Sports Team Travel Policy questions

[5lilfish]

I would not like these rules. I have a 13 yr old DD that plays travel sports. Whenever we go away, we book hotel arrangements as a family. I've never heard of a travel team doing it any other way. That being said, it is what it is. I'd bring up my displeasure with the new rules and I would state my concerns and maybe even my expectations....maybe, since this is a change for everyone, request a parent meeting so that everyone can say what they want to say and ask questions. I don't necessarily agree that being uphappy means you have to pull your child. You may not change anything but I do not think it is unreasonable to ask to be allowed to express your concerns.

As for drinking...EVERY away tournament we have ever gone to involves drinking. I actually find the amount of drinking to be a little disturbing and I think some of these parents/coaches set a horrible example, but my kids are with me... and DH and I are sober and in charge of our own kids.

At 13, I will say that my DD has been told (thanks to our experiences) EXACTLY which parents she is allowed to be in a car with and which parents she will never be allowed to be in a car with. She has also been told that she should not get in a car with anyone she has recently seen drinking...and that she does not need to worry so much about using her manners to say NO, if it comes to that. My DD is solid enough to do this, but I can see how many 13 yr olds would have a problem being that assertive. I have to agree with the no alcohol rule if these coaches are in aposition of being responsible for a group of kids. 1 or 2 drinks under normal circumstances would be fine, but what if there is an emergency. Suddenly one of these adults could be in a stressful position, an emergency, that involves putting a kid in a car and driving. I don't think parents are out-of-line for wanting to know that if a situation arises, the people responsible have not been drinking. I don't think that is being paranoid.

Jess

 

[skater]

I would not like these rules. I have a 13 yr old DD that plays travel sports. Whenever we go away, we book hotel arrangements as a family. I've never heard of a travel team doing it any other way. That being said, it is what it is. I'd bring up my displeasure with the new rules and I would state my concerns and maybe even my expectations....maybe, since this is a change for everyone, request a parent meeting so that everyone can say what they want to say and ask questions. I don't necessarily agree that being uphappy means you have to pull your child. You may not change anything but I do not think it is unreasonable to ask to be allowed to express your concerns.

As for drinking...EVERY away tournament we have ever gone to involves drinking. I actually find the amount of drinking to be a little disturbing and I think some of these parents/coaches set a horrible example, but my kids are with me... and DH and I are sober and in charge of our own kids.

At 13, I will say that my DD has been told (thanks to our experiences) EXACTLY which parents she is allowed to be in a car with and which parents she will never be allowed to be in a car with. She has also been told that she should not get in a car with anyone she has recently seen drinking...and that she does not need to worry so much about using her manners to say NO, if it comes to that. My DD is solid enough to do this, but I can see how many 13 yr olds would have a problem being that assertive. I have to agree with the no alcohol rule if these coaches are in aposition of being responsible for a group of kids. 1 or 2 drinks under normal circumstances would be fine, but what if there is an emergency. Suddenly one of these adults could be in a stressful position, an emergency, that involves putting a kid in a car and driving. I don't think parents are out-of-line for wanting to know that if a situation arises, the people responsible have not been drinking. I don't think that is being paranoid.

Jess

I would never ever drink alcohol while in charge of other people's children.
And like you, I would not like these rules. My oldest child was involved with a team that had those rules. The rules were made because the coach didn't think that parents were capable of getting the kids to bed in good time. (This was because 1-2 families messed up one season - so, in her mind, all parents were bad). The result was that the kids stayed up longer giggling in bed, watching movies, running the halls - depending on the capability of the chaperones (some were better than others). The other result was that the kids were fighting with each other (in some cases) by the end of the trip because they had no break from each other. They were together 24/7 - and they were not given a choice who they roomed with - it was assigned by the coach. Putting 3 kids together who don't like each other might sometimes work, but it often did not. Personally, I resented paying for my own family's room plus part of another room for DD. I also resented some of the knowledge she gained (at 8 years old) from other more worldly children - stuff that IMO, was up to her parents to impart.
I really don't understand why someone would not get why some of us want our kids in our own rooms (at least until they want to be in a friends room - in which case its their choice - not the coaches or oranizers).

