Sports Team Travel Policy questions

Just wondering where you equate these adults having a drink and then somehow losing all control and attacking players? From what I am reading, there is an extreme trust and control issue. If the new policy is province wide, why do you distrust the administrators of the association with regards to child safety? You are questioning the judgement that these administrators have made and want to control the actions of the manager and coaches to a behavior that you want them to follow. Have you ever seen firsthand any of these managers or coaches out of control after drinking or acting in a sexual manner towards players? If you have not, then you appear to be paranoid about what might happen. If you have, then you are placing your daughter in a dangerous situation and the benefit of playing the sport should not be considered. As I stated before, age 13 is not too old to experience a new sport or activity.
 
So you are comfortable with people that you don't know that are responsible for children, staying in a hotel in another state drinking? Sure they are teenagers and don't need as much looking after as little ones.
These are two different scenarios you've posted, so I'm going to respond to them separately. First, I mentioned that my DD will be taking a field trip to DC. DW & I will not be going with her. She will be under care of the school during that time. I'm sure the hotel they will be staying in will have other adults staying with it, some (gasp) who may have too much to drink.

So having said that would it be okay with you if it were a school teacher on a school trip having a couple of drinks? Most people would freak about that but it is okay if it is a sports team?
A couple drinks during the day/activities, I would have a problem with. A couple drinks after curfew/lights out, in the privacy of a hotel room, I would not have a problem with. A full on DRUNK after curfew/lights out, yes, I would have a problem. But that's not what we are talking about.

sam_gordon: Would you let DD attend a sleepover at a friends as long as the parents are home? What if you know the parents "imbibe" after dinner?
Never.
So you won't let DD go to a sleepover? Or just if you know the parents drink after dinner?

It is different because when you are looking after somebody elses kids in a capacity such as a chaperone there is a reasonable expectation that you are going to remain sober.
So if you're chaperoning someone else's kids, you shouldn't drink, but if you're taking care of your own, it's OK?
If something were to ever happen you would have to answer to somebody about people's alcohol consumption whether it be your own or the person in question.
You are correct. If something were to happen, everyone who's a part of the organization and played a part in whatever was to happen would be scrutinized. I simply think you're taking the "what if" game too far.
 
It is different because when you are looking after somebody elses kids in a capacity such as a chaperone there is a reasonable expectation that you are going to remain sober.

If something were to ever happen you would have to answer to somebody about people's alcohol consumption whether it be your own or the person in question.

I rarely have a drink only because I can feel the alcohol from one drink.

So go ahead and beat me up for that.:lmao:

A couple drinks does NOT mean they are not sober. Just because you can't tolerate alcohol doesn't mean others cannot. The coach having a beer or two with the parents will in no way impare judgement.
 
Have you ever seen a coach have a drink while chaperoning the athletes? That should give you some indication whether or not it will happen when the athletes are directly under his/her supervision. Since you have younger children and don't head out evenings while at a meet or tournament, ask around. Other parents will know.

Professional coaches are usually fingerprinted and undergo a background check conducted by the governing body of their sport. For many of these people, coaching is their life and profession. They aren't about to jeopardize their certification by acting inappropriately. I've never seen an athletic coach have a drink publically...even with parents at any type of event that athletes are present. At meets and tournaments coaches usually eat with the team and supervise the team even after curfew. It appears that's not a hard and fast rule but it's been our experience for many years.

Good luck with your choices. It's never easy to let go.
 

I'm mixing your quotes to keep the same topic together. First, do you have any basis to believe the coaches WILL drink during this tournament? Or are you simply worried they MIGHT drink (since the rules 'allow' it)?

As has been mentioned, why does she HAVE to be in a sport? Again, if you are this upset over the policy, pulling your child IS a valid option. BTW, have you asked DD what SHE thinks? She's a teenager now. IMO, her thoughts and feelings need to factor into these kinds of decisions.

Yes, we get this is a NEW policy. The problem is although people have said "this is similar to ours" you've vehemently argued that these are unreasonable
. First, because of possible assaults against the team, now because of possible alcohol consumption by the coaches (that you don't even know will happen) and/or other adults in the hotel NOT associated with the teams.

My DD's (also 13) school is taking 8th graders to Washington, DC over spring break. DW & I won't be attending. I don't know what hotel they are staying at yet, but it is possible there will be a bar in the lobby (or one nearby). There will (I'm sure) be boys & girls from her school going. I won't let either one of those issues keep her from going. YES, at some point, you will need to trust SOMEONE (other than you or DH) to take care your DD.

I think the OP's POV is that they were not notified in advance. That this is a change from prior years. She signed her children up based on prior years and just now found out that has all changed.

While other leagues have policies, I would imagine that you were notified prior to sign ups on what that policy was and that they didn't spring any changes on you that ban you from staying with your kids or ban you from the hotel after you have already committed your cash to the program.
 
