SO- How often do you/did you have “date” night?

[CdnCarrie]

I’m not sure what grandparents have to do with date night. Don’t people hire sitters anymore? That’s what we did when our kids were young.

We could never afford that on top of full time daycare, I guess the correlation is just having someone able to watch the kids so you can go on date night.
I’m sure people do hire babysitters if it’s in the budget.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I think what a lot of people consider NOT having date nights is what we consider date nights. When we had kids it was putting the kids to bed and specifically planning to spend time together doing something special - watching a movie we've been looking forward to together, playing a game, specifically planning a romantic evening, etc. We had a lot more "date nights" than "nights out on the town." Now as empty nesters it still means basically the same thing to us - choosing to spend time together doing something that is beyond the norm of daily life.

For example.... We walk together daily and wouldn't call that a date, but when we drive to the park to walk it feels special and we would call it one. We eat together daily, but when I make an unusual meal that makes dinner feel like a special occasion or we decide to go out for something different than the norm, we consider that a date. Making an effort to do something different = date to us, not going someplace fancy.

Sometimes running errands together rather than each doing them on our own is a date. We have simple expectations!

That read so nicely.

 

[E&Cmom]

We go out of so called date nights not because we have to or as an obligation but we share common interests like trying different restaurants or going to the theatre and like doing them together. Sometimes we go as a family but sometimes we go as a couple. Now that the girls are getting older we are doing more things without them. We also like hanging out together at home and doing daily routine things without going out.

 

[theMoreDisneytheBetter]

I was the one that started the other tread about the lack of dates. For us it's about time, or lack thereof. We have so little time with our kids as it is between our work schedules and their activities, so if the opportunity presents itself to be with them when they still want our company we take advantage of it. The other problem is logistical - i.e. it assumes that his/my schedules line up. For me, a 5:20am out the door + insomnia means I need to be in bed by 9-10 on a workday to hope to get a few hours of sleep at night. Before COVID I would usually be the first one in the house to go to bed. Finally, at some point one or both of us needs our "own" time.

Someday the kids will be gone, work will slow down, and we'll be able to do more things together.

 

[mrodgers]

Never did. A big reason we are both now single.

 

[AZMermaid]

We went about every other week (date nights or AZ Cardinals/Dbacks games) when my kids were preschoolers-7ish. We had a few regular sitters but they kept getting high school lives, lol. So then it was less frequent but using the drop in evening daycare place nearby. Then, both kids were in activities on Thursdays so we’d go out then. My sister would stay with the kids 1-2 long weekends a year. Then Covid hit and basically nothing for two years. We’ve just started going regularly again and they are old enough to stay home for a couple hours (10 and almost 12). We just went out to dinner tonight. Cardinals games are probably too long for my comfort level… not sure how we‘ll handle that. We sold them all last year since I didn’t feel right Covid-wise yet.

 

[ronandannette]

We never had a set routine, nor did we call it "dating", but when DS was little we got out together fairly regularly. We also had regular ministry activities we did together. We had to arrange babysitting, which wasn't always easy. We didn't live near family but there was always at least one young person in our circle we trusted. Looking back, we probably went out more during those years than we do now.

It was a little tougher to take overnight getaways or (short) vacations, but we did it at least once a year, usually around our anniversary.

 

[AustinTink]

When our kid was little, his grandma would keep him one weekend out of every month. Those were our date weekends. We were very fortunate to have her do that for us.

These days we are empty nesters so we spend every night together just us two. Even so, we still plan something fun every weekend even if it's just dinner and a movie.

 

[Ellie008]

Before we lived together a "date" was pretty much anything we did together, since we didn't see each other the rest of the time. Once we started living together I could consider either everything or nothing dates.
Once we had kids then I could see only things without the kids counting as dates. We don't have family nearby, and paying a sitter $50+ to watch the kids so we could go out alone just wasn't something that was going to happen very often. Once they were in school we had lunch dates when our schedules allowed. Lately schedules don't allow for that, but the kids are old enough to stay home alone for a couple of hours. We go for a walk without the kids most days for an hour or so, and we go out shopping together a few times a month. We don't usually eat without the kids.
If I think of it as a special occasion, just the two of us going somewhere together, I would guess we end up doing that once every 6 weeks or so.

 

[slo]

I’ve been married 27 years and we’ve never had a designated “date night”.

When there‘s something good at the movie theater - one of us suggest going for dinner and a movie and then we go.

When we have errands to run on the weekends or evenings we almost always go together if we’re both home

We always go out for our anniversary

If one of us has a desire to go to a certain restaurant, we’ll bring it up and then go.

We’ve never felt compelled to have a date night since we always do so much together. We watch TV together and we sit down at the kitchen table (with or without kids) every night. The only exception to this is Sundays when we eat pizza in the family room while watching a movie together.

I do think “date nights” are great and important for couples that aren’t together a lot.

 

[Karin1984]

Why is everyone so fixed on a date like you did when you were teenagers. Who cares what time of day it is or where you went.

As long as you make time for each other and don't forget that you are not just mum and dad, but also:
a. An individual and
b. An adult couple.

 

[sk!mom]

Just 2 in almost 6 years with kids. Every week before kids. 2 out of 3 remaining grandparents for my children are useless and the third lives very far away and rarely attempts to come back to help, but does help when they are here, hence the 2 dates in 6 years. Sucks for the relationship.

I’m a new grandparent and My DD and SIL are lucky that we want to keep our grandson. In 3 months, we’ve kept him once over night and twice at their house on Saturday nights, but we’ve also said no when we had other plans. Babysitting is not my obligation. Why not look for a sitter?

