Random Question about # of kids and gifts

[beansmom]

i've never heard of a 'pollyana' gift exchange but I assume it's like drawing names. I think that's a good idea.

Or ...

do (as PP mentioned above) a family gift. A new dvd, popcorn, candy for movie night. Board game and snacks for family game night. I'm sure there are other 'family' gift ideas out there.

We don't have small children but we are giving our grown children's families baskets of that type...a movie or game for all to enjoy and some home canned banana splits in a jar...some popcorn, etc...something to enjoy as a family and quality time.

 

[ccgirl]

My mantra is ....it is better to give than to receive. I only have 2 children but 9 nieces/nephews. There is no way I would expect my children to receive 9 gifts because that is how many I purchase. In my family, we purchase a gift for all children under 16. Just never occured to me to only buy for 2 of the 9 since I only have 2 children.

 

[Kitzka]

As I was working on my holiday shopping list today, this situation occurred to me. I have an only child. In my DH's family there are 7 children (niece, nephew, and 2nd cousins) that we buy gifts for. They are from three families. So, I buy 7 gifts and my kid receives 3. It doesn't matter to me, he certainly gets enough gifts over the holidays, but it does sometimes irk me that I shell out all that money for gifts for all these kids! Technically if each KID bought each other kid a gift it would be equal, but since they essentially give as a family, it doesn't work out that way. Maybe I should suggest starting a kid pollyanna so we give and get one gift. How does your family handle gifts among cousins (in this case, under 18 years old)?

I understand what you are saying. I have 3 neices and nephews that i spend about $50-75 per kid and my SIL only has to buy for my daughter. It is true that if you did the pollyana thing it would save a ton of $$. But think of it from the child's perspective. Adults understand pollyanas, yankee swaps, etc. Esp in big families

But when you are say 8 or 10 you see the gift as well something for you and something to have. How would your 8 year old niece feel as she watches her brother open a gift from you but she is getting nothing. I think they can understand it but it has to hurt a little. Yes all kids would get 1 gift but it doesn't always look equal to the kids.

Plus there is no gurantee that whichever child 'draws' your son will spend what you spend on your pollyana recipient.

So, yes while it would save me a ton of money to do this with my SIL, i am going to continue to buy gifts for my nieces, nephews and cousins.

lara

 

[ratlenhum]

I feel this way sometimes, especially with families with 3 or 4 kids.

My aunt gets it though. Her 2 kids are older than my son. I always spend about $25 on my cousins. (I'm 42 and my cousins are 11 and 13). They always give my son a $50 gift or gift card.

With money being tight, when your friend with 3 kids calls and asks if we're exchanging this year, it's hard to say yes. As much as I love her kids and enjoy giving them things, that's three more people I have to shop and buy for.

 

[cari12]

I may have a different take on things but I believe at Christmas you should give based on how you feel and what you can afford. Does it really matter if you spend $25 on someone and they spend $100 on you (or vice versa)? This makes it seem like people give to get, not give to give. Give what you feel and be grateful for what you receive in return and stop comparing dollar amounts.

 

[2disneyboys]

my 2 kids have 10 cousins (6 on my family side and 4 on DH's family side) So what we do in both familes is let the kids buy the kids a gift. the limit max $10 per gift and the kid its from has to pick out the gift. aunts & uncles only give birthday gifts... cousins give each other Christmas gifts. This has worked out ~a~w~e~s~o~m~e~ as it keeps the expenses down, and it really gets the kids involved in the GIVING aspect of it. last year, I had to remind my (then) 6 year old to open his presents from his cousins as he was so excited watching this kid open that gift that "I picked out for you" that he kept forgetting about his presents. As adults (I am one of 8 kids and DH is one of 4 kids) we just have an "ornament" party where we all draw names and buy that person an ornament.. again, the limit is $5. to $10 and its nice to get some great ornaments that you might not normally buy yourself.

A family gift for the kids is also a nice ideal, as long as it would work for all the families.. It would not work for me... my niece/nephews on DH side are all 1 family and are a girl (10) boy (6) boy (4) boy (8 months) Theres not really 1 gift that would work for them. on my side of the family, there is 1 family it would work for but most the others have at least 6 year gap between kids which really makes it hard to buy a family gift. Thats why we do the Kid Gift Exchange...

 

[Kayka]

I have one child.
For gift buying, I set my own budget based on what I can afford, and what I feel comfortable giving. What I consider fair, is spending approximately the same amount on each neice and nephew on our list. But I don't judge what we give against what we get in return. It seems to equal out over time, but thankfully it isn't what we focus on over the holidays.

