Opinions on this school lunch matter

[auntpolly]

Of course you teach kids. Every single minute every single day, more by the behaviors you display than the words you say. Around here that includes NOT making judgements on the mom that comes to school every day for lunch, the dad that has yet to show for even one single school function and the parents that throw their kid a $10,000 party for Bday #7 (because 7 is their favorite number).

When we see someone that does things different than we do, it's a teaching opportunity.

EDIT to add when you quoted me you left off the part about having morals standards AND an open mind...that was the key to that sentance.

I just thought the question was, "Would we do it?"

If DD had asked me to bring in treats just for her girlfriends, I would have said, "No, that would hurt too many other kids' feelings". It's not like we sat around cattily criticizing other girls and their moms, but I guess she knew I didn't approve because of what I would and wouldn't let her do.

 

[jrmasm]

I see no problem with it. It is just part of life. It isn't any different than Suzie wearing cooler clothes or Johnnie going to Disney or anything like that. Do those of you who take your kids to Disney prohibit them from talking about it at school when they come back? Isn't sharing those experiences with kids who haven't been there causing others to feel inferior? Is sharing their experiences with kids who have been there creating a clique?

I think we need to stop sheltering our kids from competition and the facts of life so they can learn their coping skills early and not grow up complaining that everything isn't fair but instead striving for more.

QUOTE]

Word!

 

[stargrazer]

:snip:

I think we need to stop sheltering our kids from competition and the facts of life so they can learn their coping skills early and not grow up complaining that everything isn't fair but instead striving for more.

SO agreed.

One teacher in 4th grade gave out awards to outstanding achievers in class; there was such a dust up about it that the next quarter everyone that didn't excel in class was given a made-up award. Best Smile, Most Fun, Most Creative, etc.

Anyone care to tell me how THAT helps kids??? And don't say self-esteem because because self-esteem is fostered when you recognize achievements; when you pat them on the head for having white teeth you are not giving them anything to strive for.

 

[stargrazer]

I just thought the question was, "Would we do it?"

If DD had asked me to bring in treats just for her girlfriends, I would have said, "No, that would hurt too many other kids' feelings". It's not like we sat around cattily criticizing other girls and their moms, but I guess she knew I didn't approve because of what I would and wouldn't let her do.

You're right, that is the question. I said I wouldn't do it, but I don't judge others that do.

The problem isn't the people that do it, IMO, the problem is others make too much out of it by judging what other people decide to do.

THAT was the point my twenty-three posts in this thread were alluding to. Seems to me this is about a lot more than a couple kids eating happy meals...

 

[auntpolly]

I see no problem with it. It is just part of life. It isn't any different than Suzie wearing cooler clothes or Johnnie going to Disney or anything like that. Do those of you who take your kids to Disney prohibit them from talking about it at school when they come back? Isn't sharing those experiences with kids who haven't been there causing others to feel inferior? Is sharing their experiences with kids who have been there creating a clique?

I think we need to stop sheltering our kids from competition and the facts of life so they can learn their coping skills early and not grow up complaining that everything isn't fair but instead striving for more.

I disagree. This isn't the same thing as not letting kids play a game for fear of the losers feeling bad, or not letting one kid do something if all can't do it.

This is teaching kids that cliques are stupid, IMO, and maybe not everyone agrees with me on this. When I was in school you kind of had to belong to one, of some kind or another. You just stayed where you belonged. It was really liberating to move out into the world and make friends of all kinds - not really just rely on one little group of friends. I think the earlier that kids learn this the better.

When I see grown women in a clique I think it is just pathetic. I was asked to join a cliquey adult women book club and quit when I asked if my neighbor could join and they told me "she wouldn't fit it". (She's bright, funny, and charming - just not size 2 in a tennis skirt all the time ) We just don't need that stuff and we shouldn't be teaching it to our girls.

 

[stargrazer]

I disagree. This isn't the same thing as not letting kids play a game for fear of the losers feeling bad, or not letting one kid do something if all can't do it.

This is teaching kids that cliques are stupid, IMO, and maybe not everyone agrees with me on this. When I was in school you kind of had to belong to one, of some kind or another. You just stayed where you belonged. It was really liberating to move out into the world and make friends of all kinds - not really just rely on one little group of friends. I think the earlier that kids learn this the better.

When I see grown women in a clique I think it is just pathetic. I was asked to join a cliquey adult women book club and quit when I asked if my neighbor could join and they told me "she wouldn't fit it". (She's bright, funny, and charming - just not size 2 in a tennis skirt all the time ) We just don't need that stuff and we shouldn't be teaching it to our girls.

