Sports Team Travel Policy questions

[mjkacmom]

I think it is time to get an idea about how other parents feel. How many kids are on this team? If you already know there are 2 (you and this other parent) families that are uneasy about the new rules, then odds are there are more.Jess

It's a league thing, not a team thing. Personally, I'd be thrilled with this change. There is no way my whole family is spending a weekend at a soccer tournament, and this way, we could choose to have a parent there, or not.

 

[Aneille]

It is a soccer association rule. It's like Hockey Canada making a rule. Changing teams isn't going to change anything. It's the same association.

We were told by the manager we cannot stay in the hotel. I don't see how she can prevent us from booking our own room if there is one available but I doubt our daughter would be able to stay with us. I have some phone calls to make so I will see if I can get clarity. The manager is useless so I won't be bothering with her.

We can't just go to another team because our team would have to release DD and then DD would be sent to whatever club has an opening. We would have no say which club she went to. People have tried this in the past and it hasn't worked out very well.

Oh I get it now. Your not talking a local association league but like for me it would be MA Hockey or MA Soccer making the rule.

Oh that is crazy.

Is it for all age groups that fall under your disctrict soccer associ ation regardless of level or league? Even the U9/U10 teams? Even a town travel team that enters a tourney?

 

[sam_gordon]

The 2nd last tournament we went to, 2 of the adults (one was a coach of the 12U team) were totally plastered. The one guy thought it was funny to get his BMW up to 100 MPH on the way back to the hotel after dinner. the coach was so drunk that he had no idea where his 12 yr old was (and x-wife/mom was not there). I just looked at my husband and said, "You know that if you took our 12 yr old 400 miles away from home, got drunk and had no idea where she was, I'd kill you, right?" I knew he never would...but to answer my question, he held up his can of Diet Coke. The next day, the 100 MPH Dad was offering to keep a couple kids an extra day and go to an amusement park. No way, No how would I leave my DD with this man. He had already proven to me that he is not the kind of man I would trust to make good decisions....and he wasn't getting the opportunity to make a bad decision with my child.

So, yes...I think it is absolutely reasonable and actually the only responsible thing, to be assured that the people that will be watching all these kids are sober, background checked (as all coaches should be) and given a list of expectations/rules. If they have a problem taking on that responsibility, then the kids should be with their parents.

Jess

If my kids' coach did the above, my child would no longer be on the team.

 

[5lilfish]

It's a league thing, not a team thing. Personally, I'd be thrilled with this change. There is no way my whole family is spending a weekend at a soccer tournament, and this way, we could choose to have a parent there, or not.

That still doesn't change my response. So I'd address it with the league and the league and/or team can, and should, have rules in place to assure the safety of the kids (and give parents peace of mind).

You certainly can choose not to go spend a weekend watching your child play soccer. We choose to go...as a family. If you don't want to go, send your kid along with someone else. That is fairly normal...some parents cannot get the time off of work, some can't afford to pay for themself and for their child, etc. No problem...but some can go and want to go. There is nothing wrong with that either.

Jess

 

[PlutoPony]

If my kids' coach did the above, my child would no longer be on the team.

No kidding. And the Association would know why as well. The parents do have a role in policing things like this but many are afraid of the repercussions and that's too bad.

 

[sam_gordon]

BTW... going back to your OP again.

2) Unless the Club has a specific rule, only the players, club officials and staff members will be allowed to stay at the hotel accommodations / rooms allocated to the Club.

Assuming what you put was a direct quote, I understand the above that each club (team, right?) has rooms allocated to it by the association at the hotel. Let's say for the sake of argument each Club gets 5 rooms... 4 rooms w/4 girls each and 1 room for two coaches. A parent can't stay in one of THOSE rooms. That's how I read the "rule". Again, clarification would need to come from the organization.

 

[5lilfish]

If my kids' coach did the above, my child would no longer be on the team.

Believe me, I agree with you. I actually switched teams for my younger DD this year because of the coach's behavior. The difference was that this coach was behaving poorly WHILE coaching (swearing, getting kicked out of a game, etc). The coach at the tournament was behaving very badly, but my child was not witnessing nor was he, at the time of his poor behavior, in a postion of being a role model for my child. He actually was a good coach and behaved very well with the girls...I'd just never leave him in charge of my child.

Jess

 

[KiKi Mouse]

For one, you don't KNOW that adults will be drinking. Yes, they drank at past tournaments when they weren't responsible for the kids. That doesn't mean they'll drink once they ARE responsible for the kids. I think the point some (me included) are trying to make is it IS possible to drink "responsibly". I have a single cocktail at dinner and drive home with my kids. Yes, I'm "impaired" if you compare me to to someone who had NO drinks, but that doesn't mean I'm "unqualified" to drive.

I understand people can drink responsibly but they can do that with their own kids not with mine. If I am required to entrust my child with another person my expectation is for them to be impairment free. If you have no problem leaving your kid with somebody who is drinking that is your choice.

