Question for anyone taking Valium or Xanax..

[lifesavacation]

I get where you are at with this news.

My son just told my husband and me that he’s moving to AZ next year after he graduates from college. He met a girl he’s been dating long-distance and she’s the one for him. It seems so foolish to me and I’m having a difficult time processing why he’d move for a girl he’s not engaged or married to, and in an area he may or may not be able to find a job. We’ve tried telling him to wait to make a decision after he knows he can get a job there, but he’s told us to butt out at this point. She’s the girl of his dreams, we don’t understand their relationship, etc.

As far as sleeping, I would definitely talk to your doctor. He’s the medical expert. Benadryl works great for me to sleep but it tanked my blood pressure after a few nights use so my doctor suggested trying melatonin on those nights I can’t get to sleep. It actually works for me, along with getting myself really tired with exercise and staying busy so I don’t ruminate.

 

[kimblebee]

I very much agree with the bolded, and for someone like yourself with a complex, chronic illness, it would be foolhardy to suggest you should ignore the benefits of drug therapies - whatever they may be. Insomnia and long-term sleep deprivation is a serious a symptom as any other and there's no reason it shouldn't be relieved. I think having a doctor like you mentioned, who is managing the entirety of your condition is very important and personally, I'd not give a fig about what anyone here thinks as long as you are comfortable with his treatment plan.

Now back to your original question, sometimes medication is NOT the answer, and I think you knew that in this case. I'm no expert on mental health, or the meds that treat it, but I know that the drugs for depression/anxiety are different than tranquilizers, and that "numbing out" is not what you really want to do here.

I offer this as kindly as possible (it's so hard to read "tone" in a post). You're not facing a loss, even though it might feel that way; you're facing a change in the seasons of life and a permanent one. Pithy as it may sound, the only way out is through. "Sad momma" isn't a pathology, painful as it may be. Remember back through her childhood - I'm sure there were many other instances that caused you heartache because that's what sacrificial love does, but it's the right order of things and it's beautiful. You've raised a healthy, smart, competent girl with forward momentum - that was the goal, right? Great job, Mom! Given that the alternative is to hold her back in the interest of your own comfort, you and I both know you'd never let that happen.

Take this time to start transitioning yourself into a new normal. With a redistribution of your time and resources you can put new focus on other relationships (marriage, extended family and friends) in both giving and taking. It's also time to reexamine your own identity aside from being a parent. YOU have a future too, not just your daughter. Anyway...all of these things I'm saying might seem cliche, and intellectually you already know them all. You are a strong, resilient person who has been through a lot, but you've also got people who love you to come alongside, as well as my full confidence.

You’re right, it’s not a loss, but it sure feels like it. I would neee hold her back. As with many moms, I’ve gone without so she could have what she needs. It will take time but I know I’ll adjust eventually.

I took amitriptylene for chronic pain for several years. It was a godsend. It didn't solve my pain issues, but it took the edge off and made it bearable. One of the issues I had with the pain is that it was waking me up every night, so it also had the very welcome side effect of helping me sleep. I will suggest that if you take it you start at a low dose and only take it at bedtime. Mine started me off at too high a dose and I think also a daytime dose (it's been a while). It made me slur my words and practically fall asleep during the day.

At the right dose, it was exactly what I needed.

I think my dose is 25 mg and it works like a charm. It stopped my nerve headaches which were debilitating at times and I sleep more deeply as an added bonus. No side effects.

Such great advice here. To the OP, I'm not dealing with a distance move with my children, but the empty nest has been recent for me and it's hard.

Both my "kids" got jobs locally. My DD moved out about 30 miles away around 2 years ago. My son just started his new job in August and he already has his new place rented and will be moving out on Sept 30th. That one was TOO fast for me!! I mean I'm very happy and proud that both are independent, but I really enjoy spending time with their adult selves and thought I'd get a little more time, at least, with my son. While he will be close, I really don't think I'll see him very much and I am sad about that. But I do have the comfort of him being close by.

I think that’s one of my main issues..I feel like I didn’t get enough time with her. She’s only 17..I didn’t want her to move out til at least 19, and to stay in the city too. I feel like I have to cram so much in, in these last eight weeks.
It is nice to see her excitement at her new situation.

