Opinions on this school lunch matter

[corie161]

You know, it's really a pain for me to have lunch with my kids. It's inconvenient for me to stop what I'm doing and run up to the school, it disrupts my 3 year old's nap schedule and makes her cranky for the rest of the day.

So I don't do it very often. Only when they ask - and even then, half as often as they do ask.

My daughter is 11 and still wants to be seen with me in public. My son is 7 and still lets me give him a kiss goodbye in front of other people. I'm not going to turn their affection away because I'm afraid of how it would make me look to other parents.

They are independent. They each spend one month of the summer with their aunt - a month in which they seldom call me because they are having so much fun. Dd goes to Girl Scout Camp on top of that.

Can't a child be sufficiently independent and still love their mom and want to have lunch with her once in a while?

I agree, I only go to lunch when my kids ask, and not everytime they ask. I generally have Friday's off and if I don't have plans, and they ask, you bet I'm there. I know it won't stay like that forever, why not take advantage of it?

Aren't cliques just support groups? Why would you want to hang around with people you have absolutely nothing in common with? Why do the band kids hang out with the band kids and not the football team? I think sometimes people confuse cliques with groups of friends.

I agree that some groups take things a little too far but people with common interests will gravitate towards each other and be happier when they find that group of people that make them comfortable.

What we need to work on instead is teaching our kids that we don't need to be in a certain group because of what they wear or or eat or have but we need to be in the group that accepts us as we are.

I agree, "cliques" are groups of people with similar interests. Although I encourage my DD to be nice to everyone, and never to deliberately hurt someones feelings, I don't expect her to be best friends with everyone. I don't expect her to invite the entire class to a birthday party (nor could I afford too). She and a friend were actually accused of being in a clique when they were 3 or 4 years old in preschool. They were both shy quiet girls who felt comfortable with each other and didn't open up a lot to others. That didn't make them cliquey. Of course this came from a parent of another child in preschool, not the kids themselves.

 

[stargrazer]

See, when it came to cliques with me, I was an Individual. I wasn't a Goth, or a Chess Club 'Freak', I wasn't a Catholic Girl, I wasn't an Emo...I was an Individual. I didn't follow any certain clique. I didn't stay with any certain group. I floated around. Found common interests with everybody that I could. I made friends with someone from every 'group'.

Thank God when I got to college, these so called 'cliques' dissipated, and people realized, 'Hey, I can be friends with her despite her being a geek!'.

I think the fact that you have enough in common to hang out with all types of personalities is great; we encourage our daughter to do the same.

But not everyone wants to hang with all types of people, they only want to hang out with specific groups. My style? No. Does that make them bad? No.

Cliques are only a problem when they are exclusive instead of inclusive. In other words, it isn't social groupings that are a problem, it's the reason behind the grouping. No one is endorsing "mean girls" type thinking here as far as I can see. I am endorsing individuality and the right to socalize within groups without being labeled a snob.

 

[RitaZ.]

Boy DH and I should burn for what we have done on more than one occasion!!!

We have a CI daughter who we have visited at her elementary school on two occassions. We are 12 hours from her and she is in the mountains, so this limits our visits. Both time we had a fully paid for pizza party for her class. We ordered in pizzas and sodas. We also brought a local companies chips for the teacher to use as snacks for a later date and the coolest/newest Hershey's candies. We also too into consideration others allergies and dietary needs. The teachers told the class the day before to not bring in lunch if they wanted to eat pizza for lunch.

We did it to make a little girl who is dirt poor (lived in a trailer that was condemed), has a dead mother and a father in prison feel special. All the kids really enjoyed it and we had a great time. We have been told that it really helped her socially and come out of her shell some.

Why should you burn? IMHO, that is the right way to do it. Very nice!

 

[shirleyb]

As far as I know, this is not done around here. If it is, my kids have never mentioned it. All I have visions of, is a little snot on the playground saying, "If you don't let me play with you, I won't let you have pizza with me."

 

[mommasita]

Not done, not allowed IN school here. It goes against the health code.

I have brought My DD and a friend out for her lunch for her Birthday, as well as my son, but never IN the school.. That would not go past the security door.

I am glad for that also.

 

[lillygator]

stargazer what part of FL are you in?


I remember in elementary I wanted nothing more than any member of my family to come eat with me..it was such a treat! It wasn't until high school though that we could go off campus and bring back McD's, Subway, etc....

 

[stargrazer]

stargazer what part of FL are you in?


I remember in elementary I wanted nothing more than any member of my family to come eat with me..it was such a treat! It wasn't until high school though that we could go off campus and bring back McD's, Subway, etc....

I'm near your Gators in Ocala.

I guess I'm a bad mom...I pack my DD's lunch every day but only go to school to eat with her when it's a school sanctioned occasion like class celebrations and such.

I don't think Middle School here allows drop offs or eating with your kid; HS kids aren't allowed to leave campus without a parent.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Why should you burn? IMHO, that is the right way to do it. Very nice!

But all those other kids in the elementary school could smell our pizza as they went to have their lunches. We were such a class room for the day clique.

 

[RitaZ.]

But all those other kids in the elementary school could smell our pizza as they went to have their lunches. We were such a class room for the day clique.

Well, then I retract my statement! Next time, it's pizza for the entire school or no one!

 

[Todd&Copper]

I think it has a lot less to do with economical issues than social ones. Honestly, can't these parents wait until 3 o'clock to see their kids? School is for school, not a happy little lunch with a helicopter mom that can't stay away from Junior. Save the lunch for Saturday and let your kid have a whole day on his or her own.

