Overreacting? Parenting question......

[mommyto3]

This is going to be long. Okay, I have a 16 year old daughter. We have a few rules concerning her cell phone......

1. Phone gets turned off at midnight.
2. Phone gets put on bar in the kitchen at midnight.
3. No talking or texting while driving.

With our service we can go online and see who she is talking to and texting. What time, day, how long, ect.... We do check this often, and before anyone jumps on the "her privacy" issue, we have reasons why we check this which I will get to.

The rule "not after midnight" ....we feel that is late enough. But for what ever reason, she can't keep this rule so we made the "phone goes on the bar" rule. The "not while driving"...no need to explain.

We check her phone activity often because 1. there are people who call and text her who we do not approve of..as in MEN who are 22 and 20 years old. So we are watchful of that. 2. because we have caught her TEXTING while driving. WTH??????

So she gets invited to go with a friend on vacation for 5 days, and I ask her to lay off the texting and calls while she is gone. At home I don't care if that's all she does all day (as long as it's not after midnight), but when she goes with a friend on vacation I think it's rude. She says okay........so 1st day she is gone, she had 485 text messages ......1 DAY.....that doesn't include calls. This continues the whole time, but it gets better!!!! She texts until 3 or 4 in the MORNING . My daughter has lots of friends but COME ON....she is not that important where she needs to be "on call" all the time. PULEASSEE !!! (90% of this is from her male friends ) It gets better.....we found out (thanks to the on-line tracking) that she some how has her phone set up to send and receive IM's from the computer .

She is KILLING me with this phone. Of course we had a talk with her last night when she got home, and she wasn't a happy camper. She left this morning for church camp...she will be gone for 10 days so we will see how she does after the "talking" last night. We told her to take IM off her phone...get off at midnight....and don't stay on it 24/7.

Are we overreacting???? The only thing we argue about with her is this stupid phone. If she does the same thing at camp as she did on vacation with her friend, I am VERY tempted to have texting blocked from her phone. I need some feed back PLEASE!!

**More info on post #31 about the older guys to put everyones mind at ease**

 

[jrmasm]

Are we overreacting????

No. She knows the rules. She broke the rules several times. If she were my kid, the texting would be gone. A Firefly phone would be next.

 

[powellrj]

I have a 16 year old DS and he wasn't allowed to take his cell to church camp, so that was a non issue and if you really want to make it stick, put her on a pre-paid plan that shuts off after she uses her minutes.

 

[Stimpy]

I don't think you are over reacting. If it was me and she wasn't following the rules, she would no longer have a phone at all.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

Take the phone away. You've had discussions and she's not respecting or following your rules, therefore no cell phone.

 

[rbuzzotta]

NO!!! My DD, also 16, has had her phone disconnected!!! Over in minutes and over in texts despite multiple warnings!! Result = No cell!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't think you are overreacting because she has broken your rules.

I understand why you feel the need to track her calls and texts, but why the no texting after midnight rule?

 

[Christine]

No, you are not overreacting.

The texting issue is INSANE. I think it's an addiction of sorts. Quite honestly, I'd prefer my DD spend the time actually "talking" than texting.

For the first year that my DD had her phone, we blocked the texting. Her friends whined to her about it. Finally, after she used the phone responsibly for a year, I allowed her to have 200 texts per month. Of course, you can't control the other people. There were 2 months where she went over. I allowed mobile-to-mobile texting on the phone to see if it helps. She knows she's on a trial basis and if she can't get her friends to stop and only use it in a more normal matter, I am CUTTING it.

If I were you, I would give her another month to shape up. If she doesn't, I'd remove it. Really, though, the minute the texting while driving occurred, it would have been over with.

 

[diznygirl]

No, you are not over-reacting. I'm just wondering why she a) still has text-messaging on her phone, and/or b) still has the phone at all. Maybe I'M over-reacting!

 

[Kath2003]

Take it away. I'd have taken it away the second I found out she was texting whilst driving - not only for her own safety but for the safety of everyone else on the road!

 

[Camicar]

The FIRST time she texted while driving would be the last because I would have had the texting function taken off of her cell phone.

Period.

No arguing, no exceptions.

And I would have taken her car away for a week too.

