OT: taking a 9yr old boy to a girls bathroom

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Please play nice everyone! Personal attacks and sarcasm are not permitted on the DISboards.

 

[Frantasmic]

No need to get your panties out of wack. I don't think Frantasmic meant anything by it then a generalization of the most common mom age groups.

Amen.

I didn't mean that no one over a certain age could be a mother.

I've qualified it as much as I know how to do so. I think that in many areas of the country, women ages 10-21, 40 and older who are not mothers, and just about every female 60 years and older would be somewhat bothered to see a 9 year old male or above in the restroom with them.

And seeing all the mama bear replies here, this group probably doesn't give a true representative sample of replies that one might get from a female representation of society because most who post in the Family Board are mothers and are going to be primarily concerned with their own child's safety.

For the record, I asked my 41 year old wife, mother to our 6 year old son the same question. Her answer: it depends on the venue. If she were to take a 9 year old to such a concert, she said she probably would take him to the women's restroom. If she were at the circus, she'd probably send him in by himself.

 

[hydster]

What "kind" of lewd behavior goes on in a mens bathroom?? I'm admittedly a woman but I asked DH at lunch *and we've been to some rowdy concerts* and even he had no idea.

Is it the Idaho Republican Airport Bathroom type lewd? Is it mass nakedness?? I'm genuinely curious what exactly goes on in the mens bathroom that is so lewd that my son would be horrified to see? I have all of these images in my head but dh said no to all of them.....so can someone enlighten me?

 

[DisneyFreakof5]

Amen.

I didn't mean that no one over a certain age could be a mother.

I've qualified it as much as I know how to do so. I think that in many areas of the country, women ages 10-21, 40 and older who are not mothers, and just about every female 60 years and older would be somewhat bothered to see a 9 year old male or above in the restroom with them.

And seeing all the mama bear replies here, this group probably doesn't give a true representative sample of replies that one might get from a female representation of society because most who post in the Family Board are mothers and are going to be primarily concerned with their own child's safety.

For the record, I asked my 41 year old wife, mother to our 6 year old son the same question. Her answer: it depends on the venue. If she were to take a 9 year old to such a concert, she said she probably would take him to the women's restroom. If she were at the circus, she'd probably send him in by himself.

I asked my 68 year old mother ( mom of 7 kids) and 4 of my sisters who do not have children (ages range from 30-40 yrs old) if they would be bothered by seeing a 9 year old in the womens bathroom...... Of course they answered no.

So stepping out of my "mama bear" shoes I guess this discussion can go on and on because thank goodness we all do not think alike. What a boring world this would be. Best of luck to the OP, and remember he is your boy, you are responsible for his well being......not us on this board. Have fun at the concert!

 

[crazyme5kids]

When I read the OP question the 1st thing that I thought of
is -What kind of atmosphere are you going to expose your DS to?
Heavy Metal Rock Concert.
I would be very concerned about that and I can see why you are
concerned about the type of people that will be attending in that
atmosphere.
What else will be going on in this atmosphere? Drugs? Heavy Drinking?
Flame On!!

Actually the crowds at heavy metal shows have been kinder to my kids than the crowds at other types of concerts. Backstreet Boys is one that comes to mind right off the top of my head. Talk about animals. It was brutal.

 

[Frantasmic]

Backstreet Boys is one that comes to mind right off the top of my head. Talk about animals. It was brutal.

That's why they changed their name from Frontyard Frats.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Are you serious!? Come on! This comment is "misplaced". Where and how do you get your information? Do you not watch or read the news? Preditors are forever getting youger and more bold on how they choose their victims. Paranoia.......I don't think so.....It's called reality.

Let's see...where did I get the information...? It is the information gathered over a 25 year involvment in the field locally, nationally and internationally. Part of it has been published in my name, some by colleagues. And a bit by strangers...! I've spoken to House committees on both the state and national level about this issue and the ethics of the "news" industry in creating paranoia. I've also written and spoken about the damage done to boys not allowed to act as young men. Might as well castrate them now.

I didn't get it from 1 minute newblips broadcast specifically to cause panic, and ratings. Silly me!

 

[ducklite]

Actually the crowds at heavy metal shows have been kinder to my kids than the crowds at other types of concerts. Backstreet Boys is one that comes to mind right off the top of my head. Talk about animals. It was brutal.

