Starting over

[Nature Mom]

Hello board. I am looking for some financial advice, advice on starting over. By the end of the year I will be divorced and very possibly living in a new place. I am currently in the home I shared with my husband, but we will be selling it as soon as we have finished prepping it to sale. I am not worried about it being on the market long, as we have already received several very serious inquiries and houses here normally sell within 72 hours. (We are in a very sought after school district, in a very good neighborhood where we often get notes in the mailbox asking if we or anyone we know in the neighborhood will be selling.) After the house sells, I will get some divorce settlement, and my husband makes enough money that child support will be adequate. My attorney also wants me to seek alimony, but to me that feels mean and spiteful and I haven't decided yet whether to seek it. I do make some money on my own, so while monthly income for me will be lower than what we live with now, it will be manageable.

Here's my real problem. I pulled my credit reports today and they are empty, except for a paid off second mortgage over 5 years ago (that I was co-signor on). Because of his control issues, nothing has been in my name in ages and I don't even have a score (on Transunion) because there has been so little activity. Now, I guess having nothing is better than having a page full of bad, but I'm a 40 year old woman about to be on my own again...I need to build up some credit, and I am thinking I need to start before it is time for me to seek a home for DDs and me where I will be The One on the lease/mortgage/whatever I find.

I want to do this smart. I have been researching all afternoon and feel more confused than I did before I began. I think there are some very knowledgeable people on this board who could give me some good advice without ripping me a new one for letting my husband control my financial future this way. I get it, I know. Never again. I've learned, maybe learned it the hard way, but at least I know now.

So, you wise credit people, what would you do to build up your credit history?

 

[DVCLiz]

Hello board. I am looking for some financial advice, advice on starting over. By the end of the year I will be divorced and very possibly living in a new place. I am currently in the home I shared with my husband, but we will be selling it as soon as we have finished prepping it to sale. I am not worried about it being on the market long, as we have already received several very serious inquiries and houses here normally sell within 72 hours. (We are in a very sought after school district, in a very good neighborhood where we often get notes in the mailbox asking if we or anyone we know in the neighborhood will be selling.) After the house sells, I will get some divorce settlement, and my husband makes enough money that child support will be adequate. My attorney also wants me to seek alimony, but to me that feels mean and spiteful and I haven't decided yet whether to seek it. I do make some money on my own, so while monthly income for me will be lower than what we live with now, it will be manageable.

Here's my real problem. I pulled my credit reports today and they are empty, except for a paid off second mortgage over 5 years ago (that I was co-signor on). Because of his control issues, nothing has been in my name in ages and I don't even have a score (on Transunion) because there has been so little activity. Now, I guess having nothing is better than having a page full of bad, but I'm a 40 year old woman about to be on my own again...I need to build up some credit, and I am thinking I need to start before it is time for me to seek a home for DDs and me where I will be The One on the lease/mortgage/whatever I find.

I want to do this smart. I have been researching all afternoon and feel more confused than I did before I began. I think there are some very knowledgeable people on this board who could give me some good advice without ripping me a new one for letting my husband control my financial future this way. I get it, I know. Never again. I've learned, maybe learned it the hard way, but at least I know now.

So, you wise credit people, what would you do to build up your credit history?

I don't have any advice for your credit history but take alimony if you can get it. It is always better to be in control of as much money as possible in a divorce. Down the road your daughters may have needs or wants and while everyone is sure today that Daddy will be willing to pay for them, later if he has a new family or new interests it is entirely possible he will change his mind. Take ALL money you can legally get. Save it for your daughters for later if you end up not needing it.

It is NOT mean and spiteful. Think of it as dissolving a business arrangement but TAKE it if you can legally get it.

 

[jeankeri]

I found when I got divorced that I was willing to take much less (and my ex was willing to give much less) than I was entitled to. You have put your life on hold and done real work inside your home raising your children. There is a monetary value in that. You do not know how things will work out in 6 months, or a year. Do not regret something that you will be unable to change later. Remember, you will have to provide a home for your children, which will be larger than you would need if you were going on your own. Child support will not cover all of that additional expense. And most likely alimony will only be awarded for a limited time- hopefully long enough for you to beef up your credit score.
On that front- apply for a credit card in your name only. Also bank accounts (checking, savings). When you get that card- charge something and pay it off each month. Sorry my advice on this end is more limited.