 

[Sinderelly]

I may have a different take on things but I believe at Christmas you should give based on how you feel and what you can afford. Does it really matter if you spend $25 on someone and they spend $100 on you (or vice versa)? This makes it seem like people give to get, not give to give. Give what you feel and be grateful for what you receive in return and stop comparing dollar amounts.

Exactly! Christmas is a religious and family celebration. It's about getting together with the ones you love. Exchanging of gifts should come from the heart. No one should feel the need to keep track of what their child gets vs what you give. Think about what this teaches your children. If you can't afford gifts for all the nieces and nephews you can certainly cut down on the $ amount. Please never lose sight that a gift comes from the heart.

 

[brockash]

I guess if it irks you that much, you could have more kids Seriously though, each kid is getting the same number of gifts. I'd just be happy that day to day I only have to spend money on my 1 child, and the other families have to spend money/plan for college ect. for more. How do you think Aunt's and Uncle's that don't have any kids of their own feel? I guess if you're not happy to be giving gifts to your nieces/nephews, enough so, that you kinda take inventory of how much each family gets, maybe you should rethink exchanging gifts at all.

 

[luvmy3]

I understand what you are saying. I have 3 neices and nephews that i spend about $50-75 per kid and my SIL only has to buy for my daughter. It is true that if you did the pollyana thing it would save a ton of $$. But think of it from the child's perspective. Adults understand pollyanas, yankee swaps, etc. Esp in big families

But when you are say 8 or 10 you see the gift as well something for you and something to have. How would your 8 year old niece feel as she watches her brother open a gift from you but she is getting nothing. I think they can understand it but it has to hurt a little. Yes all kids would get 1 gift but it doesn't always look equal to the kids.
Plus there is no gurantee that whichever child 'draws' your son will spend what you spend on your pollyana recipient.

So, yes while it would save me a ton of money to do this with my SIL, i am going to continue to buy gifts for my nieces, nephews and cousins.

lara

I just have to comment on this because this is not what happens in our family. The youngest kids will be 7 at Christmas and we have been doing this for years. They are never hurt, in fact they are so excited to see who is getting them a gift, we don't keep it a secret we all draw names with the kids there. The whole process has become a great family tradition and nobody, not even the youngest have ever been hurt or felt slighted.

 

[richmond282]

I too only have 1 child. I have 7 nieces and nephews. I agre with a PP that each child is an individual and deserve equal billing. I usually have a limit of $25-$30 for each neice/nephew. I am a bargain shopper and usually end up finding them each really nice gifts for much less. Fortunately my sister and brother don't care at all if I buy gifts at yard sales or consignment sales, so that saves a ton too. My 3 nieces on my husband's side of the family have always told me that the gift(s) we give them are the "best thing we get" so I try really hard to get them something nice w/o breaking the bank. I love ot give gifts and enjoy watching others open gifts as much or more than opening my own gifts.

To the OP, I guess you just have to determine of you're "irked" enough to say anything about a pollyanna swap or a price limit. Maybe you should ask your DH since it's his side of the family (I think you said that.) good luck.

 

[Shleedogg]

We buy for every kid. There are 24 grand/great grand kids. 5 of those kids are over 18. We have one kid. Even in years before we had DD we still bought for all the kids. DH and I are trying to change the way we do things, but only the younger couples are on board. We feel like we should split up the number of kids by number of families. At this point it would be 24 kids by 8 families. Each family buys for that number of kids. Right now we spend $15/kid which I feel is way too little; we can barely get them anything. Like they need or even look at our little plastic piece of crapola toy compared to the new DS or TV that grandma and grandpa just bought them.

If we went with our idea, each family would take 3 kids and have a budget of $50/kid. The kid gets a better present and we still get off cheaper. Only a couple families are on board. I just wish we could do it differently. The kids don't care about our presents and when it comes down to it, our $15 is a waste over and over and over again. It adds up, we could have spent that money on DD or saved it.

ETA: Our list of kids is just in DH's family. In my family we have my sister and a few cousins. Luckily my extended family decided 2 yrs ago to just do a white elephant/dirty santa/gift exchange. DH's parents just love seeing the kids open a ton of gifts; they love the chaos. It's not about how much DD gets, I could care less, she doesn't need more stuff. For us it's just that we spend $300 and feel like we might as well have flushed it down the toilet for all the joy the kids get out of our gifts when compared to what DH's parents and older siblings can afford to buy them.

