Overreacting? Parenting question......

[tink_n_pooh]

I don't see where the issue is, she broke the rules, where is the punishment??

And texting while driving??? No way. When that happened the pooh would have hit the fan.

400 and some texts? I don't see what can possibly be so important.

 

[CEDmom]

If she's not abiding by your rules why does she still have the phone? Are there any consequences set up for her?

 

[mytwotinks]

I totally agree with the "picking your battles" thing, but once you have said that the midnight cut-off is the rule, you picked that battle and you have to stand up and fight! If you don't care about the midnight cut-off (which I think is totally reasonable and a fair rule) then you can change the rule, but will there be a consequence for her disobedience that already took place.

I hate texting teens!!!!! I just went on a senior trip with my sister and her daughter and a friend of her daughter's. The girls texted the whole time. We would be walking down main street in Disneyland and they both had their faces in the phone the whole time! The friend broke up with her boyfriend via text message for 8 days straight. I thought I was going to lose my mind!

 

[Liberty Belle]

If she does the same thing at church camp (or after she gets back), I'd take the phone away for three days and then re-state the rules. I'd tell her if she breaks the rules again, you'll either take it away for a week, take it away indefinitely, or get her a firefly (your choice ) .

 

[disneynutcase]

Disable her text messenging. I had to with DD,17. She did 500 in one month the bill had an extra $105.00 on it. She lost it for a year. I had told her that she needed to stop and she didn't feel the need to so I disabled her. Now that she has graduated and has a part time job we reinstated the texting and she pays the $10.00 a month for the unlimited plan but she needed to learn that when I asked her to cut back that is what I meant. I also think she was doing alot of it at school and that wasn't acceptable but she needed the phone to let me know when she would be back from her field hockey games and such.

Jean

 

[Tink_Or_Belle]

our church cam took away cell phones at the start keptthem locked up in the office til the end of the week but they had let parents know this would happen they also assured us the councelors would always have a phone so in emergency noone would be without a phone for help

 

[antmaril]

The FIRST time she texted while driving would be the last because I would have had the texting function taken off of her cell phone.

Period.

No arguing, no exceptions.

And I would have taken her car away for a week too.

I am not trying to flame you, but I am appalled by this texting while driving. You simply cannot allow this to go on.

Why haven't you had the texting removed before this? Why are you hesitating now?

She broke the rules. Now she has to pay the consequences.

YOU are the parent. You are in control. Start taking control now before something horrible happens.

I agree with this 100%. Texting while driving is a deal breaker. Take the phone away indefinitely and take her car for at least a week.

Buy her one of those cheap phones that can be used in a true emergency only. Done.

 

[MrsPete]

I don't think you are over reacting. If it was me and she wasn't following the rules, she would no longer have a phone at all.

BINGO! Your rules are lenient: I think midnight is too late -- emergencies aside, I don't think she has any business talking/texting after 10:00. Right now she's not respecting your rules, so she obviously isn't mature enough to handle the phone:

1. I'd say take the phone away NOW for one week. Expect a difficult week, but stand your ground.
2. When you return it to her, explain that every time you find the rules have been broken, the phone will be lost for another week.
3. The texting/driving is the most serious problem -- just a couple weeks ago I heard on the news about four teenaged girls who were killed in a car crash; the driver was texting at the time of the crash. It's insane . . . but back to your daughter . . . every time you find out she's been texting and driving, she ALSO looses the car for a week (or more).

Do not argue, negotiate, or even discuss. You have set the rules. BE THE PARENT.

 

[MrsPete]

I wouldn't feel badly when she threw the fit and I wouldn't care if the whole DIS said, "Oh, that's wrong." But, that's me.

You wouldn't hear any, "That poor baby -- what'll she do without her phone?" comments from me!

 

[MrsPete]

I would renegotiate. Maybe consider "summer phone rules" and "school phone rules".

I see no problem with one set of rules for summer and one set of rules for the school year -- as long as the child is following those rules! Be SURE that your school rules include NO TEXTING during the school day; too many kids are ignoring their lessons because they're so busy texting. The girls particularly are bad about having their purses on their desks and the cell phone hidden behind it; I now have to enforce a "nothing but books" on the desk rule. They still try to keep the cell phones on their laps, but it's easier for me to spot them texting.

Texting teens really are unbelievable. Last spring I chaperoned the prom, and the kids were on their phones non-stop! To WHOM were they talking? Everyone they knew was in the room! It's been a problem in our Girl Scout troop troop too; we've made a "no visible cell phones, no answering cell phones during meetings" rule.

