OT: taking a 9yr old boy to a girls bathroom

[Mkrop]

And did any of those stories involve abuse of a minor?

And the sex in a bathroom invoved a woman as well! Shock Horror!

I know you are trying to turn this into we all think men are bad or something and it is not. No the stories did not invlove men abusing boys but some pretty lewd behavior that I dont want my son to witness at all yet if he is with his dad at lesat I know he can sheild him from some of it or just walk out.

And the news stories that have involved pedophiles abuducting or attacking or flashing children have invloved mostly males so yes I am more cautious about a mens room then I am the ladies room. And yes I am probably quicker to jump to the conclusion that a male coach or youth group leader could be a predator than if that same coach or leader is female, although I must say the teacher in FL that had sex with her student does make me revist that. But I take necessary precautions with people we know as well, I dont sign him up for activities that dont invlove background checks and I dont allow him to have much alone time with his coaches by picking him up on time. Usually DH is there anyway coaching but if he cant be.

So I myself take precatiouns as much as I can in all aspects of this regarding my childrens safety.

 

[mdinecola]

This is not only an issue of safety from child predators, but other things that go on in crowded restrooms - mens restrooms to be specific. I don't want my boy seeing some of the lewd things that go on in there not to mention his safety. My boy is 8 and too bad if anyone is uncomfortable about it, he goes with me, especially if the bathroom is crowded. To those with little girls, explain the reason why. Little boys are abused by men just as much, and maybe even more, than little girls so ask yourself - not considering that the "rule" is to not do this - if you would let your 9 yo girl go into the mens restroom alone with men going in a out. I don't think you would. 9 years old is 9 years old - a child's mind is precious just as their health and physical safety, and I wouldn't dare want that ruined by one two minute bathroom break. Take away the general consensus that girls don't go in men's rooms alone and consider what you would do???? To the OP - to heck with what ANYONE thinks - take your boy if you are the least bit uncomfortable. Women are so much less likely to do anything lewd or predatory (sorry guys, but that's a fact), so you mothers of girls dont get how hard it is to send a young boy into a mens room. I now have a daughter also and will be just as protective of her and her innocense. Bottom line is the safety of your child - everyone else comes secondary to my child, so let them think what they think.

 

[Laura]

I'm sorry but to me this statement is ridiculous. I've taken my 9 yo DS in womans bathrooms when I didn't feel comfortable letting him go alone and not one woman has ever even given me a 2nd look.

Apparently I wasn't in the restroom with you.

I've got 3 boys, now 13, 10 and 8. And I know there are sickminded people out there. I've spent the majority of my career dealing with children who have been assaulted, perpetrators, and the kids I had in counseling who are now old enough to perpetrate.

Perhaps rather than basing your world view on the television, you ought to base it on fact. The facts are clear. People do not assault people in crowded, well-lit places. The majority of children who are assaulted are assaulted by the people they know. Your kids are in more danger at the local Y, boys club, church group or school. Your paranoia is misplaced.

eta: At what point are you going to allow that nine year old to start acting like a young man, and not an extension of your fears?

Well put. I have to ask--at what point are boys too old for the women's restroom? When they go off to college? I really feel sorry for kids these days, with such panicky parents.

 

[Mkrop]

Apparently I wasn't in the restroom with you.




Well put. I have to ask--at what point are boys too old for the women's restroom? When they go off to college? I really feel sorry for kids these days, with such panicky parents.

Well my mom was one of those "panicky" moms you are criticzing and guess what she as a single mom raised two well adjusted productive memebers of society who I call my brothers who are now 28 and 24.

 

[Laura]

Well my mom was one of those "panicky" moms you are criticzing and guess what she as a single mom raised two well adjusted productive memebers of society who I call my brothers who are now 28 and 24.

So was my mom--didn't do me a whole lot of good. I think I'm well adjusted despite that, not because of it.

