'Pregnant' man stuns medical profession

[NYBlue1]

DW has a co-worker she is very close with. He is gay and has 2 small children. He and his partner are excellent parents. We socialize with them often (our kids are roughly the same age and are fast friends). They did have challenges with their kids in Public School but moved them to a private school (Catholic). The kids are very comfortable there and thriving.

For the record, their kids just say they have 2 Dads. Works for them.

Awesome!

 

[Crankyshank]

Yep you do have many that disagree.


I think we need to be more vocal. I think that the "mainstream" needs to see, read about, meet and understand that people like us exist out there. We are your friends , neighbors and sometimes family. The more we talk about things the more understanding it brings. We have learned, as a community, that we will never get far by hiding in the closet.

Hmm.. I don't know. Do you mean the "We're here, we're queer" type letting people know? Because I would think that would backfire. I think the best thing is to be active supportive members of your community and not wear your sexuality as a badge as the thing that defines you. In my experience, those who are uncomfortable with homosexuality seem to become more open when the gays in their community are just regular every day people they find common ground with.

 

[lillielil]

This thread makes me so sad.

For the record, I think it's awesome that he gets to be a dad.

 

[Barbossa]

I have no problem with this. "He's" still got the equipment, it's entirely up to him and his partner to make that choice.

 

[sandy6879]

So if I need to have a complete hysterectomy, for whatever reason, I am no longer a woman???

I was waiting for someone to bring that one up. Still would like the clarification from Charade on it.

I agree with many of the posters on this thread - this is the business of this particular couple and their families. I support them, it sounds like they did a lot of thinking and planning to have this be able to occur. Most would-be parents don't put as much thought as this couple clearly has - and I'd be willing to bet that this couple will be amazing parents, regardless of their gender.

 

[paigevz]

I don't see the issue either.

So they talked to a magazine that caters to the GLBT community........perhaps they thought it would help others. Perhaps they just wanted to share their success. For whatever reason, I wouldn't call it "pimping" the child. As someone else said, lots of people talk to the media about parenting and pregnancy every day.

I also haven't seen how this puts "undue burden on society".

 

[PghLybrt]

Hmm.. I don't know. Do you mean the "We're here, we're queer" type letting people know? Because I would think that would backfire. I think the best thing is to be active supportive members of your community and not wear your sexuality as a badge as the thing that defines you. In my experience, those who are uncomfortable with homosexuality seem to become more open when the gays in their community are just regular every day people they find common ground with.

That is my point. We are everyday normal people, just maybe not your definition of normal.

Besides, if you want to read publications that are produced by members of our community then you really can’t call that to in your face.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I don't see the issue either.

So they talked to a magazine that caters to the GLBT community........perhaps they thought it would help others. Perhaps they just wanted to share their success. For whatever reason, I wouldn't call it "pimping" the child. As someone else said, lots of people talk to the media about parenting and pregnancy every day.

I also haven't seen how this puts "undue burden on society".

It seems that was the point-to show others in situations like theirs that there are options. I don't think their intent was to be on GMA.

I've never been pregnant and since my surgery 3 years ago I couldn't be now if I wanted to-so according the implications on this thread I must not be a "real woman" either. That certainly will come as a shock to my gyno...

 

[singingpixie]

OK, first of all, I'm so happy that this family has found a way to have a child that works for them! I think the worries about how the kid will grow up are mostly unfounded-- yes, kids will be cruel but they will always find something to be cruel about. Besides, if the father was passing well enough that most of his wife's family didn't know he was trans, chances are that most of the classmates won't know. The child does not have to be confused about who is mom and who is dad- it's very clear in the article how everyone identifies.

I do understand the concerns about what the hormones could be doing to him and the baby, but I would hope that the doctor that is treating them has addressed those issues and feels the risk is minimal- I'm not one to second-guess the opinion of a qualified medical professional.

As for the whole "is he a woman now that he's pregnant?" question, I can understand how it takes people by surprise at first, but gender isn't a biological thing. Gender refers to whether a person identifies, feels comfortable, as a man or a woman (their spirit, soul, whatever). Sex is slightly more cut-and-dry (but not completely, as SmartestNumber5 has spelled out)- it is certainly based on more physical characteristics. The thing is, most female-to-male transgendered folks don't get bottom surgery, whether because of cost, or the fact that honestly, that surgery isn't particularly developed yet. (Male-to-Female surgery is more common because there are generally better results.) The most important part to most transgendered people I know, however, is the gender that they're living as- the gender that they identify with that is now the gender the world sees them as. If they go through hormone therapy and top surgery and can successfully pass as the gender with which they identify, the question of genetalia is really secondary- something that need only be discussed with sexual partners.

To me, this is a case where a couple took advantage of a less-than-common situation to solve the problem of infertility. And honestly, I'll bet that the decision was a complicated one for the father to come to terms with- it's got to be hard to believe with no question that you are a man, but be willing to take steps back from the transition which finally enabled you to feel comfortable in your body, because of the even greater desire to have a family. I support them 100%

 

[themarquis]

Okay, I am busy at work, so I have to admit I did not have time to read through all the pages.

I'm pretty astounded at some of the comments I did see, however.

It seems to me that people's reproductive decisions are none of anybody else's business. Even if you personally think what this couple is doing is weird or gross or <insert derogatory term here>, you don't get the right to tell people whether or not they can have kids. Just as they don't get the right to tell you whether you can have kids, even if you're gay, poor, black, not smart enough, liberal or republican, live in an apartment, used IVF, have cats instead of dogs, have a big butt, <insert category of your choice here>. I'm sure you're glad other people don't make these decisions for you -- why are you acting as though you can make these decisions for them?

