Salvation Army online tree question

[TheBigBadWolf]

I know a family who signs their four children up with every organization for free Christmas gifts. They get gifts from the Salvation Army, Toys for Tots, several churches, several fire departments, and even schools. I truly have never seen anything like it. These kids have more toys than TRU!! I am not kidding. They have an X Box and lots of games, AND a Playstation 3 too. It's disgusting. I've never known any kids with as many toys as those four boys! Yes, their family is poor. And it's because their parents won't work. Not can't work. WON'T work. Their children are not appreciative of the toys, IMHO. I've seen them whirl brand new toys around, breaking them right out of the packages, probably because they have so many new toys. This family has totally turned me off donating gifts for children. I know that sounds awful because it's surely not the case with most kids? Or is it? Their parents work the system, churches pay their housing and utilities, and they get welfare and food stamps, and free medical care from the state. They know every way to work the system so they don't have to work. The past two years I was so disgusted by these people, I picked elderly people from the nursing homes to buy for my "Angel Gifts". I feel so bad about this... I don't want to sound selfish. I want to help children have a good Christmas, but I am so disgusted by this family, it's turned me off donating toys.

This year I couldn't resist buying toys for the Angel Tree children, or where ever I donate them. I've been stocking up on some of the Zhu Zhu pets and accessories, and pink items for little girls. I just couldn't help myself. I know the Zhu Zhu pets and accessories will be hard to find, and there will be children asking for them for Christmas. I wish I could find a family who was truly needy, and not some family who is out to beat the system. Please don't flame me. I know all poor families aren't this way, especially with the bad economy this year. But this has been my experience. I would love to help someone who is truly needy, and not because they are too lazy to work! Any ideas?

ETA: One year my family learned of a single mother with three children, one of whom had a serious health problem (cancer). We bought for the whole family, and enjoyed sooo much buying them everything they desired. It felt great helping this family have a special Christmas. I love helping people but am not so much into helping people who are always out to "beat the system". Gosh, I hope I get my point across here and don't come off sounding too selfish.

 

[honugirl]

Kids these days don't really understand the cost of stuff either. I had to explain to a teenager I know that you cannot surf the net on an Iphone for free... you actually have to pay for the data plan. All this kid's friends had been saying that it was free. Well duh, it's free for the KID because the parents are paying for it!

 

[babytrees]

I am going to tell you our story where we've been on both ends of the tree in two different states.

As a family applying for the tree you are asked to give ONE toy/gift idea and 2 clothing needs and sizes. My girls asked for little things or nothing. What I did notice is since it's the parents writing it out more often than not it's the kids asking for the big ticket items it's the parents. At the time of pickup if the child hasn't been adopted there is extras that the parents can choose from.

As an adopter family we try and find older children or teens because those are the ones adopted less....and there are also less gifts available to choose from on pick up days. If the teen has asked for something way too expensive or hard to find we try and find something similar that we know they will like.

Please remember that there are kids out there that this may be the only thing they get for Christmas and are grateful for anything (their parents are too).

 

[babytrees]

I know a family who signs their four children up with every organization for free Christmas gifts. They get gifts from the Salvation Army, Toys for Tots, several churches, several fire departments, and even schools. I truly have never seen anything like it. These kids have more toys than TRU!! I am not kidding. They have an X Box and lots of games, AND a Playstation 3 too. It's disgusting. I've never known any kids with as many toys as those four boys! Yes, their family is poor. And it's because their parents won't work. Not can't work. WON'T work. Their children are not appreciative of the toys, IMHO. I've seen them whirl brand new toys around, breaking them right out of the packages, probably because they have so many new toys. This family has totally turned me off donating gifts for children. I know that sounds awful because it's surely not the case with most kids? Or is it? Their parents work the system, churches pay their housing and utilities, and they get welfare and food stamps, and free medical care from the state. They know every way to work the system so they don't have to work. The past two years I was so disgusted by these people, I picked elderly people from the nursing homes to buy for my "Angel Gifts". I feel so bad about this... I don't want to sound selfish. I want to help children have a good Christmas, but I am so disgusted by this family, it's turned me off donating toys.

This year I couldn't resist buying toys for the Angel Tree children, or where ever I donate them. I've been stocking up on some of the Zhu Zhu pets and accessories, and pink items for little girls. I just couldn't help myself. I know the Zhu Zhu pets and accessories will be hard to find, and there will be children asking for them for Christmas. I wish I could find a family who was truly needy, and not some family who is out to beat the system. Please don't flame me. I know all poor families aren't this way, especially with the bad economy this year. But this has been my experience. I would love to help someone who is truly needy, and not because they are too lazy to work! Any ideas?

ETA: One year my family learned of a single mother with three children, one of whom had a serious health problem (cancer). We bought for the whole family, and enjoyed sooo much buying them everything they desired. It felt great helping this family have a special Christmas. I love helping people but am not so much into helping people who are always out to "beat the system". Gosh, I hope I get my point across here and don't come off sounding too selfish.