There's an unwritten code of conduct at hard rock and metal shows. Those audiences understand the "rules of engagement." No chains, spikes, cameras, backpacks, or outside food or drink in the venue. Be ready to be searched--bags searched, body wanded, full pat down. Have your money (not checkbook) out and know which shirt in what size you want before you step up to the swag stand. Have your ID ready to pick up tickets, have your ID ready to get a wristband, even if you look 40. Have your ticket out to be scanned at the door. If you get onto the floor, you're in the pit. If you're in the pit you might get pushed or have someone fall on your head--if you don't accept that risk, buy a seat instead of a GA ticket. If someone falls, help 'em up. Mosh pits are friendly, controlled chaos, if you want to hurt someone, go to a hardcore show, and watch out for FSU 'cause they exist to mess people up. If you crowd surf and lose your wallet or shoe, don't expect the show to stop so you can find it, and don't complain if you get groped if you're a chick. Offer to someone who looks pregnant or sick, or little kids to go to the front of the line in the bathroom. Don't expect your drink to be in anything but a plastic cup--even bottled water. If someone gets hurt, help them over the rail. If someone is passing out, let security know. Fightings not cool, take it outside if you must fight. Always move out of the way for the medics to get to a hurt or sick person, even if you lose your spot. Tip your bartenders and waittresses. Don't bug the security guard at the backstage door, he's heard every excuse and believes you that you are best friends with someone in the band, but it's his job to not let you back there without the right creds.

Yup, that's about it.

Anne

 

[dunbarfamily]

WOW! All kinds of opinions here.

I'd say do whatever it takes to make sure your boy is safe. Take each situation as it comes. Personally, if my dh is not with us, I 99% of the time take my 5.5 yo in the restroom with me. Sometimes we share a stall, sometimes not. Depends on the situation.

Peace!

 

[dunbarfamily]

What "kind" of lewd behavior goes on in a mens bathroom?? Is it the Idaho Republican Airport Bathroom type lewd? ?

Good one!

 

[DisneyFreakof5]

Let's see...where did I get the information...? It is the information gathered over a 25 year involvment in the field locally, nationally and internationally. Part of it has been published in my name, some by colleagues. And a bit by strangers...! I've spoken to House committees on both the state and national level about this issue and the ethics of the "news" industry in creating paranoia. I've also written and spoken about the damage done to boys not allowed to act as young men. Might as well castrate them now.

I didn't get it from 1 minute newblips broadcast specifically to cause panic, and ratings. Silly me!

Truce....your intelligence far beats out any preditor.......silly me Like I said before, it's great we live in a world of which we are not all alike. Best wishes to the OP.

 

[DisneyPhD]

WOW! All kinds of opinions here.

I'd say do whatever it takes to make sure your boy is safe. Take each situation as it comes. Personally, if my dh is not with us, I 99% of the time take my 5.5 yo in the restroom with me. Sometimes we share a stall, sometimes not. Depends on the situation.

Peace!

He is 5, that is half the age of the child in question. I am also guessing you don't take this child to an adult rock concert.

 

[graciegirlie]

I've got 3 boys, now 13, 10 and 8. And I know there are sickminded people out there. I've spent the majority of my career dealing with children who have been assaulted, perpetrators, and the kids I had in counseling who are now old enough to perpetrate.

Perhaps rather than basing your world view on the television, you ought to base it on fact. The facts are clear. People do not assault people in crowded, well-lit places. The majority of children who are assaulted are assaulted by the people they know. Your kids are in more danger at the local Y, boys club, church group or school. Your paranoia is misplaced.

eta: At what point are you going to allow that nine year old to start acting like a young man, and not an extension of your fears?

Key word....Majority

So there is a minor chance of pedophiles and perves that you don't know that would prey on a child....Exactly why not to take any chances in any setting!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Are you serious!? Come on! This comment is "misplaced". Where and how do you get your information? Do you not watch or read the news? Preditors are forever getting youger and more bold on how they choose their victims. Paranoia.......I don't think so.....It's called reality.

What a shame that your view of the world is like this! Seriously it makes me sad that there are areas of the country where people worry about this.

For the record, I do not like boys in the womens room... UNLESS they are in the stall with the mother! If you do not want them in the stall with you as it makes you incomfortable, then they are too old to be there.

Will I confront you? No. Will I giggle about the helicoptering? Sure. Will I worry about the boy who has learned to be afraid of everything? Sure.