 

[Floridaman999]

Be careful not to burden her with these feelings you're having. If she feels like you are always going to be depressed or hurt whenever this topic gets brought up, she might start avoiding talking to and updating you once she's doing her thing. Remain inviting and fun. Make this new situation a fun and happy thing even though it's not how you truly feel inside. Heck, you might find some new ways that you two can communicate and share your lives. It might not be as bad as you're expecting. It might even be a fun and exciting experience for both of you.

 

[ronandannette]

I get where you are at with this news.

My son just told my husband and me that he’s moving to AZ next year after he graduates from college. He met a girl he’s been dating long-distance and she’s the one for him. It seems so foolish to me and I’m having a difficult time processing why he’d move for a girl he’s not engaged or married to, and in an area he may or may not be able to find a job. We’ve tried telling him to wait to make a decision after he knows he can get a job there, but he’s told us to butt out at this point. She’s the girl of his dreams, we don’t understand their relationship, etc.

As far as sleeping, I would definitely talk to your doctor. He’s the medical expert. Benadryl works great for me to sleep but it tanked my blood pressure after a few nights use so my doctor suggested trying melatonin on those nights I can’t get to sleep. It actually works for me, along with getting myself really tired with exercise and staying busy so I don’t ruminate.

Quick question, a little OT (sorry) for you and @Pea-n-Me , or anybody else that can answer: Is melatonin something that's meant to work immediately or do you need to take it for a while for your "levels" to increase? For numerous reasons my sleep has been waaay off the past several weeks. I picked up a relatively reliable brand-name melatonin supplement and have taken it for the past 4 nights but don't really think it's made any difference.

 

[lifesavacation]

Quick question, a little OT (sorry) for you and @Pea-n-Me , or anybody else that can answer: Is melatonin something that's meant to work immediately or do you need to take it for a while for your "levels" to increase? For numerous reasons my sleep has been waaay off the past several weeks. I picked up a relatively reliable brand-name melatonin supplement and have taken it for the past 4 nights but don't really think it's made any difference.

I don’t take it every night so it doesn’t need to build up. I’ve cut out caffeine as well so you might want to look at if that’s interfering. Pushing myself to stay physically active really helps too. When I get home from work, I do 30 minutes of cleaning (floors, oven, my dang stainless steel appliances, wash car, etc), go on a dog walk, and do a 30 minute workout. I think everything helps. It still takes me a good half hour to fall asleep, but that’s way better than it was.

 

[mamamary]

Quick question, a little OT (sorry) for you and @Pea-n-Me , or anybody else that can answer: Is melatonin something that's meant to work immediately or do you need to take it for a while for your "levels" to increase? For numerous reasons my sleep has been waaay off the past several weeks. I picked up a relatively reliable brand-name melatonin supplement and have taken it for the past 4 nights but don't really think it's made any difference.

People here on the dis talked about melatonin in one thread a while back and I went out and got it but after about 2 weeks I gave up since it didn't help me at all. Seems others have more luck with it. I take trazodone now and it has really helped me.

 

[kimblebee]

Be careful not to burden her with these feelings you're having. If she feels like you are always going to be depressed or hurt whenever this topic gets brought up, she might start avoiding talking to and updating you once she's doing her thing. Remain inviting and fun. Make this new situation a fun and happy thing even though it's not how you truly feel inside. Heck, you might find some new ways that you two can communicate and share your lives. It might not be as bad as you're expecting. It might even be a fun and exciting experience for both of you.

She knows I’m sad but I’m also being positive by researching things for her like how to get a health card (needed in every province to access our health care) and what stores are close. I don’t do the crying in front of her. At the airport will be another story..

People here on the dis talked about melatonin in one thread a while back and I went out and got it but after about 2 weeks I gave up since it didn't help me at all. Seems others have more luck with it. I take trazodone now and it has really helped me.

Melatonin did nothing for me either and I tried the strongest dose. I took trazadone after my surgery last year and I wish I could take it every day. That’s a good pill lol

 

[Southernmiss]

Vitamin and mineral deficiencies can exacerbate anxiety and cause sleep issues.

Through blood work, I found that I am deficient in iron and magnesium and other minerals. After taking extra good quality supplements of these and a good multivitamin, I am sleeping well and just sent 2 boys back to college 5 hours away with much less anxiety and tears than ever.

 

[Christine]

You’re right, it’s not a loss, but it sure feels like it. I would neee hold her back. As with many moms, I’ve gone without so she could have what she needs. It will take time but I know I’ll adjust eventually.



