Stay-at-Home Parent or Unemployed?

[CdnCarrie]

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around a city that has suburbs without any public transportation. My.mind.is.blown.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around a city that has suburbs without any public transportation. My.mind.is.blown.

I really don't understand this at all. It's not uncommon. It's pretty much the norm around here. Cities have buses or bigger cities have subways. Suburbs and rural areas don't have any public transportation. I live in a town that's 18 square miles, population about 14,000. About 5 miles outside of a good-sized city. There is no public transportation. None. Not making this up!

 

[CdnCarrie]

I really don't understand this at all. It's not uncommon. It's pretty much the norm around here. Cities have buses or bigger cities have subways. Suburbs and rural areas don't have any public transportation. I live in a town that's 18 square miles, population about 14,000. About 5 miles outside of a good-sized city. There is no public transportation. None. Not making this up!

Not making this up either! That is not the norm here.Suburbs are part of the city. City taxes collected by property taxes maintain our public transit system.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Then it's semantics. Suburbs are not part of a city. They're separate towns. It's the small towns around a larger city.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Then it's semantics. Suburbs are not part of a city. They're separate towns. It's the small towns around a larger city.

Not true here at all. Probably depends on how your civic government is set up. Suburbs are part of our city. They are not towns. I understand in some American that is common however. Isn't Orlando like that with Kissimiee, Lake Bueno Vista, etc? Our city is not set up that way.

This intrigued me so much I did some searching. And yes supposedly there is a big difference in Canadian and American public transit. Who knew? Learn something new on the DIS all the time.
This discussed difference between Canada and the US. public transportation.
http://www.vox.com/2015/8/10/9118199/public-transportation-subway-buses

 

[EMom]

Not making this up either! That is not the norm here.Suburbs are part of the city. City taxes collected by property taxes maintain our public transit system.

I think WE understand/can wrap our brains around the fact that YOUR environment differs from ours in various ways, but you seem to be having an awful lot of trouble grasping that the entire world doesn't live exactly as you do. In some cases, they don't even want to. If you cannot travel to broaden your horizons, perhaps viewing some documentaries or watching The Travel Channel might be of benefit.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think WE understand/can wrap our brains around the fact that YOUR environment differs from ours in various ways, but you seem to be having an awful lot of trouble grasping that the entire world doesn't live exactly as you do. In some cases, they don't even want to. If you cannot travel to broaden your horizons, perhaps viewing some documentaries or watching The Travel Channel might be of benefit.

No need to be rude. I just thought the article I posted was interesting. Sorry you didn't think so. They make documentaries on public transit in American suburbs? Sounds riveting.
And yes I have ridden public transit in many large American cities. Never realized it didn't extend to the suburbs and didn't realize you were an expert on all things transit.

 

[SingingMom]

Haven't read the entire thread, but I don't consider myself "unemployed". I also am not a "housewife", since I'm not married to my house. Lol. I'm a "homemaker". ;-)

 

[EMom]

No need to be rude. I just thought the article I posted was interesting. Sorry you didn't think so. They make documentaries on public transit in American suburbs? Sounds riveting.
And yes I have ridden public transit in many large American cities. Never realized it didn't extend to the suburbs and didn't realize you were an expert on all things transit.

It just surprised me (didn't blow.my.mind) that your mind was blown over the fact that not everyone has a transportation system exactly like yours. It just seemed like something most people would be aware of.

 

[disykat]

I was the one who brought up the SAHM WOHM thing on the other thread, in extreme caution that I made sure that I phrased every word carefully so as not to insult or bring judgement on anyone! Every single thing I said was based on my own experiences, and I totally understand how different circumstances bring about different lifestyle choices. Frankly, being the mom at all is never the most "fun" job most of the time, no matter how we do it!



.

It wasn't you! The thread that started this was the opinions thread where someone specifically said people who don't work when their kids are at school are unemployed, not SAHMs.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around a city that has suburbs without any public transportation. My.mind.is.blown.

It is one of the great failings of the US. Makes it really hard on lower income people; moving is too expensive and getting a car can be too expensive, so then what?
More and more places are working on adding better public transit though! It is slow progress, but we'Re getting there.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I've been a working mom, stay at home mom, homeschooling mom, student mom...you name it, at one time or another over the twenty-two years I've been married. Years ago I chose to stop categorizing myself and explaining my situation to other people. I'm not working at this time. I do sometimes note some resentment from a few working moms I know, but I see this as their problem and I don't worry about it.

