OT: taking a 9yr old boy to a girls bathroom

[momx2]

I know we need to worry about boys safety, but I think what Disneyphd was trying to say is that there has to be a line drawn about when it is inappropriate to take boys to girls restrooms. That is why I think every public place should have family restrooms. Honestly, in the situation of the OP I wouldn't feel comfortable letting a 12 yr. old go into the restroom, but I probably wouldn't be taking a 12 yr. old to this concert, but I know we can't avoid all situations like this.

Also, I didn't feel like you were being disrespectful. I was trying to explain to you how little girls feel about these types of situations. It doesn't matter how many times you explain to them why the boys are in there, they still feel all icky. And yes, I do tell my DDs "to get over it", but it doesn't stop them from feeling this way. Also, some 9 yr. old boys think my 9 yr. old DD is quiet cute. The boys know the differences between boys and girls and think at that age they should stop sharing restrooms. But, if an emergency, take the boy into the stall asap and go directly from stall to the exit and then it probably won't bother anyone, except the 9 yr. old girl.

 

[DisneyFreakof5]

It will be interesting to see what your impressions are after this concert with a 9 year old. I remember the groups from the 80's and they were the Emenim, Korn, of those days. There was a lot of pot smoking and other such things going on.

Many of the people who are saying take the boy in the women's room in have 5 or 6 year olds. There is a great deal of difference between taking a Kindergartner in and a 4th grader. When do you draw the line? 9? 10? 13? I think it is around 7 or maybe early 8 at the very latest. Certainty not with any child I deemed mature enough to go to a adult rock concert.

I think if you decided to bring him in the women's, it isn't too big of deal this one time. It still seems strange to me. There is a big difference between a 5 foot tall 9 year old and a 5 year old.

Personally I think I would have more problems with the boy using a highway rest room alone after 8:00 at night or so and would likely go into the women's, see how many was in there, then stand by the door and let anyone coming in know a boy was using it and let them decide if they want to go in or wait. Then again maybe I would just let him go in the woods.

Hopefully it won't really be an big issue. Lots of worry and planning over nothing.

I'm sorry, but it looks like you have only girls! I don't think you have any insight on how it is for mothers of boys! I have a 9 year boy and would NEVER let him use a restroom anywhere by himself. I don't care if my 9 year old is 5 foot tall! Please remember, concert or not, there are sick minded people waiting for an opportunity! Don't give them one! Take him with you OP! You hear stories of young boys assaulted in public restrooms, don't take any chances, you know your son better than anyone. I take my 9 year with me into restrooms and no one gives him a second look.

I can't believe some of the posters that have stated because of his size they would have a problem with him being there! Maybe they should read the paper or watch their local news and wake up to the world of which they live in!

 

[Princess Stitch]

Well I guess I'll give you my two cents. I'm 23 years old and 5ft tall, no kids if that makes any difference. You go ahead and do whatever you need to so that you feel your child is safe. However, PLEASE talk to him ahead of time and ask him not to wander around and stare at people. I've been in bathrooms when boys were trying to peak through the cracks in the stall door or staring me down when I was entering a stall and that totallly creeps me out, especially when the kid is older.

As for why little girls squeel around little boys.. well when I was growing up we were taught at home and at school that girls and boys should not be getting undressed in the same room together. That it's a privacy issue and no one is supposed to see you naked. I agree that 4 is pretty young, but for a 6 year old girl, a four year old boy is almost the same age. Kids are taught to be modest (mostly for their protection) so when someone of the opposite sex is getting changed in front of them I can understand how they could be uncomfortable.

 

[katdocnorf]

My DS10 is mature for his age and even as early as 7 or 8 he did not feel right going into a womans bathroom. I would just wait right outside for him. But as other's say you have to base it on the maturity of the child. If he is mature enough to recognize something just is right and leave it, then yeah I think its fine and just wait outside. If is maturity is not that high yet then by all means take him in the womens bathroom.