As long as people are different there will be cliques. Does that mean you can't hang with people different than you? NO. But I'm going to spend the majority of my time with people that think like me.

Fact of life...they don't say birds of a feather flock together for nothing. It's not because one is better than another, maybe that's the misconception. It's more about common interests.

 

[auntpolly]

As long as people are different there will be cliques. Does that mean you can't hang with people different than you? NO. But I'm going to spend the majority of my time with people that think like me.

Fact of life...they don't say birds of a feather flock together for nothing. It's not because one is better than another, maybe that's the misconception. It's more about common interests.

No, we all have friends! That's a good thing - it's just a bad thing if people eliminate other kids based on weird shallow criteria and exclude other people that aren't in their immediate circle of friends.

I was really proud of our senior lunch table - we were a group of girls (and one gay guy) that just refused to hang out where we were expected to. A couple of us were band kids, a couple of us were jocks, a couple of us were cheerleaders, a couple were brainiacs... and new people would join us all the time, sometimes we'd go sit with other friends...we weren't a little cliquey army all the time that couldn't have fun with other people.

 

[KristiKelly]

In our school, we are not allowed to bring outside food such as McD, Chic Fila, Dominos, etc. We are allowed & encouraged to eat with our kids as much as possible. DS9 (almost 10) is in the 4th grade and still asks me to come eat lunch with him. I usually alternate Fridays with him & DD 1st grade. DS is not a sheltered kid, has many friends, and is pretty popular in the 4th grade.

I plan to do this as long as I can because there will be a time when he will not want me to. There are always several parents in our cafeteria eating with their kids but no outside food.

Also, our kids love most of the school's food. It's rare that they want to take their lunch.

 

[damo]

I disagree. This isn't the same thing as not letting kids play a game for fear of the losers feeling bad, or not letting one kid do something if all can't do it.

This is teaching kids that cliques are stupid, IMO, and maybe not everyone agrees with me on this. When I was in school you kind of had to belong to one, of some kind or another. You just stayed where you belonged. It was really liberating to move out into the world and make friends of all kinds - not really just rely on one little group of friends. I think the earlier that kids learn this the better.

When I see grown women in a clique I think it is just pathetic. I was asked to join a cliquey adult women book club and quit when I asked if my neighbor could join and they told me "she wouldn't fit it". (She's bright, funny, and charming - just not size 2 in a tennis skirt all the time ) We just don't need that stuff and we shouldn't be teaching it to our girls.

Aren't cliques just support groups? Why would you want to hang around with people you have absolutely nothing in common with? Why do the band kids hang out with the band kids and not the football team? I think sometimes people confuse cliques with groups of friends.

I agree that some groups take things a little too far but people with common interests will gravitate towards each other and be happier when they find that group of people that make them comfortable.

What we need to work on instead is teaching our kids that we don't need to be in a certain group because of what they wear or or eat or have but we need to be in the group that accepts us as we are.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I am on the fence about this... When my older dd was little I would bring her in MC Donalds once every few months or so. Just for her as a treat. And it was not an issue. when we switched schools there was no way I would ever attempt this it simply would not be allowed.

bringing pizza for a few but not the rest I do think is pushing the envelope. If I have brought pizza which I have for My son's birthday( instead of cupcakes) and for the teacher s birthday it was served in the classroom not lunch room and was for everyone.

on the other hand we had some serious issues regarding a stupid lunchroom snack.My boys love those funyons. ( yuck) and take the snack bags to lunch. We had at least 6 calls from the teacher regarding problems with thier snack. AAHHH Ok??? it seems a little one at thier table ( A foster child) loved them and for whatever reason foster mom did or would not buy them for him. So he either spit on thier luch or crushed them or threw them... you name it. every freaking day. They sent me a note telling me to NOT allow them to take this snack because **** couldn't have them.

NOW don'tr get me wrong my heart breaks for this little pumpkin.. obviously there are issues. But Huh?? I did stop sending the funyons in. till I heard the other kids were allowed them just not mine. WHAT??? So I approached the teacher and learned the other kids were at table 2 not one so ***** couldn't reach thiers??? Nope sorry... Move ***** if you can't control him. as I said My heart broke for him still does. but... at a certain point PC goes to far. heck I would would have sent him in bag every day and offerred to but foster mom wouldn't allow it.

 

[grlpwrd]

Well, cliques are not always about people having the same interest or support groups. They tend to be exclusionary. We have it here on the DIS. Look at how the tags here work or the way some people hijack threads. Just sayin'...

