Please help - Wedding Crisis

[JonetteA]

Hang in there. I know it is tough. Your mom will hopefully realize how important it is to you. I think we see this as a common issue with Disney Weddings, one side of the family or another doesn't like the idea. It really goes back to what you are willing to do. You may not have that happily ever after with keeping your mom happy vs not. I think you have to figure out what to do the worst case scenario. I had this same issue with my dad. We paid for the majority of the wedding ourselves. We invited my dad and stepmom to our planning session so that they could see what went on. That this was not a joke. My dad to this day talks about how wonderful it was. Keep the faith and try and explain to your mom that you want her to be part of this and help her and that it is really important to have a Disney wedding. I know that you are going to make it and we are here if you need us.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Hi,

I hope what I have to say helps you. Have you asked your mom if she got to plan her own wedding? Mine did not and she hated her wedding. It was everything she didn't like, all the way down to her puffed out hair and the caked-on make-up my dad's mom and sister literally made her wear for the day.

I knew this all along and allowed my mom to do a few things that were all about her for my wedding. Not too much so that we created an on-going pattern, but I made sure her dress choice was all her, her hair all about her, shoes, etc. She also got to pick and be in charge of one of our favors. I think she did some other things, too, like pick the man flowers and one of the appetizers. I made sure we did a rose ceremony and we presented our moms with flowers (i.e. my mom got to carry a bouquet back down the aisle!)

Could this be a part of your problem with your mom?

 

[RedxPanda]

Has anyone else gone through this? Does anyone have any tips on what I should do? I feel torn between the desire to please my mother and maintain our relationship, which is very special to me, and the desire to have my dream wedding and marry my perfect guy. Please help!

Oh yes, that sounds just like my mom. We were engaged April of this year, and called DFTW right away, just like you. It started as an escape wedding, and she started arguing with me that we should each get 9 guests each and blah blah blah. It was causing me to stress out and I felt like no one was understanding what I wanted and what was going through (out of the ppl that were involved up to this point) so I made an executive decision and said fine! we'll just have to up it to $10k minimum and do a wishes wedding so we can invite everyone's family... well Mother REALLY didn't like that one.. so I couldn't handle it anymore. I continued to update my Dad and FMIL and FIL, and my sister (who lives with her still) but NOT HER. She got the message quickly and within a month and a half she got back on board when she realized we had booked a date and location without her.

Stay strong, if you give into her on this.. she'll probably try take advantage of that for the rest of your life. I thin it comes down to a control thing... she used to make decisions for you, now she doesn't have as much say

 

[magicgirl]

I am speaking here as a mother of a daughter who got married a few years ago. I had a lovely wedding but it was all organised for me and I had very little input. That is the way it was, Mothers organised the wedding. Times have changed now with the Brides taking control. I was so looking forward to organising my daughters wedding that I felt hurt, unwanted and shut out when she wanted to do most herself. Perhaps this is what your mother is going through. It might be an idea to talk to her about her wedding and find out what happened. Good luck with your plans, I'm sure it will work out in the end.

 

[Donald'sGirl]

This is a little late in the post but stick to what you want! DF and I knew we wanted a Disney wedding and have menitioned it in the past to my parents so when the day came and we got engaged the first thing my mom said was "Disney? Why Disney?" What made it worse in her eyes is that I wasn't inviting my entire family. I have about 100 people on my mom's side alone!! It wasn't going to happen. I told her I only wanted immediate family and close friends.

Well after that she talked to a couple of my aunts mainly her sister and they and she told her it was fine and that the wedding should be whatever I wanted and they can celebrate with me at a home party after the wedding. Well, after that my Mom has been ok with everything we are deciding and now is excited about going to Disney for the wedding and is going to go to the planning session with me and DF!

I don't know if that could help in talking to someone she is close with that is on board with the Disney wedding. I wish you a lot of luck! Keep us updated.