 

[Jenniww]

If you are the mother of a little girl and this bothers you- may I ask why? You daughter would be behind a closed stall. So would the young boy.

I don't have daughters but if I did and she asked why he was in the girls room, I would say because his Mommy wants to make sure he is safe. She must love him very much.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I'm sorry, but it looks like you have only girls! I don't think you have any insight on how it is for mothers of boys! I have a 9 year boy and would NEVER let him use a restroom anywhere by himself. I don't care if my 9 year old is 5 foot tall! Please remember, concert or not, there are sick minded people waiting for an opportunity! Don't give them one! Take him with you OP! You hear stories of young boys assaulted in public restrooms, don't take any chances, you know your son better than anyone. I take my 9 year with me into restrooms and no one gives him a second look.

I can't believe some of the posters that have stated because of his size they would have a problem with him being there! Maybe they should read the paper or watch their local news and wake up to the world of which they live in!

I've got 3 boys, now 13, 10 and 8. And I know there are sickminded people out there. I've spent the majority of my career dealing with children who have been assaulted, perpetrators, and the kids I had in counseling who are now old enough to perpetrate.

Perhaps rather than basing your world view on the television, you ought to base it on fact. The facts are clear. People do not assault people in crowded, well-lit places. The majority of children who are assaulted are assaulted by the people they know. Your kids are in more danger at the local Y, boys club, church group or school. Your paranoia is misplaced.

eta: At what point are you going to allow that nine year old to start acting like a young man, and not an extension of your fears?

 

[Whosemom]

You know, I always come back to safety in numbers when I argue about this with myself in my head (its very busy in there )

Any chance you could get another ticket and take his friend? If not, the other number issue I thnk about is this - if you make him wait until intermission (I am not a rock concert person do they have intermission?) or some likely-crowded time, I'd feel like he was fairly safe, as opposed to trying to slip in at a slow time when there might be ONE guy in there.

My 6yo has very little business in the women's room. He's curious and I'm totally sure he'd try to sneek a glance at the cracks in the door. IF he wasn't so mortified at even being in there. I'll take him if I have to, but I'm usually more uncomfortable leaving him in the hall when I have to go, then sending him in a busy restroom. So, he ends up standing beside the trashcan just inside the ladies room mad as a wet hen,errrr, rooster.

 

[mama4]

Hmmm.... your childs safety vs a few folks being made to feel uncomfortable for a minute or two..... it's a no-brainer to me.
I'm not meaning for this to sound sarcastic at all. I just think, if you are still on the fence at all about this, you should remember the bottom line (your childs safety) and go with your gut.

 

[Andy B]

Sending him alone to the men's bathroom is like sending in a lamb into a lion's den.

What! I think you are overstating things a little. What do you think goes on?

Also how do all the women on here who post as to the danger of men and mens bathrooms ever have relationships with men?

 

[Doesney]

I guess my feeling is if he is old enough to attend a def leopard show then he is old enogh to use the bathroom alone. Frankly I would not take my 9 y/o to a concert that had as the op put it lots of drinking.

 

[Mkrop]

You can only do so much to protect kids. I just don't see all this treating 9 year olds like babies, but letting them do adult things.

I dont think a nine year olds should be doing adult things. He is a child. Like I said my DS is not comfortable either going into the ladies room and hasnt for the past 2 years so I juggle with respecting that discomfort and having him safe. Most times he gets to go in by himself but if I choose to pull the safety card he knows that it is in best interest, I am the parent and what I say goes.

 

[mama4]

What! I think you are overstating things a little. What do you think goes on?

Also how do all the women on here who post as to the danger of men and mens bathrooms ever have relationships with men?

I really don't think this is meant to be about the mens restroom - just going into a restroom alone That, in my opinion, can be dangerous for children. Even pre-teen kids. Maybe I'm a bit over-protective in some peoples eyes but I'm very cautious about letting my kids out of my eyesight in certain situations and this would definitely be one of them.

