Send them to Kindergarden or Wait

[kristinw3girls]

I had this dilemma with my oldest. Oh, how I wish I held her back a year. While academically fine for most things, there were several she wasn't mature enought to understand the concept. As the oldest, she was (and still is) the first to try any new adventure, and she paid the price. Not in Kind. but in 1-5th grades. She struggled with many things she wouldn't have if I had kept her home one more year. I really feel like I let her down. SHe is now happily in 9th grade, and on high honor roll, it WAS a fight to get to this point. Enjoy one more year home, there is nothing worse than seeing your child struggle unnecessarily.

 

[mjmoon]

So, does the fact that I'm counting down the days until my boys start school make me a bad mom? (j/k- well.. sorta)

My eldest starts K this year.. he just turned 5 in December. I can NOT imagine holding him back. I'm all about education though.. and "holding back" is not something I want to do to my children in any capacity, especially when it comes to education.

My youngest son's birthday is September 12th. Our district cuts off on September 1 so I have no choice but to put him in K right before he turns 6. If given a choice, I would enroll him and see how it goes.

 

[mjmoon]

I had this dilemma with my oldest. Oh, how I wish I held her back a year. While academically fine for most things, there were several she wasn't mature enought to understand the concept. As the oldest, she was (and still is) the first to try any new adventure, and she paid the price. Not in Kind. but in 1-5th grades. She struggled with many things she wouldn't have if I had kept her home one more year. I really feel like I let her down. SHe is now happily in 9th grade, and on high honor roll, it WAS a fight to get to this point. Enjoy one more year home, there is nothing worse than seeing your child struggle unnecessarily.

I curious, what makes you think that holding her back would have made that much of a difference? My parents held me back in 1st grade and I still struggled all through school. Holding me back didn't help me at all.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

I would seriously put him in 1st grade if it were me. There are many free worksheet sites that are probably more appropriate for him than what they are expecting at the the school he is in. I'm sorry his school is so hard on them at such a young age.

We are 99.9% sure we are putting him back in 1st. He may be more advanced is some areas (we are NOT doing this to give him an edge), but I think he can use the second year to work on writing skills and get acclimated with teh US system.

 

[mommymeg]

Just thought I'd chime in since I'm struggling with this decision myself. DS turns 5 on Aug 27...age cutoff in our district is 5 by Sept 1..if he was born on his due date he'd not be allowed enrollment. He currently is in Pre-k, 2nd year, with children who are all 5...maybe 2 or 3 are still 4, but the majority have already had a b-day. During fall conferences the teachers mentioned "we have to remind ourselves that (DS) is the youngest..)... he's considerably smaller and although he tries his hardest, he's not writing his name as clear as the other students or tying his shoes yet. I left the conference feeling inadequate as a mother and a little offended, and I don't want my son to have that label on him for the next few years. We will have another conference in the sprng with his teachers, plus I will discuss this issue with my pediatrician. We are leaning towards holding him for one more year, and even then, he may just be a week or two older than some of the kids. The severerity of this debate on this board is a little alarming to me.. for those that are against this, maybe for you it doesn't seem necessary, but for others it can mean the difference between a thriving, confident child or one that struggles for most of his academic life to keep up with his peers. Please don't make judgements on the parents that decide what they think is best for their child...You would do the same if you had concerns that your child wouldn't thrive.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

But it is MY CHILD who has to pay the price because you decided to think only of yours. If my child is age appropriate for a grade and yours is not then that is wrong. I dont' want my 13 year old around 16 year olds. I don't want the curriculum changed to meet the bored 16 year olds because his mother wanted him to be a child a little longer. It is not fair to MY CHILD who has every right to be in a class that is geared to his age, not the ones who are kept back due to imaturity. Thier maturity will catch up at some point and exceed my child's. Really, this is very unfair.

So instead my child who may be not quite be ready for school should go to make YOUR child comfortable??? My child should be exposed (I know that is a harsh word.) to you child's maturity level possibly picking up language or habits that he is not ready to understand or mature enough to handle appropriately, because lets face it when kids are young 6,8,11 months does/can make a difference!?! And if you need an example I can offer at least one!

