed imo!

 

[dreamer17555]

I don’t raise my kids to play the victim card. They are not prince Harrys. I feel bad for anyone that was truly abused and neglected, but that’s not what this thread is really about. This thread was supposed to be about disciplining children not child abuse.

How do I know what my relationship is like with my children? Is that a serious question?

Like everyone I had my ups and down with my parents did I hold it against them no. Did I cut them out of my life no. Did I make them feel guilty over everything they did that was less than perfect no. I loved them until they day they died. I would expect my kids to cut me the same slack that I give them. They are also far from perfect. Love is all about forgiveness not holding grudges.

Interesting… especially the victim comment..

I will say for myself and myself only- I can forgive my parents and still understand that what they did was wrong and wish they would be mature enough to admit to their mistakes.

I was raised as part of the generation that you respect and honor your parents no matter what. But guess what? The world is changing. More and more people are taking a stand to say how they were raised wasn’t right. As a parent myself it would be a million times easier if I could just be like “did my best, if it hurt you go pound sand” but that’s not a mature way to deal with the reality that as a parent I have messed up and I need to tell my children I’m sorry and work to change that behavior.

Just because you choose not to hold your parents accountable for the choices they made does not mean your children will do the same for you. They might. But they might not. Just because you had that relationship with your parents does not mean your children owe you a similar relationship.

ETA- The Prince Harry comment is kind of hilarious. It’s so interesting what people latch on.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Come on, folks! Just a few more comments until we can turn this into another Meghan Markle bashing thread! We can do it if we work together!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

How do I know what my relationship is like with my children? Is that a serious question?

I don't and that was a serious question. I said how do you know what your relationship is like with your children if you specifically don't want to know and don't want your children to hold you accountable if your actions at some point in their lives actually got to them. I hope that makes sense here. If you want to stay in the dark how do you really know how the relationship is?

I think because you describe it as "I had a melt down and yelled at him when he was 5 then I have failed for raising such a self absorbed human being." you answer most of the questions I have. The fact that you went immediately to "come talk to me when you have kids" also answers most of the questions I have. If you answer it that way to me it's basically ignorance is bliss and you'd like to keep it that way. Your right of course but my right to ask why that's preferable to you.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Come on, folks! Just a few more comments until we can turn this into another Meghan Markle bashing thread! We can do it if we work together!

Oh god no please please it's only Monday..save that drama for a juicy Friday

 

[Smugpugmug]

Going no contact is really hard. Huge hugs. I’m glad it is helping but sad he wouldn’t realize that he made mistakes.

Thank you. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but I don't regret it. I don't blame anyone for making the decision to do so either. There's only so much you can tolerate.

 

[DCLMP]

Interesting… especially the victim comment..

I will say for myself and myself only- I can forgive my parents and still understand that what they did was wrong and wish they would be mature enough to admit to their mistakes.

I was raised as part of the generation that you respect and honor your parents no matter what. But guess what? The world is changing. More and more people are taking a stand to say how they were raised wasn’t right. As a parent myself it would be a million times easier if I could just be like “did my best, if it hurt you go pound sand” but that’s not a mature way to deal with the reality that as a parent I have messed up and I need to tell my children I’m sorry and work to change that behavior.

Just because you choose not to hold your parents accountable for the choices they made does not mean your children will do the same for you. They might. But they might not. Just because you had that relationship with your parents does not mean your children owe you a similar relationship.

I choose to focus on the positive in life not the negative. Someday your parents will be dead and when the people that loved you the most and unconditionally all your life are gone it’s not a good feeling.

I never felt like my parents owed me an apology for anything. I feel like I never thanked them enough. They gave me everything I needed in life to be successful for that I am very grateful.

You seem to have made the assumption that I am some awful parent that needs to apologize for some wrong doing. I actually have a very close and good relationship with my kids. I don’t expect my kids to owe me anything that’s not how parenting works. I would hope someday they appreciate all the sacrifices I’ve made. If they don’t I will still love them unconditionally that’s my biggest gift to them.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Yes, as @Mackenzie Click-Mickelson (I believe it was) mentioned earlier in the thread, there will always be a handful of outliers in the world of research who don’t agree with the main body of evidence. Personally, I tend to believe the majority and, in any case, I’ll choose to err on the side of caution and abstain from using techniques that may negatively impact my child’s mental health, especially when less controversial options are readily available to me.

Yes...the "experts" advocating for physical discipline towards children hang out at the same bar with the three guys who are climate change deniers. Together they couldn't field a baseball team. .

 

[piccolopat]

i think most will agree that there's a big difference between a swat on the behind / spanking and child abuse. While some believe spanking means someone is not a good parent, others disagree. Same goes for a litany of other adult behaviors that are not good for a child to see. These include:

Drinking, especially to excess
Smoking - tobacco or other
Drug use
Yelling or screaming at anyone or anything
Profanity
Speeding or other traffic infractions
Cheating - on your spouse, taxes, anything really
Lying - even about things like Santa, the Tooth Fairy and Disney characters being "real"
Eating or serving unhealthy choices to your family
Being sedentary
Spending above your means and getting into debt
Too much TV or video usage
Glued to your phone
Texting or talking on your phone while driving
Speaking poorly about someone
Booing or negatively commenting on the other team's players

...and the list of things can continue. All of these things can potentially have a negative impact on kids growing up. Would someone be considered a bad parent if any of these things ever happened, even if infrequently?