I never intended to stay home at all. I got my degree and had every intention of carrying on with my career, and then I married a military guy and had kids. All of my plans sort of fell by the wayside as I did what needed to be done to take care of my family. I did eventually go back to work, but three moves in 4 years and my son's medical problems put a stop to that.

People are much more than a paycheck. The only shame I can see in not working is if your family can't afford it, and you choose not to work anyway. As for what you call it, unemployed, SAHM, housewife, etc., doesn't matter to me, unemployed doesn't make sense to me, because I'm not looking for a job right now

 

[NHdisneylover]

It is one of the great failings of the US. Makes it really hard on lower income people; moving is too expensive and getting a car can be too expensive, so then what?
More and more places are working on adding better public transit though! It is slow progress, but we'Re getting there.

Absolutely CdnCarrie, this is not your doing at all---your comments were honest and respectful, IMO. The issue was specifically being told that those who are not working for pay should call themselves unemployed (which as others say, does not really define it and is full of negative connotations). I think most people are not interested in one upping one another or saying that being an at home parent or spouse is better or worse than being a working one---but it is easy to get defensive when what you do is totally dismissed and treated by as without value, as insisting it be called "unemployed" indicates.

 

[kamik86]

Saying a stay at home parent is unemployed makes the same sense as saying a 5 year old is unmarried.

Agreed. Not really necessary to say. But still both are true.

Now if you want to discuss how certain subsets of unemployed shouldn't carry a negative connotation yes I agree. My mom was a stay at home parent for my first few years of school then got a part time job where she could be home by the time I was done from school until I was in middle school. I'm very grateful that she was able to do that.

 

[Azrael]

I don't think cooking dinner, cleaning the house and carting the kids around after school is considered work. It's simply called parenting which SAHM and working moms do alike. Most people aren't going to touch this thread. It's too controversial.

 

[gwynne]

I don't think cooking dinner, cleaning the house and carting the kids around after school is considered work. It's simply called parenting which SAHM and working moms do alike. Most people aren't going to touch this thread. It's too controversial.

When you hire someone to do those jobs, you have to pay for it. If a family opts to take care of these tasks themselves there is a substantial cost savings.
It's work, either way.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I don't think cooking dinner, cleaning the house and carting the kids around after school is considered work. It's simply called parenting which SAHM and working moms do alike. Most people aren't going to touch this thread. It's too controversial.

I don't say I am a working person. I'm just not unemployed either (ok, technically if by that you mean does not work for pay, but that is NOT how it is normally used--so insisting someone should use it when they are not working is rude and dismissive, IMO).

It's like telling someone they shouldn't define themselves as a basketball player they are not on the football team and should introduce them-self as "not a football player" even though that person has no interest in being on the football team and never tried out for it (and, no not being on the football team does not make the basketball player unappreciative of those who are, or mean they compare themselves, etc--it just means they are choosing what works for themself , just like working people and at homemakers or at home parents or choosing what works for them and their families).

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I will admit to wondering what stay at home parents do all day once their children are in school. But I don't consider them "unemployed". Someone who wants to work outside the home and isn't is unemployed.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Does it matter? Whether another parent chooses to call herself unemployed or a sahm has no bearing on my life. I will still work part time, homeschool, and live my life. I don't define what I am. I am a patent and I'm doing what I need to do to make our family life work.

Anyone who has time to get worked up about this needs to find a job or a hobby.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around a city that has suburbs without any public transportation. My.mind.is.blown.

You must have never been to the Detroit suburbs. I have heard there are SMART busses in the city limits and suposedly in the VERY near suburbs, but have rarely seen one, and have never known anyone that has ever used it, and I lived there for 35 years. And the places I lived during that time (anywhere from 20-45 min out from the heart of Detroit), there was no service whatsoever.

Where I live now, we have an amazing public transportation system far out into the suburbs - service as much as an hour away or more from the city center. The difference in availability of mass transit between the two cities is "Mind. Blowing."

ETA: I just read the rest of your responses and realized that you, in fact, probably never *have* been to Detroit LOL since you don't live in the states! Sorry!!!!