 

[Chilehead Too]

I couldn't imagine bringing in a pizza for a few select children That seems mean. I could see bringing in lunch for your own child, but for a parent to encourage the "You are my friend today, you get pizza from my mom"

I agree. If I wasn't prepared to feed the entire class, I would not select a few "chosen" ones. Geesh, I really think some people are just either incredibly stupid, or lack any sort of compassion to the feelings of others. (esp children)

 

[Kath2003]

Wow. I can't imagine bringing enough food for some kids and not others. In my primary school we were allowed to go HOME for lunch if our parents requested it (no one did, it was kinda anti-social) and on birthdays the parents were allowed to send in small pieces of candy (you know those little kiddy-sized mars bars or whatever), hand them to the teacher and they were distributed to every child in the class at the end of the day as they filed out of the door.

We also had "tea afternoons" where we were invited to bring in a SMALL selection of cakes each and then our parents could come along and "buy" the cakes for them and us for a small fee (a quarter per cake or something). This was to raise money to subsidise school trips and the like. This happened 3 times a year from age 7-11.

No one EVER brought in outside food from a fast food place - I can't believe they'd do that!

 

[mommasita]

Wow. I can't imagine bringing enough food for some kids and not others. In my primary school we were allowed to go HOME for lunch if our parents requested it (no one did, it was kinda anti-social) and on birthdays the parents were allowed to send in small pieces of candy (you know those little kiddy-sized mars bars or whatever), hand them to the teacher and they were distributed to every child in the class at the end of the day as they filed out of the door.

We also had "tea afternoons" where we were invited to bring in a SMALL selection of cakes each and then our parents could come along and "buy" the cakes for them and us for a small fee (a quarter per cake or something). This was to raise money to subsidise school trips and the like. This happened 3 times a year from age 7-11.

No one EVER brought in outside food from a fast food place - I can't believe they'd do that!

This is how our school system works..I send in cupcakes for EVERYONE on my child's birthday, or cookies...

Food is health food only, NO fast food allowed...

I could never pick or choose, that would be horribly. As stated, I bring my child and their BF outside to eat, but never inside, never..

Don't the schools have health codes?

 

[RLccweems]

My DD is in first grade. Just last week she told me how a classmate's mom brought him McDonald's for lunch because it was his birthday. Ok, fine - didn't know that was allowed. I've known that parents are allowed to go in and eat lunch with their kids - not something I do, but it seems like a nice idea especially if kids are going through some tough times. But ever since she told me that, I've learned that some parents bring their kids a Happy Meal at least once a week. Our school does serve hot lunch, fyi.

Well today was the kicker. I was helping out at the book fair and as I was leaving I see another mother (who I'm very friendly with) bringing in a pizza. We chit chatted and she said she was bringing a pizza to her daughter and some of her friends. That's seems so...encouraging a clique to me. Plus, I looked at the lunch menu when I got home and the cafeteria was serving pizza today!

I love DD's school, but I'm sort of stunned that people do this. Yes, I buy McDonald's and I could bring in a Happy Meal for my DD once in a while. But it just doesn't seem right to me. Any other thoughts?

I've done something like this....but I've ordered pizza for the whole class. But I always ask the teacher if it's okay.

lettie

 

[Tiffer]

I admit to not reading all 9 pages. I agree that the parent is excluding some children and potentially hurting their feelings. It wouldn't necessarily upset me though.

What would upset me is that I don't allow my DD who struggles with weight, to eat McDonalds! I would be furious if she ate McDonald's in school

 

[Pigeon]

Our school has certain designated days when parents can come for breakfast--not so much lunch. It's only about twice a semester, and it's more convenient for most of the working parents than lunch would be. My kids normally never eat breakfast at school, but we will do this once in a great while. We usually just buy a bagel.

I think it would be very disruptive to have parents coming in at lunch time. The kids get too short a period of time to eat as it is, without trying to factor in Mommy's arrival.

As for the fast food aspect of it, I'm torn. I'm no fan of fast food, and I do think the schools should only be serving healthier foods. But I also don't think the schools should be dictating to parents what they want to feed their kids.

 

[corie161]

I think it would be very disruptive to have parents coming in at lunch time. The kids get too short a period of time to eat as it is, without trying to factor in Mommy's arrival.

When I'm asked to come for lunch it has never been disruptive. I know what time they eat, I meet them in the lunchroom, go through the line with them and sit down by them where ever they want to sit. It doesn't take up any extra time at all.

 

[java]

It doesn't take up any extra time at all.

Except for the lunch ladies and the children in line behind you waiting to eat.

 

[MushyMushy]

Except for the lunch ladies and the children in line behind you waiting to eat.

Our cafeteria has a special line for the adults (teachers, parents, volunteers etc.).

It's not disruptive because the school welcomes it and accomodates it. It would never have occurred to me that this would be okay if my kids' school hadn't invited parents and welcomed us to join our kids. In fact, I think when they built the new school, they had this in mind when designing the cafeteria.

 

[java]

I guess I put this into the what about people that can't make it to lunch? What if parents work far away and can't pop over for lunch(I don't but I am just saying) Now I do go in for special events- like the YEARLY lunch. I just think it is a little much. I am generally more like a helicopter parent than not but this seems like a little too much for me. I'll give my children some time to explore the social joys of the lunchroom alone.
Oh I am editing...
I just saw your kids ages and that changes my answer- Middle school and high school- go on in the more adult eyes the better!!!