Honestly I would be more concerned about my relationship if it depended on having regular date nights than others who don’t have a date night.
Not every relationship is the same. Sure husband and I go out at times. It doesn’t need a label or a set day of the week.

I put “date” in quotes in the title because except for anniversaries we never made a production of it. For us it was always just more about time alone to have uninterrupted conversation so coffee while they were at Sunday school etc…

 

[lowlight]

I’m not sure what grandparents have to do with date night. Don’t people hire sitters anymore? That’s what we did when our kids were young.

It might surprise you how other cultures work, or basically how tribes have worked for millennia. In a few years when you are older and frail, I hope your children don’t say “can’t you hire a nurses aid anymore?”

 

[John VN]

Why is everyone so fixed on a date like you did when you were teenagers. Who cares what time of day it is or where you went.

As long as you make time for each other and don't forget that you are not just mum and dad, but also:
a. An individual and
b. An adult couple.

r.e. bold -- Making TIME for each other ??? Thought about that and guess that was something I just wasn't good at doing. I really should start thinking about *together time* to keep the *sparks a sparking* and so I figure I'll designate some time on a cruise we have next year in November 'cause there ain't gonna be no time when we have our family together for our 50th Anniversary next June at>>>

https://www.lakelouisachateau.com/

 

[ronandannette]

Why is everyone so fixed on a date like you did when you were teenagers. Who cares what time of day it is or where you went.

As long as you make time for each other and don't forget that you are not just mum and dad, but also:
a. An individual and
b. An adult couple.

Great way to put it. It's hard sometimes to keep perspective because parenting is a huge job. Not everything is, or needs to be, about the kids.

It might surprise you how other cultures work, or basically how tribes have worked for millennia. In a few years when you are older and frail, I hope your children don’t say “can’t you hire a nurses aid anymore?”

Well, it doesn't exactly work that way either. We lived 500 miles away from family so help with child-rearing/child care was out of the question. When my parents aged and became infirm, the idea of NOT stepping in to care for them and ensure their well-being until the end was out of the question as well. Most adult children would say the same. It's an incredibly hard season of life, but one that countless of us here on the DIS have navigated and I don't think too many were doing it as reciprocity for babysitting.

 

[Colleen27]

It varied wildly depending on what all else was going on in life at the time. We started out with the goal of once a week when our older kids were small and we had my mom and inlaws bugging us to babysit more anyway. Sometimes we didn't have the money to do much on those dates and sometimes it was just dropping the kids off and going home to play Warcraft together since we were in the same raiding guild. Sometimes it was the more typical dinner and a movie, or dinner and a walk in the park. After we bought this house, outings to the home improvement store became a lot of our dates. I doubt we ever went more than a month or two without some sort of just-us time away from the house, even if it wasn't traditional "date night" activities, and since DH is a movie buff, we usually made time for at least a few dinner-and-a-movie dates a year when there was something he really wanted to see showing.

Now that we're almost empty nesters - only one high schooler still at home - it is not something we really plan. For us, the need for dedicated date nights came from the chaos of having a houseful of kids and little room to be spontaneous, so now that it is just the three of us, DH and I get plenty of "us" time without scheduling dates.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We could never afford that on top of full time daycare, I guess the correlation is just having someone able to watch the kids so you can go on date night.
I’m sure people do hire babysitters if it’s in the budget.

I would think there's a difference between a babysitter one time vs habitual. 1 night of babysitting for majority of people is completely doable. Nothing wrong if grandparents or other family members want to help out but generally speaking there's enough there for a night (or one here and there). When you're at that poverty level or low income level your disposable income opportunities are likely much more limited.

While very location specific in my neighborhood alone there are quite a lot of "anyone need a babysitter?" and the rates are quite reasonable. Now if you don't trust someone to watch your child I totally get that that's a way different topic (although based on posts there's people cpr certified, ones who have been babysitting for years already, various ages from high school to college to older although older is usually more on the nanny level, etc)

Perhaps where you are located at in Canada the rates are just astronomical I'm not sure but "in the budget" for a night is maybe a tad much. I know we have some months where things are tighter than others (like when homeowners insurance, auto insurance is due for example) so I can understand timing may be pretty important there.

 

[Colleen27]

Sometimes running errands together rather than each doing them on our own is a date. We have simple expectations!

My favorite "date nights" with DH when the kids were small were the one day a year we'd drop the kids off with the grandparents and spend the day doing all the Christmas shopping together. The kids were little enough to be fun to shop for then, and Toys R Us was still a thing, and it was fun just going out to run those errands together. We were both a little sad when the kids got older and started to prefer experience gifts over toys and books and cute clothes because we no longer have an excuse for that annual outing.

I’m not sure what grandparents have to do with date night. Don’t people hire sitters anymore? That’s what we did when our kids were young.

Paying a sitter is expensive. We're lucky that we never had to - my mom, MIL and FIL are/were all very hands-on grandparents who would have been offended if we paid a neighbor kid rather than just bringing the kids over to them - but a lot of my mom-friends don't do dates with their spouses because $50+ for a sitter on top of the cost of date-night activities just isn't in the budget.

 

[disneychrista]

Even dating doesn’t equate having dates. My recent short-lived relationship we rarely went on any dates. Over 5 months I think we went on maybe 3 dates, none “date nights” and mostly just grabbing a beer or lunch. Most of the time we just hung out at one or the others house.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

Hardly ever. When daughter was young and required a babysitter, it was rare to use one. Usually when we did it was for a back to school night for parents.