OT: taking a 9yr old boy to a girls bathroom

[mickeylove2]

I stand by my original post to take him with you but thought you all might like this story. A few years ago I walk into the ladies restroom at Wal-mart to find a 50ish year old man standing in front of an open stall. It seemed he was on his first alone outing with his toddler grandaughter and was not sure which bathroom to take her into so he took her into the womens. Now i do admit I gasped when I saw him ,then looked around to be sure I was in the right place, but in no way did i freak out. He was just trying to protect his little girl. I went in my stall and took care of my business and left. Just kind of funny how over the top we sometimes get over little things.

Also it is so important to not lump all situations together. DS was about 8 or9 when he started going alone most of the time but there continued to be places he would not go alone. He went alone at WDW at 9 for the first time. However a few years ago , my sis and I were travling with our 12 year old boys and had to stop at a rest stop late in the day. NO WAY were we letting those boys go into that dark mens room. What we did was check the ladies and when it was empty, send them in and we waited at the door to let any women know they were in there and they could wait or go on in. Two ladies came and one said no problem and went on in the other said she would give them a few minutes so she would not embarrass THEM. Most people do care and understand.

In my opinion this would have been perfectly appropriate! I applaud you for taking other peoples feeling sinto consideration!

 

[disneymom3]

What "kind" of lewd behavior goes on in a mens bathroom?? I'm admittedly a woman but I asked DH at lunch *and we've been to some rowdy concerts* and even he had no idea.

Is it the Idaho Republican Airport Bathroom type lewd? Is it mass nakedness?? I'm genuinely curious what exactly goes on in the mens bathroom that is so lewd that my son would be horrified to see? I have all of these images in my head but dh said no to all of them.....so can someone enlighten me?

I asked DH about this as well. Specifically about for instance Rush concerts he has attended. He just looked at me. His opinion is that a kid would be less likely to be assaulted in a men's room because not everyone is hidden behind doors. The guys at the urinals would see someone trying to take a kid--hear the kid yell, etc--and could do something about it as they are more....uh.....ready to jump in.

 

[mickeylove2]

Give me a break her DS is 4. Talk about paranoid.

Where did you want her to go? Its the Y's fault for not having a family place that her and her son could go to privately. Its not like a 4 yo could change his own clothes in the mens dressing room by himself, even if that was her only other option. He's still in pre-school. Gees!

And I also have taken my DS at a younger age (not 9) to the womans bathroom at the local waterpark to change. Like I said above, even if I wanted another option there wasn't one. And if you would have confronted me, I would have told you exactly that.

No, it's not paranoia, it's how we do things in my family, my children are taught to be modest, and that's how it is. Again, it was a FEMALE locker room, you should give women and girls the courtesty of taking care of their business in a comfortable setting...oh and by the way you could have told me anything you wanted but we'd have had issues, because again if it's a locker room, my GIRLS have more of a right to be there than your BOY! the appropriate thing to do would be to wait until the locker room is empty, I'm sure staff would help you out. And you never know there may be a staff restroom that you could use if you ask! I'm sure places like that have these situations occur and there are things in place to make sure everyone is accomodated.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

If it is just a mom and a son, why do you not all go to the mens room. Assuming you were impregnated the usual way, there is nothing in the mens room that you have never seen.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Not too long ago there was a guy at the mall bathroom in the first stall/partition that you pass when you walk into the mens room pleasuring himself with the door open. Extremely busy bathroom. Lots of people. Still had a weirdo in it. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

 

[Mkrop]

No, it's not paranoia, it's how we do things in my family, my children are taught to be modest, and that's how it is. Again, it was a FEMALE locker room, you should give women and girls the courtesty of taking care of their business in a comfortable setting...oh and by the way you could have told me anything you wanted but we'd have had issues, because again if it's a locker room, my GIRLS have more of a right to be there than your BOY! the appropriate thing to do would be to wait until the locker room is empty, I'm sure staff would help you out. And you never know there may be a staff restroom that you could use if you ask! I'm sure places like that have these situations occur and there are things in place to make sure everyone is accomodated.