I think my dose is 25 mg and it works like a charm. It stopped my nerve headaches which were debilitating at times and I sleep more deeply as an added bonus. No side effects.



I think that’s one of my main issues..I feel like I didn’t get enough time with her. She’s only 17..I didn’t want her to move out til at least 19, and to stay in the city too. I feel like I have to cram so much in, in these last eight weeks.
It is nice to see her excitement at her new situation.

Aww, that is very young! I see what you mean. My son is 23 and while he was away at school a lot, he was always back home in the summer and some weekends. The one thing about him at least being 23 is he has been around long enough to have his 23 year old "sloppiness" get on my nerves!!! I do enjoy him but there is that "clean" aspect I'm looking forward to.

Quick question, a little OT (sorry) for you and @Pea-n-Me , or anybody else that can answer: Is melatonin something that's meant to work immediately or do you need to take it for a while for your "levels" to increase? For numerous reasons my sleep has been waaay off the past several weeks. I picked up a relatively reliable brand-name melatonin supplement and have taken it for the past 4 nights but don't really think it's made any difference.

I tried the melatonin also when I was having my long period of insomnia a few months ago. I didn't notice any change.

 

[torene03]

My daughter is moving away in November and I am having a really hard time accepting it. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my husband, I’d strongly consider moving to stay close to her.

I know I have to let her go and spread her wings and all that, but I can’t imagine her not being here, walking around with her messy hair and funny pyjamas every morning.

I was a single parent for 11 years so we are as close as close can be.

Anyway, to the point of this thread. I’m considering asking my dr to prescribe something to me, just to take the edge off until she’s gone..and maybe a week or two after she’s gone and I adjust.

My fear is that if I get a prescription from my dr, the new pill will put me in a fog. I don’t want that, I want to remember her remaining time here..I just want to stop crying every second night.

I know counselling would work too, and I’m looking into that, but any place we can afford has a 6-8 week waiting period.

So, if you are on, or have been on some sort of depressant, did you feel like you were in a fog all the time or was it more that you knew what was happening, and it just didn’t really affect you like it normally would?

As to answer the original question, my sister takes Xanax for her anxiety, and it knocks her out. I'm not sure if she's taken it and tried to function, but the couple of times I've been with her and she had an attack that was bad enough to take the med, she had to take a nap after (like a four hour nap). She felt better afterwards, but still felt the effects of the pill (kinda groggy?)

That being said, OP, it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on your situation even without medication. I believe that medication is a totally valid option for anyone's situation as long as it helps them, but I think you're still in a good place. It kind of sounds like you don't want to be/feel sad at all about your daughter leaving, but I think it's OK to be sad, and its totally OK to let yourself feel sad. It's a kind of grief, right? We have a lot of transitions in life, and even though you might be excited for the next stage for you and for her, I think it's fine to grieve for what was. You said it yourself, "It will take time but I know I’ll adjust eventually." Now (and this is just my opinion) if this starts to negatively affect your daily life, or keeps going for a prolonged period of time, maybe you do talk to the Doctor about something to help.

Are there any college parent support groups? Is that a thing? Maybe a Facebook group or message board might have some people's experiences, and help you to know that it will get better.

 

[Domo]

Medications are prescribed to act as an umbrella, to be take the weight off the mind so it may heal. As with most strains of psychiatry, meds have their place. They should NOT be taken INSTEAD of other therapies, such as CBT or EMDR.

 

[Tigger in a kilt]

Going back to the original question, it sounds like you have recognised that Valium or Xanax is not the best option. However, I don’t think that anyone has mentioned that rebound anxiety is extremely common about 20 hours after you take benzos, which is one of the reasons they are so incredibly easy to get addicted to. You take it, you feel better, and the next day your anxiety spikes as a result of it, so you take more.

My husband has severe mental health problems and has a rolling prescription for Valium, which I control very tightly. He also has epilepsy, and at one point he was briefly taking Valium daily for that (along with other meds). After about a week he stopped taking it daily, but by then his body was starting to get used to it and he has a really rough 4 days withdrawal period, during which time he said he physically hurt.

In terms of how dopey it makes you, that seems to depend on how much other medication you are on. You would just need to try it and see, though I agree with others that it doesn’t sound like the right option for you.