Seems to be an epidemic these days, though. And I certainly can't remember my older brother being made to go into a women's restroom with us when he was 9 years old. So maybe my mom wasn't that bad. Like I said, I feel sorry for kids these days.

 

[eh24fan]

When DH has taken one of our girls to a football game, he hates the bathroom issue. He was not about to leave his 8 or 9 YO DD standing outside the bathroom when he went in at a crowded stadium, but he hated to take a girl into the men's room. It is really worse taking a girl into the men's room with urinals. If he had both girls with him it wouldn't be a problem because they could stay together outside, but with just one he wouldn't leave them alone. He always puts his baseball cap on DD and has her pull the bill over her eyes and tells her to look down and he puts her in a stall until he is done. He has never had a problem with guys having an issue with this. It isn't the perfect setup, but I think most people understand the safety issues these days.

I used to go out on the truck with my dad when I was a kid. It was always fine until going to the bathroom came up. LOL He just took me in with him and covered my eyes basically. I knew where not to look, I didn't want to see it anyway! EWWW! I think I was about 10 or 11 before he would let me go in the ladies room alone at truck stops and stuff. Too many weirdos. Even then, he hated it and so did I to be honest. Fortunately there were usually women with kids that I could kind of follow in, etc. It's tough though.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Use your gut --- encourage your son to use port-a-pottys if they have them- many concerts do. My ex bro-in-law had been sexually molested in a mall bathroom BTW.... so it does happen. I know the chances are slim, but just use your gut. BTW- I think its hilarious that your son would even know what any of those bands are!!!

 

[grlpwrd]

I've got 3 boys, now 13, 10 and 8. And I know there are sickminded people out there. I've spent the majority of my career dealing with children who have been assaulted, perpetrators, and the kids I had in counseling who are now old enough to perpetrate.

Perhaps rather than basing your world view on the television, you ought to base it on fact. The facts are clear. People do not assault people in crowded, well-lit places. The majority of children who are assaulted are assaulted by the people they know. Your kids are in more danger at the local Y, boys club, church group or school. Your paranoia is misplaced.

eta: At what point are you going to allow that nine year old to start acting like a young man, and not an extension of your fears?

Hmmm, the same can be said about basing decisions from posts on a message board. I love the DIS and I have said it on the other threads on this subject, but sorry, I do not place my decisions for the safety of my children - actually, any children - based on what we discuss here.

Yes, the majority of assaults happen with people we know, but nowadays there is also an increase in lewd and lascivious behavior in public bathrooms and also an increase of sex offenders being juveniles and young adults left untreated. Statistics are certainly meaningful, but it only takes one time and the variables are changing.

I personally know 3 of my dd's friends who were sexually assaulted by family members and 2 who were touched sexually by strangers.... one in a mall and one in a store. In my area in Virginia I know of some girls who were "upskirted" (video and/or pictures taken of them secretly from below) and back in Hawaii there have been many publicized cases of stranger sexual assaults in an airplane, in bathrooms, in public buses, etc. Here at a local Y there was a boy who was sexually assaulted in the locker room. I know it can and does happen. Predators are getting more dangerous and more bold.

It's not about letting our sons act like young men or that we are hovering. The world is different now...

 

[ampc3]

it's alittle interesting to me that everyone keeps saying ALL the lewd things that he may see in the mens bathroom, but no mention of him witnessing these things and more in the STANDS of the actual concert!

Now it has been ALONG time since I have been to a concert like this, but certain things don't change and I can remember seeing some shocking things at concerts and I certaintly was not 9!
However in this situation I do agree with most to bring him in , his safety is first overall. But as a parent I would not be bringing my 9 yr old to a ROCK CONCERT.... Hannah Montana yes, but not Def Leppard etc..at the age of 9, but to each their own.
I hope the stress this is causing you doesn't ruin your time.

Just curious to the OP if this was your idea to bring him? or if he knew who these bands are and requested to see them? Good Luck to you!

