Overreacting? Parenting question......

[poohandwendy]

She has proven she wasn't mature enough to handle the responsibility of the phone over and over again. Why does she still have the phone?

As far as the 22 yo men, my DH would be visiting them. Text threatening them is not enough.

 

[momof1princess]

i apologize if this sounds harsh, but i don't think you're overreacting at all, if anything, i think you're underreacting. my DD is 9 yo and i know things like this are in my future. had my DD done any of this (especially texting while driving which is simply UNACCEPTABLE under any circumstances) she would no longer have a cell phone to text or talk on and when she did earn it back, it would be a prepaid plan which would be turned off when the minutes are gone. based upon your daughter's actions so far, i don't think she's going to comply w/ your rules until you show her there are consequences to not doing so.

i also have to agree w/ cool-beans...if a 22 yo man were texting my 16 yo daughter, he'd be receiving a visit from my DH letting him know who we are and that we'd be getting the police involved if he EVER contacted her again. whatever you do, i wish you the best of luck.

 

[Tybug]

In my opinion you are under reacting!

First off, the 'men'... put a stop to it. She's 16 and you have every right! Do what you have to do to put an end to it. Call the cops if necessary. She's obviously not going to stop it herself(not following the rules!).

Second, she's not following the rules of the phone. Take it away. Plain and simple.

Third, she's not following the rules of the car. Take it away.

Fourth, time for her to pay for the overages herself!

And lastly, I'm guessing that you haven't taken it away because of the 'what ifs'... away at church camp? There are phones there in case of emergency. No need to take the cell!

 

[DawnCt1]

You might want to send one big mass mailing text message to the "gentlemen" who are over 18. "Sally is 16 years old, in other words, jail bait. We as her parents will not hesitate to prosecute".

 

[Hannathy]

Over reacting- I think you are under reacting! The thing that jumped out at me was HOW does a 16 yr old get to know 22 yr old men? I think you need to get control of your DD's whole life. There is no way my nearly 16 yr old DD is in contact with men that age. Unless you count a older brother or 2 and they really don't want to deal with little sisters! Does she have nothing else to do than text? my DD is too busy to spend that much time on the phone. This entire summer she has probably spent about 5 hrs on the phone, and doesn't text with any of her friends. If she is doing something so stupid as talking or texting while driving-why is she still driving? She obviously isn't mature enough to handle the responsibility. I also don't understand why she was allowed to take her phone to camp. That would have been the perfect time to tell her to leave it home, she doesn't need it. I'm sure the camp has phones for emergencies. When my DD and I were talking about the overuse of the phone thread that was on here the other day she said why don't the buy them a phone with $100 dollars on for the year and say when it's up that's it unless they buy more minutes. Who is paying for all these messages? She should be kissing your feet that she doesn't live with me-and I'm considered a very non-strict Mom! but there are a few hard and fast rules that are not negotionable. When she comes home from camp if it was me the phone would go in the drawer and only taken when she is driving somewhere at night! and back in the drawer till the next time.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

I'm with the others... take the phone away from her.

I am going to address the "privacy" issue though but I am on your side so I think it's ok. As far as I'm concerned, parents have a responsibility to make sure their teenagers are not doing anything dangerous. The things you have mentioned are not only in poor judgement but she is potentially participating in dangerous activities.. the driving and associating with men that much older than her. If as a parent, if accepting that responsibility means "spying", checking My Space/Facebook websites, checking phone records, installing spy capabilities in vehicles they drive etc so be it. A little invasion of privacy is nothing compared to the potential consequences of their actions. Parents need to worry less about being friends with their children and hurting feelings and more about responsible parenting in my opinion.

Off my soapbox now... bottom line... good for you for checking her phone records.. obviously you need to... now continue the good work by punishing her for breaking rules!!!

Good thoughts coming your way... teenagers can drive you crazy.

 

[Monte Cristo]

I read the rules, but didn't see any consequences of breaking the rules. I wouldn't have let her take the phone to camp after the first vacation episode.

Last paragraph of your post says if it happens again, you'll be "tempted" to block the texting? My opinion on what you should do is sit down with her and explain the consequences of not following the rules and make sure she "heard" you. Putting the phone on the bar doesn't cut it obviously....I mean, you are probably already in bed asleep at this hour, so what does it matter to her?