I think it's ok for parents to treat their child with a special treat, but anything beyond that is questionable and yes, rude.

 

[Ariel Mae]

As long as people are different there will be cliques. Does that mean you can't hang with people different than you? NO. But I'm going to spend the majority of my time with people that think like me.

Fact of life...they don't say birds of a feather flock together for nothing. It's not because one is better than another, maybe that's the misconception. It's more about common interests.

See, when it came to cliques with me, I was an Individual. I wasn't a Goth, or a Chess Club 'Freak', I wasn't a Catholic Girl, I wasn't an Emo...I was an Individual. I didn't follow any certain clique. I didn't stay with any certain group. I floated around. Found common interests with everybody that I could. I made friends with someone from every 'group'.

Thank God when I got to college, these so called 'cliques' dissipated, and people realized, 'Hey, I can be friends with her despite her being a geek!'.

 

[Beth76]

But isn't school supposed to be a place to work and learn independence? Is having your mom bring you (and sometimes your friends) cooler food, sit with you through lunch and ensure your popularity preparing you for reality?

Bringing McDonalds for my son on his birthday had nothing to do with making him cool. I'm not quite getting the connection with that. I will sometimes go have lunch with my DH at work. So it's not beyond the realm of "reality".

 

[auntpolly]

Well, cliques are not always about people having the same interest or support groups. .

I guess in a perfect world they might be, but that's not the way it really is. Cliques are more about being afraid to associate with the "wrong" people - honestly, my neighbor would have been a great addition to the book club, for example, but brought the "cute factor" down - that's it, plain and simple.

We women are just so weird and mean to each other - we have to try to change this, IMO.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Why is this any different than packing them a lunch? I see nothing wrong with it. If the parent wants to do this every day/week/month let them. It is their time they are using to do it.

 

[Missy1961]

I don't have kids, so I don't know what the schools around here do. But my nephew & niece are in school in VA. Their school allows parents to come & join the kids for lunch & they can bring in lunch. I love this policy! When I visit them during the school year, I join my nephew (my niece is in kindergarten). He has food allergies, so I just bring him his regular lunch, but the 2 of us love this extra chance to visit. I get to meet his friends, his teacher, see his school. And this year, he even let me hug him good bye! His sister doesn't have allergies, so next year, I will probably bring her McDonalds or something special.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Boy DH and I should burn for what we have done on more than one occasion!!!

We have a CI daughter who we have visited at her elementary school on two occassions. We are 12 hours from her and she is in the mountains, so this limits our visits. Both time we had a fully paid for pizza party for her class. We ordered in pizzas and sodas. We also brought a local companies chips for the teacher to use as snacks for a later date and the coolest/newest Hershey's candies. We also too into consideration others allergies and dietary needs. The teachers told the class the day before to not bring in lunch if they wanted to eat pizza for lunch.

We did it to make a little girl who is dirt poor (lived in a trailer that was condemed), has a dead mother and a father in prison feel special. All the kids really enjoyed it and we had a great time. We have been told that it really helped her socially and come out of her shell some.

 

[auntpolly]

Boy DH and I should burn for what we have done on more than one occasion!!!

We have a CI daughter who we have visited at her elementary school on two occassions. We are 12 hours from her and she is in the mountains, so this limits our visits. Both time we had a fully paid for pizza party for her class. We ordered in pizzas and sodas. We also brought a local companies chips for the teacher to use as snacks for a later date and the coolest/newest Hershey's candies. We also too into consideration others allergies and dietary needs. The teachers told the class the day before to not bring in lunch if they wanted to eat pizza for lunch.

We did it to make a little girl who is dirt poor (lived in a trailer that was condemed), has a dead mother and a father in prison feel special. All the kids really enjoyed it and we had a great time. We have been told that it really helped her socially and come out of her shell some.

Oh I think this sounds really nice! The kids must have loved it!

 

[castleview]

Bringing McDonalds for my son on his birthday had nothing to do with making him cool. I'm not quite getting the connection with that. I will sometimes go have lunch with my DH at work. So it's not beyond the realm of "reality".

A long long time ago on my original post, I think I stated I could understand this on birthdays. But doing it once a week or bringing extra for some friends is wrong, I think. It's not a question of "sheltering a kid from reality"; it's a question of what's polite and what's not polite.

I do think there's a difference between lunching with DH and lunching with your child while he's at school.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

Boy your post sounds familar. I think our kids may go to the same school In MA? Sent you a pm.