In the past we have sent DD with another family when we weren't able to get the time off of work. We chose the parent and we had no worries about her drinking or anything of the sort. The parent stayed in the room but now that has changed.

 

[mjkacmom]

You certainly can choose not to go spend a weekend watching your child play soccer. We choose to go...as a family.Jess

That's great - however, ds13 has games every weekend, dd8 has games every weekend, ds8 has games every weekend, the girls have dance every weekend... DH coaches a travel team, and is in charge of scheduling tournaments. Because of our situation, they're always within an hour away, and require no overnight accomodations. Kids are busy - I can't imagine it's easy for many families to sacrifice an entire weekend for one child!

 

[5lilfish]

No kidding. And the Association would know why as well. The parents do have a role in policing things like this but many are afraid of the repercussions and that's too bad.

Isn't that what the OP wants?...to use her role to police these things? If she is there, then she is the one responsible for her child...no problem. If she is not there, then she wants to know that the people in charge will be held to certain expectations (one of which is no drinking). I'd want that too.

Jess

 

[Aneille]

If my kids' coach did the above, my child would no longer be on the team.

I've heard stories like these but luckily haven't had to be involved in any. Every tournament we have gone to the parents and sometimes the coaches have had drinks. Our coaches have always been responsible and had few drinks but not once have I seen them intoxicated. I am sure with the many years left, I'll see it though.

I had 1 tournament experience as an adult that was crazy. I was in my early 20's and I went on a tournament where the "coach" shared a room with a player. The girl had just turned 18. I found out after the fact and was appalled. His DD was the girls friend and he was in his 30's. Same trip, I personally stopped one 15/16 year old from sharing a hotel room with another player from another team. We were traveling for a karate tournament. Only 2 days.

So the OP is not that crazy to be worried. Some teams, coaches, are not good role models.

A blanket rule like that is not a safe rule. Parents need to be able to use their best judgement without having to take a child from the sport.

 

[5lilfish]

That's great - however, ds13 has games every weekend, dd8 has games every weekend, ds8 has games every weekend, the girls have dance every weekend... DH coaches a travel team, and is in charge of scheduling tournaments. Because of our situation, they're always within an hour away, and require no overnight accomodations. Kids are busy - I can't imagine it's easy for many families to sacrifice an entire weekend for one child!

You chose not to quote my entire post. The rest of my posts says that there are many reasons that some people cannot travel with their kids for tournaments. My post says that these people send their kids with someone else on the team in those cases..no problem. But, it is not wrong to want to go as a family and to go if you can.

I have 5 kids...I know all about conflicts. Last year I had to send my 11 yr old for the 1st night of a tournament without me or DH. I hand picked the family and asked that mom to not allow DD to ride to and from games with anyone but her or a few other people that I listed (and told my DD the same). Given that the mom knows all of the families and knows why I might be concerned, she understood completely.

Honestly, I am not the over-protective type. My kids walk to and from school, stay home alone and babysit. I send them to summer camp, sleep overs etc. We're pretty open minded and easy-going... I don't think it is crazy to want some guidelines and clear expectations when sending a 13 yr old out-of-town with a group of people.

Jess

 

[sam_gordon]

I understand people can drink responsibly but they can do that with their own kids not with mine. If I am required to entrust my child with another person my expectation is for them to be impairment free. If you have no problem leaving your kid with somebody who is drinking that is your choice.

In the past we have sent DD with another family when we weren't able to get the time off of work. We chose the parent and we had no worries about her drinking or anything of the sort. The parent stayed in the room but now that has changed.

Then you need to find out if your DD's coaches plan on drinking. If not, there's no problem. If so, then don't let your DD go to the tournament.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Oh I get it now. Your not talking a local association league but like for me it would be MA Hockey or MA Soccer making the rule.

Oh that is crazy.

Is it for all age groups that fall under your disctrict soccer associ ation regardless of level or league? Even the U9/U10 teams? Even a town travel team that enters a tourney?

It's a blanket travel policy for all soccer teams regardless of age whenever they go somewhere overnight.

Nevermind the additional expense of now getting our own room on top of paying everything else. When we have gone to these tournaments in the past it costs us about $800 for the weekend.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I have not read the whole thread, so maybe this has been stated before.

The rules are put in place for many reasons--one is for insurance/liability reasons. Another has to do with building team spirit and comradery (sp?) as well as keeping the team focused on the game. If the coach wants to have a quick meeting with the team, they are all in the same area. If they want to have an impromptu practice or if a game is rescheduled, the team is there and can leave quickly or can be told to relax for a while longer. The kids' focus is on the game and the tournament without worrying about family issues.

If a team member is staying with a parent and the coach needs them, the team member has to be found. Also, sometimes parents can interfere with the coach--coaching their kid to do it this way and not the coach's way; getting on their kid for not doing as well as they should; fostering a "better than the others, you should have played more, they cost the game" type attitude; or taking them out to eat other than with the team, buying them snacks/treats, babying them, etc. Staying with the parent can take their focus off of the reason they are at the tournament.