I know those families too....but most I know are like my family....just need a little bit of help or there wouldn't be much of a Christmas around here. I have been out of work for a year and was the main paycheck and on top of everything else my marriage is falling apart. There are so many that are truly needy that those who play the system disgust me.

Good gosh, I didn't mean to vent that but I guess it needed to come out.

 

[luvsJack]

I donate to Toys for Tots every year so I don't do the Angel Trees. When it gets closer to Christmas I notice that there are still several tags left on the trees and its always the ones that have the big ticket items. I always wonder if they are given something from what is collected. OP, please let us know what you find out.

Last year I was sent a wish list for some local families in need. On it were modest wishes and also things like Wii's, Xboxes, computers (all new of course). I do not fault kids for asking for those gifts, but my problem with this particular one was that the kids ages were listed as 6 to 21. I had planned on donating but after seeing that, I decided against it.

We were told that the gifts are "evened out" amoung the kids on the tree. They make sure that all the kids recieve something and that one doesn't end up with a huge pile of gifts while another only gets one. ETA: sorry, just saw that the OP came back and posted this very thing.


To everyone, don't forget the Red Cross. They have families on a list that have had their homes burned during the year. You can adopt a family that has lost everything and help them have a great Christmas or just donate some gift items (household items would probably be especially appreciated by the mother of a family). Also, our Red Cross is always happy to get things that can go to the burned out families immediately. When our house burnt, they gave us some blankets, soaps, shampoos, shaving stuff and some school supplies--just a bit of stuff to help through those first couple of days.

 

[pickles521]

<snip> ...I love helping people but am not so much into helping people who are always out to "beat the system". Gosh, I hope I get my point across here and don't come off sounding too selfish.

I understand completely. I finally came to terms with it for me personallly - not saying it will work for you - but for me, here's what works. If I do the right thing - I buy gifts in good faith to try to make a person's day better, then I get the cosmic cool points. I did the right thing. The fact that someone who is scamming the system gets those gifts in no way diminishes my good deed. Either way, we'll both get what's coming to us eventually.

I saw someone who I KNOW makes over $10,000/month (I did payroll at the time) take food out of a food bank drop box. I just put that food in there. It hit me that I bought and donated the food for the needy. I did my part. If they believe they're needy, that's between them and the universe. It didn't hurt my donation. I did, however, discuss with the food bank a somewhat more secure location for the drop boxes.

So, I continue to donate to causes that I research and believe to be appropriate. Who gets that charity isn't my choice.

 

[minkydog]

I know a family who signs their four children up with every organization for free Christmas gifts. They get gifts from the Salvation Army, Toys for Tots, several churches, several fire departments, and even schools. I truly have never seen anything like it. These kids have more toys than TRU!!

I wish I could find a family who was truly needy, and not some family who is out to beat the system. Please don't flame me. I know all poor families aren't this way, especially with the bad economy this year. But this has been my experience. I would love to help someone who is truly needy, and not because they are too lazy to work! Any ideas?

ETA: One year my family learned of a single mother with three children, one of whom had a serious health problem (cancer). We bought for the whole family, and enjoyed sooo much buying them everything they desired. It felt great helping this family have a special Christmas. I love helping people but am not so much into helping people who are always out to "beat the system". Gosh, I hope I get my point across here and don't come off sounding too selfish.

I know just what you mean. My school serves mostly disadvantaged children and most years they have put up a list of kids we could adopt. Two years ago we were inundated with calls from families wanting to get on the list. Our School social worker started making some calls to social orgs and found out that MANY of these families were on multiple list. Those families were immediately deleted. The really sickening thing was when they came to pick up the presents--some of the parents were complaining that they didn't get more stuff! Of course, it made those who were really grateful that much sweeter.

Last year, my school decided to dispense with adopting kids and instead came up with a short list of 7 families who were truly in need. I was happy to buy presents for the very poor family of a little girl who is extremely handicapped.

This year I think we're not going to do Angel Tree. We already did Operation Christmas Child(4 boxes) and we're giving food and packing food boxes at a food bank. I like the idea of adopting elders or dropping off gifties for them.

Another thing I'd like to do is go into an assisted living or nursing home facility and take my "manicure" kit. I don't do any clipping, just filing with an emory board and pushing back cuticles. The ladies pick their nail polish and at the end they get a smoothing hand massage with good hand cream.

 

[minkydog]

To everyone, don't forget the Red Cross. They have families on a list that have had their homes burned during the year. You can adopt a family that has lost everything and help them have a great Christmas or just donate some gift items (household items would probably be especially appreciated by the mother of a family). Also, our Red Cross is always happy to get things that can go to the burned out families immediately. When our house burnt, they gave us some blankets, soaps, shampoos, shaving stuff and some school supplies--just a bit of stuff to help through those first couple of days.

Excellent ideas! We also our local battered women's shelter. They have a small daycare available for the young children so their mothers can go to court, look for jobs, take ESL classes, etc. The little daycare is always in need of diapers, bananas, oranges, crackers, toys, craft items, socks and undies.