 

[SGMCO]

When I read the OP question the 1st thing that I thought of
is -What kind of atmosphere are you going to expose your DS to?
Heavy Metal Rock Concert.
I would be very concerned about that and I can see why you are
concerned about the type of people that will be attending in that
atmosphere.
What else will be going on in this atmosphere? Drugs? Heavy Drinking?
Flame On!!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

it's alittle interesting to me that everyone keeps saying ALL the lewd things that he may see in the mens bathroom, but no mention of him witnessing these things and more in the STANDS of the actual concert!

Now it has been ALONG time since I have been to a concert like this, but certain things don't change and I can remember seeing some shocking things at concerts and I certaintly was not 9!
However in this situation I do agree with most to bring him in , his safety is first overall. But as a parent I would not be bringing my 9 yr old to a ROCK CONCERT.... Hannah Montana yes, but not Def Leppard etc..at the age of 9, but to each their own.
I hope the stress this is causing you doesn't ruin your time.

Just curious to the OP if this was your idea to bring him? or if he knew who these bands are and requested to see them? Good Luck to you!

When I think of those bands- I think of big hair and tight Jordache jeans. Oh the memories!

 

[Mkrop]

it's alittle interesting to me that everyone keeps saying ALL the lewd things that he may see in the mens bathroom, but no mention of him witnessing these things and more in the STANDS of the actual concert!

Now it has been ALONG time since I have been to a concert like this, but certain things don't change and I can remember seeing some shocking things at concerts and I certaintly was not 9!
However in this situation I do agree with most to bring him in , his safety is first overall. But as a parent I would not be bringing my 9 yr old to a ROCK CONCERT.... Hannah Montana yes, but not Def Leppard etc..at the age of 9, but to each their own.
I hope the stress this is causing you doesn't ruin your time.

Just curious to the OP if this was your idea to bring him? or if he knew who these bands are and requested to see them? Good Luck to you!

Now see my memory is of things happening in the parking lot beforehand (ie tailgating) and in the bathrooms and after the concert, not while I was in my seat but it too has been a looonngg time sicne I have been to a concert!

 

[meandtheguys2]

When I read the OP question the 1st thing that I thought of
is -What kind of atmosphere are you going to expose your DS to?
Heavy Metal Rock Concert.
I would be very concerned about that and I can see why you are
concerned about the type of people that will be attending in that
atmosphere.
What else will be going on in this atmosphere? Drugs? Heavy Drinking?
Flame On!!

Heck, the last Steely Dan concert I went to had all of that...In the bleachers...

 

[DisneyFreakof5]

I've got 3 boys, now 13, 10 and 8. And I know there are sickminded people out there. I've spent the majority of my career dealing with children who have been assaulted, perpetrators, and the kids I had in counseling who are now old enough to perpetrate.

Perhaps rather than basing your world view on the television, you ought to base it on fact. The facts are clear. People do not assault people in crowded, well-lit places. The majority of children who are assaulted are assaulted by the people they know. Your kids are in more danger at the local Y, boys club, church group or school. Your paranoia is misplaced.

eta: At what point are you going to allow that nine year old to start acting like a young man, and not an extension of your fears?

Are you serious!? Come on! This comment is "misplaced". Where and how do you get your information? Do you not watch or read the news? Preditors are forever getting youger and more bold on how they choose their victims. Paranoia.......I don't think so.....It's called reality.

 

[RichNKatHolly]

I'm a little late to this party, but I attended that concert in NJ just recently. We had a great time and the most "adult" thing stated by the bands were that "Kelly Ripa was Hot." The crowd was mixed and while some were a bit rowdy, there were children there. I wished I had bought a ticket for my son (he is 7 and has been to a few concerts already).

On the bathroom thing - there is no way I would've sent my son (even if he was 9) in alone to the men's bathroom. It was very crowded and dark, he could easily get lost in a crowd on the way out, he could see or hear something "adult" in there, someone could hurt him, and/or he could touch something really gross .