I am not agreeing or saying that children should be any means be held back to give them an edge so when they get to HS they will for sure make the sports team or be the validictorian (sp?). If there is an honest reason...and yes, I do believe giving a child another year to enjoy being a child is a honest reason...then the parents should have not only that option, but right.

 

[jgperkin]

Hi Everyone,

I am not sure how much my advice means but I taught Kindergarten for 7 years in New York. I now teach our Pre-Kindergarten program at our public school. I will tell you this and you can decide upon it however you chose.

1. I have never had a parent regret keeping their child home an extra year, but I have had parents regret sending themat age 4 (or early).

2. Sometimes it is not the academics that is a problem, but socially and emotionally school can become overwhelming very quickly.

3. You may not see any results from your decision until your child reaches 3rd or 4th grade when there are numerous pressures of organization and testing.

4. As a teacher if my daughter was in the "iffy" area, I would keep her home the extra year. They are only little once and "life" begins soon enough.

5. Your child could have a student sitting next to them that is almost an entire year older. Who has the advantage in that situation?

6. Do what your heart tells you but please reread number 1. That one says it all!

Please feel free to write or ask any questions! I would be happy to help. I am in New York and our regulations and expectations are always changing. Kindergarten has changed SO much! (especially since I was a kid! I remember naptime and snack. Kids today are expected to be reading when they leave kindergarten!)

 

[mjmoon]

1. I have never had a parent regret keeping their child home an extra year, but I have had parents regret sending themat age 4 (or early).

I'd be interested to talk to the children that are held back a year once they are older. Did they go through school feeling out of place because they were older? Did they feel perfectly fine all through school? Did they find they struggled more or less than their younger classmates?

I guess the point I'm trying to make is while mom may not regret anything.. that doesn't mean child didn't feel "held back" through school.

 

[jgperkin]

I'd be interested to talk to the children that are held back a year once they are older. Did they go through school feeling out of place because they were older? Did they feel perfectly fine all through school? Did they find they struggled more or less than their younger classmates?

I guess the point I'm trying to make is while mom may not regret anything.. that doesn't mean child didn't feel "held back" through school.

In New York our students have not begun school unless they are in our Pre-Kindergarten. Usually those students do not attend the Pre-K. They would not have attended school yet, so they wouldn't know about being "held" back. In my experience, the higher the grade with a retention (held back) the more serious. Being held back in Kindergarten or in other words doing Kindergarten twice is not as serious as doing 4th grade again.

My husband was sent to kindergarten at the age of 4. He will tell you as an adult he had a terrible time making friends, feeling "comfortable" to speak up in class etc. He regrets it to this day that he was sent (obviously not his fault). He just wonders how he would have done socially if he would have had an extra year.

I am not a real advocate of retention. It has to be a very "unique" situation for that to occur.

I do advocate waiting to send the initial time if your child has a "late" birthday.

Does that help?

 

[dogluva]

So instead my child who may be not quite be ready for school should go to make YOUR child comfortable??? My child should be exposed (I know that is a harsh word.) to you child's maturity level possibly picking up language or habits that he is not ready to understand or mature enough to handle appropriately, because lets face it when kids are young 6,8,11 months does/can make a difference!?! And if you need an example I can offer at least one!

I am not agreeing or saying that children should be any means be held back to give them an edge so when they get to HS they will for sure make the sports team or be the validictorian (sp?). If there is an honest reason...and yes, I do believe giving a child another year to enjoy being a child is a honest reason...then the parents should have not only that option, but right.

Well my son was born in November so I don't know how much older he would be if you sent your child on time! My son would be younger, actually, if your son is born say, August. Get it? It is matter of a few months, not over a year if you send your child to school late. If my son is born at the end of the year and your child is in the middle and then that makes your child over a year older, not a few months. So, no, I don't want YOUR child exposing my young child to things he shoudn't be exposed to, especially when your child is TOO old for the grade and my son makes the cut off (even just by a month).