I think the OP's POV is that they were not notified in advance. That this is a change from prior years. She signed her children up based on prior years and just now found out that has all changed.

While other leagues have policies, I would imagine that you were notified prior to sign ups on what that policy was and that they didn't spring any changes on you that ban you from staying with your kids or ban you from the hotel after you have already committed your cash to the program.
I can respect that. If the issue truly IS "hey, this isn't what we signed up for", the choices are still clear... either abide by the rules, break the rules, or drop out of the program. I think it's unreasonable to assume there will never be ANY changes (because any change has the possibility of upsetting some parent).
 
I'm a little surprised that you (the OP) is putting so much emphasis on the role of alcohol in your comfort with the new policy. IF the coaches were prohibited from consuming any alcohol while out of town supervising the teams, would that make you comfortable with the policy change? If that's the case, I'm going to assume that in your law enforcement background you have found a clear cause and effect relationship between actions against minors in hotel rooms and the present of alcohol. If this is not the case, drinking by coaches is a red herring and a change in policy to that affect would not alleviate your fears.

My guess is that you have previously evaluated coaches in terms of how well they are able to handle kids with respect to playing a sport. Period. Now you're having to consider whether you're comfortable with them in a different role, that of chaperone, without parents watching over their shoulders. That's a typical shift in roles for coaches as athletes move into the older age groups. That's when kids become more independent and take on more responsibility with respect to their own personal safety. If you're not comfortable with the coaches or not ready for your daughter to take on more of that kind of responsibility that's fine, but I think you have to be honest about what kind of sports environment you're willing to put her in in the future - especially when she's playing for a school team.

Good luck
 
A couple drinks does NOT mean they are not sober. Just because you can't tolerate alcohol doesn't mean others cannot. The coach having a beer or two with the parents will in no way impare judgement.

Well if we are going to get all technical--you, nor anyone else can actually "know" that.

Everyone tolerates alcohol differently. While behaving in an official capacity responsible for minors, I don't find it a responsible decision.
 
So you are comfortable with people that you don't know that are responsible for children, staying in a hotel in another state drinking? Sure they are teenagers and don't need as much looking after as little ones. So having said that would it be okay with you if it were a school teacher on a school trip having a couple of drinks? Most people would freak about that but it is okay if it is a sports team?

.

Absolutely!! Heck I'll go you one better, how about a totally different country across the ocean?

My DD went to Italy for 3 weeks with her school orchestra. In Italy you have wine! All the teachers had wine almost every if not every night. So there you go I[, OK with a teacher drinking and heaven forbid in those Italian hotels there were "strangers" drinking and I didn't have one moment of problem with it.

As far as the adults drinking someone said they could set a good example and not drink for a night, WELL how about they set an even better more realistic example and show that adults can enjoy a beer or 2 or a glass of wine and not drink excessively or get drunk? That to m,e is a better example.
 
Liability. When you are taking responsibility for someone else's child, anything that happens to that child while you had 1 drink responsibility will be a liability issue.

My question was if the OP or her husband ever drank/consumed alcohol when they were watching their own kids.


I understand the issues if someone else is watching them. It appears that some hold others to higher standards.
 
I can respect that. If the issue truly IS "hey, this isn't what we signed up for", the choices are still clear... either abide by the rules, break the rules, or drop out of the program. I think it's unreasonable to assume there will never be ANY changes (because any change has the possibility of upsetting some parent).

I agree!

Something of this magnitude with the OP should have been disclosed prior to sign ups though.

I am unfamiliar with league sports. I just know that it gets expensive. I know that when we did competitive dance for just a year, once we signed the contract, we were on the hook for all payments. Everything was disclosed to us in advance. If they decided suddenly during the season that all the girls would room together and parents couldn't stay in the hotel...that was going to be a HUGE issue! It isn't what we signed up for and likely many would revolt.

FTR, I don't mind most of what is occurring except for the timing of the announcement and the possible issue with alcohol. I am of the opinion that in such an official capacity, the leaders should remain dry for the duration that they are acting as in loco parentis.
 
My question was if the OP or her husband ever drank/consumed alcohol when they were watching their own kids.


I understand the issues if someone else is watching them. It appears that some hold others to higher standards.

You're comparing apples to oranges.

It has nothing to do with higher standards.:confused3
 
You're comparing apples to oranges.

It has nothing to do with higher standards.:confused3

Seriously? The OP mentioned the manager and coaches having drinks with the dads. The parents were responsible for watching the players and parents were having drinks. Now with this new policy, the parent doesn't want the chaperones having a drink, while it was okay for them when they were the chaperones. Looks like a higher standard to me.
 
Absolutely!! Heck I'll go you one better, how about a totally different country across the ocean?