Ok I am the poster at the Y. I consider myself a VERY modest person but even this seems a bit over the top for me. He is 4. I sent my 9 year old outside of the locker room to wait. We had been doing swim lessons just fine, going in and changing, picking a corner so we were out of the way, this is the only time the instructor could do the lessons, and I had a very tight window of time bc I usually had to pick up the older one although that day he was waiting so waiting until the girls were finished was usually not an option. Some days my window was so tight that I did take him wet but I certainly did not want to do this. Then the Y changed the campers swim schedule and they were in there now at the same time. The one day we were practically done when they came in, and I took him out and put his shoes on in the lobby. The next time I was mid changing him when they came in but bc of all the squealing I literally picked him up half naked and brought him into the stalls but the stalls there are riducuolously small and as luck would have it the handicapp stall was occupied. I asked the counselor to talk with the girls, she just laughed and said not to worry about it. I asked again if they had family facilites and the front desk told me not to worry about it. I am trying to be respectful of the girls and respectful of my son who was getting upset that they were squealing. This last day was ridiculous with the squealing, I was trying to make my way to the stalls, and I was so tempted to just take him wet but we recently had some really cold weather here is PA and I was not about to take him out without changing him. It has gotten so bad that we are probably done with swim lessons there soon even though the campers will be back at school. I really dont know what I was suppose to do.

I also ask you this then what do you do when someone is in the restroom changing their male child on the changing tables. Having changed boys in these siutations I hate to say it their private parts are out their for everyone to see. I have heard some little girls say "oh look that baby has a *****" even if I tried to cover things up quickly, some changes require things to be out longer and my babies were never tiny so most of the times it was hard enough to keep them on the dang tables let alone try to keep it modest.

Like I said I am a modest person but these are our bodies not something to be ashamed of either.

 

[Mkrop]

Give me a break her DS is 4. Talk about paranoid.

Where did you want her to go? Its the Y's fault for not having a family place that her and her son could go to privately. Its not like a 4 yo could change his own clothes in the mens dressing room by himself, even if that was her only other option. He's still in pre-school. Gees!

And I also have taken my DS at a younger age (not 9) to the womans bathroom at the local waterpark to change. Like I said above, even if I wanted another option there wasn't one. And if you would have confronted me, I would have told you exactly that.

Thanks!

 

[Mkrop]

If it is just a mom and a son, why do you not all go to the mens room. Assuming you were impregnated the usual way, there is nothing in the mens room that you have never seen.

I could do this but then some man here on the DIS would open a thread saying how dare she be in there. We cant win! Plus I find the majority of women to be understanding, I never encounterd one rude person or comment until I started on the DIS and squealing girls at the Y.

 

[Mkrop]

I asked DH about this as well. Specifically about for instance Rush concerts he has attended. He just looked at me. His opinion is that a kid would be less likely to be assaulted in a men's room because not everyone is hidden behind doors. The guys at the urinals would see someone trying to take a kid--hear the kid yell, etc--and could do something about it as they are more....uh.....ready to jump in.

Well then maybe it is just the Eagles football games my DH and brothers attend bc the stories I have heard of sex and pleasuring onself, and the sloppy drunks puking. Yuck.

 

[trulygoofy]

This thread has reminded me of a incident I had during a recent trip to Paris. I know most places there have separate restrooms, but at this one place there was just a unisex bathroom. I was warned by the person we were with before I went in and thought it was no big deal until a few guys came in and then I did feel like I was in the wrong place. It was kinda weird. Everyone just went about their business and it was no big deal for them. They were use to the unisex bathroom setup. It makes me wonder if they would consider us strange for making such a big deal out of the restroom situation?

 

[abcboys]

I read and read theads like this before and I don't know why they always crack me up. I have 3 boys. My oldest is 8 and he uses the restroom by himself. I think he would be humiliated to have to come in with me. Like someone else said if I saw a 9 year old in with his mom I would think he was disabled or feel very sorry for him that he couldn't use the restroom alone. I actually worry less when it is a busy place with people coming a going. Most of the time even my 5 year old can go in the men's room alone and I will wait right by the door. Now if I had some kind of weird feeling about the place I might do things different but so far that has never come up.