 

[ozarkmom]

We've had problems with our kids and texting. The first problem was when DS left for college and had 2000 text mess in a month. We finally straightened him out and younger DD and DS have had to lose priveleges temp. until they learned to control their messaging too. I also go online and monitor calls and texts being made on our lines. I don't check college DS but the other two I check on. Oh and people that don't know how a 16 yr.old knows 20 and 22 yr. olds you'd be surprised and in some states the age of consent is 16. So sometimes you can't threaten them with the police just with what you'd do to them!

 

[hidmickey:myantidrug]

I agree that texting and driving are a BIG NO, and the cell and car should be taken away. In NY 5 girls died one week after graduation. The driver was texting and went into the lane of oncoming traffic and a big semi was coming the other way. All 5 girls died one week after graduation.

I hate to go OT here, but that accident didn't have anything to do with texting, unless of course we're refering to two very similar sounding accidents. We know one of the families who lost a daughter in that accident.

But I agree that the texting needs to stop while driving. I can't text sitting on a chair so I cannot possibly imagine trying to survive the dangers of doing it while driving!

 

[mickeyboat]

I hate to go OT here, but that accident didn't have anything to do with texting, unless of course we're refering to two very similar sounding accidents. We know one of the families who lost a daughter in that accident.

Actually the last I read, they were investigating whether texting was involved. If not, is there a new theory as to why she swerved into the other lane? I was thinking that after she passed and went back into her lane, she went off the shoulder, and overcorrected, sending her into oncoming traffic.

Denae

 

[hidmickey:myantidrug]

Actually the last I read, they were investigating whether texting was involved. If not, is there a new theory as to why she swerved into the other lane? I was thinking that after she passed and went back into her lane, she went off the shoulder, and overcorrected, sending her into oncoming traffic.

Denae

I've haven't heard about this investigation. In any case, what is known (at least at this point) is that their car swirved to avoid a truck in her lane, only to over correct into a semi.

 

[Nancy]

My only rules with my girls is the no talking/texting while driving. THAT was made clear when earlier this summer a group of girls were killed in a car accident (not too far away from us so it was big news here) and phone records show that the drivers cell phone sent a text just seconds before the crash. Whether the driver was texting or one of the others in the car no one knows because all the 17 and 18 year old girls died instantly.

I have no restrictions on time of calls/texts and my DD 17 has unlimited texting becasue she would go over all the time. DD 19 talks to her boyfriend all hours of the day and night. On our phones IM's show up as text messages so until I had then put as unlimited they had to take those off.


BUT..those are my rules not yours. If my DD's were not following my rules I would be taking their phones away. They had the pre-paid phones for a long time...they so do not want to go back to them.

 

[Nancy]

I've haven't heard about this investigation. In any case, what is known (at least at this point) is that their car swirved to avoid a truck in her lane, only to over correct into a semi.

It was in the Buffalo News a little bit ago that phone records showed her phone was used for a text message immediately before the accident but they really have no clue who was using it. This came out in an article where they verified no alcohol was involved.

My heart still breaks when I hear about this and I don't know anyone involved...but those girls were my kids age.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

My kid's texting would have been turned off the first time I caught him ---
well actually my kid's texting has never been turned on so it really doesn't apply.

Parenting is not for wimps. Go with your instincts and get control of that phone and just accept that your teen isn't going to like you for awhile.

 

[crz4mm2]

The phone would be taken away. no more questions asked.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I hate to go OT here, but that accident didn't have anything to do with texting, unless of course we're refering to two very similar sounding accidents. We know one of the families who lost a daughter in that accident.

But I agree that the texting needs to stop while driving. I can't text sitting on a chair so I cannot possibly imagine trying to survive the dangers of doing it while driving!

We might be talking two different accidents, but the news specifically showed the time that the cell phone of the driver sent a text message, and then the time the first 911 call came in. The timing was several seconds apart, which leads you to believe that the driver was distracted while texting and that is what caused her car to go into the lane of oncoming traffic and be hit by a semi. Now, there is the possibility that someone else in the car was using the drivers cell phone and texting.

Either way, such a tragedy. Whatever caused the accident, those lives are gone forever. Those poor girls and their families. Such a loss, and how do the families even cope. My heart goes out to them.

I do believe that cell phone driving and texting should be against the law. It distracts from one's ability to pay attention, regardless of their age.

 

[happy_redhead]

I agree with everyone else that the texting needs to be gone. That is an insane amount of texting for a day! Did she take the time to communicate with the friend who took her on vacation????

Unfortunately, many teens who start to test one rule and find the limits very soft, will begin to test other rules to see how soft those limits are. I would tighten up my response to her breaking the rules on the small things so that she knows I am serious when I set rules about the more important things.

Check her texting while she is at camp and if she is still doing it, disable it immediately. She is at church camp, there are more important things she needs to be doing.