Sports Team Travel Policy questions

[ameraumi]

Are you positive there is not a policy in place that prohibits the coaches/managers/whoever is in charge of the team to not consume alcohol while at these away games? Especially now that the travel policy has changed. Have you contacted the organization directly to ask for the policy on team travel? It might calm your nerves if you have not.

That being said, the organization can NOT keep you out of the team hotel (unless they bought out EVERY room). However, they can punish your DD (lack of playing time) if you don't follow their rules.

Or they will just tell you your DD will no longer be allowed to be on the team if you cannot follow the travel rules.

 

[SaraJayne]

I was told by the manager this morning we can not stay in the same hotel.

DD has gone away to school camp and has been chaperoned but the place did not have people other than our school staying there. There was also no alcohol consumption as it was a school event.

She has also gone to other soccer tournaments with another female parent when we were not able to take her. That parent stayed in the room with the girls.

We thought about having her stay with us somewhere else but that does interfere with team building.

I too would like to think that anybody that is put in the care and control of minor children would not consume alcohol. I think it would be better if they just had a policy as not everybody thinks the same. The guys usually drink in the hotel breakfast/common room or in one of the coaches rooms. Not a problem in the past but not something I am comfortable with now that we can't be in the hotel.

It's a public place. The manager has no authority to tell you you can't stay there. I'd tell him I'll stay there if I so choose.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I am going to say it.

If they are going to accept that much responsibility with minors and prevent access by parents, then no, the adults should not be drinking. If the coaches want to drink to take the edge of stress off and relax from a busy tournament weekend, they should not be in charge of an entire team of minors. It has little to do with trust and everything to do with the level of responsibility they are undertaking as a leader. If anything happens on their "watch" and they have consumed alcohol, that is going to be a HUGE liability issue.

I'd have an issue with such a drastic new change and would not be comfortable with it. But hopefully this was something you found out at registration and NOT before the first tournament so that you had the opportunity to decide what is best for your family.

I would ask what the alcohol policy for the adults is and what liability do they accept if something happened while they were enjoying their Bud Light in moderation.

 

[gina2000]

These rules are pretty much the same as our swim team observed. Swimmers roomed together (2 to a room). Rooms were segregated by sex but a block of rooms would always be on the same floor. Coaches rooms were randomly placed within the block. If other swimmers were in a room they did not occupy, the door was left open. Coaches patrolled rooms throughout the occupancy at the hotel and lights out was strictly enforced at 10 pm each evening. No coaches ever had an alcoholic beverage while on the trip. If parents chose to attend the meet, they were free to book the same hotel (truthfully...how could they be stopped?) but did not see the swimmers except at the meet...and from a distance. Twelve and unders were required to have a parent in attendance but over 12....swimmers travelled with the team and did not have to have a parent chaperone in attendance. Parents could drive their swimmers to a meet - but swimmers stayed with the team.

I can't comment about the crime in your city. I can only comment that the rules seem to be pretty standard.

 

[mjkacmom]

Our gym is completely opposite when we travel to competitions. But then, maybe it is because we travel with over 250 athletes and their families. There is no way the coaches could be in charge of that many kids.
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Our middle school choir is over 300 students, and they all MUST take the bus, and there are no chaperones in the rooms with the students. Parents volunteer, but don't stay in the hotel room with the students, which makes sense to me.

 

[descovy]

I can't join the board. This isn't a volunteer board of directors like a daycare or something. It's a big organization with paid management.

I don't have a policy so I can't expect people to follow it. I think that if the organization that governs the sport in the entire province were smart they would have a no alcohol policy. Now that parents aren't allowed at the hotel wouldn't you want to make sure that children are safe? Me, I personally wouldn't drink if I were in charge of a group of kids. I would never want somebody to come back later and make it out to be something it is not. It's like drinking on the job.

I am laughing at the people saying we should just pull our kid out of this sport that she has been in for eight years. There aren't any other sport options she can just take up at the age of 13.

Do you get this is a NEW policy that is radically different from what we had before? I asked on here to see what types of policies others have and it seems that this travel policy is similar to others. Doesn't mean I am happy with it and it is fine that you are happy with the policy for your sport.

I don't get why you are laughing? You have (as you say) no control of the rules, team government, etc... They are asking your family to adhere to policy you don't agree with.