Also, I think you should definitely block the texting and IM'ing. Enough is enough.

Good luck.

 

[mickeyboat]

Because she's 16 and who in the world does she need to speak to after midnight?

I guess it seems to me that the midnight rule is arbitrary, and doesn't really address the real problems. The rules should be more focused towards eliminating the problems of:

1. texting too many times in a month
2. using too many minutes
3. talking to older men
4. texting while driving.
5. running up the cell phone bill

I think you probably do need to take away the phone.

Denae

 

[Tazicket]

If my daughter were texting with 22 year old men, I'd remove texting from the phone. And if I'd told her not to do it and she did it anyway, I'd ground her.

I'd also call (or text) the men and tell them she was 16 years old, I'm her mom and if they don't cut the crap, I'm calling the cops.

I wouldn't feel badly when she threw the fit and I wouldn't care if the whole DIS said, "Oh, that's wrong." But, that's me.

Nicely said and I totally agree. She has to see that there are consequences to breaking the rules. After blatently breaking them so many times, I'd probably yank away the phone and the car. But that's just me.

 

[Mi3stooges]

ABSOLUTELY NOT OVEREACTING!!!!

As we speak my DD (15) cell phone is on my dresser, which is where it goes when "I" go to bed. She had a little game with a male family friend of her age (I think they might like each other) to see who could stay up the latest by texting back and forth. It was cute the first couple of times, but then getting up at noon was NOT acceptable.


Take the phone away because of breaking the rules while she was away. Then she has to EARN it back (IF that is even an option!!)

GOOD LUCK

 

[mommyto3]

OP here.....

Just wanted to let everyone know that the 22 & 20 yr old have been taken care of. They were college guys she lifeguarded with and the day they started texting her, we found out (she told us first). We made her quit the next day, and there has been no texting or calls since then. (We still continue to check daily to make sure) If any further contact...we WILL go to the employer and police if needed.

And the texting while driving, I agree...a big NO NO. She has only done it once (believe me when I say I check on-line EVERY time she is driving the car, that's how we caught her) She is only allowed to drive to work and back....which she no longer works. If she EVER does it again, there will be NO phone or car.

I guess the reason I struggle with the "texting to much" issue is because she is such a good kid other wise. Good grades, follows all other rules besides the phone, does chores with no complaints, doesn't ever talk back, is involved in church....ect. I wasn't sure if this should be one of those...pick your battle kind of things. (We have unlimited texting on our plan so she is not over using any minutes) Thanks for the comments so far.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

I'm glad you resolved part of the problem... hang in there!!

 

[ilovejack02]

OP here.....

Just wanted to let everyone know that the 22 & 20 yr old have been taken care of. They were college guys she lifeguarded with and the day they started texting her, we found out (she told us first). We made her quit the next day, and there has been no texting or calls since then. (We still continue to check daily to make sure) If any further contact...we WILL go the employer and police if needed.

And the texting while driving, I agree...a big NO NO. She has only done it once (believe me when I say I check on-line EVERY time she is driving the car, that's how we caught her) She is only allowed to drive to work and back....which she no longer works. If she EVER does it again, there will be NO phone or car.

I guess the reason I struggle with the "texting to much" issue is because she is such a good kid other wise. Good grades, follows all other rules besides the phone, does chores with no complaints, doesn't ever talk back, is involved in church....ect. I wasn't sure if this should be one of those...pick your battle kind of things. Thanks for the comments do far.

You know what, i get that it is hard when they are good in so many areas. My oldest dss is a very good boy, but there have been a few things that we have had a take a hard stance with and we did struggle a moment with the but he is so good otherwise..lol then we always went back too... to damn bad if ya dont like it you broke a rule. Its so nice that he is 18 now, things have going pretty smoothly these days knock on wood! Starts college in the fall thank goodness.

My mom always used to say about me, "Jenn is such a good kid and shell be a great adult, if i let her live" Boy 16 yr old girls can be such pains sometimes, i know i was lol.

 

[mickeyboat]

OP here.....