 

[Mkrop]

Well I guess I'll give you my two cents. I'm 23 years old and 5ft tall, no kids if that makes any difference. You go ahead and do whatever you need to so that you feel your child is safe. However, PLEASE talk to him ahead of time and ask him not to wander around and stare at people. I've been in bathrooms when boys were trying to peak through the cracks in the stall door or staring me down when I was entering a stall and that totallly creeps me out, especially when the kid is older.

As for why little girls squeel around little boys.. well when I was growing up we were taught at home and at school that girls and boys should not be getting undressed in the same room together. That it's a privacy issue and no one is supposed to see you naked. I agree that 4 is pretty young, but for a 6 year old girl, a four year old boy is almost the same age. Kids are taught to be modest (mostly for their protection) so when someone of the opposite sex is getting changed in front of them I can understand how they could be uncomfortable.

I think this is a fair request of us boy moms and I do that with my guys

 

[LauraAnn630]

He wont be ALONE at the concert.

Hed be ALONE in the bathroom! Not a good thing.

I dont let mine go in alone at the mall or ANYWHERE!


How easily can YOU forgive yourself if something happens?

I would NEVER forgive myself is something happened!!!!

I have to unsubcribe to this thread.

This is exactly how children get abused! Parent think its NOT going to happen.
Wake up America! Watch the news!

Have you ever checked to see how many sexual predators live in YOUR neighborhood? If not, I think youd be surprised!

Satistic say every minute somewhere someone is trying to abduct a child to abuse!

 

[Mkrop]

What! I think you are overstating things a little. What do you think goes on?

Also how do all the women on here who post as to the danger of men and mens bathrooms ever have relationships with men?

I heard enough stories from my DH and my brothers to know what can go on in there some times, not all times, but I have heard some real wacky stories. And I personally know the guy who got arrested for having sex in the bathroom with his GF. Dont understand what he was thinking

 

[Andy B]

I really don't think this is meant to be about the mens restroom - just going into a restroom alone That, in my opinion, can be dangerous for children. Even pre-teen kids. Maybe I'm a bit over-protective in some peoples eyes but I'm very cautious about letting my kids out of my eyesight in certain situations and this would definitely be one of them.

The feeling I get from these discussions is that a mens bathroom is a particually dangerous place, not something I have ever felt in my experience as a child, adult or parent of a boy or girl. I appreciate theat a mom wants to keep their child safe but we dads do also, also I feel there has to be some reality involved the liekelyhood of anything happening in a paedphile way is much greater with family members, friends and local organisations and being injured greater driving to and from the gig.

 

[Andy B]

I heard enough stories from my DH and my brothers to know what can go on in there some times, not all times, but I have heard some real wacky stories. And I personally know the guy who got arrested for having sex in the bathroom with his GF. Dont understand what he was thinking

And did any of those stories involve abuse of a minor?

And the sex in a bathroom invoved a woman as well! Shock Horror!

 

[Andy B]

He wont be ALONE at the concert.

Hed be ALONE in the bathroom! Not a good thing.

I dont let mine go in alone at the mall or ANYWHERE!


How easily can YOU forgive yourself if something happens?

I would NEVER forgive myself is something happened!!!!

I have to unsubcribe to this thread.

This is exactly how children get abused! Parent think its NOT going to happen.
Wake up America! Watch the news!

Have you ever checked to see how many sexual predators live in YOUR neighborhood? If not, I think youd be surprised!

Satistic say every minute somewhere someone is trying to abduct a child to abuse!

Wow a little paranoid parhaps. What statistics say there is an attempted abduction every minute? That is over half a million attempted abductions each year!

 

[dameodie]

I'd say take him with you. Granted, I'm not in your shoes, but to me that feels a lot less uncomfortable than what my husband had to deal with when he was single - taking little girls into the men's room. (He still takes them sometimes, but I take them in the women's restroom more often than not now.)

 

[Frantasmic]

Okay, I have a compromise.

Both of you do a wacky astronaut and just wear diapers during the concert.

Don't beat up any women on the way out though.

Problem solved.