 

[clm10308]

For the credit thing, I would say to go apply for a stor credit card ASAP. They are usually pretty easy to get, but have a low limit. You could start using it right away to build up a little credit history.

I don't know for sure, but I have heard that it is often easier to rent a home from an individual if you have no (or bad) credit history. You can explain you situation to the potential landlord and they can choose to rent to you anyway. With some rental companies there is less flexibility.

Was the original house purchase in your name? You might qualify for some of those "first time buyer" programs that would make it easier to purchase without much credit history.

 

[DVCisME]

I would suggest something like a Target card, you can use it and pay it off, plus you get 5% discount. I think you should also put a cell phone in your name. That helps establish credit.

I would not get a lot of credit cards all at once, or ever .

If you have a credit card and a phone bill it shows revolving and installment credit. Best of luck! The fact that you are even looking into this shows that you will be fine.

 

[kathie859]

OP...first of all I'm sorry you find yourself in this position.

1) Seek alimony. It's due to you.

2) Establish a bank account in your own name if haven't already done so. Then ask your bank for a credit card. Use it for groceries, whatever and pay it off every month.

It'll demonstrate your ability to use credit properly and positively affect your credit score.

Good luck!

 

[msmama]

As a fellow new divorcee, I also agree to take the alimony (now called "maintenance" to be more PC, apparently).

Even though I wasn't cut off from our previous financials as it sounds like you were, I was still surprised to learn just how much that "extra stuff" added up to even though we were already living on a budget.

I would look into a credit card with good rewards (for whatever rewards are good for you, maybe Disney, maybe an airline one, maybe just cash back). Then use it and PAY IT OFF EVERY MONTH!!

The paying it off every month is the important part.

 

[bdcp]

The easiest way to do this is to get a secured credit card. One that is "secured" by a certain amount of money in an account. It can be pretty low, such as $500. You can build credit and get a decent interest rate.

Having no credit score isn't "better' than "bad" but neither will get you very far. You will need to be able to qualify on your own for a regular credit card and that will be based on your income and bills.

Also, for those that recommended a "store" credit card, you really need credit history and another credit card to get approved for a store one. Gone are the days you can just apply and get a card without having history and enough income.

 

[cpster]

Do ask for alimony and don't feel guilty about it! You can always put the money away for your daughters. I hope by the end of the year you get a sense of peace in your life.

Since you have no negatives on credit report, I would not be surprised if you will easily qualify for a low limit card. Just be sure you pay it off every month. Good luck to you!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I am also with the other posters about taking the alimony. Save it for a rainy day.

 

[Nature Mom]

I don't have any advice for your credit history but take alimony if you can get it. It is always better to be in control of as much money as possible in a divorce. Down the road your daughters may have needs or wants and while everyone is sure today that Daddy will be willing to pay for them, later if he has a new family or new interests it is entirely possible he will change his mind. Take ALL money you can legally get. Save it for your daughters for later if you end up not needing it.

It is NOT mean and spiteful. Think of it as dissolving a business arrangement but TAKE it if you can legally get it.

I guess I didn't think about putting it away from the girls. To be honest, I am worried about upsetting the apple cart, if that makes any sense? I just worry that once he sees how much he is required to pay for child support he will freak out bad enough to make my getting any alimony a nightmare. I don't want him to get mad and withhold their money because he's mad he has to pay me. I know that sounds weak, and I guess it is in a way. Okay backbone, stiffen up and listen.

I found when I got divorced that I was willing to take much less (and my ex was willing to give much less) than I was entitled to. You have put your life on hold and done real work inside your home raising your children. There is a monetary value in that. You do not know how things will work out in 6 months, or a year. Do not regret something that you will be unable to change later. Remember, you will have to provide a home for your children, which will be larger than you would need if you were going on your own. Child support will not cover all of that additional expense. And most likely alimony will only be awarded for a limited time- hopefully long enough for you to beef up your credit score.
On that front- apply for a credit card in your name only. Also bank accounts (checking, savings). When you get that card- charge something and pay it off each month. Sorry my advice on this end is more limited.