Your child may be killed at school. Do you attend with him?
Your child may die in a car accident. Are you the only one who can drive him?
Your child may die in his sleep. Do you use a baby monitor when he is 15?
Your child may die of an allergic reaction. Does he not eat without you?
Your child may die during baseball/football. Is he not allowed to play sports?

If you allow yourself to worry about everything, pretty soon a child is allowed to do nothing.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Apparently I wasn't in the restroom with you.

Well since you quoted me, quite frankly I really don't care if you gave me a 2nd look or not.

Because as I stated in the last thread of this same content. My DS's safety is number one.I could care less about someone who is hung up about a 9 yo boy who can't see anything going on in the restroom anyhow.


Selfish maybe, but again don't care because my son is my priority not your hangups.

Yep another helicopter parent checking in.

 

[dunbarfamily]

He is 5, that is half the age of the child in question. I am also guessing you don't take this child to an adult rock concert.

I was not commenting on whether child should be taken to rock concert or not. I was commenting that most of the time, if DH cannot take MY son that I take him in the woman's restroom. I thougt the post was about taking a 9 year old to a woman's restroom. Whether that restroom is at a rock concert or a zoo.

I will not offer my opinion on a 9 yo at rock concert. Its not my business.

 

[sweet angel]

Couple of thoughts:

First, I'm cracking up over the depiction of Styx, Foreigner and Def Leppard as "heavy metal rock". That's just too funny for words.

Second, I am a 41yo mother to a 16yo boy who has been using public men's rooms since he was in 2nd grade. I stand outside and wait for him.

Third, there's a huge difference between a crowded men's room at a concert and a nearly deserted men's room at the mall. I'd much prefer the crowd -- safety in numbers.

Fourth, if you think the men could be "hoodwinked" into thinking the kid is just having a tantrum, think of this...probably 50% of the men in that bathroom at any given time have kids around the same age AND are sporting beer muscles. They're not gonna put up with any crap.

Fifth, if I was in the ladies room when a mom and 9yo boy came in, I'd wonder if the boy was developmentally delayed and if he didn't seem so, I'd be embarrassed for him.

Sixth, do you want your boy learning at that tender age that women are pigs in public bathrooms?

I had a couple more thoughts, but they escape me at the moment.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I was not commenting on whether child should be taken to rock concert or not. I was commenting that most of the time, if DH cannot take MY son that I take him in the woman's restroom. I thougt the post was about taking a 9 year old to a woman's restroom. Whether that restroom is at a rock concert or a zoo.

I will not offer my opinion on a 9 yo at rock concert. Its not my business.

My point is, if the mother feels he is old enough to go to the concert, he should be old enough to pee alone.

 

[trulygoofy]

I've already responded to this thread but I wanted to add that I NORMALLY did not take my DS in the restroom with me when he was 9 and I NORMALLY will not take my younger DSs in the restroom with me when they are 9, but at a crowded concert or stadium I would. I am actually more concerned about having them stand outside the bathroom by themselves waiting for me. They could get lost in the crowd or roam a bit and get lost...blahblahblah... Some might say that their 9 YO would know better than move from the spot, but 9 YO kids do a lot of things that don't make sense! I don't think any 9 YO wants to go into the women's restroom. It really is more embarrassing for them than for the women in the bathroom and I would assume that he would want to get in and get out ASAP and would not be interested in looking around.
I think the OP's DS would probably be fine either way, but why take the chance. I hope you enjoy the concert and just pass on the cokes while you're there. Maybe this won't be an issue!

 

[DisneyFreakof5]

What a shame that your view of the world is like this! Seriously it makes me sad that there are areas of the country where people worry about this.

For the record, I do not like boys in the womens room... UNLESS they are in the stall with the mother! If you do not want them in the stall with you as it makes you incomfortable, then they are too old to be there.

Will I confront you? No. Will I giggle about the helicoptering? Sure. Will I worry about the boy who has learned to be afraid of everything? Sure.

Your child may be killed at school. Do you attend with him?
Your child may die in a car accident. Are you the only one who can drive him?
Your child may die in his sleep. Do you use a baby monitor when he is 15?
Your child may die of an allergic reaction. Does he not eat without you?
Your child may die during baseball/football. Is he not allowed to play sports?

If you allow yourself to worry about everything, pretty soon a child is allowed to do nothing.