The times that I have chaperoned these type of activities, we have taken shifts and been in the halls, monitoring the movement of kids from room to room. If anyone other than the persons staying in the rooms, goes in a room, the door is left open and the chaperone can enter as needed. My daughter and son have both traveled with school, scout, church and other type activities and these are the rules that have been in place.

The only one that is somewhat unclear is whether or not parents can be in the same hotel as the kids. But, they might want to have that rule so that the kids can't run back and forth to their parents if something doesn't go right or so that parents aren't interfering with the team schedule/agenda/activities. As we all know, some parents cannot leave their kids alone without being there to monitor every.single.moment.of.their.lives. (Not saying that this is you.)

If you don't like it, then I would pull your dd from this team and find one that doesn't have the rule for sleeping arrangements. However, it seems that once kids get older, these types of rules are in effect more and more.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Then you need to find out if your DD's coaches plan on drinking. If not, there's no problem. If so, then don't let your DD go to the tournament.

I asked the manager and she has not answered my email.

It's not just this tournament it is the future ones too. The next one is in May and then in July. It's not a one time issue.

 

[sam_gordon]

Isn't that what the OP wants?...to use her role to police these things? If she is there, then she is the one responsible for her child...no problem. If she is not there, then she wants to know that the people in charge will be held to certain expectations (one of which is no drinking). I'd want that too.

Jess

The issue is what the 'expectations' should be. I think everyone is in agreement coaches/chaperones should never be intoxicated. Some of us, however, see a difference between a "drink or two" and "drunk". To me, if the drinks come out after curfew factors into it too, as well as whether the drinking is at the hotel (when they don't have to drive).

I've heard stories like these but luckily haven't had to be involved in any. Every tournament we have gone to the parents and sometimes the coaches have had drinks. Our coaches have always been responsible and had few drinks but not once have I seen them intoxicated. I am sure with the many years left, I'll see it though.

I had 1 tournament experience as an adult that was crazy. I was in my early 20's and I went on a tournament where the "coach" shared a room with a player. The girl had just turned 18. I found out after the fact and was appalled. His DD was the girls friend and he was in his 30's. Same trip, I personally stopped one 15/16 year old from sharing a hotel room with another player from another team. We were traveling for a karate tournament. Only 2 days.

So the OP is not that crazy to be worried. Some teams, coaches, are not good role models.

A blanket rule like that is not a safe rule. Parents need to be able to use their best judgement without having to take a child from the sport.

But the rules in the OP would have (if followed) prevented BOTH of the incidents you list.

 

[robinb]

Good morning sports parents.

I want to know if any other sports teams have a similiar travel policy to the one that was just emailed to us this morning. Tell me what you think of this.

Here are the items that cause my husband and I concern:

1) While attending any competition, where accommodations are required, the players under the age of majority may not room with any adult, regardless of that adult being a parent, coach, club official or staff members.

2) Unless the Club has a specific rule, only the players, club officials and staff members will be allowed to stay at the hotel accommodations / rooms allocated to the Club.

3) When it involves players under the age of majority, anytime a room is visited by anyone other than the occupant(s) the door will be left ajar for viewing by the coach, manager or MSA delegate.

The girls are not always going to be in the room at the same time. It only takes a minute for something to happen. I know this. My daughter calling somebody after the fact is not going to prevent anything from happening. What do you think an adult or a boy would want to do to a 13 y/o girl?

I get that the association wants to protect players from situations that are currently going through my imagination. However I do not get why I can't stay in the hotel with my own child in my room. That is what we have been told by the manager.

Last year one of the soccer coaches from a different age level was charged with a multitude of sexual assault related offences on an 11 y/o player. He had befriended her...he did not jump out of the bushes and attack her. The government is also going after his house for a proceeds of crime because one of the offences happened in his house. This was a "trusted" person who had gone through all the record checks.

My daughter has been with this team for eight years. The association that governs the sport changed the travel rule in August 2011. This is the first out of town tournament where the issue has come up.

The red highlighted part is exactly WHY the association put the new rules into place. They are there to PROTECT your daughter. Not to literally open the door for sexual assault.

 

[PlutoPony]

It's a blanket travel policy for all soccer teams regardless of age whenever they go somewhere overnight.

Nevermind the additional expense of now getting our own room on top of paying everything else. When we have gone to these tournaments in the past it costs us about $800 for the weekend.

And it wouldn't surprise me if one of the reasons for this policy is to ease the financial burden on families so they don't have to spend additional $ to go to all the tournaments, especially since this policy was established at the provincial level.

 

[sam_gordon]

I asked the manager and she has not answered my email.

It's not just this tournament it is the future ones too. The next one is in May and then in July. It's not a one time issue.

IMO, that question is better handled one-on-one, probably right after practice. If you want to change the policy, it sounds like you need to go to the organization... whoever set out the rules. If you can't get the rules changed, you either live with them, break them (and suffer any consequences), or drop the sport. Please tell me what other options there are.