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Yes...the "experts" advocating for physical discipline towards children hang out at the same bar with the three guys who are climate change deniers. Together they couldn't field a baseball team. .

Not since the doctor who claimed vaccines cause autism retired, at least.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Not since the doctor who claimed vaccines cause autism retired, at least.

That's right....he was the catcher. .

 

[mjkacmom]

Sometimes I wish the kids would watch the parents. Since WDW started selling alcohol, I have seen some abhorrent behavior from adults. Even adults with their children, not just young adults without children

I remember alcohol being served everywhere but MK for decades. WDW was not a drinking vacation with my kids (other vacations, including cruises, AI’s, and beach houses….).

 

[lowlight]

Yes...the "experts" advocating for physical discipline towards children hang out at the same bar with the three guys who are climate change deniers. Together they couldn't field a baseball team. .

“Everyone who doesn’t think like I do and believe what I believe is wrong.”

 

[dez1978]

I think most parents have had parenting moments they regret. And many of us have been pushed beyond our limits and had an adult tantrum, for lack of a better term. I think it’s how you handle it afterwards that makes the difference in how your relationship is with your child. When we were kids and I got whooped my mom would say oh that was harder on me than it was on you or some other ridiculous thing. We still had a good relationship but those moments did make me mad at the time. I’ve absolutely had moments with my kids that I am not proud of. Mornings in our house are a mess. My 11 yr old and I both have adhd and before the meds kick in he’s squirrelly. I’ve yelled, I’ve taken things away and I’ve spanked him a time or two. But we end up talking about it afterwards and I always apologize when I lose my temper bc I’m the adult and I should be better. But we also talk about what he did and what we both could do differently to avoid this next time. Does that excuse it? Probably not, but I think it helps us work together and keeps us talking and trying to understand each other. And it’s taught us both how to step back when we are upset and take a moment to calm down. But the fact that sometimes I yell and lose my temper doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent or am lazy.

 

[dvcgirl67]

“Everyone who doesn’t think like I do and believe what I believe is wrong.”

No...the massive majority of experts on child psychology (many of whom I'm sure have children) find that spanking children has long-lasting effects on their emotional and cognitive development. There are countless studies on this topic. Countless books written about it. Parenting classes available for alternative ways to discipline children. If you smack/spank/hit your kid....you're likely doing so because it was done to you, and you feel that you've turned out just fine. This why my parents smacked/hit me as a kid...because their parents did it to them, and their parents did it to them...etc. But we don't know if we would have possibly turned out better had we not been spanked/smacked/hit....choose whatever words make you comfortable. And physically disciplining children has most definitely grown out of favor over time.

At some point...we can evolve and at least try to find a better way. That's all many of us are saying....that's it. I don't look back fondly on being smacked/spanked/hit as a young child....I think it's pretty messed up when I really think about it. My sisters, who have children, felt the same way....as did their spouses, because they did not use physical discipline in raising their children/teens.

That's all I'm saying. If spanking/smacking/hitting is something you find as an effective parenting tool....I guess, continue on with it. I do think that there may be consequences in future relationships between the parents of today vs. say....those of us who are older and were physically disciplined many years back. We can look back on the 60's-early 80's as a "different time". We've brought up the seat belt example. We can also bring up the fact that women were encouraged to bottle feed infants when today doctors at least encourage new moms to try to breast feed if possible. Heck, back in the 60s doctors didn't even discourage smoking during pregnancy....my mother smoked through all three of hers. Can you imagine seeing a visibly pregnant woman smoking these days? That's how some of the kids today will look back on being spanked years down the road, when, if parents are being really honest with themselves...it's not socially accepted any longer.

 

[lowlight]

No...the massive majority of experts on child psychology (many of whom I'm sure have children) find that spanking children has long-lasting effects on their emotional and cognitive development.

In the 50's, the experts used to pitch cigarette brands. In the 60's, they prescribed thalidomide to pregnant women. Just recently the experts did an "oops" when they discovered SSRI's might have nothing to do with serotonin levels like all the experts have long thought. So the experts are in agreement again, you say. It's always an appeal to authority- these people have a fancy degree, they are right, until they aren't in a few decades. They hypothesize, or theorize at best. Who was right, Jung or Freud? Neither? Both? I'm not even a spanker, but I reserve the right to do it if I ever feel the need, experts be damned.

 

[dez1978]

In the 50's, the experts used to pitch cigarette brands. In the 60's, they prescribed thalidomide to pregnant women. Just recently the experts did an "oops" when they discovered SSRI's might have nothing to do with serotonin levels like all the experts have long thought. So the experts are in agreement again, you say. It's always an appeal to authority- these people have a fancy degree, they are right, until they aren't in a few decades. They hypothesize, or theorize at best. Who was right, Jung or Freud? Neither? Both? I'm not even a spanker, but I reserve the right to do it if I ever feel the need, experts be damned.

Let’s not forget eggs, butter and low-fat foods that are good for you, then bad.nope good again!