For those who mentioned amitriptyline: it literally saved my husband’s life, so while it (and all tricyclics) has its problems, it has worked for him in a way that SSRIs just don’t. He was in an in-patient psych ward when he was eventually put on amitriptyline as a last resort, and within 48 hours he was well enough to be released. It was astonishing how quickly it helped him, and if he accidentally takes a reduced dose (eg drops one of the tablets and doesn’t realise), it is noticeable within 12 hours.

Re the person who asked about dosage of amitriptyline for chronic pain: I have fibromyalgia, and for a long time I took amitriptyline for pain. I took 5mg, and could not tolerate anything higher than that. However, in the UK pain clinic system, I believe 10-15mg is the standard dosage for treating chronic pain and migraines.

I would suggest you start low and work your way up slowly, as you learn what you can tolerate. I would also suggest that you take it earlier in the evening rather than at bedtime if that’s possible - I found that it made me very tired for about 12 hours, so I used to take it with dinner if I didn’t have to drive that night.

OP, best of luck. I’m not a mum so I don’t pretend to know what you are going through. I hope that things work out well for both you and your daughter.

 

[emer95]

Hi kimblebee,
I was right where you are a few weeks ago. My youngest daughter left for college, and the anticipation of her leaving was absolute hell. I had overwhelming sadness about it, and I was going back and forth about asking my doctor for something to help me through it. I’m uneasy about meds so in the end I didn’t get any prescription, and I’m glad I didn’t. I’m on the other side of something I’ve been dreading since I became a mother, and I’m doing ok. I have some sad moments, but the anticipation was FAR worse than the reality, as is often the case.

I did get Pharma Gabba, which is a vitamin to help with anxiety. It was at the grocery store. A friend of mine from work told me it helps her, and I think it might’ve helped somewhat.

Hang in there, mom. These are tough milestones. I’m happy to be a sounding board for you if you ever need it.

 

[Domo]

It's gonna sound bizarre, but there are two secrets out there:

1. Leafy salads. VERY good for sleep. Remember that Peter Rabbit fell asleep after eating Mr. McGregor's cabbages? Not so far from the truth. Herbal Nytol is basically crushed lettuce and cabbage.
2. Dark chocolate. Great for depression, in small quantities. People traditionally eat lots of chocolate ice cream after a break-up, and there is something to be said for that.

 

[Southernmiss]

It's gonna sound bizarre, but there are two secrets out there:

1. Leafy salads. VERY good for sleep. Remember that Peter Rabbit fell asleep after eating Mr. McGregor's cabbages? Not so far from the truth. Herbal Nytol is basically crushed lettuce and cabbage.
2. Dark chocolate. Great for depression, in small quantities. People traditionally eat lots of chocolate ice cream after a break-up, and there is something to be said for that.

These foods are high in magnesium

 

[kimblebee]

Thanks everyone for being supportive about this. She’s not moving away to go to school, she’s moving because a bunch of her friends are moving for the heck of it and her and her boyfriend decided to go too. She originally was going to come back home next September to go to school but now it sounds like she might stay out there to go to school. Flights are about $400 return so there won’t be too many visits

 

[Domo]

These foods are high in magnesium

Vitamin D is also thought to be good for depression However the idea that fish oil helps may not be true

 

[Domo]

Not much help, but...

Lavender. ... In one German study, a specially formulated lavender pill (not available in the U.S.) was shown to reduce anxiety symptoms in people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) as effectively as lorazepam (brand name: Ativan), an anti-anxiety medication in the same class as Valium.

You can however, get lavender oils that vape into the air using candles or fans.

 

[kimblebee]

Vitamin D is also thought to be good for depression However the idea that fish oil helps may not be true

I take 5000iu of Vitamin D daily as a thought is that it’s a possible cause of ms (lack of vitamin D).

 

[bigbabyblues]

Thanks everyone for being supportive about this. She’s not moving away to go to school, she’s moving because a bunch of her friends are moving for the heck of it and her and her boyfriend decided to go too. She originally was going to come back home next September to go to school but now it sounds like she might stay out there to go to school. Flights are about $400 return so there won’t be too many visits

As a mom of a 17-yo, I would probably be nervous about this too. I'm not sure where "out there" is, and it really doesn't matter, but if I were you, I'd keep some money back in case she changes her mind and wants to come back home, at least for the first year or so. I don't mean to sound negative, I don't know anything about you or your daughter, but this could be one of those things they think is a great idea and then find out they it isn't all it was cracked up to be.