My DD went to Italy for 3 weeks with her school orchestra. In Italy you have wine! All the teachers had wine almost every if not every night. So there you go I[, OK with a teacher drinking and heaven forbid in those Italian hotels there were "strangers" drinking and I didn't have one moment of problem with it.

As far as the adults drinking someone said they could set a good example and not drink for a night, WELL how about they set an even better more realistic example and show that adults can enjoy a beer or 2 or a glass of wine and not drink excessively or get drunk? That to m,e is a better example.

As a teacher, I am going to address the statement that teachers had wine while sponsoring a trip. In my district and in my state, if a teacher is sponsoring or taking part on a school-sponsored trip they will not only lose their job, but their teaching license as well. Students attending a school trip to locations that have different alcohol laws are not allowed to drink even if it is legal in that country. If caught they would be sent home immediately at the parents' expense.

OP, I get it. I would just book the same hotel as the team if possible or try to be a chaperone. They cannot stop you from booking the same hotel if there are rooms available.

For those who don't think a coach would do something to jeopardize their career, google gymnastics coach Don Peters. He wasn't a little club-for-fun coach, he was an Olympic coach.
 
Seriously? The OP mentioned the manager and coaches having drinks with the dads. The parents were responsible for watching the players and parents were having drinks. Now with this new policy, the parent doesn't want the chaperones having a drink, while it was okay for them when they were the chaperones. Looks like a higher standard to me.

She isn't sure of the policy and if the parents aren't allowed at the hotels,doesn't sound like drinks will be with the dads.:confused3

It is a potential issue and liability regardless if you care to acknowledge that fact.

There will not be any parents around with the chaperones where before, the parents were still responsible for their own children.

I must have missed the part where the OP judged those actions before and wished they didn't do it then let alone now.
 
13 y/o girl.

Concerns are:

Coaching staff, chaperones, manager drinking alcohol. They have at tournaments in the past but our daughter was staying in the room with us.

Older boys from soccer teams having access to the girls. Some of the girls on our team are boy crazy and engage in what I feel is inappropriate behavior for their age. I don't need my daughter rooming with the ones who are trouble because I am worried that they will invite more trouble into the room.

Adults from other teams having access to the kids.

Members of the public or even hotel staff having access to the kids.

I have worked in law enforcement for twenty years and I have to admit I am tainted. I have seen a lot and am way more aware than most other parents on what dangers are out there.

It makes no sense that my daughter can't stay in the room with her parents and sisters like we have in the past.








Here you go.
 
I agree that the organization is trying to protect itself to a certain extent. However lets just say that something did happen to one of the kids.
The association, the club, and the chaperone(s) would be sued for failing to protect a child.

I think it is silly that my daughter can't stay in a room with us. If we want to go we have to stay at another hotel as per the manager.

Hannathy, you just don't get it. You are putting the onus on a 13 y/o girl to just up and leave a situation if she doesn't like it. Do you watch the news or read anything other than the DIS boards? Often children are not given the option of just getting up and leaving or calling if there is something inappropriate going on. Yes there are chaperones, but not in the rooms and I assume the chaperones will be sleeping at some point. So what is to stop something from going on in the middle of the night?

I would prefer that the association have a no alcohol policy for all chaperones, coaches and managers. I think they are setting themselves up for trouble by not having this rule. Every tournament I have been to in the past there has been drinking in the coaches rooms...and that is our team. I know these people but don't *know* them. I also don't know any of the coaching staff from any other teams that may be in the hotel.

I also don't know if all of the rooms are blocked off for the tournament or if there will be members of the public staying in the hotel too. It cheeses me off that somebody off the street can get a room there but we can't because our daughter is attending the tournament.

Add this.
 
I have a problem with not being allowed in the same hotel as my child but it is okay for people at the hotel associated with the tournament to be consuming alcohol. I do have a problem with my DD being around adults who are drinking and her parents are not present. What parent would be okay with that?

Add this.
 
I kind of agree that people in charge of chaperoning should be abstaining from alcohol. I know that if I were in charge of kids I wouldn't be drinking, my focus would be on chaperoning without impairment in case there's an emergency situation.

I don't agree that you can't change sports at 13. I know very well two kids who were soccer stars on top travelling teams through their elementary years and into middle school, where they then changed sports. One child switched to cycling and is currently doing a couple years of pro circuit before going back to college. The other child (who had never played any tennis prior to 7th grade) is currently one of the very best high school junior tennis players in our state and region and is also nationally ranked pretty high. Soccer skills can translate into many sports: lacrosse, tennis, softball, basketball, track and field, all come to mind.

I imagine they don't want parents at the same hotel because a child might open a door to "Suzie's dad" whom they know, instead of keeping it locked as they were told to do. Keeping the parents completely seperate eliminates that connection. Since those are the new rules, and the OP can't live with them, it's time to look at a different sports scenario. Changing to something else shouldn't be that big a deal.
 













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