Thank you. I see your point and you are right. I have a tendency to settle for less, this is one time I need to not do that.

For the credit thing, I would say to go apply for a stor credit card ASAP. They are usually pretty easy to get, but have a low limit. You could start using it right away to build up a little credit history.

I don't know for sure, but I have heard that it is often easier to rent a home from an individual if you have no (or bad) credit history. You can explain you situation to the potential landlord and they can choose to rent to you anyway. With some rental companies there is less flexibility.

Was the original house purchase in your name? You might qualify for some of those "first time buyer" programs that would make it easier to purchase without much credit history.

No, house is not in my name. First house we had he had bought just before we got together and he took the money from the sale of that house to put into this one, which doesn't have my name attached to it anywhere.

I would suggest something like a Target card, you can use it and pay it off, plus you get 5% discount. I think you should also put a cell phone in your name. That helps establish credit.

I would not get a lot of credit cards all at once, or ever . I wouldn't do that anyway.

If you have a credit card and a phone bill it shows revolving and installment credit. Best of luck! The fact that you are even looking into this shows that you will be fine.

I wish I could get move phone plan to my name...he has always had a phone through work so only the kids and I are on the plan and I pay it from my funds monthly, but once again, it is in his name. Grrr..... Okay, though, that is pretty good advice. Thanks. And thanks for the positive thought. I hope I will be fine, this is all a bit nerve-wracking.

OP...first of all I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. Thank you. I am sorry too. It hurts to be here.

1) Seek alimony. It's due to you.

2) Establish a bank account in your own name if haven't already done so. Then ask your bank for a credit card. Use it for groceries, whatever and pay it off every month.

It'll demonstrate your ability to use credit properly and positively affect your credit score.

Good luck!

Thank you...going tomorrow to open an account at the credit union my sister is a member of. I hope I can get a card through them, too.

As a fellow new divorcee, I also agree to take the alimony (now called "maintenance" to be more PC, apparently). Isn't everything PC these days?! lol

Even though I wasn't cut off from our previous financials as it sounds like you were, I was still surprised to learn just how much that "extra stuff" added up to even though we were already living on a budget.

I would look into a credit card with good rewards (for whatever rewards are good for you, maybe Disney, maybe an airline one, maybe just cash back). Then use it and PAY IT OFF EVERY MONTH!!

The paying it off every month is the important part.

You are right, the extra stuff is crazy! Now that I am doing it all right now, I am shocked at how much went out every month. Lots of stuff is going away for us, time for these girls to learn BUDGET.

I think rewards would be good. Disney rewards would be great!

The easiest way to do this is to get a secured credit card. One that is "secured" by a certain amount of money in an account. It can be pretty low, such as $500. You can build credit and get a decent interest rate.

Having no credit score isn't "better' than "bad" but neither will get you very far. You will need to be able to qualify on your own for a regular credit card and that will be based on your income and bills.

Also, for those that recommended a "store" credit card, you really need credit history and another credit card to get approved for a store one. Gone are the days you can just apply and get a card without having history and enough income.

Thanks, I listen to Clark Howard and he was advising against store cards, too, because they are harder to get and make marks on your credit from applying too much. Secured isn't a bad idea. Thanks.

Do ask for alimony and don't feel guilty about it! You can always put the money away for your daughters. I hope by the end of the year you get a sense of peace in your life. Thank you, thank you....I hope so too.

Since you have no negatives on credit report, I would not be surprised if you will easily qualify for a low limit card. Just be sure you pay it off every month. Good luck to you!

Oh that sounds good. Hopefully I can! Thank you, I need all the luck I can get lately.

I am also with the other posters about taking the alimony. Save it for a rainy day.

