Random Question about # of kids and gifts

[dogluva]

I'm not resentful. Sorry I struck a nerve since you have a big family. I guess I really struck a nerve with a lot of people. And just so you know, my kid is 5. I bought gifts for my cousins and DH's cousin's kids for over ten years before I even had a kid. I loved buying gifts for those kids and I still do. Just sometimes when I go to do the Christmas budget spreadsheet and I add on more and more kids, it becomes more obvious to me how much it is costing me to give all these fun gifts. I still like to do it, but it is getting expensive! And it just made me curious how other people handle similar situations. I really didn't expect to get so bashed over the whole thing, but I should have known better! Although I would have expected a more logical approach from the Budget board folks. Oh well. A few people understood what I meant!

You did not say you loved buying for those kids. You said it irked you. I understand about a budget. I think you should explain this to the parents and tell them you don't want to exchange. I am sure they will be fine with it. I know I would.

 

[StitchBuddy]

Wow, lots of interesting thoughts! I think Christmas has gotten way out of hand. I am going to tell you the tale of my DD only child. I have two siblings and my husband has 1, then 4 sets of grandparents and my Aunt and her family. My daughter was completely overwhelmed at Christmas when she was younger, they would all buy her at least 2-3 gifts. Now can you imagine trying to drive back from Texas to Colorado with all that loot?? Wish they has just given her money for a college fund. Now they don't buy as much and some aren't with us anymore, but just imagine a 2 year sitting in the middle of all those gifts. Poor thing was overwhelmed. I love to buy gifts! My gripe is all I seem to buy for my nieces and nephews is gift cards! I know it is what they want, but how boring. Heck, that's about all my own child wants anymore.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If you didn't have kids wouldn't you still buy these kids gifts?

 

[Cruise]

DH and I don't have any kids. My sister has two kids. Before DSis and BIL divorced, we would be buying 4 gifts for her household whereas they'd only be buying two. At least the BIL is gone now and we only have to buy 3. But then last year, DSis bought us a couples gift....so, 3 to her household, 1 to mine.

I totally get what the OP is saying. If I sit and think about it, I can get grumpy (irked?) about it...for about two seconds. But most times, I'm just grateful that DH and I are in a position to be able to get them things they might not otherwise have and understand that her financial situation changed with the divorce.

Now... the way my parents throw money at those kids....oy.... it makes me wanna dress up a dog in a onesie and bib, call it DH Jr., and open a college fund for them to put money into!

 

[indimom]

On my side of the family, we draw names at Thanksgiving for the children and they each buy one $20 gift for a cousin. It has worked out nicely.
BUT, one of my sisters lives further away and really WANTED to buy for all the nieces and nephews since she doesn't get to see them/do things with them very often.
So, my mother had stockings made for each grandchild and we added a "stocking stuffer" in the under $5 range (it started as a $1 gift, but that has gotten harder as the kids aged). We bring these small gifts for each child and grandma stuffs their stocking. They really enjoy opening these and no one seems to mind since the price limit is low.
Of the four sisters: one has one child, two of us have two children, and one has four children. It isn't "fair," but since the limit is so low, no one seems to mind. It's a lot of fun trying to see what you can get for that price: used books, crafts supplies or shirts on clearance, small gift cards, gloves or hats, etc.

On my hubby's side of the family, no one buys for the grandkids. There are 17 cousins and 7 live out of state and rarely come to visit at Christmas so it would get very crazy to buy gifts for all of them and keep things "fair".
The kids each get a gift from grandma and grandpa. And each family buys one gift for the grandparents. It's a very quiet event, but we really enjoy it.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

I do understand where the OP is coming from, I have 1 DD6 and all of my nieces and nephews are teenagers. I love them dearly and have always spoiled them, I mean whatever my Dsis asked me to buy for the 2 I always got them before DD was born, this was 3 to 4 hundred dollars a year for each. I didn't mind, but I also spent about $100 on my brother's kid, who doesn't care what I spend as long as I can afford it ok, and over the years the same amount for various stepnieces and nephews (my brother has been married and divorced alot). I loved to get them things and could afford it.

My DD came along and I told my sis that the spending will greatly decrease, she still asks me for outragous gifts for them(Macbooks, $600 cameras) and I tell her no and the limit, usually $100 each. She seems irked and she has only spent $30 on DD each year. Her kids have never said thank you for a gift and last year Dnephew got a visa giftcard for $100 and said, is that all I get.

It just irks me that they are ungrateful(with everyone)and that she just pushes and pushes. The best part is her household income is and pretty much always has been 4x mine and she knows it. I left my job and started my own company this year and Dnephew got pissed at me and said I guess were screwed for Christmas

I guess I expected her to spend close to the amount I spend on 1 of her kids on DD.

ok.. Vent over - topic just got me thinking and worked up.

 

[momx2]

Thank you. You understood what I was saying. I kind of wish we could do the pollyanna thing, but I'm not sure they'd go for that. I like that idea a lot. Especially now that there are so many kids. Even at $25 a kid, that's $175 right there when I buy for all seven kids. If pulled a name and we made the limit $50, I'd be saving a ton! And I could get that one kid a nicer gift. I'll have to think about how to approach this.