I'm sure that when this couple originally spoke to the media, they just thought it would be a nice way to get the word out to other trans people that there are reproductive options open to them if they choose to take them. Now they are probably kicking themselves because millions of random gay and trans-hating people (and people who are just plain confused about trans stuff) all across the world are getting on message boards like this and saying nasty things about them.

So guess what? People can do whatever the heck they want to as it regards having kids or not having kids. And there is not a single thing wrong with that, as long as kids aren't getting molested or beaten up or whatever and/or some other kind of illegal activity is going on. Get used to it!

 

[Muffy]

Wow, very unusual is all I have to say!

 

[Crankyshank]

That is my point. We are everyday normal people, just maybe not your definition of normal.

Besides, if you want to read publications that are produced by members of our community then you really can’t call that to in your face.

I was just looking to clarify, because I do know plenty of members of the GLBT community that think the best way to get people aware of them is by doing the former in my previous post.
I read the advocate -they have some really great interviews and never said the advocate was too in your face. The only concern I have with the topic is the potential problems with fetal development due to the hormones. I've taken depo for years and I have similar concerns getting pregnant.

 

[Kath2003]

I can understand how it takes people by surprise at first, but gender isn't a biological thing. Gender refers to whether a person identifies, feels comfortable, as a man or a woman (their spirit, soul, whatever). Sex is slightly more cut-and-dry (but not completely, as SmartestNumber5 has spelled out)- it is certainly based on more physical characteristics.

This is half the problem - 'gender' is a social construction, it means very different things to be a man or a woman in different societies. For example, in the western societies it is generally well accepted for female children to act as male children (tomboys) but not for male children to act as female children. Sex is indeed more definitive but even then there are those who do not fit into any specific category.

We need to quit teaching about 'gender' and 'sexuality' as if they are definitive boxes e.g. male OR female; gay OR straight.

 

[mickeyfan2]

He had stopped taking the hormones, THUS the menstrual cycle returning.

But how were the eggs effected by all those male hormones?

 

[coles1mom]

I believe some of the problems in finding an OB/GYN is due to the fact that this is a high risk pregnancy. Anytime, artificial means are used you run into that problem. Add prior hormone use & age, most doctors shy away.

This is a very high risk pregnancy!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

If this occurred in nature (excluding humans), what would this be called? Wouldn't it be a genetic defect? I can't imagine the mental issues surrounding this condition and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I don't have a problem with them picking the one they feel the closest to but pick it and stay with it. This person didn't. I think it puts an undue burden on society to expect everyone to be nice and accepting. Should we now have a gender classification of "neither"?

Personally, I think this is rather judgemental.
And I think it's an undue burden to call GWB our president.

So why can't we have a sex cassification labeled as both?

In a perfect world, no it wouldn't be. We aren't there yet (or if ever). But this affects a lot of people in other ways. It affects businesses, insurance, laws, etc. It's not just a case of "MYOB".

Oh. I didn't know there was an actual law that men can't have babies.
How does it affect businesses? His money is as good as anyone else's.
Insurance is affected only if they state that a man can't have a baby. I've never heard of that.

The only other thing I can think of is about maternity leave. Unless the company's policy is that only women giving birth can have it, there shouldn't be any problem. Their policy may actually just state that a person giving birth may take it.

So, following your reasoning, a woman who doesn't have ovaries or a uterus (anymore) isn't female anymore?

Of course not.

So, any woman who had to have these removed due to cancer (or a multitude of other medical reasons) is no longer a woman?

Then what is she? An it? A nothing?

I had 1 ovary removed 7 years ago. Does this make me only 2/3 of a woman?
What's the other 1/3? Certainly not a man.

Oh. I'm sorry. I must just be a freak to you.
Just like the other millions of women who have had surgeries due to various reasons. I must remember to tell my dad that someone labels my mom as basically a nothing.
Be worried if he comes looking for you.

 

[poohandwendy]

So, any woman who had to have these removed due to cancer is no longer a woman?

Then what is she? An it? A nothing?

I had 1 ovary removed 7 years ago. Does this make me only 2/3 of a woman?
What's the other 1/3? Certainly not a man.

Oh. I'm sorry. I must just be a freak to you.
Just like the other millions of women who have had surgeries due to various reasons. I must remember to tell my dad that someone labels my mom as basically a nothing.
Be worried if he comes looking for you.

It's obvious you misinterpreted Charades 'of course not' response and are now putting words in his mouth. He is disagreeing with this statement: "a woman who doesn't have ovaries or a uterus (anymore) isn't female anymore?"

 

[paigevz]

It's obvious you misinterpreted Charades 'of course not' response.

Yes, Charades response was "of course not" as in it doesn't mean you are no longer a woman. Not "of course not" as in of course you are no longer a woman. At least, I'm fairly sure that's what (s)he meant.

 

[hellokitty86]

What is there to say? Two people are having a baby and because they are doing so in an unconventional way they are being treated badly by the medical community and "family" and "friends" around them. Not uncommon at all in the GLBT community--and very common for transgender folks to get substandard medical care and ridicule from supposed medical professionals.

There have been cases of transgender people (Tyra Hunter, who died in 1995, is one such person) who were denied treatment by paramedics when it was discovered they were trans. The paramedics simply stopped treating Tyra and called her names instead.

I feel for them.

I agree. It's really sad.

 

[PghLybrt]

I believe some of the problems in finding an OB/GYN is due to the fact that this is a high risk pregnancy. Anytime, artificial means are used you run into that problem. Add prior hormone use & age, most doctors shy away.

This is a very high risk pregnancy!

Don't think so with a quote like this "He was shocked by our situation and told me to shave my facial hair".