Should I make DD switch schools?

[momto2girls]

I don't think I'd move her either, but I'd probably have her cut back on her extra-curriculars. And I would let her know that she is only hurting herself if she doesn't keep her grades up and more importantly, focus on getting an education and not just doing the work for grades. Also, I'd be much less inclined to help her out with college if she isn't helping herself.

 

[grlpwrd]

I don't think I'd move her either, but I'd probably have her cut back on her extra-curriculars. And I would let her know that she is only hurting herself if she doesn't keep her grades up and more importantly, focus on getting an education and not just doing the work for grades. Also, I'd be much less inclined to help her out with college if she isn't helping herself.

I have to say cut some of the extracurriculars, too. Cheerleading, being in the musical and show choirs, and dance classes? I think it might help to lighten her load.

I also think it's tough being a teacher's child. They seem to be held to such higher standards.

GL!

 

[pindecisive]

I did horribly in middle school and high school up until senior year.

0.8 GPA and such.

Truthfully I also feel you are being too hard on your daughter.

I didn't want to go to college and thus worked for a couple years after graduating. When I did decide on my own to go to community college I went with much more gumption and drive than I would have had if my parents had pushed me into getting good grades so I could follow my potential. I did fabulously on star testing and won scholarships, but horribly in school and the more they pushed me, the worse I did.

I now have a 3.9 GPA and am halfway to getting my AA.

High school isn't everything. And I don't think enough people realize that. Even if she does horribly, that doesn't necessarily mean she won't excel in college.

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree with you 100% OP.

She is slipping, could be the start of a really serious downward spiral. 3.2 GPA? Totally unacceptable. Sounds like she needs a firm hand. I would cut her off completely from everything and everyone she likes...don't stop with socializing with her classmates, get her out of all activities (no matter how relatively harmless they may seem, they are probably going to eventually get in the way of her realizing her potential). After all, her potential is EVERYTHING. Now is not the time to be a kid...sheesh, her test scores show she is smart enough to know that. Remember, you may have to keep switching her schools when she gets comfortable and makes friends again. No big deal, though. So what if she resents you and becomes miserable, you are doing this to help her live up to her potential.

But, while you are at it...perhaps now is the time to think about your example. Are YOU living up to your potential? I mean, you may be doing well...but could you be doing even better? If so, then you really are not living up to your potential. If you aren't, why is that?

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I'm glad to see you are reconsidering because honestly, I think totally shutting down your daughter's extra curriculars and social life over a 3.2 GPA would be cruel.

High School is about preparing for college, but it is also supposed to be

"The Best Years of Your Life."

Stealing that from a kid who isn't doing drugs, has a B+ GPA, is active in Church, and is just ditzy beyond belief at times is just not right.

 

[shelly3girls]

It sounds to me like your DD needs organizational skills if anything. I am organized but when I see people who specialize in it I am amazed. Could you possibly look into getting a teacher in your house who could help get her set up and organized with a system to help her. It is absolutely amazing what some of these teachers come up with!

 

[janette]

I'm in much the same position. My 15yo DD barely passed her accelerated classes this year. She really struggled not because she couldn't do the work but because she didn't turn work in, didn't study. Often the excuse has been that it was a stupid assignment so why should she do it.

We are going to have some major rule changes next year, since there were also times where something she told me didn't hold up to the teachers side of the situation. She also dances and that does take time and it is also more important to her than school. I have restricted her dance activities when grades are an issue and will continue to do so even more next year.

My view is that even though she probably could get A's in a regular English class I'd rather her be doing the college prep etc work that she's getting in the accelerated courses. They do much harder vocabulary and literature assignments. She will get into a college with her test scores and hopefully will do better in the next 3 yrs at school. Weighting will help her GPA but I don't see that she'll be in the top 10% of her class. I want her to learn to study and work for her grades now, not when she gets to college. A good HS will put her ahead of the crowd when she does go to college and the grades she makes in college are what will make more difference in her job choices and ultimate future.