You do have power to parent your child. No one is taking that away from you. Either stay in the club, follow the rules (or live with consequences if you choose to break them) or pull dd from the club. Playing a sport isn't a requirement to childhood after all.
Bh
If this is a vent ... Fine I get venting. But you keep bringing up STRONGLY your concerns. I can tell you this, if I were as strongly concerned as you claim to be, I'd pull my kid out in a nano second. No sport is worth compromising your parenting for...

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I am going to say it.

If they are going to accept that much responsibility with minors and prevent access by parents, then no, the adults should not be drinking. If the coaches want to drink to take the edge of stress off and relax from a busy tournament weekend, they should not be in charge of an entire team of minors. It has little to do with trust and everything to do with the level of responsibility they are undertaking as a leader. If anything happens on their "watch" and they have consumed alcohol, that is going to be a HUGE liability issue.

I'd have an issue with such a drastic new change and would not be comfortable with it. But hopefully this was something you found out at registration and NOT before the first tournament so that you had the opportunity to decide what is best for your family.

I would ask what the alcohol policy for the adults is and what liability do they accept if something happened while they were enjoying their Bud Light in moderation.

The policy was sent out in an email by the manager this morning. This is the first we have heard of it. A list of tournaments from now until February came out this morning. After the initial "???" moment my DH emailed the manager with the questions and were told we can't stay in the hotel. I agree that as a member of the public I should be able to book a room there but we were told we can't. Our manager is somewhat of a sack of hammers so I am going to call the soccer association tomorrow.

The policy states that any players of legal drinking age are not to consume alcohol but it does not address the staff. My husband asked if the coaches etc. were prohibited from drinking as well and we were told that if we weren't comfortable with it then it's okay if our daughter does not attend.

If I were in charge of other people's kids I would never ever have a drink. Try and explain that later if ever you had to.

 

[undertheradar]

I am wondering what the patrol officers that respond to the calls that the OP takes suggest? Again, the OP should set a meeting with other parents and see if others are as paranoid as she is about the new travel policy. If she finds others who are as uncomfortable as she, they might combine funds to pay for extra security to patrol the block of rooms that her team is assigned to. She is unwilling to entertain the idea of leaving this team and is very paranoid about what might take place. To be honest, the lack of trust with the manager and coaches suggests that it is probably time for the OP's daughter to find a new team or a new sport where the OP can gain trust in the manager and coaches. As for the drinks, are all of the parents refraining from drinking as well?

 

[kaytieeldr]

Are you sure you understand the rule? It looked to me like no one could be in the block of rooms held by the team. They can't stop you from booking a room at the hotel--it's a public place.

I can see why they have no chaperones in the rooms with the kids. There is danger from strangers and danger from other parents. Obviously, some actuary crunched the numbers, and it turns out that a child is more likely to be harmed by a chaperone than a stranger.

I'm relatively certain it wasn't any actuary crunching numbers, but rather actual statistics, that prove approximately 87% to 90% of children of both sexes are molested not by strangers, but by people they know.

But that's a conversation for a different thread and time .

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I am wondering what the patrol officers that respond to the calls that the OP takes suggest? Again, the OP should set a meeting with other parents and see if others are as paranoid as she is about the new travel policy. If she finds others who are as uncomfortable as she, they might combine funds to pay for extra security to patrol the block of rooms that her team is assigned to. She is unwilling to entertain the idea of leaving this team and is very paranoid about what might take place. To be honest, the lack of trust with the manager and coaches suggests that it is probably time for the OP's daughter to find a new team or a new sport where the OP can gain trust in the manager and coaches. As for the drinks, are all of the parents refraining from drinking as well?

I sent the policy to my friend in the sex offender unit to see what she says. She usually has some good ideas.

Again, we can't find a new team. The rules are for every player of every age that plays soccer in the entire province. Changing sports over this is crazy and obviously you don't have kids that play anything. At 13 you can't just change sports. She's not five.

Why do you think I have a problem with our coaches? There are going to be coaches from all sorts of other teams in this hotel. I don't have a clue who they are as they will be from other provinces.

I have no idea if parents are not drinking. Since they can't stay in the hotel with their kids it really doesn't matter what they do on their own time at a different hotel....or in their own home since they probably aren't going to go to the tournament now that they have to get their own room.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't have a policy so I can't expect people to follow it. I think that if the organization that governs the sport in the entire province were smart they would have a no alcohol policy. Now that parents aren't allowed at the hotel wouldn't you want to make sure that children are safe? Me, I personally wouldn't drink if I were in charge of a group of kids. I would never want somebody to come back later and make it out to be something it is not. It's like drinking on the job.

