Need someone to talk to

[Wishing on a star]

You say positive things -- like how funny your family is, or how you joined a group -- but you always follow it with something negative.

Exactly.... and this quickly becomes draining in any relationship.

 

[luv4u859]

You say positive things -- like how funny your family is, or how you joined a group -- but you always follow it with something negative. That's what I meant. It's hard to get a read on you because you seem to kind of enjoy telling people how rotten your friends are, but you never comment on other peoples' ideas about how to make friends except to say which ones won't work.

Maybe if you would just respond about some of the suggestions you've received. For example ...

What about volunteering? Have you thought about that? Lots of people volunteer on weekends or evenings, so work hours shouldn't be an issue.

And again I did comment on other people's ideas.

 

[luv4u859]

Exactly.... and this quickly becomes draining in any relationship.

And I don't do it in relationships. My mom taught me if people are going to be rude to me and not want to talk to me to not kiss their behinds and beg them. I text people and if they don't reply I delete the thread and keep moving.

 

[luv4u859]

OP, please read your last post and re-read.
I am sorry if you want to think that this is 'being rude/mean'.
As that is not the case, with my posts, or anyone else's here.

The 'kiss anyone's behind' language says a lot.

To tell more, I know somebody in my life who sounds a lot like you sound.
They have anxiety issues, some depression/bipolar, etc. (all admitted and diagnosed)

And, the way you are posting rings SO many bells.
While this person is a wonderful person in many ways. She has a really good heart!
But, her issues get in the way.
If the people she is interacting with are not always and constantly patting her on the back, reciprocating every single word, text, action, gift, etc.. Her issues kick in, and she might have the same reactions that you are having. It is like a cycle of anxiety/anger/pulling-away.....

(I fully believe that some part of this person's issues come from abandonment issues...
which I have not heard any thing from you that would indicate that this is true in your case.)

Please do not over-react, or react in a negative way, and or pull/away.... Only because others are not saying and doing exactly what might be most comfortable for you.

I am with everyone else here who continues to advise that, even a wonderful and worthwhile person like yourself, can sometimes benefit from some outside/professional assistance and encouragement!

What does the kiss anyone's behind language say to you? If someone was ignoring you no matter how many times you texted them, would you beg them to talk to you? If someone says they did not want to be your friend anymore for whatever reason would you beg them to be your friend? That what I was referring to when I said it.

Again I am looking for things in my neighbor to do and the friend I do have we are trying to do more activities to meet new people and expand our 2 person group.

Not to be negative or anything but I do not get mad when people disagree with me, but some of these post I am reading I am taking it rudely. Maybe I do need to see someone and talk, but what people who are reading this don't get it majority of the time I am happy, I smile, I don't care about what people say or if people ignore me. EVERYONE HAS A BREAKING POINT and sometimes when you get there you do break down and get upset, like I was when I posted the first post. After my break down and crying and some rest, I feel fine now, yeah I don't have any friends, but I am not down like I was before. That's what people do not realize.

I don't need anyone to pat me on the back, I know I am a good person. I am young and have everything going for me. Own car, that's paid off, apartment that I pay myself with money left over to spend. I am in college and pay for it out of pocket due to no financial aid. I am a great amazing person and I deserve better. I was raised to respect and be nice to everyone and I think sometimes my problem is I am too nice and people take advantage. I dont have a heart to be mean to people or tell people no.

 

[luv4u859]

What about volunteering? Have you thought about that? Lots of people volunteer on weekends or evenings, so work hours shouldn't be an issue.

I went to the volunteer website someone posted here and checked it out. Saw some things but I am going to keep looking cuz some were the time I am at work.

I am also thinking about finding a different job for the summer, that will help me meet new people.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I went to the volunteer website someone posted here and checked it out. Saw some things but I am going to keep looking cuz some were the time I am at work.

I am also thinking about finding a different job for the summer, that will help me meet new people.

Those are great ideas. Is there something you would like to learn more about, like a craft or hobby you could take a cheap class for?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

And I don't do it in relationships. My mom taught me if people are going to be rude to me and not want to talk to me to not kiss their behinds and beg them. I text people and if they don't reply I delete the thread and keep moving.

I understand where your mom was going with that, cause no mom wants their kid to be a doormat. BUT, you also don't want to be so black and white, or rigid, that you squash people before you give them a chance. I mean, in the text example, you would probably drop me pretty quickly cause I'm not always great at answering texts, and if you're expecting a birthday card in the mail from me you're likely to not get one (cause I'm admittedly bad at sending cards). HOWEVER, if you want someone to be there for you when you need a friend, you'd enjoy having me as your friend because I'm very likely to be there for you. You could also call me up an hour before a movie and if I could, I'd go with you. If you need help figuring something out, I'd be right there with you. You see where I'm going with this? In other words, flexibility is required when it comes to having friends and getting to know people. If you write them off completely because they didn't wave to you, or didn't answer your texts satisfactorily, or because they have any number of other "faults", then you will never get to know people and develop friendships. We all have faults, and weaknesses as friends. Nobody is perfect all the time. You have to take the good with the bad. Are you willing to do that? Or will you only invite people into your life who are held to your standard, whatever that is? How are you as a friend? Do you do everything perfectly? Has there ever been a time that you've let a friend down? I know I have.