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

I finally came to terms with it for me personallly - not saying it will work for you - but for me, here's what works. If I do the right thing - I buy gifts in good faith to try to make a person's day better, then I get the cosmic cool points. I did the right thing. The fact that someone who is scamming the system gets those gifts in no way diminishes my good deed. Either way, we'll both get what's coming to us eventually.

Great way to think. Thank you.

 

[disney1990]

We buy Toys for Tots or Toys for Teens during the holidays. We usually like to try and buy for the older children because they get forgotten. But Ipods, etc. are not things that we can afford to buy for them.

 

[pipersmom]

I'm glad you got good advice about what to do, OP.

Please don't judge the kids for being "greedy". Most children, when asked what they want for Christmas, will say what they want. They don't ask what do you want for Christmas that's under $20, lol. The other thing is, they more than likely know that their parent(s) cannot afford any type of big ticket item, and an angel tag is a very anonymous thing, they don't need to feel guilty or bad for wanting an i-Pod, DS, etc. In my experience, they are also happy with most everything they get (what kid is ever happy with underwear ) whether the item cost $3 or $50.

There are people who abuse the system, but just like anything else, there are good and bad anywhere you look. The way I figure it, karma is a b**** and it will catch up eventually. From someone who has been there just know there are families who truly appreciate any help they receive, no matter what level that help may be. By dismissing the thought of helping an angel child, you're not just hurting the users, you're also hurting the families that truly need, and are truly thankful for, the assistance. Please don't misunderstand, helping any cause that helps people with the holidays is a wonderful thing to me, just don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch

 

[minkydog]

And let's not discount the fact that a lot of people WANT to give these kinds of gifts. At my DHs job, those executives lined up to get an Angel Tree kid and you should have seen the gifts they bought--bikes, Nintendos, Playstations, iPods, Rock Band. Most of these guys(and gals) either didn't have children or their children were all grown. They just loved buying all this play stuff. It was a huge competition and really, all they wanted was the belief that some child was about to have their dreams come true.

 

[barkley]

I know a family who signs their four children up with every organization for free Christmas gifts. They get gifts from the Salvation Army, Toys for Tots, several churches, several fire departments, and even schools. I truly have never seen anything like it. These kids have more toys than TRU!! I am not kidding. They have an X Box and lots of games, AND a Playstation 3 too. It's disgusting. I've never known any kids with as many toys as those four boys! Yes, their family is poor. And it's because their parents won't work. Not can't work. WON'T work. Their children are not appreciative of the toys, IMHO. I've seen them whirl brand new toys around, breaking them right out of the packages, probably because they have so many new toys. This family has totally turned me off donating gifts for children. I know that sounds awful because it's surely not the case with most kids? Or is it? Their parents work the system, churches pay their housing and utilities, and they get welfare and food stamps, and free medical care from the state. They know every way to work the system so they don't have to work. The past two years I was so disgusted by these people, I picked elderly people from the nursing homes to buy for my "Angel Gifts". I feel so bad about this... I don't want to sound selfish. I want to help children have a good Christmas, but I am so disgusted by this family, it's turned me off donating toys.

This year I couldn't resist buying toys for the Angel Tree children, or where ever I donate them. I've been stocking up on some of the Zhu Zhu pets and accessories, and pink items for little girls. I just couldn't help myself. I know the Zhu Zhu pets and accessories will be hard to find, and there will be children asking for them for Christmas. I wish I could find a family who was truly needy, and not some family who is out to beat the system. Please don't flame me. I know all poor families aren't this way, especially with the bad economy this year. But this has been my experience. I would love to help someone who is truly needy, and not because they are too lazy to work! Any ideas?

ETA: One year my family learned of a single mother with three children, one of whom had a serious health problem (cancer). We bought for the whole family, and enjoyed sooo much buying them everything they desired. It felt great helping this family have a special Christmas. I love helping people but am not so much into helping people who are always out to "beat the system". Gosh, I hope I get my point across here and don't come off sounding too selfish.

the charities, churches and community groups in the area i worked for social services in came together to try and address how they could (1) serve the most people in need possible, and (2) prevent people from abusing these programs.

to that end the groups that wanted to work together set up a timeline on when applications for gifts could be submitted and when they would make their tenative decisions on who could be served. the groups then compiled master lists and shared them with one another so they could eliminate duplications (there was a release on the applications that permitted the groups to do this).

by doing this they removed many families that would have received duplicate giftings, and that opened up spots for other families. it also gave a heads up to organizers what organization might still have slots available for them to refer the inevitable late applicants to (and where i worked october 31st was generaly the cut off for christmas applications).

 

[princessbride6205]

I'm really appreciating all of the perspectives in this thread!
I've done Toys for Tots and Angel Trees before. Last year I came in contact with a needy family and "adopted" them. (Long story short, we both worked part time for an online company and met in their private forums. She and hubby were laid off and only job was working for this online co - not good money.) We exchanged several e-mails before and after I sent the gifts. Is there a chance she was scamming? Maybe, but like another poster said, I tried to do a good deed. And I had the most fun shopping for them. The e-mail she sent thanking me for the box and then again after the girls opened the gifts on Christmas, brought tears to my eyes.
I'm trying to figure out how to best donate this year...