If I were in charge of other people's kids I would never ever have a drink. Try and explain that later if ever you had to.

I'm mixing your quotes to keep the same topic together. First, do you have any basis to believe the coaches WILL drink during this tournament? Or are you simply worried they MIGHT drink (since the rules 'allow' it)?

I am laughing at the people saying we should just pull our kid out of this sport that she has been in for eight years. There aren't any other sport options she can just take up at the age of 13.

As has been mentioned, why does she HAVE to be in a sport? Again, if you are this upset over the policy, pulling your child IS a valid option. BTW, have you asked DD what SHE thinks? She's a teenager now. IMO, her thoughts and feelings need to factor into these kinds of decisions.

Do you get this is a NEW policy that is radically different from what we had before? I asked on here to see what types of policies others have and it seems that this travel policy is similar to others. Doesn't mean I am happy with it and it is fine that you are happy with the policy for your sport.

Yes, we get this is a NEW policy. The problem is although people have said "this is similar to ours" you've vehemently argued that these are unreasonable. First, because of possible assaults against the team, now because of possible alcohol consumption by the coaches (that you don't even know will happen) and/or other adults in the hotel NOT associated with the teams.

My DD's (also 13) school is taking 8th graders to Washington, DC over spring break. DW & I won't be attending. I don't know what hotel they are staying at yet, but it is possible there will be a bar in the lobby (or one nearby). There will (I'm sure) be boys & girls from her school going. I won't let either one of those issues keep her from going. YES, at some point, you will need to trust SOMEONE (other than you or DH) to take care your DD.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I too would like to think that anybody that is put in the care and control of minor children would not consume alcohol. I think it would be better if they just had a policy as not everybody thinks the same. The guys usually drink in the hotel breakfast/common room or in one of the coaches rooms. Not a problem in the past but not something I am comfortable with now that we can't be in the hotel.

Could I ask - do you not drink at all, ever, when your children are or will be in your care? Simply because a person or persons drink doesn't make them drunk, or alcoholis, or (especially notable here) irresponsible.

Do you get this is a NEW policy that is radically different from what we had before?

We do, actually. We get that you're upset about it, too.

Things change. Sometimes you have to adapt to the change, sometimes you can get the changes changed. I wouldn't get upset at the team manager though; that's not the person who made the changes. He's just the one who gets to take the brunt of everyone's anger. I wouldn't be surprised if he's defensive.

 

[sam_gordon]

Again, we can't find a new team. The rules are for every player of every age that plays soccer in the entire province. Changing sports over this is crazy and obviously you don't have kids that play anything. At 13 you can't just change sports. She's not five.

Do you realize how rude and uncalled for the bolded is? Yes, you CAN change sports at 13. And why does she HAVE to play a sport?

 

[undertheradar]

I sent the policy to my friend in the sex offender unit to see what she says. She usually has some good ideas.

Again, we can't find a new team. The rules are for every player of every age that plays soccer in the entire province. Changing sports over this is crazy and obviously you don't have kids that play anything. At 13 you can't just change sports. She's not five.

Why do you think I have a problem with our coaches? There are going to be coaches from all sorts of other teams in this hotel. I don't have a clue who they are as they will be from other provinces.

I have no idea if parents are not drinking. Since they can't stay in the hotel with their kids it really doesn't matter what they do on their own time at a different hotel....or in their own home since they probably aren't going to go to the tournament now that they have to get their own room.

You could not be more clueless. My soon to be 21 y.o. played full contact football from age 7 , all the way through sophomore year in college. My 15 y.o. daughter played soccer from age 7 until last year, my 13 y.o. daughter played soccer from age 7 until last year. You need to remove emotion from your paranoid conclusion that all coaches and managers are waiting to attack 13 y.o. female soccer players after drinking at the team hotel. You are the one who posted the discomfort with the team manager and coaches drinking at the team hotel. Kids are able to learn new sports at any age, why is your 13 y.o. daughter any different? Every team, in every sport, at every age and level has these same rules for travel if they are based in Manitoba? Is there a website with these rules/policies? My question about parents drinking was when you all stayed at the same hotel, nice try.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Do you realize how rude and uncalled for the bolded is? Yes, you CAN change sports at 13. And why does she HAVE to play a sport?

How do you change sports at 13 when everbody in the other sports has settled into their teams and level of play? It's not like we can put her in hockey now nor does she want to play it.