I think y'all have me convinced on the alimony (or maintenance, lol). I see now where I should take what I can get, if not for myself, at least for the kids.

Thanks again everyone for the advice, and for also not beating me up for making bad financial and marriage decisions. Thanks for being kind.

 

[jeankeri]

I know all states are different, but here in VT they award alimony (also called maintenance) first, then figure out child support based on both of your incomes (your maintenance is your income). So, he would not pay both in full, but rather pay you first, then (slightly) less in support to offset your maintenance.

 

[Muushka]

I just wanted to offer you a hug .

I went through something similar 24 years ago. I had taken care of all of our finances and when we divorced the credit card company didn't want to talk to me. I could not believe it. But things are a tad better these days.

Do you know what your credit score is? It would be good to know what it is.

I agree with others, try to get some credit cards at departments stores and then major credit cards (amex, Visa...).

Best wishes. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I guess I didn't think about putting it away from the girls. To be honest, I am worried about upsetting the apple cart, if that makes any sense? I just worry that once he sees how much he is required to pay for child support he will freak out bad enough to make my getting any alimony a nightmare. I don't want him to get mad and withhold their money because he's mad he has to pay me. I know that sounds weak, and I guess it is in a way. Okay backbone, stiffen up and listen.



Thank you. I see your point and you are right. I have a tendency to settle for less, this is one time I need to not do that.



No, house is not in my name. First house we had he had bought just before we got together and he took the money from the sale of that house to put into this one, which doesn't have my name attached to it anywhere.



I wish I could get move phone plan to my name...he has always had a phone through work so only the kids and I are on the plan and I pay it from my funds monthly, but once again, it is in his name. Grrr..... Okay, though, that is pretty good advice. Thanks. And thanks for the positive thought. I hope I will be fine, this is all a bit nerve-wracking.



Thank you...going tomorrow to open an account at the credit union my sister is a member of. I hope I can get a card through them, too.



You are right, the extra stuff is crazy! Now that I am doing it all right now, I am shocked at how much went out every month. Lots of stuff is going away for us, time for these girls to learn BUDGET.

I think rewards would be good. Disney rewards would be great!



Thanks, I listen to Clark Howard and he was advising against store cards, too, because they are harder to get and make marks on your credit from applying too much. Secured isn't a bad idea. Thanks.



Oh that sounds good. Hopefully I can! Thank you, I need all the luck I can get lately.





I think y'all have me convinced on the alimony (or maintenance, lol). I see now where I should take what I can get, if not for myself, at least for the kids.

Thanks again everyone for the advice, and for also not beating me up for making bad financial and marriage decisions. Thanks for being kind.

I think that we all feel for you because the people posting have probably been through one or more of the things you are writing about now. I know first hand how "blind" love can be. And for most of my life I have settled for much less than I deserve. No more of that! Take care of yourself.

 

[Nature Mom]

I just wanted to offer you a hug .

I went through something similar 24 years ago. I had taken care of all of our finances and when we divorced the credit card company didn't want to talk to me. I could not believe it. But things are a tad better these days.

Do you know what your credit score is? It would be good to know what it is.

I agree with others, try to get some credit cards at departments stores and then major credit cards (amex, Visa...).

Best wishes. I hope everything works out for you.

Thank you. I really needed that hug.

I'm glad you made it through your situation. Gives me hope.

No, I tried to find a score but kept getting something like 'no score can be computed due to an extended period of inactivity.'

Thank you again. I hope it does, too.

I know all states are different, but here in VT they award alimony (also called maintenance) first, then figure out child support based on both of your incomes (your maintenance is your income). So, he would not pay both in full, but rather pay you first, then (slightly) less in support to offset your maintenance.

I don't know, but I don't think it is that way here. Every attorney I consulted with before I settled with one always went for the child support numbers, then would mention maintenance payments. I will ask my attorney next time I speak to him. Thank you for the info.

I think that we all feel for you because the people posting have probably been through one or more of the things you are writing about now. I know first hand how "blind" love can be. And for most of my life I have settled for much less than I deserve. No more of that! Take care of yourself.