Have a great time at the concert! Do what you think is safest for your children and to heck with everyone else.

 

[ducklite]

BWAHAHAHA Some of these responses are really funny.

1. Ladies room antics at a few of the more recent shows I've seen:

Family Values Tour: A chick with no shirt on--wait, she didn't wear one to the concert--just body paint!

Lou Gramm and Survivor: A chick walked into the ladies room and sat on the floor with her legs spread. She had on a micro-mini and no panties. It would have been impossible to not notice she had a Brazilian.

Earth Day Birthday: Two chicks beating the snot out of each other. That one was a classic, and reminded me why I prefer to use the backstage bathrooms whenever possible.

Frankly the mens room is probably a lot tamer.

2. If he goes in the mens room and the ladies room line is long he's just as likely to see a chick peeing over a urinal.

3. He's far more likely to be abused by someone he knows than a guy in a mens room at a rock concert. Not exactly where a pedophile would be trolling for his next victim.

Frankly I agree with the people saying that if he's old enough to go to a rock concert he's old enough to use a bathroom by himself.

I'd be more worried about protecting his hearing then someone attacking him in the bathroom.

Anne

 

[deedeetoo]

I'd say many 18-23 year old single women and 45 year old + women would state that they feel uncomfortable. Most mothers would probably say that it doesn't bother them.

This is slightly OT but I opened up this thread to find out what people think since I have a ds6 and will probably be facing similar situations in the future. And what do I find out?

Someone has decided that 45 year old+ women would feel uncomfortable but mothers say it wouldn't bother them. Since I am a 47 yo mother I'm not sure where this person would place me. Are people over 45 not allowed to be mothers? Does the poster assume women over 45 are so old that they don't think the same as other women even if they are mothers (and most women over 45 are mothers even if their children are grown).

Here is some advice - say what you think about something. Don't attempt to say what other people think because you are probably wrong.

 

[ducklite]

This is slightly OT but I opened up this thread to find out what people think since I have a ds6 and will probably be facing similar situations in the future. And what do I find out?

Someone has decided that 45 year old+ women would feel uncomfortable but mothers say it wouldn't bother them. Since I am a 47 yo mother I'm not sure where this person would place me. Are people over 45 not allowed to be mothers? Does the poster assume women over 45 are so old that they don't think the same as other women even if they are mothers (and most women over 45 are mothers even if their children are grown).

Here is some advice - say what you think about something. Don't attempt to say what other people think because you are probably wrong.

I'm 46 and a mother of a 21 year old. He stopped coming into the ladies room when he was around nine or so. He would "stick like glue" to the wall outside while I went in, and then when he needed to go we would find a bathroom where he could make sure to come back out the way he came in.

A 12 year old is starting to mature sexually, and frankly there's no need for them to be in a ladies room. That's something I've felt since before I became a mother, when my son was younger, and still subscribe to.

Anne

 

[crazyme5kids]

It depends on the venue. Small venue where I could easily keep an eye on the entrance/exit maybe. Arena or stadium, never, not a 9 year old. I'd bring him in to the ladies room with me.

 

[DisneyPhD]

This is slightly OT but I opened up this thread to find out what people think since I have a ds6 and will probably be facing similar situations in the future. And what do I find out?

Someone has decided that 45 year old+ women would feel uncomfortable but mothers say it wouldn't bother them. Since I am a 47 yo mother I'm not sure where this person would place me. Are people over 45 not allowed to be mothers? Does the poster assume women over 45 are so old that they don't think the same as other women even if they are mothers (and most women over 45 are mothers even if their children are grown).

Here is some advice - say what you think about something. Don't attempt to say what other people think because you are probably wrong.

No need to get your panties out of wack. I don't think Frantasmic meant anything by it then a generalization of the most common mom age groups. My mom was 41 when I was born, it happens a lot more now a days then it did then. You can't get all worked up over it.