 

[scrapquitler]

As I was working on my holiday shopping list today, this situation occurred to me. I have an only child. In my DH's family there are 7 children (niece, nephew, and 2nd cousins) that we buy gifts for. They are from three families. So, I buy 7 gifts and my kid receives 3. It doesn't matter to me, he certainly gets enough gifts over the holidays, but it does sometimes irk me that I shell out all that money for gifts for all these kids! Technically if each KID bought each other kid a gift it would be equal, but since they essentially give as a family, it doesn't work out that way. Maybe I should suggest starting a kid pollyanna so we give and get one gift. How does your family handle gifts among cousins (in this case, under 18 years old)?

I would never even think about this. I give gifts to my niece and nephews, and I just dont' even think about comparing how many presents my children get or how much the gifts I give cost vs. what they get.

I think the reason why you are even noticing this is that the gifts are 'for' the kids, but they are 'from' the aunt, uncle and cousin or cousins. We do it that way in our family, and I just don't see it as an issue.

You could give family gifts, but that can be a little harder on people buying for kids that are of varying ages (for example, I have a 7 yo and and a 14 year old, they like totally different things). Besides that, the kids might not think it is as fun to get a group gift...more fun for them to get something special just for themself.

I think it's better to just leave it alone. Your kid probably don't even notice it, and if they do, its a good time to explain to them about being gracious, being thankful that you are thought of, etc.

 

[MrsPete]

As I was working on my holiday shopping list today, this situation occurred to me. I have an only child. In my DH's family there are 7 children (niece, nephew, and 2nd cousins) that we buy gifts for. They are from three families. So, I buy 7 gifts and my kid receives 3. It doesn't matter to me, he certainly gets enough gifts over the holidays, but it does sometimes irk me that I shell out all that money for gifts for all these kids! Technically if each KID bought each other kid a gift it would be equal, but since they essentially give as a family, it doesn't work out that way. Maybe I should suggest starting a kid pollyanna so we give and get one gift. How does your family handle gifts among cousins (in this case, under 18 years old)?

This would never occur to me as a problem. I like picking things for my nieces and nephews and have never considered whether it was "equal" or not.

It sounds like the "giving" part of Christmas is a bit out of balance in your family. You might look into the possibility of having the kids get together to adopt a family in need or provide a meal at the night shelter in leiu of gifts that -- unless I'm mixing you up with another poster -- you say don't mean much to them anyway. Or take the whole bunch on a "cousins day trip" in lieu of presents.

 

[ceecee]

I had an issue with my former best friend, she had 6 kids and I had one. We spend over $300 one year and my DD got a $10 toy. It didn't bother me until one of her boy's told me his mom said we must have gone to the dollar store! When I asked her jokingly about that comment, she said well, one of the toys did break! With 4 boys I'm sure they broke a lot of toys. We drifted apart after that. She got mad when I suggested the kids not exchange one year (this was when she had 4) and she said they weren't gifts from the kids but from us, the parents. Her own sister didn't even buy individual gifts, they did a white elephant.

 

[SalandJeff]

I have an only also who is 7. I have nieces and nephews in their 20s who I have been buying for since they were born (stopped now that they are adults). I also have my step-nieces kids and my cousins kids who are younger (9-13) that I have always bought for. I bought gifts for them all those years because I wanted to, I enjoyed giving to all of them. Will it ever be "even"...no. But that's not what buying gifts is about for us.

To OP, if it is a financial burden and you feel you would be more comfortable, you have to do what is best for your family.

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[kidshop]

I guess if it irks you that much, you could have more kids Seriously though, each kid is getting the same number of gifts. I'd just be happy that day to day I only have to spend money on my 1 child, and the other families have to spend money/plan for college ect. for more. How do you think Aunt's and Uncle's that don't have any kids of their own feel? I guess if you're not happy to be giving gifts to your nieces/nephews, enough so, that you kinda take inventory of how much each family gets, maybe you should rethink exchanging gifts at all.

I was going to suggest having more kids in order to get more gifts, but you really don't come out ahead that way do you?

I dislike the whole present thing and I'd be much happier with less getting and giving to everyone I know. It is much more satisfying to give to toys for tots or an angel tree. We all have way too many material things in our family.

 

[Dreamin Disney]

It is so tough for everybody these days and almost everyone would like to save money. I would make the suggestion from a budget standpoint. You are trying to save everybody money by doing the draw a name and buy for one instead of so many.

 

[budbeerlady]

Dd is an only but I have 4 nieces and nephews and buy 4 gifts for them. I do alot of bargain shopping to get them nice gifts for less. There doesn't seem to be a good way around it as 1 family has 1 and 1 family has 4!

I have thought about doing a family gift but for this year again its just as easy to hit a good Amazon sale and buy 4 items.