DH and I both came from Depression-era, blue-collar working families, so that's how we were raised, and on many levels, we raised our kids with that same type of thrift mentality, also. The biggest splurges we've had with our kids have been our Disney trips, and probably DS's sport (things neither of DH nor I were able to do to that degree as kids), and we don't have any regrets about those, but other than that, we live fairly frugally. We also all work hard for what we have so we have that working mentality ingrained in us.
DS has been on a kick for a few years about wanting a boat, as he and DH fish as a hobby. Our answer to him has always been that he should try to keep his college debt down low so he can maybe afford one some day down the road after he finishes school. Well, he decided to move forward anyway, but found a relatively small one that was free with a trailer on CL (and it's a doozy
) - BUT it is now a "project" he and DH are working on together to restore little by little, so hopefully by the time he's actually done with college (next year) it will be seaworthy. I'm sure many people would've taken one look at the condition of that thing and walked away, but DS has helped with our DIY projects and built lots of things himself, so he wasn't afraid of it and certainly knew if he wanted it he was going to have to figure out a way to get it himself, and he did.
DD dreams of having a certain type of car, and some of her friends are already driving them around, but, again, it's a goal for post college as she drives her grandmother's old car to school now, and she knows she's lucky to have gotten it. We also used to visit Open Houses at a place where they were building new condos when she was still like a sophomore in HS. That's been HER goal for keeping her college debt low - she even keeps a picture on her IG as a reminder. We talked a lot about that when she was deciding on where she was going to attend college and how she was going to do it. She elected to commute to an affordable school and she works part time during the school year and full time during the summers, as well as still babysits and pet sits locally whenever she can, etc. She is quite frugal with her money which is helpful.
Recently on a thread I mentioned brown bagging it to college and my comment was met with a little ridicule. A pp mentioned it's not possible to work your way through college anymore, but it is, actually, even in a high tuition and COL state. However, hard choices may have to be made. I really like what the kid who wrote "Debt Free U" had to say about it. One of the things he mentioned was the "latte factor". In other words, some today (kids and parents) want their "lattes" AND to have "the college experience" by living at school and paying room and board AND to drive a newer car AND to have spending money AND to wear nice, new clothes (no second hand), etc. That's really something to stop and think about today with soaring costs and debt loads - are we willing to give up things to make it work or do we have to have everything, still, while borrowing against our/their futures. That is a question that each family has to ask themselves. But yes, I think it does start early on, long before the college bills come in. So to that, OP, I'm probably with your husband!
(Although what anyone else wants to do is completely up to them!)