So blind. Stupid blind. Denial blind. But you are right, NO MORE OF THAT!! Thank you, I appreciate you saying that.

 

[matt98378]

The easiest way to do this is to get a secured credit card. One that is "secured" by a certain amount of money in an account. It can be pretty low, such as $500. You can build credit and get a decent interest rate.

Having no credit score isn't "better' than "bad" but neither will get you very far. You will need to be able to qualify on your own for a regular credit card and that will be based on your income and bills.

Also, for those that recommended a "store" credit card, you really need credit history and another credit card to get approved for a store one. Gone are the days you can just apply and get a card without having history and enough income.

I totally agree with this. When we had to build my husband's credit, we had to go the secured card route.

Also, as far as getting a credit card, other bills didn't help. We had a cell phone in his name, rent, electricity, water, etc. However, that did not give my husband a credit score because those things are only reported to the credit bureaus if you do not pay -- they are not reported each month. Also, I don't remember the specifics exactly, but I think you *might* be able to use those bills (especially rental history) to get an FHA loan for a house. Someone else might be able to provide more info on that...

 

[DVCLiz]

I guess I didn't think about putting it away from the girls. To be honest, I am worried about upsetting the apple cart, if that makes any sense? I just worry that once he sees how much he is required to pay for child support he will freak out bad enough to make my getting any alimony a nightmare. I don't want him to get mad and withhold their money because he's mad he has to pay me. I know that sounds weak, and I guess it is in a way. Okay backbone, stiffen up and listen.

Honey, the apple cart has already been upset. You do not need a stiff backbone. You need a lawyer. Hire one who will help you understand your legal rights. Everything will be finalized in a legal document that can and will be enforced in the court system if necessary. Your lawyer will negotiate on your behalf.

Keep the paragraph above as a reminder of how NOT to think. You are not out for blood - you are a grown woman who is negotiating for a fair settlement. Ask for and get what you deserve.

 

[Nature Mom]

Honey, the apple cart has already been upset. You do not need a stiff backbone. You need a lawyer. Hire one who will help you understand your legal rights. Everything will be finalized in a legal document that can and will be enforced in the court system if necessary. Your lawyer will negotiate on your behalf.

Keep the paragraph above as a reminder of how NOT to think. You are not out for blood - you are a grown woman who is negotiating for a fair settlement. Ask for and get what you deserve.

You are so right. The apple cart may as well burst into flames it is so upset. I do have a lawyer. I have a hired one and about 20 friend ones. (I am a legal nurse consultant.) They all tell me to get alimony, and I know they are right after hearing all y'all give me sound reasons why I need to go ahead. Sometimes, I wish I was out for blood. Anger...maybe even some hatred...would make this so much easier. Right now I am just so sad. But you are all right, I should get what I really deserve, not what I browbeat myself into thinking I should settle for. Thanks.

 

[LVTiffy]

i agree with everyone here. collect alimony and child support. Child support is for your kids, aliamony is for the kids and yourself so you can continue to live comfortably like you were before. Just because you are going through this nasty procedure, doesn't mean you should have to be stressed out about money issues or how are you going to pay rent or put food on the table with one income. And always remember, that even if he agrees legally to pay you a certain amount of $$ each month, doesn't mean he will continue doing it. So I would put money in a savings account. whatever money you don't need or any extra money. Just incase something happens where your ex will be a jerk or if he has new interest or whatever the case may be. he may be mad but i'm sure years down the road if you guys are more on friendly terms, he will understand why you had to do what you did. You are entitled to do especially the child support. its not free to have kids. and if he doesn't pay, go to family court and they could deduct wages from his job. you have to think about you and the kids. the kids are your main priority.

 

[LVTiffy]

oh and as far as the credit goes, i would get a checking/savings with a bank/credit union and try and get a credit card though them. i first opened a wellsfargo checking and was able to open a credit card the same day. also try a department store card like Kohls, or Best Buy. Both are very easy to get. I believe i was 20 with barely any credit history when i got a best buy card. Kohls is always good too because you get discounts every month and they have clothes for everyone in the family.