SO- How often do you/did you have “date” night?

[sk!mom]

Spin off because there is another thread where a couple used to do one date night a year but now it’s been several years since the last one. I can’t wrap my brain around keeping the relationship healthy if we never had time off alone.

I’m an empty nester so we do what we want in our free time now (yay!) but even in the very busy parenting years we found time to have time without the kids usually weekly. Not always a big production “date night.” Sometimes it was coffee and bagels while they were at Sunday school or for one whole school year we met at a favorite Mexican food place while DD was at dance two doors down. Bonus, we’d get take out for her and her older brother so no cooking when we got home.

Now trips without them were sometimes years apart.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Married 22 years and never except a handful of anniversary dinners out.

Even now that kids are grown (teens) we really don’t do too much besides errands without them. Well we went to the neighbours house for a drink couple weeks ago, so once in a while.
We sometimes go for a walk together.

 

[lowlight]

Just 2 in almost 6 years with kids. Every week before kids. 2 out of 3 remaining grandparents for my children are useless and the third lives very far away and rarely attempts to come back to help, but does help when they are here, hence the 2 dates in 6 years. Sucks for the relationship.

 

[E&Cmom]

We go out to dinner or lunch together at least once a month. We are coming up to our 21 st anniversary and our kids are 19and15 so now they can stay home. We didn’t as much when they were really young with the exception of occasional babysitting from my SIL who lived closer at the time, We do not have family that close by . Luckily DH works primary at home and I don‘t work Monday to Friday but a rotation so we were often able to do lunches while they were in elementary school.

 

[georgina]

I would never judge anyone else's experience. We did not do many date nights when we had small children, and survived just fine. Now we are 68 and 60, empty nesters and can go out whenever. I think any path can be the right one.

We also do separate vacations, as DH is a scuba diver and I am not. He is currently in the Philippines and I head to Orlando tomorrow. There are many ways to marital happiness! (Yes he is a snorer and we have separate bedrooms too! )

 

[focusondisney]

Spin off because there is another thread where a couple used to do one date night a year but now it’s been several years since the last one. I can’t wrap my brain around keeping the relationship healthy if we never had time off alone.

I’m an empty nester so we do what we want in our free time now (yay!) but even in the very busy parenting years we found time to have time without the kids usually weekly. Not always a big production “date night.” Sometimes it was coffee and bagels while they were at Sunday school or for one whole school year we met at a favorite Mexican food place while DD was at dance two doors down. Bonus, we’d get take out for her and her older brother so no cooking when we got home.

Now trips without them were sometimes years apart.

Ha! Thanks for the spin off. I thought I was the only one who couldn’t imagine going years with out a date night. So to answer the question… When the kids were very young we only went out a few times a year. But always for our birthdays & our anniversary. Usually my mom would have them for a sleep over or come watch them at our house. Once they were school aged we would use a babysitter. We went out more often then, not every week, but a few more times a year. Those years there were also work holiday parties every year too. By the time they were in high school & older, we did dinner & a movie every Saturday evening. It became known even in our extended family that Saturday was date night & we were usually not usually going to do other stuff on Saturdays. I did work a 12 hour shift every 3 rd weekend for years. So we didn’t have date night those weekends. Pretty much kept that up until Covid. We picked it back up as soon as we felt comfortable. I’m retired & DH is semi retired now. We still have date nights every week. But we’ve moved them to Monday afternoon matinees & the old people early bird dinner.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Not everyone has family to babysit.
The children were in daycare when little so the last thing I was going to do is leave them with a babysitter one night on top of that.

Husband and I find time together - walking the mall., walking the dog, watching Amazing Race. We don’t need a fancy dancy preplanned night out.

Our kids are older now and we are alone more often.

I do recall when we could first leave kids alone and it was exciting that we got to grab a coffee and grocery shop together! Woot! Prior to that one went and one stayed with kids.

We have a decent size house. Often kids out or in their room and hubby and I sit on the couch or the deck and chat. No need for anything fancy.

 

[nw6675]

25 years here - we used to ALL the time. Now it is just when our DD10 is at a church function or sleepover. We don't have family nearby now that we live in VA away from my people. But, we have a blast with just the three of us and there will be plenty of time when she is older.

 

[amylevan]

We don’t go out for date nights, never really did, even before kids. Mostly because we don’t eat at restaurants often, prefer to watch movies while sitting on our couch, etc….

We do go for a walk together several times a week, watch tv together in the evenings (sometimes with, sometimes without kids), run errands together without the kids. You know, we do life together. Why do we need to “do date night”?

We’ll be married 19 years next week.

 

[Buzz Rules]

My parents to this day do date night almost every Saturday unless they are sick or it’s a holiday. They have been happily married for over 30 plus years.

 

[CdnCarrie]

If you’re retired and spending all day together why is one night called “date night”?

 

[georgina]

I feel very strongly about this - there is no right way to do marriage. Date night/no date night, whatever. My in-laws used to have a scotch before dinner every night, it was their thing. Then FIL got Parkinson's and MIL became more of a caretaker and her travel and activities were severely restricted. She started having more than one scotch, developed a drinking problem. Buying Scotch and hiding it. It was sad after FIL died, she was in assisted living and every time we visited her she asked if we brought her scotch. A sad cautionary tale for us.

There are so many things about family, marriage, children, that have different perspectives. I had a group of acquaintances who were very opinionated on many subjects. They used to really go off on mothers who nursed longer than they did - which was me! I am definitely more of a live and let live person when it comes to lifestyles.

 

[Meriweather]

We are just getting back into it, but before Covid we did it also
Lunch and a movie every week. Alternate who picks.

Kids are grown. We've been doing it since we moved here 12 years ago.
Where we lived before it was too far to go anywhere

 

[CdnCarrie]

Honestly I would be more concerned about my relationship if it depended on having regular date nights than others who don’t have a date night.
Not every relationship is the same. Sure husband and I go out at times. It doesn’t need a label or a set day of the week.

 

[Dan Murphy]

No date nights, or days as such. I think our dates now (51 years coming up in 3 weeks) are when we go out to lunch or an early dinner after going from our doctor appointments, haha.

We do have lunches scattered periodically over the weeks also, just like whenever.

 

[kdonnel]

At least once a week. Been married 27 years.

 

[LoveSpringsteen]

Married 25 years. No official date nights, but we do go out to eat a few times a month. If our son is home, he’ll usually come with us and we like hanging out with him.

 

[tasha99]

We have a date night about once a week, but that doesn't mean going out anymore. Usually I make something fancier or more expensive than normal for dinner, then we watch a movie together on our couch.

 

[disykat]

I think what a lot of people consider NOT having date nights is what we consider date nights. When we had kids it was putting the kids to bed and specifically planning to spend time together doing something special - watching a movie we've been looking forward to together, playing a game, specifically planning a romantic evening, etc. We had a lot more "date nights" than "nights out on the town." Now as empty nesters it still means basically the same thing to us - choosing to spend time together doing something that is beyond the norm of daily life.

For example.... We walk together daily and wouldn't call that a date, but when we drive to the park to walk it feels special and we would call it one. We eat together daily, but when I make an unusual meal that makes dinner feel like a special occasion or we decide to go out for something different than the norm, we consider that a date. Making an effort to do something different = date to us, not going someplace fancy.

Sometimes running errands together rather than each doing them on our own is a date. We have simple expectations!

 

[Nora03]

I’m not sure what grandparents have to do with date night. Don’t people hire sitters anymore? That’s what we did when our kids were young.