 

[Scurvy]

And that girl I rarely talk to her, she randomly texted me saying we should hang out more AND THAT IS WHY I asked her about the color run.

I'm a little bit confused by this. If I'm understanding correctly, the girl contacted you because she wanted to hang out with you more, so you suggested the Color Run. That wasn't something she's interested in doing, so she suggested Sesame Place. You aren't interested in that. All that sounds totally normal - but you sound almost angry that she suggested Sesame Place. Are you?

I might be completely misreading you and if so I apologize, but between that and the comment about kissing someone's behind, and the one about deleting the whole thread if someone doesn't answer your text, I get the impression you might have higher expectations for relationships than many people do. That might be making it more difficult for you to maintain friendships.

 

[Mkrop]

I'm a little bit confused by this. If I'm understanding correctly, the girl contacted you because she wanted to hang out with you more, so you suggested the Color Run. That wasn't something she's interested in doing, so she suggested Sesame Place. You aren't interested in that. All that sounds totally normal - but you sound almost angry that she suggested Sesame Place. Are you?

I might be completely misreading you and if so I apologize, but between that and the comment about kissing someone's behind, and the one about deleting the whole thread if someone doesn't answer your text, I get the impression you might have higher expectations for relationships than many people do. That might be making it more difficult for you to maintain friendships.

also to talk about the Sesame Place thing...if some of your friends have kids and you dont, sometimes the friendships do take more work bc you are both in different stages of life. That is why Sesame Place might seem like a great suggestion to her.

And you keep saying you wan things in your neighborhood, but most of us dont know where that is, and I am not sure that it is a good idea to give that out. We are giving vague suggestions bc that is what works

 

[wvjules]

Perfect example of someone who claims to be my friend, round a color run to do. Asked if she wanted to go and I got the run around saying she would be scared when the people put the paint on her, but then in the same breath asked me if I wanted tickets to sesame place, which is for kids, which I do not have. Her and her sisters have kids, plus I have a season pass to sox flags great adventure.

Can't that be switched around to she aked you to do something but you said no? Yes, I know you don't have kids but for crying out loud, it would get you out and socializing. Does all of your socializing with your friends have to be "my way or the highway"? Go, have fun, enjoy being with adults that aren't family. I don't see anything she has said or done in that post that warrants the "Perfect example of someone who claims to be my friend," Same could be said of you, no?

 

[TheAviator]

Although if that is your picture you do not look over weight to me, but that is a good start for you. Join a gym and start to work out, get in shape. Maybe take up tennis or raquetball and you can meet people that way, not just at the gym, but getting a tennis partner or what not. That way you could kill two birds with one stone, work on your body by working out while meeting people at the same time by spending time at the gym.

Good friends are hard to come by, I'm in my 40s yet can count my real friends on two hands, maybe one hand. So don't feel bad.

Another idea, is join a church, hang out in the various groups. Join a big one that has functions and lots of age groups.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hey, it is me again!

I do see what you mean about your mother's advice... Not being a doormat.. etc. And, at face value, that is great advice!!!

So, we are def. cool on that.

However, I think that Pea-N-Me did a good job, in the first few sentences of her post above, of describing what I, and others, have been saying.

Def. not be a doormat....
But, just from what we have been reading...
It does seem like there is something throwing things off somewhere.

Again, I am posting because I do have somebody in my life who just sounds so much like you!!! Great person... Great intentions... But the issues that I mentioned in my post above really throw things off in a serious way!

There seems to be some 'defensiveness' in your post. (and that could easily come from underlying anxiety) And, I think most people her are trying to understand and be helpful... So the defensiveness, and feeling that people here are being rude and or judgemental is unwarranted. It isn't needed or justified. I am afraid that this is an example of how little issues can keep one from connecting with others in a more positive and easy and natural way.

We are happy to hear that you are ready to 'put yourself out there' a little more, and make the efforts, etc...

I guess what we are saying here is that while we know that you are a great person, and are happy to see that you are interested in making some efforts/changes.

It is those little things that some real professional advice and counseling might be able to address. Most of here are nice people. But, this might be something that is just beyond what a chat-board can really cover.

 

[luv4u859]

Those are great ideas. Is there something you would like to learn more about, like a craft or hobby you could take a cheap class for?

yes I would actually LOVE to learn how to crochet and I kinda want to learn to do fondant on cakes. I am going to check out michaels and aj moore websites because I know they have those classes there.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

yes I would actually LOVE to learn how to crochet and I kinda want to learn to do fondant on cakes. I am going to check out michaels and aj moore websites because I know they have those classes there.