 

[DizBelle]

I kind of agree that people in charge of chaperoning should be abstaining from alcohol. I know that if I were in charge of kids I wouldn't be drinking, my focus would be on chaperoning without impairment in case there's an emergency situation.

I don't agree that you can't change sports at 13. I know very well two kids who were soccer stars on top travelling teams through their elementary years and into middle school, where they then changed sports. One child switched to cycling and is currently doing a couple years of pro circuit before going back to college. The other child (who had never played any tennis prior to 7th grade) is currently one of the very best high school junior tennis players in our state and region and is also nationally ranked pretty high. Soccer skills can translate into many sports: lacrosse, tennis, softball, basketball, track and field, all come to mind.

I imagine they don't want parents at the same hotel because a child might open a door to "Suzie's dad" whom they know, instead of keeping it locked as they were told to do. Keeping the parents completely seperate eliminates that connection. Since those are the new rules, and the OP can't live with them, it's time to look at a different sports scenario. Changing to something else shouldn't be that big a deal.

Suzie's dad could come over from another hotel and knock on the door. If there is security to prevent Suzie's dad from knocking on the door after coming over from another hotel, that same security would stop him from coming from another floor in the same hotel.

 

[DizBelle]

Andrew Luck who will probably win the Heisman trophy this year played soccer until high school when he switched to football. Soccer training provides great support for many sports.

Really I get the thing about keeping the parents away. How do you know that the parent of any student is not a horrible sex offender? Don't you want other random parents (not vetted at all) kept away from your child?

How do you know that the random guy who booked a room in the same hotel isn't an even more horrible sex offender?

 

[KiKi Mouse]

When my child was allowed to stay in the same room as her parents there were no worries about other people's drinking or somebody in the room that shouldn't be there.

I find it funny how I am the bad guy and am being paranoid because I would like to see a no alcohol policy in effect for the adults who are in charge of the kids. Why is okay for any of them to drink? Why would they want to?

As for where we live being a crime hot bed.....it is. The tournament is not here. It is in another province that isn't much better. People have said that DD should know better and if anything were to happen she can call us. If we do not go to the tournament with her then we are eight hours away. What does she do then?

Another parent has asked for a parent meeting and they have been told "there's nothing to discuss".

 

[skater]

When my child was allowed to stay in the same room as her parents there were no worries about other people's drinking or somebody in the room that shouldn't be there.

I find it funny how I am the bad guy and am being paranoid because I would like to see a no alcohol policy in effect for the adults who are in charge of the kids. Why is okay for any of them to drink? Why would they want to?

As for where we live being a crime hot bed.....it is. The tournament is not here. It is in another province that isn't much better. People have said that DD should know better and if anything were to happen she can call us. If we do not go to the tournament with her then we are eight hours away. What does she do then?

Another parent has asked for a parent meeting and they have been told "there's nothing to discuss".

You're exactly right. When your child was in your room, there was nothing to worry about. You are not the bad guy and you're not being paranoid. And there should be a no alcohol policy fo rany adult who is in charge of the kids. They can wait for that drink when they get home or when they're on vacation.

I feel bad for you - its a hard choice for a parent to make. My 14 year old has sacrificed birthday parties, sleep overs, other recreational activities, etc. for the sport he loves (soccer). For someone to tell him - Oh, just switch sports if you don't like the policies! would be painful. He's worked hard (his choice, not ours) to excel in the sport he chose. People who think its a simple choice to switch sports are not living in the reality that some of these kids are. Just learning the foot skills in soccer takes lots of hard work - some of those skills are almost impossible to learn after the age of 12 or 13 (at least in the opinion of many coaches ).

The parents should have the input on this, and it sucks that they may not. I would like to know why they won't hear the parents' opinions.