 

[jgperkin]

Hey guys,

Try to look at the whole situation. I am not what really happened in the above conversations, but Kindergarten is developmentally appropriate for your "average" 5 year old. Not all kids achieve that level at the same time.

Please understand it is a teachers responsibility to maintain and educational and "safe" environment for your child. Hopefully they are doing that. Kids are going to be exposed to other kids regardless of age.

There is the cafeteria, the bus, etc. Try to keep in mind that hopefully you have raised "your" child to know right from wrong and to make appropriate choices when situations arise.

I am sure all of you are trying to do that!

Kindergarten will not make or break that. If one child is older than the other it really doesn't matter as long as they are actively engaged in the learning process and the teacher promotes that environment.


One other thing. Please understand that choosing to keep your child home if they will begin school at age 4 is not holding them back. Holding back or retention is when a child completes a full year of a grade level and is considered not ready to progress further. There has to be adequate information and data collected to allow a retention. There are numerous forms and meetings held before "holding back" can occur.

 

[dogluva]

I also want to point out as a mother of a high schoolers, your child may not be mature at five but he may sure be mature at 18 or 19. And what happens if the kids stays back? I am sorry, but 20 year olds do not belong in High school just like 15 year olds don't belong in middle school.

It is so important to keep your child comfortable but I am looking out for the comfort level of my child who was ready for Kindergarten at four and went because the cut off said he could.

Kids are getting older and older in high school. I know because when I taught there at 24 there was a 20 year old in my home room. The kid was a junior. There has to be a limit.

Don't send your Summer babies. I understand this. But if your child is born in the winter or spring, how much older do they need to be? Someone here mentioned January. This is over the top. My daughter is born in Jan. and she is one of the older kids in her grade.

The weird thing is my youngest son is born in April and his teachers told me there is only one child younger than him. I would have thought he would be in the middle. He is the youngest and born in April. I couldn't imagin holding him back. I guess he has kids in the room almost a year older than him.

I am sure all those older kids parents are complaining how bored they are or claiming that their child is gifted.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Well my son was born in November so I don't know how much older he would be if you sent your child on time! My son would be younger, actually, if your son is born say, August. Get it? It is matter of a few months, not over a year if you send your child to school late. If my son is born at the end of the year and your child is in the middle and then that makes your child over a year older, not a few months. So, no, I don't want YOUR child exposing my young child to things he shoudn't be exposed to, especially when your child is TOO old for the grade and my son makes the cut off (even just by a month).

Basically this is a revolving subject. I say my child is not ready to be in the class because he is one of the youngest ones and needs time to mature to be personally successful in his academice while your child was ready and went to school. You then say that my child going to school the next year a year older makes you/your child potentially uncomfortable/left at a disadvantage because of age. So which child is to be uncomfortable/at a disadvantage??? I have my feelings that I am doing right by my child and you are feeling that you are doing best by yours. What if the shoe was on the other foot and your child was not ready for school eventhough the school system makes a blanket statement that at x years old students are to begin attending school?
As a parent is is my responsibility to do what is best for MY child at the time. Sorry if I seem cold and uncaring, but your child's ducation is not my responsibility.
I don't think this issue is really all that different than that of special education inclusion. Different parents/teachers react/believe differently according to what THEY THINK is right.
It is obviously the 2 sides of "red shirting" (Where did that term come from anyway?) do not agree, but it kind of seems like those that believe it is ok for the child not to start at the recommended/mandated have it coming at them pretty hard.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Kids are getting older and older in high school. I know because when I taught there at 24 there was a 20 year old in my home room. The kid was a junior. There has to be a limit.

Was this student a general education student? If a student has special needs...even if they are not apparent to the eye...they may stay in school until 21.

 

[princessmom29]

No one is taking advantage of the system by trying to give their child the best start in school they can.
Have you had a child close to the cutoff?
No, well, then until you do, you really don't know how that will affect your child.
Since I happen to have 4 kids who have very late birthdays, who would of started kindergarten at 4, this is something I have actually had to deal with.
Have you talked to your principal and gotten their thoughts on this, because, I have. Have you talked to kindergarten teachers and gotten their thoughts on this, because I have. HOw about older grade teachers, because I did that too.
I honestly only ran into ONE single educator who said to put my child in at 4 (a high school teacher). Every single other educator we talked to (we talked to many) said to wait a year.
My child is not learning disabled, not behind, but at only 4 she did not posess the maturity level of most of the kids in her class.