She HAS to play a sport because she loves it. She would be devastated if we took her out.

As for people drinking...every other tournament we have gone to the coaches and the dads get together for a couple of drinks. It's never been a problem but in the past we have all been responsible for our own kids.

 

[mhsjax]

I can't join the board. This isn't a volunteer board of directors like a daycare or something. It's a big organization with paid management.

I don't have a policy so I can't expect people to follow it. I think that if the organization that governs the sport in the entire province were smart they would have a no alcohol policy. Now that parents aren't allowed at the hotel wouldn't you want to make sure that children are safe? Me, I personally wouldn't drink if I were in charge of a group of kids. I would never want somebody to come back later and make it out to be something it is not. It's like drinking on the job.

I am laughing at the people saying we should just pull our kid out of this sport that she has been in for eight years. There aren't any other sport options she can just take up at the age of 13.

Do you get this is a NEW policy that is radically different from what we had before? I asked on here to see what types of policies others have and it seems that this travel policy is similar to others. Doesn't mean I am happy with it and it is fine that you are happy with the policy for your sport.

They get it, this is the Dis boards, and you should NEVER, I repeat NEVER, ask for opinions on your kid, especially one that may seem like you are the least bit protective, it doesn't fly here at all.

FWIW I agree with you. I think it is crazy and luckily we haven't had to deal with it, and I don't see it happening n the future either. Do yourself a favor and get out of this thread while you still can with all of your sanity left. This place isn't good for parenting advice.

 

[debster812]

How do you change sports at 13 when everbody in the other sports has settled into their teams and level of play? It's not like we can put her in hockey now nor does she want to play it.

She HAS to play a sport because she loves it. She would be devastated if we took her out.

As for people drinking...every other tournament we have gone to the coaches and the dads get together for a couple of drinks. It's never been a problem but in the past we have all been responsible for our own kids.

OP--I get that you are venting about this new set of regulations, but if you are THAT uncomfortable with these Province-wide rules, and there is no wiggle room in them at all, you really have 2 choices. Deal with the new rules and grit your teeth, or pull your daughter out of this sport.

And, before you tell me I obviously don't have kids that play sports, I do. DS plays club soccer (we actually compete against a club from Ottawa, I wonder if Ontario has instituted similar rules?) and plays for his HS team as well.

And, yes, you CAN start a new sport at 13. There were 3 boys on the JV team that had never played competitive soccer before this year. Were they superstars? No. Did they show rapid improvement over the course of the year? YES.

 

[kaytieeldr]

How do you change sports at 13 when everbody in the other sports has settled into their teams and level of play? It's not like we can put her in hockey now nor does she want to play it.

She HAS to play a sport because she loves it. She would be devastated if we took her out.

As for people drinking...every other tournament we have gone to the coaches and the dads get together for a couple of drinks. It's never been a problem but in the past we have all been responsible for our own kids.

A couple of drinks? Really? Were any of them drunk? Irresponsible? Lacking in judgment?

No? Then why do you think these same coaches and chaperones will be any less responsible when they're the only ones in charge of the player?

And again - do you never, ever, ever drink when your children are in your care or will be while there's any trace of alcohol in your system? If you genuinely don't, that's great. If you do or ever have, your being a hypocrite.

 

[Mama Who]

And, yes, you CAN start a new sport at 13. There were 3 boys on the JV team that had never played competitive soccer before this year. Were they superstars? No. Did they show rapid improvement over the course of the year? YES.

ITA. My younger brother joined the varsity soccer team in his sophmore year. He was 16 and somehow managed to translate his basketball and baseball experience and general love of sports into an ability to play soccer. Shocking, but you really don't have to tenure track your kid into a sport at 5...

 

[sam_gordon]

How do you change sports at 13 when everbody in the other sports has settled into their teams and level of play? It's not like we can put her in hockey now nor does she want to play it.

umm, you change sports by trying something different? No, you won't be as good as those who have been playing for 7 years, but that doesn't mean she can't play.

She HAS to play a sport because she loves it. She would be devastated if we took her out.

Then, aside from the possibility there's some kind of misunderstanding, your choice is to either follow the rules, break the rules (and possibly have your DD suffer), or devastate your DD.

As for people drinking...every other tournament we have gone to the coaches and the dads get together for a couple of drinks. It's never been a problem but in the past we have all been responsible for our own kids.

Curious... has your DH been one of the 'dads' who got together for a couple of drinks?