Just wanted to let everyone know that the 22 & 20 yr old have been taken care of. They were college guys she lifeguarded with and the day they started texting her, we found out (she told us first). We made her quit the next day, and there has been no texting or calls since then. (We still continue to check daily to make sure) If any further contact...we WILL go the employer and police if needed.

And the texting while driving, I agree...a big NO NO. She has only done it once (believe me when I say I check on-line EVERY time she is driving the car, that's how we caught her) She is only allowed to drive to work and back....which she no longer works. If she EVER does it again, there will be NO phone or car.

I guess the reason I struggle with the "texting to much" issue is because she is such a good kid other wise. Good grades, follows all other rules besides the phone, does chores with no complaints, doesn't ever talk back, is involved in church....ect. I wasn't sure if this should be one of those...pick your battle kind of things. (We have unlimited texting on our plan so she is not over using any minutes) Thanks for the comments do far.

So maybe the phone really isn't that big of an issue.

It sounds like you have solved the problems by monitoring her, and dealing with the older guy issue. But I agree with many other posters, you need to have some consequence to breaking the rules.

And although others might disagree with me, I don't see much harm in texting after midnight unless she is not getting up in the morning, or if the lack of sleep is interfering with other aspects of her daily life.

 

[ilovejack02]

So maybe the phone really isn't that big of an issue.

It sounds like you have solved the problems by monitoring her, and dealing with the older guy issue. But I agree with many other posters, you need to have some consequence to breaking the rules.

And although others might disagree with me, I don't see much harm in texting after midnight unless she is not getting up in the morning, or if the lack of sleep is interfering with other aspects of her daily life.

Texting after midnight isnt prob a huge deal for everyone it is for alot though, but for us our kid would text ALL NIGHT during the summer and then sleep till 3 the next day, that was why we cut it out.

 

[shortbun]

I'd have shut her down when she broke the rules on vacation AFTER she had been caught texting while driving and after midnight. My kid would have no phone at home and no phone away from home unless *I* wanted to be able to reach her and the texting would be turned off for at least a few months. She and her friends are obsessively texting. Not healthy and against YOUR rules. As far as the older boys...they worked together at the pool and I can understand their friendship but the young men should know that dating her is off limits and could have consequences.

 

[Frye7127]

I, too, do not understand the need for teens to be in contact 24/7. I have a 16-year-old DSD whose mother was insistent on her having a phone and the second month she had it she ran up a $600 phone bill, texting and talking all day long at school. can't remember exactly the # of texts, but it was insane. Being assessible all the time, I feel, it not a good thing and they never seem to have an out. Plus, in our situation, our DSD is not able to make decisions or choices, because she is always having to check with her mom about everything, thus the phone. I am not sure she is ever going to be able to make her own decisions and feel comfortable about them because of this. It has been this way her whole life, not something new.

With that being said, the text would be gone. My motto is, "If they don't hate me at some point, I am not doing my job." I don't mind making the
unpopular decisions when their safety is a concern, or if I feel they cannot handle the situation or consequences that go along with it. They may not understand, but I can bet that one day they will appreciate the decisions I have made for them.

Nix the text, nix the text, nix the text - You can do it!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well my 16yodd is grounded from her computer right now for her backtalking.On the same token she has always followed the cell phone rules.

What does Rosanne-Rosanna-Danna always say...oh yea..."it is always something".

So WWYD?

I would renegotiate. Maybe consider "summer phone rules" and "school phone rules".

Then I would hold up a Firefly phone and say when you break the rules this is what you are in for.

Or you can get a job and pay for your own phone.

My dd is an Computer IMer instead of a texter, however it isn't any easier.

 

[Mi3stooges]

With that being said, the text would be gone. My motto is, "If they don't hate me at some point, I am not doing my job." I don't mind making the
unpopular decisions when their safety is a concern, or if I feel they cannot handle the situation or consequences that go along with it. They may not understand, but I can bet that one day they will appreciate the decisions I have made for them.

Nix the text, nix the text, nix the text - You can do it!

Just about what I told my DD yesterday, but added that I could be a good friend or the meanest mother, it was her choice!!

 

[Kath2003]

When I was 16 I got my first phone and I didn't use it much because it was 20 cents per text message. Given I only earnt $200 a month at that point, text messaging was too expensive to use more than a few times a day.