But you realize that then the family with, let's say, 4 kids will be spending
$200 and you are likely to have intra-family gifting since there is only 3 families and you only have one child? Also realize that the families with more childern are having to spend more for their total Christmas to their children.

My sister started spending very little on my 2 girls for Christmas when I had my second child. She only has one, so didn't view it as "fair." But then she also quit buying them birthday presents too....

ETA: I see that has already been addressed.

 

[crisi]

We did the draw. We also kept the gifts small - kid gifts were $10 or less.

Now I have two kids and two nephews. But honestly, my kids are hard to buy for (both in the tween age) and my nephews have enough toys and books for a toy store. So we still keep it token.

But we aren't big gift people.

 

[fakereadhed]

If you didn't have kids wouldn't you still buy these kids gifts?

We have a winner!!! Best answer yet.

 

[labdogs42]

If you didn't have kids wouldn't you still buy these kids gifts?

Yes, I would and I did that for for years before I had my kid. But, as we all know, budgets become much different when we have children of our own. I bought for my cousins' kids (4) and DH's cousins' kids (3) for ever. Then we had our child, then niece and nephew were born plus two more cousins' kids on DH's side. That was a big difference.

DH and I don't have any kids. My sister has two kids. Before DSis and BIL divorced, we would be buying 4 gifts for her household whereas they'd only be buying two. At least the BIL is gone now and we only have to buy 3. But then last year, DSis bought us a couples gift....so, 3 to her household, 1 to mine.

I totally get what the OP is saying. If I sit and think about it, I can get grumpy (irked?) about it...for about two seconds. But most times, I'm just grateful that DH and I are in a position to be able to get them things they might not otherwise have and understand that her financial situation changed with the divorce.

Now... the way my parents throw money at those kids....oy.... it makes me wanna dress up a dog in a onesie and bib, call it DH Jr., and open a college fund for them to put money into!

LOL. Good one about the dog! And you're right, I'm not irked for long, it just bugs me occasionally. That's why I chose the word irked. It seemed less intense than "annoyed". I guess many people missed my intention. Oh well.

I do understand where the OP is coming from, I have 1 DD6 and all of my nieces and nephews are teenagers. I love them dearly and have always spoiled them, I mean whatever my Dsis asked me to buy for the 2 I always got them before DD was born, this was 3 to 4 hundred dollars a year for each. I didn't mind, but I also spent about $100 on my brother's kid, who doesn't care what I spend as long as I can afford it ok, and over the years the same amount for various stepnieces and nephews (my brother has been married and divorced alot). I loved to get them things and could afford it.

My DD came along and I told my sis that the spending will greatly decrease, she still asks me for outragous gifts for them(Macbooks, $600 cameras) and I tell her no and the limit, usually $100 each. She seems irked and she has only spent $30 on DD each year. Her kids have never said thank you for a gift and last year Dnephew got a visa giftcard for $100 and said, is that all I get.

It just irks me that they are ungrateful(with everyone)and that she just pushes and pushes. The best part is her household income is and pretty much always has been 4x mine and she knows it. I left my job and started my own company this year and Dnephew got pissed at me and said I guess were screwed for Christmas

I guess I expected her to spend close to the amount I spend on 1 of her kids on DD.

ok.. Vent over - topic just got me thinking and worked up.

Wow, that stinks! The part about spoiling them before you had kids is similar for us. When there were 7 kids to buy for and no college fund to save for and diapers to buy, etc., I spent a lot more on their gifts. But, at least these kids are grateful for the gifts we give. I'd be beyond irked if their parents demanded certain pricey gifts and they got annoyed at a $100 gift card! That's just awful! If nothing else comes out of this thread, I do feel good that the smaller gifts that I'm able to give are at least appreciated. I hope your sister gets a clue this year for your sake!

 

[irishsharon]

I think it would be great if you could call up the moms and make a few suggestions for this Christmas, you might be surprised and find them in agreement with you.We had always bought for DH's brothers 3 kids and loved doing it. They also bought for our 2, then one year we sent their children each a gift card and they sent nothing for our kids.There was no call before Christmas to say hey lets not give each others kids gifts this year.What surprised me was they still give gifts to the kids on his wife's side of the familyI just wish they could have picked up the phone and said something.By the way money was not the reason,they make a very comfortable living.

 

[swilshire]

I haven't read the other responses, but if you begrudge giving the gifts, don't give them. If you want to stop the whole gift "exchange", just say so.

I give my neices and nephews gifts because I have fond feelings for them. If those ever end, so will the gift giving. Some of the relatives who are not close and that we seldom see have fallen off the gift list through the years.

Sheila

 

[shellyfive]

I just want everyone to know that I didn't have five kids so I would get the lion's share of xmas presents

 

[pyrxtc]

Never got gifts from my Aunts and Uncles and we were a very close family who saw each other all the time. Most of us lived within 3 blocks of each other and went to school with each other every day. I never expected gifts from them and even now I get a card from only one, and I'm sure that's because we bring her with us on vacations and invite her to all of our family things. But presents from Aunts and Uncles might have to do with the fact that there was over 20 nieces and nephews in a span of over 20 years age difference.