 

[kaytieeldr]

There's nothing to discuss because it's an association, not a team, decision. You can discuss it with you coaches and team manager until you're all blue in the face and still nothing would change.

Why would you be eight hours away? Are you going to not attend because you can't stay in the same hotel?

 

[5lilfish]

When my child was allowed to stay in the same room as her parents there were no worries about other people's drinking or somebody in the room that shouldn't be there.

I find it funny how I am the bad guy and am being paranoid because I would like to see a no alcohol policy in effect for the adults who are in charge of the kids. Why is okay for any of them to drink? Why would they want to?

As for where we live being a crime hot bed.....it is. The tournament is not here. It is in another province that isn't much better. People have said that DD should know better and if anything were to happen she can call us. If we do not go to the tournament with her then we are eight hours away. What does she do then?

Another parent has asked for a parent meeting and they have been told "there's nothing to discuss".

I think it is time to get an idea about how other parents feel. How many kids are on this team? If you already know there are 2 (you and this other parent) families that are uneasy about the new rules, then odds are there are more. If there are 16 players and a quarter of the families are worried, it needs to be addressed. I understand that the organization can make policies, but they aren't going to get very far living with those policies if none of the parents are happy about them. Ultimately, as I said, it might not change things, but it is not unreasonable to want to be heard and to hear what the organizations has in place to make sure none of your concerns become reality. If they are so adament about their policy then they should have no problem setting you at ease with a meeting.

This is true for very minor issues and certainly true for bigger issues. I know that when my DD was on a 10U travel soccer team, the coach wanted us to buy team warm-up pants. The coach's wife picked pants with SOCCER writen across the butt. I did not want butt advertising on my 10 yr old. Once I mentioned it, a few other parents felt the same way. Ultimately, we were given the choice of buying the pants with or w/o the butt writing. I know they wanted team unity but...sorry. I think the coach's wife thought we were nuts for caring, but nobody told us, buy these pants or you leave.

Jess

 

[fortwildernessishome]

I would not like these rules. I have a 13 yr old DD that plays travel sports. Whenever we go away, we book hotel arrangements as a family. I've never heard of a travel team doing it any other way. That being said, it is what it is. I'd bring up my displeasure with the new rules and I would state my concerns and maybe even my expectations....maybe, since this is a change for everyone, request a parent meeting so that everyone can say what they want to say and ask questions. I don't necessarily agree that being uphappy means you have to pull your child. You may not change anything but I do not think it is unreasonable to ask to be allowed to express your concerns.

As for drinking...EVERY away tournament we have ever gone to involves drinking. I actually find the amount of drinking to be a little disturbing and I think some of these parents/coaches set a horrible example, but my kids are with me... and DH and I are sober and in charge of our own kids.

At 13, I will say that my DD has been told (thanks to our experiences) EXACTLY which parents she is allowed to be in a car with and which parents she will never be allowed to be in a car with. She has also been told that she should not get in a car with anyone she has recently seen drinking...and that she does not need to worry so much about using her manners to say NO, if it comes to that. My DD is solid enough to do this, but I can see how many 13 yr olds would have a problem being that assertive. I have to agree with the no alcohol rule if these coaches are in aposition of being responsible for a group of kids. 1 or 2 drinks under normal circumstances would be fine, but what if there is an emergency. Suddenly one of these adults could be in a stressful position, an emergency, that involves putting a kid in a car and driving. I don't think parents are out-of-line for wanting to know that if a situation arises, the people responsible have not been drinking. I don't think that is being paranoid.

Jess

Exactly

Our experience is the same as yours in regard to the drinking at the overnight tournaments. (I mentioned it in a previous post.) There was ALWAYS drinking and most often it was excessive. A few years ago, my youngest son was in the state hockey tournament. One of his coaches was so hung over the next morning, he didnt even go to the game. I thought it was an horrible example for the kids. This is why I posted earlier that it shouldnt be a big deal for the coaches to give up a night or two of drinking while they are in charge of the kids. It sets a good example for the kids to see that adults can relax and have fun wihtout a drink. Obviously it is a safety concern as well to be completely sober.