Are there any Hobby Lobbys in your area? I know they have classes.

 

[luv4u859]

I understand where your mom was going with that, cause no mom wants their kid to be a doormat. BUT, you also don't want to be so black and white, or rigid, that you squash people before you give them a chance. I mean, in the text example, you would probably drop me pretty quickly cause I'm not always great at answering texts, and if you're expecting a birthday card in the mail from me you're likely to not get one (cause I'm admittedly bad at sending cards). HOWEVER, if you want someone to be there for you when you need a friend, you'd enjoy having me as your friend because I'm very likely to be there for you. You could also call me up an hour before a movie and if I could, I'd go with you. If you need help figuring something out, I'd be right there with you. You see where I'm going with this? In other words, flexibility is required when it comes to having friends and getting to know people. If you write them off completely because they didn't wave to you, or didn't answer your texts satisfactorily, or because they have any number of other "faults", then you will never get to know people and develop friendships. We all have faults, and weaknesses as friends. Nobody is perfect all the time. You have to take the good with the bad. Are you willing to do that? Or will you only invite people into your life who are held to your standard, whatever that is? How are you as a friend? Do you do everything perfectly? Has there ever been a time that you've let a friend down? I know I have.

Yeah I am pretty sure I have done stuff to let friends down. The person who usually ignores me does not live in the same state as me, so texting is the only thing I can do with her. I do have a close friend here who always answers me and stuff.

and everything you explained, that's what I am looking for in a friend.

its just crazy how I had a lot of friends in high school, but once we graduated we all went our separate ways. Its been a while since HS tho lol graduated 2007

 

[luv4u859]

I'm a little bit confused by this. If I'm understanding correctly, the girl contacted you because she wanted to hang out with you more, so you suggested the Color Run. That wasn't something she's interested in doing, so she suggested Sesame Place. You aren't interested in that. All that sounds totally normal - but you sound almost angry that she suggested Sesame Place. Are you?

I might be completely misreading you and if so I apologize, but between that and the comment about kissing someone's behind, and the one about deleting the whole thread if someone doesn't answer your text, I get the impression you might have higher expectations for relationships than many people do. That might be making it more difficult for you to maintain friendships.

no I was not angry because she suggested sesame place, I just didn't see a point of me spending all the money to go there when I don't have kids. I can only ride like 5 things there. It is a better place for kids to go to. I went a couple years ago, but that's only because my aunt was taking her daughter and I took my little cousin, but now he's 13 and i'm sure he doesn't want to go to sesame place anymore lol

I got mad because I asked her and she gave me the run around. Saying she would be scared or think monsters are gonna get her, when she could have just said no I'm not interested. I'll rather people tell me no straight out then give me the run around.

 

[luv4u859]

Can't that be switched around to she aked you to do something but you said no? Yes, I know you don't have kids but for crying out loud, it would get you out and socializing. Does all of your socializing with your friends have to be "my way or the highway"? Go, have fun, enjoy being with adults that aren't family. I don't see anything she has said or done in that post that warrants the "Perfect example of someone who claims to be my friend," Same could be said of you, no?

sesame place is REALLY expensive. I don't see the point of paying when I can only go on like 5 rides and that would be it, not including food. I already have a season pass to great adventure, which was also expensive, but I can go on everything there.

 

[wvjules]

no I was not angry because she suggested sesame place, I just didn't see a point of me spending all the money to go there when I don't have kids. I can only ride like 5 things there. It is a better place for kids to go to. I went a couple years ago, but that's only because my aunt was taking her daughter and I took my little cousin, but now he's 13 and i'm sure he doesn't want to go to sesame place anymore lol

I got mad because I asked her and she gave me the run around. Saying she would be scared or think monsters are gonna get her, when she could have just said no I'm not interested. I'll rather people tell me no straight out then give me the run around.

Can't the bolded be true? Maybe the thought of it would scare her.

And going to Sesame place isn't for you to ride rides, it's for you to hang out with your friend.

It seems to me that you are too "short" with your friends and can be difficult to get along with. They either do what you want when you want it, or you get mad at them. Relax and roll with it a little bit.

 

[luv4u859]

Are there any Hobby Lobbys in your area? I know they have classes.

no closes on is an hour and a half away :-(

 

[Scurvy]

I got mad because I asked her and she gave me the run around. Saying she would be scared or think monsters are gonna get her, when she could have just said no I'm not interested. I'll rather people tell me no straight out then give me the run around.

Maybe that was her way of saying no. What makes you think she was tring to give you the run around? She might have wanted to give you the reason she was not interested in participating in the Color Run rather than just saying "No" with no other explanation. To me, it sounds like the two of you might just have different communication styles. What was your response when she asked you about Sesame Place?