Someone mentioned about a 13 year old getting molested in the men's restroom. So are you saying the 13 year old should have been in the women's restroom with his mother?? Those are just freak accidents and I try to be cautious but not worry about them.

 

[shirleyb]

I read and read theads like this before and I don't know why they always crack me up. I have 3 boys. My oldest is 8 and he uses the restroom by himself. I think he would be humiliated to have to come in with me. Like someone else said if I saw a 9 year old in with his mom I would think he was disabled or feel very sorry for him that he couldn't use the restroom alone. I actually worry less when it is a busy place with people coming a going. Most of the time even my 5 year old can go in the men's room alone and I will wait right by the door. Now if I had some kind of weird feeling about the place I might do things different but so far that has never come up.

Someone mentioned about a 13 year old getting molested in the men's restroom. So are you saying the 13 year old should have been in the women's restroom with his mother?? Those are just freak accidents and I try to be cautious but not worry about them.

Yep, I wondered the same thing, and I've asked the same question on these threads before, when are you going to be ready to let go?

My SIL takes my almost 10 yo nephew into the ladies room at WalMart and he is over 5 foot tall and probably 130 lbs! I was shocked when she told me that.

I have two boys, and at 13, they were over 6' tall. Would it have been acceptable to take them in the ladies room with me?

 

[welovedis]

I don't care if someone feels the need to take their child into a restroom of the opposite sex, that is their choice and their decision. In a women's restroom the most I've honesty ever seen is women going in and out of stalls and washing their hands so I'm not sure what everyone is so afraid of this boy seeing.

As far as "peeping" boys, there are just as many, if not more, peeping girls that I've seen and their behavior is equally in appropriate. Teach the kids to keep to their own stall and respect other people's privacy, period!

One scenario that I'd like to throw out there. An couple visits a public venue with no family/handicapped "separate" restroom. The woman (or man) needs assistance with toileting. What are they supposed to do? I realize the 9 yr old doesn't need help but just wondering if you all think this above scenario is acceptable.

On a personal note, my DS used to have to accompany an adult to the restroom due to his autism issues. He is now 10 and can use the facilities on his own, unless we are traveling without DH and need to stop at a rest area. Then he comes into the women's restroom or we utilize the family one.

 

[ampc3]

I wonder if the OP will ever check back in??? She started this thing, and got soo many people in a tessy it seems...
Oh well, I think I am done checking in here , no matter what people are going to have their opinions, and this topic has had it share that is for sure!

 

[Mkrop]

I wonder if the OP will ever check back in??? She started this thing, and got soo many people in a tessy it seems...
Oh well, I think I am done checking in here , no matter what people are going to have their opinions, and this topic has had it share that is for sure!

ANd I alway swear I am not getting involved in another one, or a religious thread and yet I get sucked in everytime

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

No, it's not paranoia, it's how we do things in my family, my children are taught to be modest, and that's how it is. Again, it was a FEMALE locker room, you should give women and girls the courtesty of taking care of their business in a comfortable setting...oh and by the way you could have told me anything you wanted but we'd have had issues, because again if it's a locker room, my GIRLS have more of a right to be there than your BOY! the appropriate thing to do would be to wait until the locker room is empty, I'm sure staff would help you out. And you never know there may be a staff restroom that you could use if you ask! I'm sure places like that have these situations occur and there are things in place to make sure everyone is accomodated.

Sorry but when you're afraid that a 4 yo who doesn't have a clue yet might be trying to sneak a peak at one of your girls, yea its paranoid. I can understand modest, but yours is a little over the top.

When my pre-school 4 yo has no place to change, yea he does have a right to be there with his mother. And have you ever been to a public waterpark? The changing rooms are never empty. But see I'm not the only mother who does it, there are usually several boys in the changing facilities, some older than 4.

But again I don't have to worry, most people on public message boards would never have the gull to confront someone in person, that is why they come on here and remain anonymous. so , as they say, whatever. My kids are my 1st priority, not you. I will do what I feel is right to keep my kids safe. No matter what you or anyone else says.