 

[KinziePooh]

I feel like you're looking at this from a worst case scenario standpoint. Bad things can happen but I'm not sure that's a good reason to not let your DD participate. Think of all the good things that your DD will get out of this new experience! Independence, responsibility, confidence, fun with friends. The good far outweighs the potential bad.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Parents won't get a meeting because the manager decides if there are meetings and what they are about.
Last night the parent that runs the team website posted this as his last website post:

To all the girls who were not able to compete for a spot on the premier team, don't worry it's not about your ability, it's about your parents' connections and their influence. We're sorry that's how it had to end. There were no try-outs for the 2011 team and no ability to assess where players stood for the upcoming season. That was a shame.


We understand that coaches and parents who are, or who have been, board members, get preferential treatment in this process, regardless of merit. And then they wonder why kids leave soccer.

 

[LIDisneyFan]

Parents won't get a meeting because the manager decides if there are meetings and what they are about.
Last night the parent that runs the team website posted this as his last website post:

To all the girls who were not able to compete for a spot on the premier team, don't worry it's not about your ability, it's about your parents' connections and their influence. We're sorry that's how it had to end. There were no try-outs for the 2011 team and no ability to assess where players stood for the upcoming season. That was a shame.


We understand that coaches and parents who are, or who have been, board members, get preferential treatment in this process, regardless of merit. And then they wonder why kids leave soccer.

So the rule is your coaches' or clubs rule? And the manager allowed that on the team's website?

 

[Aneille]

I don't understand something.

To the OP can you book a room at the same hotel but not within the teams hotel group block? What is stopping you from doing that and having your daughter stay with you. Is the hotel sold out?

Honestly your DD is still a minor. They can't stop you from having her in your own room. It may upset some people but so be it. Its your daughter. It may cost you more $$ but again its your choice.

Next year, find another team if you feel you need to. I know that stinks but it is what it is. You can try to change the policy for next year but it seems for this year it isn't going to change. I really understand why you are upset. The rules was changed after you were on the team.

I guess I would be upset about the new rule telling me what to do with my own daughter but you need to move on. Some here agree with you, others don't. Its a personal thing. As I said earlier I went on a much bigger trip than that at that age but you are her parent. You get to choose, not the association.

Find a way around the rule and try to change the rule for next year or move on to another association without that policy. I am sure you are not the only parent with such concerns.

 

[Aneille]

Parents won't get a meeting because the manager decides if there are meetings and what they are about.
Last night the parent that runs the team website posted this as his last website post:

To all the girls who were not able to compete for a spot on the premier team, don't worry it's not about your ability, it's about your parents' connections and their influence. We're sorry that's how it had to end. There were no try-outs for the 2011 team and no ability to assess where players stood for the upcoming season. That was a shame.


We understand that coaches and parents who are, or who have been, board members, get preferential treatment in this process, regardless of merit. And then they wonder why kids leave soccer.

Just based on that I would be looking for a new club association for next year. Everyone knows that family/friends play a part in the try-out process but at least most clubs try to be a bit more subtle about it.

 

[5lilfish]

Exactly

Our experience is the same as yours in regard to the drinking at the overnight tournaments. (I mentioned it in a previous post.) There was ALWAYS drinking and most often it was excessive. A few years ago, my youngest son was in the state hockey tournament. One of his coaches was so hung over the next morning, he didnt even go to the game. I thought it was an horrible example for the kids. This is why I posted earlier that it shouldnt be a big deal for the coaches to give up a night or two of drinking while they are in charge of the kids. It sets a good example for the kids to see that adults can relax and have fun wihtout a drink. Obviously it is a safety concern as well to be completely sober.