 

[bluesaturn]

Chances are she won't be looked upon favorably by colleges if she has NO extra curriculars, even with a high GPA, like everyone mentioned. It does seem she is doing alot, so I agree about cutting back the activities. See what her passion is, and have her invest in those particular activities that really bring her joy. I have read that colleges are now looking for high schoolers with a "passion", which is shown through their long commitment and involvement in certain areas.

Also I think that having her involved in some activities outside school might help her mature and grow. If she doesn't have other hobbies to think about, she might devote all her spare time to make up and shopping and boys (because few teenagers are really going to do homework in their free time). Allowing her to pursue her interests (within reason) will allow her to be an interesting and, dare I say, well-rounded person.

 

[swilphil]

I agree with those who say to keep her in extracurriculars. If she is in a competitive school, that will help with college acceptance and scholarships. Maybe cut out some non-school activities like dance class or cut back on the amount of extra-curriculars. Does she even know what field she wants to pursue? She could end up in the performing arts and then her activities would help her get scholarships.

 

[barkley]

Chances are she won't be looked upon favorably by colleges if she has NO extra curriculars, even with a high GPA, like everyone mentioned. It does seem she is doing alot, so I agree about cutting back the activities. See what her passion is, and have her invest in those particular activities that really bring her joy. I have read that colleges are now looking for high schoolers with a "passion", which is shown through their long commitment and involvement in certain areas.

Also I think that having her involved in some activities outside school might help her mature and grow. If she doesn't have other hobbies to think about, she might devote all her spare time to make up and shopping and boys (because few teenagers are really going to do homework in their free time). Allowing her to pursue her interests (within reason) will allow her to be an interesting and, dare I say, well-rounded person.

i know several recent (in the last few years) high school grads who opted to not do any extracurriculars in favor of concentrating on their academics. they seemed to do just fine with their college applications-one in particular was courted by and offered some incredible scholarships by the top universities in the country. she and her parents were told time and time again by admissions people 'we feel sure the patients/clients/students that will be served by our graduates would prefer we select candidates on their academic accomplishments and capabilities-not those who performed to a lesser standard in large part due to overextending themselves in extracurricular activities'.

extracurriculars are great-if you show that you can maintain an acceptable academic standing. transcripts that show a gpa that goes up and down when a persons doing several extracurriculars just demonstrates that the person may not be capable of jugggling multiple demands, nor able to appropriatly set priorities.

 

[DawnCt1]

Now I know in your heart you feel that pushing her will make her do better. She is getting a 3.2 in your worst case? I am going to tell you about my parents. They pushed and pushed. I was number 2 in my high school graduating class. Do you know what they said "Oh if you only got that extra point you could have been first" That was over 20 years ago and I remember that. .

OUCH!! Congratulations for being #2, even if its 20 years late!

 

[ZPT1022]

Now I know in your heart you feel that pushing her will make her do better. She is getting a 3.2 in your worst case? I am going to tell you about my parents. They pushed and pushed. I was number 2 in my high school graduating class. Do you know what they said "Oh if you only got that extra point you could have been first" That was over 20 years ago and I remember that. I was busting my butt at school, had a part time- 25 hours a week job and a boyfriend. They rode me about my boyfriend. They rode me about work. You name it. I was a nervous wreck. I used to throw up every morning. All it did was make me totally shut my parents out of my life. To this day our relationship is strained at best.

The moral of my story.Forget for a one moment about her grades. What type of a person is she? Are you proud of her in any aspect of her life? Does she know it? Or does she constantly feel like she is disappointing you? She is going through puberty right now. 9th grade is a big transition. To be changing schools- she would now be the outsider- would she make friends that you approve of? Do you really think that switching her school is going to make her do better? I don't. I lived it and she feels strangled. Don't take her life away.