I am not trying to flame you, but I am appalled by this texting while driving. You simply cannot allow this to go on.

Why haven't you had the texting removed before this? Why are you hesitating now?

She broke the rules. Now she has to pay the consequences.

YOU are the parent. You are in control. Start taking control now before something horrible happens.

If you do not care about her being in an accident or causing one, perhaps this might make you care:

I know someone who was in a serious accident caused by a teen driving who was texting. The parents are now being sued by her for compensation to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars. The parents' lawyer has advised them to settle out of court because they have no chance of winning. Their teen's choice to text while driving negates their car insurance and so they will have to pay out of pocket to settle and will have to sell their home.

 

[EthansMom]

My kids aren't teens yet, so my viewpoint may be skewed a bit. I, honestly, don't understand why teens and young adults feel that they have to be in touch with their friends constantly.

If DD doesn't lay off the cell phone use while she's away, then turn off the text message function.

I already figure that my kids get older they will have pre-paid phones so that excessive phone use costs them money, not me.

 

[ilovejack02]

I think you have you are way overthinking this. She broke the rules, she continues to break the rules and will continue to do it until mom gets tough. NO PHONE in her hot little hands for x amount of time unless she is driving somewhere so she can call home if need be BUT i wouldnt let her drive for a while because of the breaking of the no text while driving deal, take text off the phone for good.

I have a 18 yr DS we took text off his phone at 15 because he overused it and he STILL doesnt have it This momma doesnt play around lol when I mean no texting I really mean it

 

[Beth76]

I think you're overreacting. Not sure why you care how many text messages she gets/sends out or what time, but whatever. If she's not following the rules then take the phone away.

 

[bamajill]

Sounds like she knows she can get away with it.

I would take the phone away. Setting rules, talking & threatening mean nothing unless you follow through.

 

[Darcy03231]

I'd have taken the phone away by now.

 

[Cool-Beans]

If my daughter were texting with 22 year old men, I'd remove texting from the phone. And if I'd told her not to do it and she did it anyway, I'd ground her.

I'd also call (or text) the men and tell them she was 16 years old, I'm her mom and if they don't cut the crap, I'm calling the cops.

I wouldn't feel badly when she threw the fit and I wouldn't care if the whole DIS said, "Oh, that's wrong." But, that's me.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

The FIRST time she texted while driving would be the last because I would have had the texting function taken off of her cell phone.

Period.

No arguing, no exceptions.

And I would have taken her car away for a week too.

I am not trying to flame you, but I am appalled by this texting while driving. You simply cannot allow this to go on.

Why haven't you had the texting removed before this? Why are you hesitating now?

She broke the rules. Now she has to pay the consequences.

YOU are the parent. You are in control. Start taking control now before something horrible happens.

If you do not care about her being in an accident or causing one, perhaps this might make you care:

I know someone who was in a serious accident caused by a teen driving who was texting. The parents are now being sued by her for compensation to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars. The parents' lawyer has advised them to settle out of court because they have no chance of winning. Their teen's choice to text while driving negates their car insurance and so they will have to pay out of pocket to settle and will have to sell their home.

I agree that texting and driving are a BIG NO, and the cell and car should be taken away. In NY 5 girls died one week after graduation. The driver was texting and went into the lane of oncoming traffic and a big semi was coming the other way. All 5 girls died one week after graduation.

 

[ilovejack02]

I think you're overreacting. Not sure why you care how many text messages she gets/sends out or what time, but whatever. If she's not following the rules then take the phone away.

over reacting about her child texting 22 yr old men???

PS OP im on Cool beans side, i would be on the phone with those 22 yr old MEN in a flat second letting them know DO NOT CONTACT your 16 yr old DD again.

 

[mrsltg]

I don't think you are overreacting because she has broken your rules.

I understand why you feel the need to track her calls and texts, but why the no texting after midnight rule?

Because she's 16 and who in the world does she need to speak to after midnight?

OP- if anything I'd say you're UNDERreacting. Clearly she is not responsible enough for a phone - let alone driving. If she breaks the rules over and over and over again, why is she allowed any freedoms at all? She is texting men who are 22? HELLO! Who is the parent here? Why was she allowed to go on vacation without you if she can't follow simple instructions when you're standing next to her?