The 2nd last tournament we went to, 2 of the adults (one was a coach of the 12U team) were totally plastered. The one guy thought it was funny to get his BMW up to 100 MPH on the way back to the hotel after dinner. the coach was so drunk that he had no idea where his 12 yr old was (and x-wife/mom was not there). I just looked at my husband and said, "You know that if you took our 12 yr old 400 miles away from home, got drunk and had no idea where she was, I'd kill you, right?" I knew he never would...but to answer my question, he held up his can of Diet Coke. The next day, the 100 MPH Dad was offering to keep a couple kids an extra day and go to an amusement park. No way, No how would I leave my DD with this man. He had already proven to me that he is not the kind of man I would trust to make good decisions....and he wasn't getting the opportunity to make a bad decision with my child.

So, yes...I think it is absolutely reasonable and actually the only responsible thing, to be assured that the people that will be watching all these kids are sober, background checked (as all coaches should be) and given a list of expectations/rules. If they have a problem taking on that responsibility, then the kids should be with their parents.

Jess

 

[sam_gordon]

When my child was allowed to stay in the same room as her parents there were no worries about other people's drinking or somebody in the room that shouldn't be there.

I find it funny how I am the bad guy and am being paranoid because I would like to see a no alcohol policy in effect for the adults who are in charge of the kids. Why is okay for any of them to drink? Why would they want to?

For one, you don't KNOW that adults will be drinking. Yes, they drank at past tournaments when they weren't responsible for the kids. That doesn't mean they'll drink once they ARE responsible for the kids. I think the point some (me included) are trying to make is it IS possible to drink "responsibly". I have a single cocktail at dinner and drive home with my kids. Yes, I'm "impaired" if you compare me to to someone who had NO drinks, but that doesn't mean I'm "unqualified" to drive.

Another parent has asked for a parent meeting and they have been told "there's nothing to discuss".

Because there IS nothing for the parents to discuss. YOU even said these are organization rules that cover teams from all over the region. Even if every parent on your team agrees with you, the only option is for the team to not go to the tournament. My suggestion is to contact the organization and make sure the coach is understanding the "rules" correctly. I went back and read your OP... it sounds like to me parents CAN be in the same hotel, but can not use "team" rooms (rooms that are purchased for the team). The coach apparently doesn't read it that way. Clarification then needs to come from the organization.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

It is a soccer association rule. It's like Hockey Canada making a rule. Changing teams isn't going to change anything. It's the same association.

We were told by the manager we cannot stay in the hotel. I don't see how she can prevent us from booking our own room if there is one available but I doubt our daughter would be able to stay with us. I have some phone calls to make so I will see if I can get clarity. The manager is useless so I won't be bothering with her.

We can't just go to another team because our team would have to release DD and then DD would be sent to whatever club has an opening. We would have no say which club she went to. People have tried this in the past and it hasn't worked out very well.

 

[jrmasm]

Parents won't get a meeting because the manager decides if there are meetings and what they are about.
Last night the parent that runs the team website posted this as his last website post:

To all the girls who were not able to compete for a spot on the premier team, don't worry it's not about your ability, it's about your parents' connections and their influence. We're sorry that's how it had to end. There were no try-outs for the 2011 team and no ability to assess where players stood for the upcoming season. That was a shame.


We understand that coaches and parents who are, or who have been, board members, get preferential treatment in this process, regardless of merit. And then they wonder why kids leave soccer.

First, I thought it was a province wide policy? What does your team manager have to do with it? The meeting should be with the heads of the association/organization.

And I don't understand the second part your post but it sounds like someone's daughter didn't make a team.

 

[LIDisneyFan]

It is a soccer association rule. It's like Hockey Canada making a rule. Changing teams isn't going to change anything. It's the same association.

We were told by the manager we cannot stay in the hotel. I don't see how she can prevent us from booking our own room if there is one available but I doubt our daughter would be able to stay with us. I have some phone calls to make so I will see if I can get clarity. The manager is useless so I won't be bothering with her.

I am confused about what a parent's meeting would have resolved.

 

[npmommie]

OP I would just go ahead and book myself a room in the same hotel. I never would have asked permission in the first place, I would just do it.
at least you will be in the same hotel as your dd