I agree with a lot of what is said here. If she's a good kid, please make sure you still tell her that and that she's not always hearing negatives about her academic performance. I was that kid. Genius level IQ, test scores off the charts, etc..... but high school was still really hard. I am not an organized person by nature, so that was tough. No one helped me, I just got screamed at for not doing good enough. I was always grounded and having privileges taken away and I know you're thinking that that should make your DD work harder? In my case it made me withdraw even farther. I know that I had some family stuff going on that your DD doesn't have to deal with (father died of cancer, mom was remarried a very short time afterwards........) but still, all the punishments made me do was resent my mother. Nothing I did was ever good enough and that's not a good standard to set with your kids. DH and I hope that when our kids are older that we'll be able to be rational about the schoolwork thing. It is important, and it's good for the kids to recognize that but she does need time to be a kid too. Someone else pointed out too- is it possible that her passion is performing arts?? Holding her back now may hold her back in the future if that's the case. Could you maybe offer an incentive? Let her keep her current stuff at her current school and if she can bring her grades up she can earn voice lessons or something?? Maybe concentrate on bringing the grades up in increments. Don't just expect it to be a 4.0 next semester but she could work on bringing it up little by little. Don't discount the value of the guidance counselor- maybe they can get her involved with a study group or help with organizational skills too. Good luck

 

[DawnCt1]

I agree with you 100% OP.

She is slipping, could be the start of a really serious downward spiral. 3.2 GPA? Totally unacceptable. Sounds like she needs a firm hand. I would cut her off completely from everything and everyone she likes...don't stop with socializing with her classmates, get her out of all activities (no matter how relatively harmless they may seem, they are probably going to eventually get in the way of her realizing her potential). After all, her potential is EVERYTHING. Now is not the time to be a kid...sheesh, her test scores show she is smart enough to know that. Remember, you may have to keep switching her schools when she gets comfortable and makes friends again. No big deal, though. So what if she resents you and becomes miserable, you are doing this to help her live up to her potential.

But, while you are at it...perhaps now is the time to think about your example. Are YOU living up to your potential? I mean, you may be doing well...but could you be doing even better? If so, then you really are not living up to your potential. If you aren't, why is that?

You have made some excellent points. The fact is, we need more good kids, not just smart kids. We need well rounded kids that can accept the disappointment of not always being #1. We need parents that can accept and love the child, regardless.

 

[Forevryoung]

If parents are worried about a 3.2 from a competitive school Freshman year of high school, I'm worried.

I'm a graduate student at a competitive university. Fellow graduate students freak out when they don't get an A. It's a stressful situation to be in- we have been primed that anything less than an A is horrible and will ruin our lives.

Right now, grades technically no longer matter- we just need to graduate and receive the degree yet a B causes fret.

Guess when we learned this? Where we learned to stress about a B, that anything less than a 93 is failure (A- isn't reeeeeally an A) and we ALL must get those A's... elementary school, middle school, and more certainly, high school.

I complain to my mom frequently how I can't wait to be in the real world, where I'm not living from A to A written on the top of each assignment. I find it rather pathetic these days that I only feel confident in my future going from A to A.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Just to clarify one thing....the show choir is next year--this year she was in regular choir. Next year she'll have 2 periods of choir. They only practice during the school day. She will have a few more performances.
She has already decided that in 11th grade she will only cheer football so she can do more in the winter with the drama club. They do a play in the fall and one-act plays in winter, and she only did publicity crew for those because of cheering. She was in the chorus of the musical. She wants to focus on that after this year in the spring. I think if anything goes after next year it will be cheerleading. They have a new requirement that year that you have to do a standing back handspring to be on varsity, which DD can't do, and I am told by the gymnastics place that it's almost impossible to pick up at age 15. (Plus she's almost 5'7", not a petite little tumblier--she is their best dancer though)
She's danced since she was 3. It's Saturday morning and one hour on Mondays. She missed it quite a bit in March/April for the musical. She wants to stay in because the musical this next year is "Crazy for You" and not a lot of girls know tap at her school, so she wants to keep up the tap. We are NOT in one of those uber-competitive studios with many competitions, etc. My neighbor girl dances 6 hours a week; Kelly only 2 1/2 and she is 3 years older! We have stayed at this studio because of that reason--we don't want to have to quit everything but dance.
She was actually very organized in the fall and got her best grades she's had since grade 6, even with cheer and one powderpuf football game. She just got lax as the year went on. She has exams starting today. I want to see how her exams come out.
Robin M.