Was some of that because she has been sheltered, probably, we happen to be fairly strict about what our kids see and hear, and do. (no hannah montana, no spounge bob, I could go on and on) I gurantee my child could of handled the work load had she gone at 4 to kindergarten. But, that was not my concern, my concern was making a positive stepping stone to school so she learned to love school. I think if we had pushed her into school at 4 that love for school would not come as fast, or as hard as she loves it now.

She was slightly socially immature, is not up on all the things kids are these days in kindergarten, and had a speech delay, she still napped, and went to bed at 7. I think jumping into a full day 5 days a week program would of pushed her over the edge.

What it comes down to is it is my child, my choice.

I do not understand how you can speak for weveyone else and say no one is taking advantage of the system??? YOU may be holding your child back for what you see to be legitimate reasons, but not everyone is. I think the question here is where the rights of the individual stop and the rights of the group begin. I see it as the "don't yell fire in a crowded theater" argument. As americans we have a right to free speech, but not when that right infringes on the safety of others. You have a right to hold your child back if you choose to, but I think at some point school systems will revoke this privelige if it is abused, which is what seems to be happening when a child is six just starting K. evetually, and in the near future K will be manditory and all childern will be required to go if they are 5 before the cutoff. There is already discussion by our state school board about bringing such a bill forward, and it is because of the abuse of the system by parents who assert their child's rights over the rights of the group.

I'd be interested to talk to the children that are held back a year once they are older. Did they go through school feeling out of place because they were older? Did they feel perfectly fine all through school? Did they find they struggled more or less than their younger classmates?

I guess the point I'm trying to make is while mom may not regret anything.. that doesn't mean child didn't feel "held back" through school.

I teach high school and I see these kids evey day as 17 year old freshmen who act out because they are in aroom full of "babies" as they see it. I also see the 19 year old senior who is so over being in school that he cannot be bothered to actually do the work needed to pass.

 

[dogluva]

Basically this is a revolving subject. I say my child is not ready to be in the class because he is one of the youngest ones and needs time to mature to be personally successful in his academice while your child was ready and went to school. You then say that my child going to school the next year a year older makes you/your child potentially uncomfortable/left at a disadvantage because of age. So which child is to be uncomfortable/at a disadvantage??? I have my feelings that I am doing right by my child and you are feeling that you are doing best by yours. What if the shoe was on the other foot and your child was not ready for school eventhough the school system makes a blanket statement that at x years old students are to begin attending school?
As a parent is is my responsibility to do what is best for MY child at the time. Sorry if I seem cold and uncaring, but your child's ducation is not my responsibility.
I don't think this issue is really all that different than that of special education inclusion. Different parents/teachers react/believe differently according to what THEY THINK is right.
It is obviously the 2 sides of "red shirting" (Where did that term come from anyway?) do not agree, but it kind of seems like those that believe it is ok for the child not to start at the recommended/mandated have it coming at them pretty hard.

yes, but where do you draw the line? Summer, ok. But what if your child is born in Feb and you decide he is not ready. Ok, so the children who are ready and are born say, August, nevermind November like my son, are going to be a year and a half older. Maybe that is no big deal to a six year old but what happens when they are in middle school and finally, the maturity kicks in. My son had kids in his grade almost two years older than him because a mother held back her January baby. This is absurd.

My pediatrician was asking about him since he no longer see him. I told him he was 19 and he said, oh, he must be graduating this year. I was like, no he is a junior in college (this was in Sept, he turned 20 in November). He was floored. He couldn't believe a child went to school on time since he said all mothers hold their boys back (come on, one or two might not be ready but all boys?). He laughed and said the mothers he sees don't send their kids to school until they are seven. It was slightly sarcastic but not really. A seven year old belongs in first or second grade, not kindergarten!