And I know for a fact if there is no public family restroom, at least in the few places I inquired , mangement will tell you to take your DS to the ladies room or changing facility, because I did ask. They will never make a big stink, because if something did happen to your child in the restroom, you could hold them responsible. I was told it was my call. And he even said, if anyone in there had a problem to let them know. of course, none did because the majority were mothers who nodded and smiled when I walked past with my DS, some of whom had DS's of their own.

Yea, and what do you do when a mother is changing her baby son on the changing facilities? Tell her she has no right to be there. I can understand how some people think 9 yo is too old to be in a female restroom, but gees you're talking about little kids and babies. What do you expect mothers to do?

I'm done here , people are going to always continue to disagree on this subject. I will continue to do what IMOP is safe for my DS, no matter what strangers on a public internet message board think.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Thanks!

Sure anytime!

 

[surfgirl]

Sorry but when you're afraid that a 4 yo who doesn't have a clue yet might be trying to sneak a peak at one of your girls, yea its paranoid. I can understand modest, but yours is a little over the top.

At our Y, children over the age of 3 are not allowed in changing rooms (of opposite sex). Having said that, they have a family changing rooms. And with recent renovation, they added more since there was a need.

As for the little girls being paranoid, then you are just as guilty of placing judgment on them as you are of being protective mambear to your own kids. Girls, around the age of 5, are taught about bodies being private. They are figuring out what is allowed and what isn't allowed. Yes, some of them are over the top. Given the debate on this thread, the overwhelming response is "better safe than sorry" with regard to the 9yo boy. For the 5 or 6 yo girl in the lockerroom, shouldn't we take that same approach?

The difference between a 4 yo and a baby being changed is that the baby can't point, stare, and verbalize. A child can. There is a HUGE difference between the two and you can't compare them. I know this difference - I was taking kids swimming and very pregnant and there were lots of 4yo's staring at my huge belly. Guess what ? No babies being changed on the changing table were staring.

So don't call another mom paranoid when you are guilty of exactly the same thing but it is different because it is your child.

 

[momminnie]

Everybody on here is making it sound like there are no doors in the ladies room. I'm a mother of 2 boys. I take my son with me when his brother or father are not with us. The mother should do what she feels comfortable with and not worry about what others think. It is your child and YOU know what is best. If the other people have a problem with him standing in line with you and waiting to use the restroom maybe they should offer you their spot in line so you both can go on and get out of their way. Go to the concert and enjoy yourself. Try and not worry about what people think. It makes for a very miserable life to try and please everybody in the world. You should just use your own best judgement and be happy with it.

 

[Mkrop]

At our Y, children over the age of 3 are not allowed in changing rooms (of opposite sex). Having said that, they have a family changing rooms. And with recent renovation, they added more since there was a need.

I would LOVE if my Y had family rooms but it is an older facility and they are fighting to build a new one. Although I am not sure how a family room is any differnent bc you have boys and girls changing together still. If a mom has a DD AND a DS who are not old enough to be their own changing rooms, this is still an issue. Some family rooms are open and some have stalls. I have been in both.The difference between a 4 yo and a baby being changed is that the baby can't point, stare, and verbalize. A child can. There is a HUGE difference between the two and you can't compare them. I know this difference - I was taking kids swimming and very pregnant and there were lots of 4yo's staring at my huge belly. Guess what ? No babies being changed on the changing table were staring.

My 4 year old was not doing any of that if fact he was upset that the girls were squealing (sensory issues) then pointing or staring. I teach my kids respect and pointing and staring ANYWHERE is unacceptable behavior but ESPECIALLY in a bathroom. ANd my point was that if she didnt want her DDs seeing male body parts then what did she do if someone was changing a boy. I had more girls point out "hey look that baby has a *****" when I was in my baby changing days then my boys pointing and staring at anyone else. And usually the mom would respong, "yes that's true that's what little boys have" end of story and they would go about their business and I would finish mine.

See Bold Italics in quote they are mine too, sorry couldnt figure how to make it work w/o retyping