 

[BuckNaked]

Your daughter, your choice, but personally I think the option you presented is going waayy too far. A 3.2 GPA in a competitive school while doing extra curriculars is great, IMO.

And I personally could never hold the expense of college over my child's head. I've seen that happen in our school vis a vis scholarships to a Catholic high school, and I feel terrible for the child. She's made straight A's all year, but is going to get a "C" in Algebra (she's a rising 8th grader). Her mom told her and anyone else that would listen in car line that "...I've told her that her screwing off in math is probably going to cost us $40,000 in high school tuition, since she's most likely taken herself out of competition for one of the scholarships." To each his own, but I couldn't do that to my child.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Unless calulating one's GPA has been changed since I was in school, 3.2 is a B average. Where is the crime in that?

 

[EthansMom]

I agree that your DD hasn't done anything to warrant changing schools.

I would look into some techniques to help keep her organized... maybe an assignment notebook, if she doesn't already use one. Teach her to put assignments in her bag/backpack as soon as she finishes them. And then check her backpack each morning until she seems to have the routine down. Just making sure her assignments get to school on time could really help her GPA.

I would tell DD that if she isn't performing to her best ability, then she would need to have fewer extracurricular activities.

Good Luck!

 

[golfgal]

I wouldn't sweat the 3.2 at all, especially for a freshman. This is probably the PRIME social year for girls and they NEED that socialization. There is a lot more to learn in high school then what is learned in the books and figuring out the social scene is one of them. It might sound trivial but these are important skills people need later in life too. I also agree with others that said she is MUCH better off with a 3.2 and extracurriculars then a 3.7 and nothing.

Most schools expect freshman to have a tougher year. Colleges also look at the improvement kids have made over the years so if they see her transcript as a freshman with a 3.2 and she moves to a 3.7 by her senior year with her activities she will actually be more attractive to most colleges then the 4.0 that has no extra activities, etc.

I have a freshman BOY if that makes you feel any better. We are lucky he can find his way to the bus stop most days and it is only at the end of the block.

 

[Mkrop]

I guess I get so worried these days when I hear about the competetive nature of schools and poeple having to win scholarhsips or thinking they need the top university, or the best job.

Most of us dont have that, we live normal, comfortable lives, some of us struggle to make ends meet, but most are just normal people. We went to normal schools, had normal grades, and went to small universities(not Ivy League). I know we want the best for our children but to be #1 in school is not always what is best. The stress is tremoundous.

I know I am old at 37 but I use to be in class with the kids who were ranked 1,2 &3. They were crazy, they would flip out over a 97!!!!!! ANd there was me with the 76! I made them feel good about themselves, yet I was miserable and my self esteem was in the tank. I put so much pressure on myself to earn that 76 yet when I asked to be moved down the the lower classes in certain subjects, I got all 100s and was able to enjoy high school.I had always been the top student in my class until I got to high school and then got the stark realization that there were 60 kids smarter than me but when you put into perspective that I graduated with 800 people, that is a pretty darn good achievement. My parents were very suppotive here as well and did not add to my stress.

Right now I see my 3rd grader stating to stress over a 90 in reading. They do a werid system of grading in his school of O for outstanding, VG for Very Good etc. He gets all Os but sometimes reads too quickly so on Reading Comprehension he gets maybe one wrong and so he has a VG. This kid is stressing IN THIRD GRADE so I keep showing him that his grade is a 90 out of 100. Pretty darn good. Next year they switch to ABC grades. He also is not the most organized kid, I call him the smartest kid in the world without an ounce of common sense somedays (not to him of course!)

My point is you know your child best but just be careful of that fine line of pushing too hard that they get burnt out. I did for awhile but then did fine again in college.

Good luck!