There really are truly kids who are born at the end of the year, or in the summer, fall, who need some extra time. But there has to be a line drawn some where.

 

[princessmom29]

yes, but where do you draw the line? Summer, ok. But what if your child is born in Feb and you decide he is not ready. Ok, so the children who are ready and are born say, August, nevermind November like my son, are going to be a year and a half older. Maybe that is no big deal to a six year old but what happens when they are in middle school and finally, the maturity kicks in. My son had kids in his grade almost two years older than him because a mother held back her January baby. This is absurd.

My pediatrician was asking about him since he no longer see him. I told him he was 19 and he said, oh, he must be graduating this year. I was like, no he is a junior in college (this was in Sept, he turned 20 in November). He was floored. He couldn't believe a child went to school on time since he said all mothers hold their boys back (come on, one or two might not be ready but all boys?). He laughed and said the mothers he sees don't send their kids to school until they are seven. It was slightly sarcastic but not really. A seven year old belongs in first or second grade, not kindergarten!

There really are truly kids who are born at the end of the year, or in the summer, fall, who need some extra time. But there has to be a line drawn some where.

Exactly!!! This is my point exactly. A month or even 2 from the cutoff is one thing, but holding back a kid that was 5 in Jan is ridiculuous!! There has to be a limit. If for nothing else than from a safety and liability issue. There is a reason kids are seperated by age in schools. By redshirting an older child you areundemining that.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

The thing is you seem to be blanketing everyone together that any holding back is bad. Yes, I will agree a 9 or 10 yo in 1gr is not what I see as appropriate. And for the most part the discussion seems to be if the child isn't ready emotionally or by maturity. If keeping my child back a year because academically he is not ready will prevent him from just making it with struggling OR being placed in a special education program I would hold him back without a doubt!

Maybe if the trend is to keep children out of school until a year past what is now expected/mandated districts/states/government should find out the true reasons why parents are now feeling the need to do this. By reading is this thread and other research I have read it does seem to be almost regional.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Basically this is a revolving subject. I say my child is not ready to be in the class because he is one of the youngest ones and needs time to mature to be personally successful in his academice while your child was ready and went to school. You then say that my child going to school the next year a year older makes you/your child potentially uncomfortable/left at a disadvantage because of age. So which child is to be uncomfortable/at a disadvantage??? I have my feelings that I am doing right by my child and you are feeling that you are doing best by yours. What if the shoe was on the other foot and your child was not ready for school eventhough the school system makes a blanket statement that at x years old students are to begin attending school?
As a parent is is my responsibility to do what is best for MY child at the time. Sorry if I seem cold and uncaring, but your child's ducation is not my responsibility.
I don't think this issue is really all that different than that of special education inclusion. Different parents/teachers react/believe differently according to what THEY THINK is right.It is obviously the 2 sides of "red shirting" (Where did that term come from anyway?) do not agree, but it kind of seems like those that believe it is ok for the child not to start at the recommended/mandated have it coming at them pretty hard.

I bolded. You are wrong here. They don't care what you think when providing services of any type. There has to be fact. It is not based on feelings. It is based on solid evidence.

 

[mommyof3rookies]

This is to pp's that say kids are forced to grow up too fast. I see something wrong with holding children back because you don't want them to grow up. There are other ways to not let your children grow up too fast, ie. no cell phone at 12, not leaving them to tend their siblings at 11, not making them latchkey kids. But at the same time people are holding their children back to have another year with them and not doing anything academically with that child for that year other than putting them in pre-k AGAIN. When are you going to let your child make a small step towards becoming their own person. I am like any other mom, I want my kids home forever, and when they do happen to move out I want them to stay close. But if I continue to shelter them like toddlers, what have I taught them, because I surely haven't taught them to be individuals or how to cope with difficult situations. They are not too young at 5 to understand that not everything is easy and that hard work prevails. I truly believe you are doing your children an injustice by holding them out UNLESS they have a proven learning disability or physical ailment which would prevent them from going to kinder at 5.